DECODE IV: How did we get here?
Summary: Eren Jaeger has disappeared. His friends are sure something horrendous happened, and Hange is way too excited about solving a mystery on Halloween night. The clues don’t make any sense, tensions are running high, and working with Levi is an impossible task when both of you are still holding past grudges. But not every mystery hides a tragedy, sometimes is just a consequence of very bad decisions and terrible communication.
Warning: Levi is so bad at feelings and so is reader.
a/n: hii, thank you so much for reading. This chapter has been a challenge, but it was SO fun to write, I honestly enjoyed the process, which is something new for me. Last part is already finished, I only have to edit, so I promise you will have it by the end of the week.
Let me know what you think on the comments! I wanna read a theory or two about Jean and Eren :)
Have a great start to the week! I'll see you later
ao3 link prologue chapter I chapter II chapter III chapter IV chapter V
Levi was leaning against the side of his car when he saw a taxi approaching him with four figures inside. The moon was at its brightest above him. Not even the clouds could take away its shine. He rubbed his arms briefly against the chill of the night, the wind running through his hair.
He'd decided to park a block away on purpose. In the station, he would be asked for an ID, the officers would not be able to find any blood relation with the boys.
Mikasa was the first to leave, followed by Armin. Hange waited outside hugging that hat they'd insisted on wearing for their costume, it'd was to big to fit in the car. You'd stayed in longer to pay.
The air smelled like gasoline.
"Are they both okay?" His cousin rushed to his side.
He shrugged with both of his hands in his pocket, secretly relieved they would not mention his previous departure. "I haven't seen them, I guess they are."
"How did you find them?" Armin asked.
"I heard on a radio about two boys that matched their descriptions."
"So you're not sure it's them." Hange deduced, crossing the street to reach him.
Levi pushed his hair back. No, he didn't, but he wanted to feel like he was being helpful in a way. "I think it could be them."
"Why haven't you checked yet?" He heard your voice asking.
He turned his head in your direction. You had wiped out the makeup from your face, choosing to only stay with the costume on. Still beautiful to me.
"I had to tell the officer I was their brother."
Mikasa nodded, connecting the dots. "They'll know you're lying even if it's really them."
Hange took a hand to their chin. Their white blush was starting to fade. "So we need to find a way to get information."
"They won't give you shit dressed up like that." Levi growled, his hands pointing at them.
They elbowed his side. "Grumpy as ever."
"He's right." You swallowed the bitterness that sentence brought to your mouth. "That rules me out too."
"And me." He crossed his arms. "The officer may remember my face."
Armin and Mikasa shared a look, already knowing they'd have to carry this on their shoulders. Mikasa tapped her feet on the floor, considering their chances.
"Can we agree on not minding at all if this ever happens again?" Armin sighed. The bags under his eyes were starting to be noticed.
"I swear I won't." She hissed under her breath.
So they were finally losing their patience too. And now, as if the game part had not been enough, you had to deal with the police. "Are they stupid enough to give a formal report to two minors?" You couldn’t help but question.
"You doubt that?" Hange and Levi asked at the same time.
You held back a chuckle. "Right." Your mind went back to old memories for a moment. It used to be just like this, so natural, so… comfortable. The three of you laughing over something stupid or bitching about one of the millions of things that were wrong in the world.
"Besides," Hange added, pulling you down to the present. "Look at them, wouldn't you trust these innocent faces?" Their hands poked Armin's cheeks.
You raised an eyebrow, analyzing the situation and the chances you might have: Armin could fool anyone when he wanted to, even if his anxiety was stealing the air from his lungs, you knew what he was capable of. On the other side, Mikasa's gaze was sharpened like a knife by nature, she was nice, but if you wronged her, you were dead to her, especially if someone she cared about was involved.
"I'm smart enough to remember being careful around them." You responded.
Mikasa knew what needed to be done, she would find a way to manage herself. "We'll do our best."
"And what happens if it fails?"
You turned your head to Levi. "What do you mean?"
"What if they simply decided not to speak? It's Halloween, do you know how many cases related to children they have today?"
Hange hummed in agreement. "So they could be the mark."
"The mark?" You raised an eyebrow.
"Where we keep their attention on. So they don't notice when we sneak in." Hange explained. You swore you could almost see the wheels spinning in their head, creating a plan. Oh, brilliant, wonderful Hange.
"They're plotting." Levi whispered to you.
You nodded. "Give them three more seconds."
"I got it!" Hange jumped on their feet, clapping excitedly before speaking to the youngest. "You don't even have to ask for Eren and Jean, just fake an emergency. Severe enough."
Mikasa gave them a weird look. "How do we do that?"
All of you turned your heads to the blond boy.
His cheeks turned pink in a second. "What?"
