gay, untalented, and ugly.

ind. pj from bottoms (2023)

[uglyuntalented]

#uglyuntalented. an independent + EXTREMELY low activity sideblog for pj from bottoms (2023). written by lex, 24, she/her, sideblog to @warpainte.

[ladyintree]

❝  why did you decide to come? ❞ she's just now realizing she doesn't really know much about @uglyuntalented, but she's grateful to have her here whatever the reason, especially when the people she'd want with her most couldn't be here. ❝ i'm glad you did. i just —  i didn't expect it,  ❞ she admits.

[uglyuntalented]

she thought mikayla was coming. she'd seen her earlier, packing her things, clearly intending on leaving with them, and saw it as an opportunity to get closer to her— but then mikayla didn't go, which ruined everything for pj, making her nearly back out, too, until she realized that maybe this could still work out for her. if she helped find rescue, saved her, maybe that would be her way in. “ to impress mikayla. obviously. ” why else? her tone seems to suggest. “ you think she misses me? ”

[ladyintree]

 she does know.   and that’s exactly why she’s saying it,  because she knows what affection sounds like from mikayla desousa,  and that’s not it.  as annoyed as she is and as desperate as she is to not give anything away,   she can’t help the smile that spreads on her features as pj mentions nicknames.   ❝  uh— yeah.  she does,  ❞    she mumbles,  trying to wipe the smile off her face,  because that’s definitely not for sharing with anyone.  

 she waves her off with a scoff.   ❝  we didn’t hate each other,  okay,  it was just—  complicated.  ❞    and easy to explain, really, but she’s not sure some random girl stuck out here with them is owed it.    her head falls back,  and she groans in frustration.   of course her answer is easy—  but it’s still not for pj.   ❝ you’re not fucking dying,  pj.  ❞   she argues,  though that’s not a promise she can make.  things are only getting worse out here, after all.  ❝  you were never going to find out,  so—  let’s keep it that way,  yeah?   you can’t just fucking ask someone that.  ❞

[uglyuntalented]

the smile on tai's face does not make pj feel any less irritated with all of this, burning with jealousy. it's not fair— the one good thing about the plane crashing was that it gave her the opportunity to get closer to mikayla. it would be fine if she starved to death, just as long as she didn't die a virgin. but it seems like she will anyway, because nothing she's tried has worked— going with tai to find help did nothing, attempting to bond over their shared trauma did nothing. “ okay, ew, ” she grumbles, her nose crinkling in distaste.

she doesn't get it, because it seemed like they fucking hated each other, but she's not actually interested in understanding— she's just mad that she lost, that she put on that stupid fucking mascot suit to try to get closer to girls, and now, she's just going to die for it, without getting laid. “ really? tell that to laura lee and jackie. ” it's insensitive, she knows, but shauna isn't around to attack her for mentioning the latter, so she thinks she's safe. she hopes. “ um, i can, because i just did. you can't suddenly be modest like the both of you haven't been walking around with fucking hickeys. ” something pj tried to brush off for the longest time, convincing herself that nothing was happening, until it became too fucking obvious to ignore. “ you're not even her type. ” pj has no idea what mikayla's type is, other than knowing that none of her boyfriend ever were— but she needs to say something.

[ladyintree]

she starts to rub at her temple,  realizing that she may be better off turning and walking away from her entirely,  because this conversation isn’t going to be productive at all.   but she sticks around,  not for herself,  not to win some argument,  but in hopes that maybe at least mikayla will get a little relief from the pest.  ❝  other things?  like  .  .  .   ?  ❞   she asks,  leaning her head forward slightly as she squints her eyes,  a hint that those ‘other things’  are certainly not affectionate.    