He scratched the back of his neck, grinning innocently, as if he'd just dropped the most casual news.
"Why I'm not surprised?" Mikasa said under her breath.
"Great!" Hange ruffled his hair. "Just say you witnessed a murder or something."
"A murder?" Levi glanced at his roommate.
"Hange." You scolded them.
They ignored you, pacing around with quite a speed they'd just found. "We have to get into the monitoring room."
"The cameras." Levi concluded.
Hange snapped their fingers at him. "Aha!"
"So we know for sure the boys are actually Eren and Jean before doing something." You started making sense of their words.
Levi crossed his arms, not burying the plan. "They must have a person guarding that place specifically."
Hange waved their hand dismissively, as if that washed away his worries. "That's when I come in, silly. I can be a little lunatic sometimes."
Their grin widened. "I will make sure they leave that room for you both."
You stared at them, mentally killing them for doing this. You and Levi, alone in a room. Right. That could absolutely work.
The air suddenly felt heavier. You could touch the discomfort with bare hands if you wanted to.
Levi tried to argue. "I can distract the guard…"
Hange shushed him, pressing a finger to his lips. "You'd be the worst person for that job, Levi. Leave it to me, I know what to do." They twisted in their heels to glance at the youngest. "Make sure the officers are busy enough with you two so they don't answer to the radio."
"Are you sure this will work out? It sounds to me like we relying too much on luck." Armin scratched the back of his neck, his brows had furrowed.
"Trust me." A light of excitement passed through their eyes. "That guard won't have any chance against me."
You decided not to press any further, you trusted Hange enough to believe in this plan.
Hange snapped their fingers again. "So? What are you waiting for?" They raised their voice, it held the tone of a commander. "Let's go!"
"Wait a minute." You stopped them. "Just like that?"
You looked down at your clothes. It would be hard not to notice you. Luckily, you'd left that red wig behind, but that bulky skirt was catching, it was meant to be exactly the kind that someone who craved attention would wear.
You glanced at Mikasa, she still had her uniform on: white shirt and long, boring grey skirt. You smacked your forehead for even considering it, but you didn't have much choice.
"You think we can exchange skirts?" Your voice pitched a little.
Mikasa crossed her arms, she looked at you up and down. "That's too colorful for me."
Armin held back a smile. "Exactly what we need."
She shook her head. "No."
"We won't find your ugly boyfriend and his stupid friend if you don't cooperate with this." Levi tried to make her come to her senses.
She sighed, burying her head in her hands. "Not fair."
"We're all making sacrifices here for the sake of those brats."
She bit her lip. Black was more of her color, red on the other side, maybe in another universe, but it would have to do.
You took a breath out of relief, you had been waiting to take the costume off. Well, this would only be the skirt, but it was something.
Levi threw his keys at her so you could both have your privacy at the car.
You both nodded, heading to the car.
Meanwhile, Hange had crouched down, grabbing Armin's backpack to find their notebook.
"It's not there, in the second compartment." Armin groaned, opening his bag to find it himself. "There it is."
Hange took it in their hands and wrote a bunch of stuff on papers they'd just broken, making sure their writing was legible for the first time.
"So you can do it." Levi complained.
"I need to write fast, Levi, not pretty."
He rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, watching them get into the plan.
"Help!!!!!!"
"I know you're there."
"Don't ignore me.
"I'm gonna break your cameras!!!!!!"
His gaze went back and forth reading. It was ridiculous, no one would fall for that. Well, no one smart enough.
Mikasa and you got back a few moments later. Her skirt wasn't long enough for you, so it only reached above your knees.
The girl sighed, she looked at you and then at herself. "I don't get paid enough for this."
You cover your mouth with your hand to chuckle, Armin didn't hide his giggles, this was the funniest things he'd heard in hours, and he'd needed that. Mikasa didn't look bad, just different from his usual gothic clothes.
Your gaze shifted to the papers Hange was writing down, Levi was tapping his feet on the ground, but you could tell he was half smiling.
Surprise wasn't the word you'd use to describe how you found this. If someone could drive someone mad, that was Hange. You couldn’t wait to see that on a big screen once you got in and … oh, right. You had to sneak in with your favorite person in the world, who absolutely adored you. And just to make things better, you would have to figure out how to reward the recordings. You'd hope the police had not gotten financing to improve their equipment. Otherwise, you'd be screwed.
"Can I finally get my phone back?" Levi dared to ask, hoping to hear a positive response.
Hange lowered their head, avoiding his gaze. "I hid it in the kitchen." They said under their breath.
Levi exhaled a sharp breath. His mouth closed and opened, as if he wanted to respond, but he had no idea how. Unbelievable.
"At least you know where it is." Armin tried to be nice.
"You guys should get going." You suggested before Levi could have his chance to react.
Mikasa stared at you, she narrowed her eyes as if she herself doubted you and Levi could work together. She needed this to work. If she got to any conclusion, it wasn't mentioned, she simply shrugged, gave his cousin a quick punch in the arm, and then grabbed Armin to leave. The boy gave an apologetic smile as he walked by her side.
"Well, this is where we part ways too." Hange stood back on their feet. "I wish you the best of luck." They took a step closer, pointing a finger at the two of you. "Don't screw this up."
They backed off with the papers on hand, a hard grin on their face that literally marked their cheeks.
You stood there, still. Not quite knowing what to do with your hands. Your back was tickling badly. God, you couldn't wait to take that costume off your body.
You caught Levi glancing at you with the corners of his eyes. So this is happening.
His heart was racing, and he hoped you weren't the reason.
"We might have to get through the emergency door." He broke the silence first.
You nodded your head. "Sure, yeah." Why did your voice sound so shaky?
You slapped your face mentally.
Silence got louder once again. The wall you'd built to separate you from him suddenly felt… enormous. It wasn't visible, but you could sense its presence. And there was no bridge to cross it.
You needed to get it together. It'd been a year, goddammit. This was just Levi. Same old Levi, not a monster of any kind, so why was your stomach clenching inside you?
"Lead the way." You forced the words past your lips.
He didn't respond, just tilted his head right to show you the way. Maybe to give some reassurance. Maybe because that way he'd have an excuse to avoid looking at you.
Getting into the station was way easier than you'd thought. The fire exit door had been found right next to the trash containers, it wasn't guarded, you just had to dodge a couple of bars. Nothing you hadn't done before to escape your house.
You waited a few minutes before crossing it.
Once inside, you followed the only path possible. Logically, if this was an escape route, it should lead to many areas inside. It was a bit dark, with no windows nor enough lighting. Your nose was tortured by the smell of the rotten food. You were sort of tempted to provoke a fire just to prove these people were absolutely not prepared for a severe situation.
It wasn't special, just a grey hallway, its walls should hold green arrows that illuminated the way, but of course they wouldn't care. The only useful thing you found—and you were lucky enough—was one of those escape route plans that showed a map of the entire building.
You swore you heard the moment Levi suppressed a chuckle.
You stopped on your feet to take a better look.
His finger pointed at the left aisle, by the end of the main entrance and next to the interrogation rooms. You were near the evidence area, in the right corridor. Crossing the main floor would be the hardest part.
"We're counting on Mikasa and Armin." Levi started, pushing his hair back. "If they fail, we'll get caught."
He raised an eyebrow. "You seem quite close to them." He tried to sound nonchalant.
You shrugged. "I know them."
Levi was not satisfied with that answer, but it would have to do. He didn't have any right to ask about your life anyway, and he was aware of that.
You followed him with quiet steps, feeling relieved to be wearing Mikasa's skirt this time, it was way lighter than the one you'd worn.
Levi was efficient in finding a door, you guessed it was the evidence room as planned. His hand opened it with stealth.
He scanned the room for a moment before getting you in. It was covered in dust with lots of boxes that had years written on them, probably how they were organized. It had no windows and was only illuminated by an old yellow light bulb. You were shocked it still worked. A black cup was on the little table by the corner, half full. You guessed the owner would be back soon.
"Let's keep moving." Levi nodded at the exit.
The door was ajar due to the small piece of wood that held it. You were careful not to rub it as you made your way out.
Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, and even the hallways were filled with the scent of black coffee, a direct result of the infinite hours these people spent in here.
Phones rang constantly, filling every room you passed with a deep sense of urgency. You had the sensation time moved differently in here, maybe it was the dried expression these people held as they followed instructions, or maybe it was the meaning they'd struggled to find.
Either way, it made you feel uneasy. Even something so simple as printing a paper seemed a big effort. Was it laziness or a consequence of giving up on making the world a better place? God, you hoped you never got to find the answer.
This was the kind of life you'd avoid at all costs. Your head ached just by imagining yourself in their shoes.
"Focus." Levi said a few steps ahead of you.
You furrowed your eyebrow, noticing you'd stayed still, lost in your thoughts. You sighed, rushing to match his pace, it wasn't the moment to let your mind take you away. But you were aware you'd have to fight it. You simply ran if you didn't want to be somewhere. All the time. No explanations, no coherent reasons behind, just will.
You had grown up with the misconception that silence was a solution. A strategy that would save you from pain and more disappointment. There was no way you could get rejected if you never got to hear the answer. But the real world was far more complicated than that, and soon enough bolting turned more into a problem rather than a quick fix. Ironically, it was a cycle you could not escape from. You were a prisoner of your own absconding.