her jaw clenches,  because even though their relationship is public now,  the kiss they shared before they left to find help still feels like something sacred,  something entirely for them,  private and intimate.  but it’s also some kind of proof that pj seems to desperately need.   ❝  before then,  ❞   she answers simply,  letting out a huff.  ❝  she didn’t—  that’s not what it was,  ❞   she settles on,  because she’s not sure she could truly explain to her why mikayla chose not to go.  she was sad at the time,  but of course she understands it now.  and maybe it was for the best, too, given what they ran into out there.   her shoulders slump and she takes a deep breath, still looking back at pj,  completely annoyed.  ❝  okay.  no offense,  pj,  i appreciate everything you’ve done to help,  how you went with me,  all of that,  but—  it’s not like you and i are exactly friends,  ❞    she mutters,  eyes glancing back to her.   ❝  i don’t owe you that.  not when i liked her too.  ❞   she pauses,  giving a small shrug.  ❝  and we know who she liked.  likes.  ❞

[uglyuntalented]

she doesn't want to answer, because the other things she's heard mikayla refer to her as aren't romantic on the surface, but that's just how mikayla is— she thinks so, anyway. she's never had a long enough conversation with her to find out for sure. “ wouldn't you like to know, ” she scoffs, refusing to answer. the mascot, the bee, overalls, apparently, and even steve urkel one time—  but pj found all of it endearing, which is all that matters. “ she doesn't have any nicknames for you. guess that makes us closer. ”

pj's not entirely delusional— she knows that they're not friends, but still, she feels like she deserved better than this, given that everyone in school knew about the way she felt for mikayla. except for mikayla, apparently. “ you literally hated each other, like, six months ago. what the fuck. ” she curls her lip in annoyance, looking away for a moment, not appreciating the reminder that mikayla likes her instead. pj grinds her teeth, feeling defeated. “ is she a good kisser? you could at least tell me that, since i'm going to fucking die without ever finding out myself. ” after a moment of thought, she narrows her eyes, leaning closer, voice dropping. “ is she good at other things, too? ”

[ladyintree]

she looks back at her with an expression of disinterest,   and she’s confused,  because she hardly recalls the conversation pj is referring to —  mostly,  because when pj brought it up,  tai was in her own world,  putting too much pressure on herself to be able to bring her team to rescue,  but because of mikayla,  she was distracted from that too,  caught up in their moment before departure that she could barely think straight at all.  she knew she couldn’t dwell on it,  couldn’t keep asking herself what it meant or what it could mean,   or how much she wanted to make it back to her,  or any of it,  but that didn’t make it any easier.   mikayla desousa hadn’t left her mind since,  maybe not even before that,  either,  so tai had never been worried about whatever it was that pj thought she was going to get out of this herself.

❝  what are you talking about?  ❞   she asks dryly,  putting her hands on her hips as she stares back at her blankly.  ❝  your girl?  who are you even—-  ❞    of course she knows who she must be talking about.   tai takes her relationship with mikayla with pride,  and now that people are starting to find out about it,  she’s happy to just be free with it,  but she can’t comprehend why pj would ever think she’s her girl.  ❝  okay,  i didn’t steal anything,  considering my girlfriend still doesn’t even know your name,  ❞   she mumbles, rolling her eyes,   ❝  what’s happening between us,  it’s been happening for a long time,  ❞   she says,  giving her enough explanation that she hopes pj will just leave her alone.  there’s more she wants to add—  like that she was never going to stand a chance with her either way,  but she holds back,  because it’s irrelevant now.  