A short gasp left your throat when your body bumped on Levi's back, rubbing your forehead. "Ouch."
He curled behind the wall. "I said stop."
"Get down here." His fingers snapped above your forehead, like he was used to.
"Fuck off." You pushed his hand away, burying down the memories.
His lips twitched. "Tell your brain we need it back here and not in the world of dissociation."
Oh, he was calling you out now. You hugged yourself as you wished you could erase from his mind every detail and habit he knew about you, it made you feel exposed. Like taking a walk outside on the coldest day of the year without bringing a coat. Unprepared. Vulnerable.
And you hated being lectured. Much more if it was done by him and… fuck, you were doing it again. Stop fucking thinking.
"Are we close?" You asked.
Why had you stopped in the first place?
You stretched your head to take a look at the hallway. Two officers were failing to reason with a crying woman. Probably trying to calm her nerves.
"If I'm not mistaken, those are the interrogating rooms." He whispered.
Your eyes widened. Fuck, that meant you'd already crossed the entrance. Had Armin and Mikasa been there?
He inspected behind you. "We can see the guard leaving the security room from here."
"But we can't get in if the officers stay in the hallway." You completed, your hands clenching behind your back.
Levi confirmed with a nod.
Your head was tilted back against the wall. Of course you would not have it that easy, what were you thinking? That Hange would magically get it all solved? No, they'd done enough for the day, this was on you now. You and Levi. You chewed at your thumbnail and took a quick glance at the officers. You were not that far from the main entrance, if only you could…
"Stay here." You whispered as you fixed your hair.
He frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Clearing the way." Your back abandoned the wall, passing him by.
But you were stopped, goosebumps all over your skin, his finger had wrapped around your wrist.
"I'll meet you there." You didn't give him the chance to speak. "Trust me."
He shut his mouth, fighting the words his tongue ached to say. "Be careful."
A shiver ran through your spine, your hands had started to sweat. Lying could not be more different from acting, right? But for some reason, you never got to be good at making things up. The reason? You didn't believe yourself when the words left your lips. Either way, you had to try this.
Your eyes started to wander around on purpose, and you placed a hand on your arm. Your furrowed eyebrows were added as an extra detail to your act.
One of the officers, the blond one with a little mustache, called you out. "Hey! This is a private area."
Your body startled. His voice was way too deep, it sounded like it came from the very inside of his chest, yet it helped you feel even more nervous. "I'm sorry, I…" You forced your voice to tremble. "I was looking for the restroom."
The man raised an eyebrow at you.
Your heart's beat had gone rapid. Believe your fucking lie. You caught a few strands of your hair between your fingers to play with them. It gave you something to do with your hands. "I think I got lost. I have a very poor sense of direction, you know?"
Even the crying woman had stopped her rambling to look at you. Well, you got the attention.
He scratched the skin behind his facial hair and spoke to the man beside him. "Take the lady to the nursery, she might need some water." His workmate nodded and carefully grabbed the woman's arm to guide her. "Over here."
The blond man examined the situation. He kept a stoic expression on his face—it reminded you of a tiny someone—and his hair was so long it almost covered his eyes. You read the badge on his shirt: Mike.
"The restroom is down the main corridor."
You feigned confusion. "So I turned left?"
He sighed, shaking his head and taking a step closer to you. "I'll show you."
You softened your gaze with a little smile. "Oh, thank you."
Your arms wrapped around your body, watching the man making his way out of this aisle. You took a quick glance behind to find Levi.
He wore a worried expression. For the first time in the night, it seemed to you like fear had crossed his eyes, you nodded at him in reassurance. You'd find your way back.
This so-called Mike didn't try to start a conversation with you, which you were grateful for. You definitely had no idea what to say to an officer. He didn't look that old, but you were certain he also wasn't the talkative one.
"How you got in the interrogation area?" He finally spoke.
You had to hold back your surprise, swallowing hard. To be frankly honest, you didn't remember well, you simply followed Levi trusting he'd know the way. "I sort of dissociated after taking the first step." It wasn't entirely a lie.
He hummed, nodding. "You better be careful. Imagine this happens while you're all alone out there."
Was that an advice? He sounded truthful to you, and you knew this wasn't the first time you got lost in your mind. "I'll work on it."
He stopped in his tracks after a short moment, nodding at the left corridor. "That's the restroom."
"Thank you so much, officer…"
"Zacharius." He finished.
"Zacharius." You repeated with gratefulness.
"You think you'll be fine getting back to the entrance?" He crossed his arms. "It's passing the third hallway on the right.”
You rushed to respond. "Absolutely, thank you for your time."
He gave you a simple nod before he left.
Just in case he happened to be around, you did actually go inside. It was a small room with only two cubicles, so you were lucky to be alone.
White was all around the place, except for the doors, which were covered in gray. The lighting was much better in here, and there was a nice scent filling your noses.
You took your chance to take a look in the mirror and wiped away the remaining makeup.
I look like a mess, you thought.
You hadn't had a single second of calm until now. It'd been a hell of a night, and it wasn't about to be done anytime soon. You allowed yourself to sigh, already feeling how your eyes were beginning to grow tired.
A splash of water forced them to remain open. You had to find Levi.
After taking a quick look around, you crossed the corridor. You had tried to memorize the place while following Mike. So you could be almost certain it wouldn't take you long to locate the security room.
But you were a fool for trying to rely on your mind. You navigated the same hallway twice and then realized, once again, that you were totally disoriented. You pressed a hand to your forehead. Your mind remembered passing by a room with lots of printers, so you followed the sound, choosing to believe faith was on your side today.
Breaking news: it wasn't.
You opened a door with confidence. The heat immediately went up on your body after meeting that same crying woman again. You gave her an awkward smile before backing up. If this lady was here, that meant—you hoped—the interrogation room was near.
Unfortunately, you didn't give it enough seconds to consider it and build the map you recalled watching. The silence was filled with the echoes of footsteps approaching. With no excuse to be here this time, you decided to trust your instincts, act and leave any doubt behind.
Your chest was aching by how quick your heart was beating inside. You had just left the front room with that lady in, so no exit in there.
The sight of a door by the end of the hallway gave you some little hope, you'd have to test your fortune. Your legs worked faster than your brain, and soon enough, as the steps got louder and louder, your shaking hands grabbed the handle with such a tight grip it almost hurt. You couldn't open it.
You groaned, fighting with it, you caught the beginning of a shadow forming on the ground. Time was ticking.
With a moan, you fought, pulling the handle in until it finally gave up. The air got back to your lungs, and you hurried inside.
Too late. The latch had clicked behind you.
"Door." Levi finished, his voice had become a murmur.
He stared at you, running a hand through his hair. Fate was laughing at him right now, he could be sure as he pressed his head against the wall. "Damn it."
"It only opens from outside."
Panic hit you like cold water. "What?" You turned on your heels only to find no handle. Holy shit.
With wide eyes, you stared at the door, like it could magically open if you begged enough. You deserved this for testing your luck too many times, for relying on a stupid plan to find two stupid boys that God knew where they were. Why did you agree to this? Why did you have to say yes?
The sound of distant footsteps and muffled radios outside filled the silence for a few moments. You didn't want to think anymore.
"They use these fucking pieces of wood to keep it open." Levi held one between his fingers. His jaw had clenched and he looked more frustrated than ever.
He hadn't gotten into this by will, only giving in for Mikasa. But after this, you could swear he was regretting this as much as you were. Had all of this been worth it?
"Why didn't you talk sooner?"
"Because I wasn't sure it was you!" For the first time in the day, he didn't try to hold back his frustration, he raised his voice as if that could give some fucking release.
Your back slid against the wall, and you sat down on the floor. "Did you at least find the boys?"
"They're not even here." He said under his breath, voice flat.
"What?" You tilted your head up, hoping you'd heard that wrong.
"It wasn't them, I watched the recordings."
The sentence landed in you like a fist. So you did all of this for nothing. Nothing. Every single thing, from the little trip to Jean's home to the ritual you made at the chapel and now sneaking into a fucking police station. It had led you to no point, and now you were as clueless as at the beginning. Perhaps the boys didn't want to be found. Perhaps they were actually fine, laughing over all the ridiculous stuff you all had gone trough today because of them. Or maybe this was just destiny mocking you for not believing in it. Was the universe having its fun? Watching how you got stuck with the only person you didn't want to be around?
You hugged your knees to your chest, burying your head in it. You were so done.
Levi dropped to the floor next to you, resting his back against the wall and trying not to touch you, afraid of increasing the discomfort. He sighed and let the silence grow between the two of you. His eyes on the ceiling.
You had intended to talk to him an hour ago. After hearing Mikasa's accusations, you thought the least you deserved was some explanations, but honestly? You owed him some answers too. He had made the first mistake, but you never really tried to give the chance to clarify the situation. He hadn't looked for you, so you concluded he didn't care, and then you let the spark die.
You'd made peace with the idea long ago that it was meant to be this way. Except that there was still some curiosity perking in you, begging you to open your mouth, look at him and finally solve this out.
"You got quite close to my cousin." His words felt like a stab to your ribs. You didn't tilt your head, but you were listening, he knew you were.
"Her friends too." He continued, trying to give you the upper hand.
You shut your eyes, wishing the ground swallowed you and threw you out on a different continent. Of course that wasn't happening.