[uglyuntalented]

okay, so maybe pj actually winning mikayla over was always a long shot, but after the plane crashed, she had some hope— they were forced together in an uncomfortable situation, so maybe that would give pj a chance to prove she could be something to her. provide comfort — preferably physical — or distraction or whatever. this was supposed to be her chance, but instead, mikayla still hasn't so much as looked in her direction— and now that she thinks about it, she realizes it was because mikayla was always looking at taissa instead.

pj's mouth falls open slightly, eyes squinting at her in disbelief, because it's like tai's doing it on purpose, calling mikayla her girlfriend just to rub salt in the would. “ she knows my name. she just— calls me other things. it's flirting. ” it's not, but she's too proud to admit that tai's right. she snorts, crossing her arms over her chest, head leaning back. “ oh, really? how long? couldn't have been before we left to find help, since she seemed pretty fucking fine with watching you leave to possibly die. ” she conveniently forgets that pj also left with the group, and mikayla didn't do anything to stop that from happening, either. “ this is fucked. you knew i liked her. ” maybe she didn't, but pj thinks she's made it pretty clear to everyone else for the past few years, even if it used to result in slurs being written across her locker.

[uglyuntalented]

the betrayal she feels is unwarranted— pj and taissa were never friends, and pj and mikayla were never dating. mikayla desousa never even looked in her direction for more than two seconds at a time, but now, her chances of that happened are completely dead, so it's easier to just blame tai for that. “ so this is why you never talked to mikayla for me? ” @ladyintree never even agreed to do it, but pj's memory is selective. “ so you could just... steal my girl? ”

[cutetalented]

her face scrunches up,  clearly not believing her—  but the truth is,   she does find them endearing,   in a weird way.    she just wouldn’t dare admit that,   not wanting to give her the credit.    ❝  um,  ❞   she mutters,   her eyes looking around,  past her,   clearly uninterested—  but it’s mostly a ruse,  something of a habit.    ❝  no, ❞ she says blankly, finally letting her eyes land on her again as she catches something in her words. ❝  you have multiple pairs? ❞   she asks, though still mostly uninterested. ❝  like, on purpose? ❞  

[uglyuntalented]

her chest deflates in disappointment, thinking that she almost had her, that her suspenders finally served their purpose. but pj's persistent, not one to give up easily, no matter how many times she's been shot down. brittany's asking about her, which had to mean something— if she cared as little as she tried to pretend, she wouldn't be curious. that's what pj tells herself, at least. “ oh, yeah, different colors, different patterns— i'm not boring. ” one of her hands pulls at her strap, letting it go, the material snapping back against her chest. “ i think you'd look good in them. better than me, even. ”

[cutetalented]

@uglyuntalented, ❝  are the suspenders, like, some kind of statement piece? ❞

[uglyuntalented]

“ i just look good in them. obviously. ” that's debatable, but it seems to have gotten her attention, which is really the only thing pj's wanted her entire life, so maybe it's working in her favor after all. her hands move to grip at her suspenders, looking down at herself, tugging on the straps. “ did you want to borrow some? you could come over, check them all out... ”

[taiturner]

BOTTOMS (2023) dir. Emma Seligman

[uglyuntalented]

any time you see me writing in pj's yj verse please know that she was just the mascot. this bitch is not an athlete

[ladyintree]

tai shoots a harsh glare back at pj,   because not only does she not want to focus on things like stupid high school drama while they’re literally embarking on a journey that could either end of save their lives,    but she also doesn’t want to try to figure out how mikayla went from hating her to wanting to kiss her that bad.    she can mostly figure it out,   given the way her heart skipped a beat when mikayla kissed her,   how it made so many things fall into place for her in the moment —-  because maybe she never hated her either,   maybe this is what she always wanted.     it can’t now — not until tai brings back help.  but she hates how much of her drive is now reserved for mikayla,   wanting to take care of her,   wanting to reunite and get back to their lives and explore whatever that kiss was about.