"Yeah." You repeated after a few seconds.
The little hope left in him was fading away, like a memory becoming an oblivion. He knew you well enough to sense when you were not in the mood to talk, and he wasn't going to force you. If you thought things were over, then he had to let it be.
With a sigh, he collected his body and tried to get up.
No. You didn't want him to leave. The alarm ringing in your ears: don't let him go.
"Their parents paid me some money to tutor them a few times a week." You rushed to say. Eyes shut, not ready to meet his reaction.
He stopped moving, three lines formed on his forehead. Confusion invading all of his questions. "What?"
He didn't know you were struggling with money, and he was certain to believe that—despite the circumstances—Hange would tell him if that was the case.
"I can't afford all my expenses and projects." The truth tasted bitter in your mouth.
"But the scholarship…" Levi struggled to make some sense of it. "Hange said you got it."
"I did." You corrected. "But it only covers my degree and some material." Your voice was trembling, you clenched your hands to keep yourself together. "Any projects I make, the plays… I have to get the money for them, and my parents are not helping with anything related to it."
"Has your dad lost his job or something?" He was quick to assume. Not any logical reason could be formulated by his mind. Why would they leave you helpless like that if it wasn't the case?
Your knees were pressed tightly to your chest. A sharp exhale left your lips. "They wanted me to change my major and study something real." He didn't miss the way you remarked on those words.
His heart sank, and every muscle in his body tensed. "They what?"
"It's just a hobby for them, they don't think it'll lead me anywhere."
A chuckle came from his throat, it wasn't filled with amusement. He just didn't know how to react to the news. Your parents had no idea how incredibly talented you were, it had to be it. Had they seen the way your eyes lit every time you stepped on stage? How, after giving the final bow, nobody could erase that smile on your face? But who was he to talk? He'd failed you too. In ways he could never forgive himself.
How could he miss this? He'd abandoned you when you'd needed him the most.
You shook your head. "You know how they are. They would've tried to mortgage your place just to help at this point."
His lips twitched. "I wouldn't have stopped them."
Your heart skipped a beat, and you buried your head in your arms, refusing to meet his eyes. "You can't just say that."
Levi tried to call your name.
"No." You interrupted. "Stop that… stop this."
His gaze fixed on the screens above the tow of you. In a tiny corner you could see Hange arguing with an officer. Under it, Armin sobbed in Mikasa's arms as someone wrote down their names.
"I didn't mean to miss it." His choice of words had been carefully chosen.
"You didn't find me later."
He'd doubted you'd expect him to look for you. Would you have let him explain himself? But explain what exactly? There wasn't a perfect excuse. If he had some, he failed to say it, any reasoning had left him that day, as if a big wave had come to take it, and he'd been struggling to find it ever since.
Because the truth was he didn't have one. He had assumed you didn't want him to be there, only to learn later he had completely misunderstood your words.
"You'd said you didn't want any distractions." Levi murmured. "You needed that scholarship, and you had to focus…"
You stopped him mid-sentence. "Is that what you thought you were to me?" You asked. "A distraction?"
He shut his mouth. That night, he recalled exactly the moment the sentence had passed through your lips. He couldn't have heard it wrong, he wished he had. You both had just finished painting the fake moon made out of boxes. Levi had helped you build the scenography for your play for a whole week.
He was there with you every afternoon after classes. You had written the script, and you'd been in charge of the production as an assignment that would help you get closer to your goal. He'd been happy to reduce the weight on your shoulders.
"I know what I said." You finally meet his eyes. "I didn't mean you."
Levi ran a hand through his hair.
You left out something that resembled a laugh and a sob simultaneously. You had made such fools of yourselves, making a big deal out of something so simple. "I was going through a lot." You started. "The whole problem with my parents had just started and I had the pressure of the scholarship. It just got too much and after you kissed me…" You trailed off, choosing to ignore the flutter in your stomach at the memory of it. "I don't know, I guess it was the first thing that came to my mind, and I just said it loud."
Levi shook his head, resting his chin on a knee. "You could've clarified that, you know?"
He was right. Telling him that after he just pressed his lips against you, well, it had not been the best of your decisions, and yet, you had assumed he knew you better than that. "You didn't ask tho."
You frowned, gritting your teeth. "Yes?"
He narrowed his eyes. Perhaps he should've also tried harder instead of assuming things.
You had all the right to be mad at him this whole time, but so did he. And it was totally stupid, he wouldn't deny it, but feelings were so… ridiculous in a way. You both were young and so naive even when you would try to deny it. That was how you'd gotten into this.
Levi had no remark, no dry comeback. Just the heavy realization of how far both of you had run in opposite directions, protecting your prides, only to end up here, locked together in the fucking guarding room.