❝  doesn’t really matter now.  we’re all surviving this fucking disaster together.  some stupid high school rivalry doesn’t mean shit out here.   ❞     but that’s not really what that was,  was it?   and that means something,  at least to tai.   she wonders if it means anything to her—-   but she stops herself immediately,   trying to shake it off.   she can’t go there.  ❝  we’re— friends.  ❞   she nearly chokes on the word,   but maybe that’s a start,   and it’s all she can really tell pj,  anyway —-  because even if she was comfortable talking about the kiss,   and even if she knew mikayla was okay with it,   it was still something for only them.  the moment was theirs.

she’s regretting putting the hoodie on now,   no matter how warm it feels  (   not just because of the material,   but of the sentiment,  too.   )    at least she could’ve avoided this fucking conversation.    ❝ why the hell would she have wanted to give it to you? ❞    she asks,   looking back at her like she’s dumb,  then turning her head away to look ahead,   trying to show pj that this conversation is a waste of her time.   but as she goes on,  tai groans,  her head falling back.   ❝  pretty sure she doesn’t even know your name.   i heard her refer to you as overalls the other day.  ❞ she pauses, eyes narrowing, because she knows she shouldn't entertain this any longer, but she does anyway. ❝  but, sure, when we get them all to safety, feel free to ask her yourself. ❞ but this hoodie is definitely not being shared with anyone else. mikayla gave it to her and that means something, even if she won't let herself figure it all out.

[uglyuntalented]

“ okay, ” pj says mockingly, brows furrowing in disbelief. “ since when are you fucking friends? ” there's some obvious jealousy in her words, though her feelings for mikayla are definitely no secret— she never saw any point in hiding who she was, despite the bullying that it caused her and josie back at home. “ if you're such good friends, why didn't she come? ” she wishes mikayla had, if only to get some alone time with her— although maybe it's best that she didn't, not only because pj doesn't want her to get hurt, but because she's not sure if she's capable of doing anything actually impressive on this journey, hoping that just tagging along might be enough.

“ i don't know, maybe because i'm not a bitch to her all the time? why would she want to give it to you? ” and more than that, why would tai want to actually wear it? pj's confused by all of it, mostly because she's never seen the two of them interact without arguing, so how the hell could they have possibly gotten there? “ oh my god, she has a nickname for me? ” pj asks dreamily, smile spreading across her face. she seems not to have paid attention to the rest of it— mikayla not knowing her name, the fact that the chosen nickname was overalls. it feels like progress, because at least she was noticed. “ what did she say about me? ”

the hoodie's momentarily forgotten, mostly because it seems like tai isn't going to give it to pj for whatever reason. instead, she's too busy fantasizing about what might come after finding help, because focusing on that is so much easier than dwelling on the idea that they might just die out here instead. “ wait— if you're friends now, that means you could find out if she's into me. can you? ”

[ladyintree]

for a long time, the hoodie was wrapped around her waist, mostly out of sight enough for tai not to dwell on it, not to keep thinking about why it was given to her or what it could have possibly meant. the logical side of her keeps telling her it's nothing; they've mostly all gotten to the point of sharing their belongings anyway. though, tai made a conscious effort to wear and take only her own, an attempt to feel like herself, to be herself when they get to wherever they may end up --- except for this hoodie, this hoodie that has to mean something, the hoodie that she's desperate to put on as the evening turns colder.

she caves, promising herself she won't get wrapped up in thoughts of mikayla now; the group who chose to follow her needs her now, and she has to stay focused. she can't think about the way her heart beats a little differently since her lips touched mikayla's.

@uglyuntalented asked, "is that mikayla's hoodie?

she slows as she keeps pushing the hoodie down over her waist, immediately annoyed to be called on it after she was so calculated about when to put it on and why she did. truthfully, she didn't want pj on this trip anyway, but she was in no position to turn anyone away who was willing to risk their lives to save the group. with a heavy sigh, she looks down at the hoodie, as if to pretend that she doesn't even know. then, her head lifts, she glares back at pj, and she shrugs her shoulders. ❝ it's just a fucking hoodie, ❞ she says, and yet she feels a sense of guilt, like she owes mikayla more.  it's not like she can talk about what transpired before she departed, though, so it's pointless. ❝  i think she was thinking about coming with, ❞ she says, though she's not sure if there's any truth to that, she just knows she can't be fully honest. ❝  she gave me this instead. guess she has a heart after all, ❞ she mumbles, trying to ignore the way her stomach twists at the thought -- at the memory of how she held her, how she looked at her when they parted, how the kiss sparked something in her she was afraid she'd never get the chance to feel again.  