You exhaled slowly. "I had made the choice to spend my weekends studying harder, but it didn't mean I wanted you or Hange away. I guess I had a very poor choice of words."
"You did." He agreed after a deep breath, it was his time to speak. "I thought that was your kind way to reject me." His voice had gotten soft, almost hesitant. "So I said to myself: maybe she doesn't want me to be there."
You bit your lip. "How could I not? You practically assumed the role of designer to help me with the play."
"I don't know." He quoted your favorite expression. It felt nice to have a decent talk with you after so long. The warm feeling grew in his chest. "I told you I suck at this."
This being communication. Yeah, you could relate to that. You couldn't even force the word past his lips.
"Me too." You chose to whisper.
The blue light from the screen flickered, throwing thin shadows across the walls. Your heartbeat had started to slow, but the ache in your chest didn't fade. You hadn't fixed anything yet, but this was a start, a light at the end of the tunnel. It would take more than this to make it better, but you had a nice feeling.
And it was time to get something off your chest too.
"I'd felt like you had regretted kissing me." You avoided his gaze again. "That missing the play was how you'd preferred to tell me."
Levi wanted to smash his head against the door.
"I'm not that much of an asshole." His voice had gone deeper. "I would've told you in your face, like you deserve it."
"Well, I waited." You continued. "One day, two, then that turned into a week, and a week turned into a month." Your voice cracked. "I'm aware I could've found you too." You didn't put all the guilt on him. "But… I wasn't ready to hear a no from you if that was your final answer."
His gaze softened. He had not considered how much he'd confused you with his actions. How distance had been as painful for you as it'd been for him. Both of you choosing everything over each other. Taking sides instead of having courage.
That was all it would've taken to get back to you. And neither you nor Levi had chosen to risk, so you paid the price for it.
"You gotta stop running, idiot." That earned a smile from you.
He gave a short, humorless chuckle. "I might evade, but I never escape."
Your finger hovered near your lip, but he caught it before they reached their goal, sweetly pushing your hand away. He wished you'd left that bad habit behind.
For the first time in a while, it didn't hurt to look at him.
"I just make things more interesting." You whispered.
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah?"
You nodded, blinking the tears away. You'd missed him. "Yeah, keeping you guessing. Heard it works."
"I don't think that's what they meant."
You chuckled, a real, genuine chuckle. And Levi felt the world had found its color again. He shifted, now resting his arms over his knees.
"I'm sorry," he said under his breath. "For not being there and for… everything else that came after that."
The knot on your throat loosened. For once in your life, you didn't feel like running.
"I should've listened to Hange and… Mikasa." He continued. His cheeks had turned pink. "And looked for you to talk it out."
You hummed in agreement. "I can't believe your fifteen year old cousin is wiser than you for this."
He rolled his eyes, knowing you wanted to avoid the sentimentalism. He could work with that for now. "Oh, shut it. She beat you too."
You leaned your head back against the wall. "She made a whole expedition after his friends missed a class. She beat us both."
Levi's lips twitched. "She wouldn't survive the whole year of distance."
"Oh, she would." You corrected him. "Just in a much healthier way."
Levi looked at you, at the exhaustion softening your features, the faint traces of makeup smudged under your eyes, the way you'd folded into yourself but still managed to look unbreakable.
He didn't want to lose this anymore.
"I can't promise it'll be the same after this."
You turned your head to meet his eyes.
"But I can promise I'll do my best if you want to... give it a chance too."
Your heart skipped a beat. The quietness didn't feel like a punishment anymore. But it needed to be broken, it was time to stop letting things be assumed.
But the moment you opened your mouth to respond to him, a brief crash interrupted your idea. It came from behind the door.
Your eyes widened, staring at Levi, who quickly stood on his feet and offered you a hand.
"Shit." You completely forgot you were in the security room.
He looked around, scanning the room. The screen was the only light his eyes caught. Boxes at the corner, a big table in the middle, nothing that could hide you long enough.
His attention shifted to the closet at the back. Smaller than he wished, but it would have to do. His fingers tightened around your wrist, dragging you inside.
"You're crazy?" You whispered.
"You have a better idea?" He shrunk to fit and make space for you.
You groaned, but the crack on the door made you rush next to him. He didn't have time to secure it once a pair of steps filled the room. Your eyes were adjusting to the dark, but you were sure it was Levi's breath that was tickling your skin.
Oh, fuck. That was quite a big step for just giving it a chance.
You mentally snapped at yourself for even thinking that way. You were in a serious situation… Well, you didn't think sneaking into a station was exactly a crime, but you didn't want to find out. He pressed a finger to his lips. You nodded, focusing on the mission.