[uglyuntalented]

pj's been called a lot of things for her crush on mikayla desousa— stupid, delusional, setting herself up for disappointment, whatever. she's used to it, because she was told the same exact things about her crush on brittany, which would have worked out eventually, she's sure, had she not moved away; but she did, so her attention shifted to mikayla instead, another hot, mean girl to take her place. but at least she's determined, enough to put herself in harms way, all in a desperate attempt to impress mikayla, because surely, if they succeed in finding help, she'll be grateful— maybe even grateful enough to kiss her.

so of course she notices when tai's suddenly wearing her hoodie. to her, it's not just a hoodie, not when mikayla was wearing the exact same one earlier this morning, before they all left. “ um, okay, well, that makes no fucking sense, ” she starts, tone a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. “ considering she actually fucking hates you. ” she assumes, at least; mikayla's always paid more attention to tai, constantly looking in her direction, annoyed, whereas she rarely even glances at pj— but that just makes the few times she does all the more special.

“ you're sure she didn't want you to give it to me? i'm the only one who actually likes her. ” pj's convinced that that has to be the real reason, because it explains why mikayla wasn't around when they were all saying goodbye— too nervous, probably, which is cute. “ did she say anything about me? like, to look out for me or something? ”

[claraoswalds]

AYO EDEBIRI & RACHEL SENNOTT as JOSIE & PJ Bottoms (2023) dir. Emma Seligman

[ladyintree]

she didn’t,  taissa only hoped that she might.  her eyes roll,  her hand rubbing at her forehead in frustration.  ❝  okay,  i’m pretty sure that he’s still capable of doing that with only one leg,  ❞   she corrects her,  dropping her hand to her side as she glares over to her.  ❝  not that that matters out here,  ❞   she mumbles underneath her breath.  ❝ we may not have to worry about adults right now,  but we do have each other,  and if we don’t have each other’s backs,  then we’re fucked.  so can you just,  i don’t know,  try not to make this worse?  ❞ 

[uglyuntalented]

“ yeah, well, he can't enforce it. only one of us can still run, and it's not him, ” she points out, because she sees no issue in talking shit about him if he's nowhere around to hear it — though, really, she wouldn't care much if he was, anyway. “ oh, so now it's important to have each others backs. ” it didn't feel that way back home, when she and josie were being treated like social pariahs for something entirely outside of their control. for a moment, pj wonders how josie's handling things back there without her, if it's any better or worse. “ i'm not even doing anything wrong. you should all be thanking me for the comic relief, actually. ”

[usergays]

#relatable

BOTTOMS (2023) dir. Emma Seligman

[uglyuntalented]

@doomdays: i don't need this negative, really sad attitude, please.

“ oh, because you're the picture of positivity with your fucked up leg? ” pj mumbles, though she intentionally makes sure it's loud enough to hear. she's tempted to continue, to go on about how everything sucks now that some of the hottest girls in school are missing, but she's distracted instead by the opportunity to ask something she's been dying to voice since the news of the plane going missing circulated. “ speaking of, are you glad taissa crippled you? ”

[uglyuntalented]

@ladyintree: i thought you promised to behave.

“ okay, i don't think i promised. ” she scoffs, although even she knows there's a pretty good chance she did in the moment, but that doesn't matter to her now. she's been called far worse things than just a liar. “ what's the point, anyway? there's no adults here, so we should take advantage of it. i mean, there's coach, but what's he going to do, give me detention with one fucking leg? ” pj can hear how insensitive she sounds, but it's not as if she's known for kindness. she's just trying to look at the bright side of all this, regardless of how hard it is to find, and if it makes her look like an ass, she's fine with that.