Mission? When had you started calling it a mission? Why were you even wondering this? Focus, for God's sake. Levi's thumb caressed the inside of your arm, he hadn't let go of your hand. You knew he intended to keep you grounded, but he was giving you goosebumps instead.
You took a deep breath, tilting your head.
"Ouch!" He groaned, your hand quickly covered his mouth. You apologized for it, since your forehead had bumped on his.
"Mike?" A female voice called from outside.
Both of you stilled, holding back your breaths.
You heard the woman pacing around the room. Your heart stopped beating as soon as her footsteps got closer.
It was over, you thought.
Levi was still holding onto your wrist. And you shut your eyes, praying to whoever could get you out of this, your breath had gone rapid. And then, the doors abruptly opened.
You two stared at her, the sweat all over your faces. She had short hair and a frown on her face. This wasn't how you wanted to be remembered.
"Surprise!" You thought quickly, a grin forming on your mouth.
Levi widened his eyes at you. You squeezed his hand back.
"Huh?" The officer's eyebrows raised, you were fast to notice her hand moving to the radio on her hip.
"Happy Halloween from Mike!" You shouted, dragging Levi out of the closet.
Your mind was blank, what the fuck were you doing? You pushed her to a side and ran as fast as your legs allowed you to. The panic increasing in your chest, you weren't even sure if you were breathing at this point.
"Wait!" She yelled, following you as she called for support.
Levi's hand held yours in a tight grip. "Are you insane?!" He gasped.
A smirk formed on his face, he outpaced you, definitely having a much better physical condition than you. His eyes were straight ahead, locating the nearest exit.
"Turn right!" He exclaimed.
You forced your legs to match his rhythm, but they were beginning to ache. People were looking at you with fear in their gazes, probably confusing you with criminals. Oh, this would haunt you for life.
Levi had guided you to the reception. Some guys slept peacefully on the chairs, while two familiar faces were in the middle, keeping the officers busy. The blond one cried loudly as the tall dark haired held him between her arms. She had the most clueless expression on.
Her shoulders tensed at the screaming behind you. She dared to turn her head, her lips parted immediately. "Armin."
"We're leaving!" You didn't give them time to react. An arm had rubbed your hair, one mistake and they would get you.
Armin stared at you with his jaw dropped, the tears running down his cheeks. Mikasa grabbed his arm and pulled him in, rushing to the entrance. Levi matched his pace to yours to not leave you behind, his hand looked for the keys in his pocket.
You didn't dare to look back, but you heard Mike calling you. Oh, you had fooled him so well, why did it have to go so wrong? A nervous chuckle was forced from your lips.
"Mikasa!" Levi shouted, throwing the keys at her.
The girl caught it with both hands and forced herself to leave Armin with you, she had to find the car first. You lost sight of her in a second. She'd rushed like thunder.
A giggle perked in your ears. Fuck. Hange.
They were casually speaking to the officer in charge of the cameras. Hange had outdone themselves. And you would thank them later for that.
Their eyes lit with excitement, nodding their head at your voice. "Oh!" They grinned at the sight, Armin barely keeping up. But the smile faded away when they noticed the officers behind. Okay, time to go. "It was a pleasure to meet you, please keep in mind my advice to fix your computer system." They shook the man's hand.
"Hange!" Levi and you yelled in unison. Armin was a few steps behind, trying to catch his breath. You grabbed his arm to support him as dozen of officers were chasing you now.
"Oh, fuck." Hange joined the race. "What the hell happened?"
"No time to explain!" Your heart was racing as hard as you should be running, if only you didn't suck at sports.
Faith came back to you when you spotted the car. Fucking finally.
Hange pulled in the back door and dragged Armin inside with them. Your shaking hand opened the passenger door, intending to seat, only to find Levi in your place.
Wait, who the fuck was driving then?
Your eyes went behind him. Oh no.
"Get in!" Mikasa yelled, she had started the vehicle and was just waiting for you.
Terror filled your eyes, what was she thinking? Holy shit.
"Get in!" He stared at you firmly.
Hange didn't give you time to respond, they grabbed your arms and forced you inside, just like they did with Armin.
They hadn't even closed the door when Mikasa reversed the vehicle and stepped on the pedal. The engine roared in your ears as loud as your heart. No, no, no. This was wrong in so many ways, you were too young to die like this.
"Stop now! You just broke the law!" You heard Mike calling.
It'd been way more than one. A damn minor was driving you out! She ignored the red car and avoided the kids crossing the road. Where had she learned to drive like this?
"Mikasa!" Armin shouted. Color had abandoned his face.
She accelerated the car, ignoring his begging. Your grip on the seat was tight as ever. And your eyes widened witnessing the exact moment when Armin passed out.
"Hold on!" She adverted, determined to get you out.
