melancholic girl

what can i do to get this sadness out of me

[un-heardnotions]

Most of the people I know Already has a mind set of where they want to go Some of them are already doing the things they have in mind And it makes me feel so unbearably lost Because I have misplaced all sense of belonging And I don’t know where I’m going anymore It’s like entering a forest With the intent of getting to the other side But instead of getting out I’m now stuck in a rut Going in endless circles for 4 years 4 years of looking for a way out And 4 years of surviving instead of living

let me live

[un-heardnotions]

When you love, you reach for the stars And give them the moon You show them your world You help them see the universe in their eyes When you love, you love endlessly Like sands on the beach waiting to be counted Like never ending waves crashing Like rocks on the shore never getting washed away When you love, you give them your soul Your undivided time You give them the convenience You never even give to yourself You give an outpouring of compliments And sing them melodies never heard before And you make them your poetry Even as far as treating them like art Priceless and complicated That only a few can understand Tainted with passion and blind hero worship Laced with the unknown You give and you give Pieces of yourself For the ones you love For the ones you die for everyday When you love, you’d do anything for them No hesitations, no questions asked You’d give and you’d give Until you’re empty And by then you’d still give Empty pockets and all Drained and washed out Definition of martyr When you love, you’re always there Even when you’ve got nothing left to share When you love, you give your all Even when you’re the only one who falls

is it love or am i just an idiot //

[un-heardnotions]

This sadness It’s like a chronic emotion At first you deny ever feeling this way You ignore the fact that it’s consuming you, That somehow it has been festering inside You try to distract yourself and pay no heed to the truth The truth is that it has swallowed you whole And nothing is ever the same anymore Everything changed And your perspective has gone deeper You now see things differently And somehow you understand the world clearer than before After that you’re now angry Angry at the world Angry at the people who surrounds you Angry at everything that made you what you are now Angry that your innocence has been robbed Angry that this happened to you Angry that you’re mind can’t seem to stop thinking and analyzing everything But most of all you feel angry at yourself Because you seem to think that somehow this is your entire fault That you’ve done something bad for this to happen to you You wake up and then you start to bargain You’re on your knees, praying and asking, hoping someone would hear your pleas That you would do anything just to get rid of this You’re asking every deity to help you Help you get rid of the pain and the anger You’re begging for a chance Because you don’t want to just survive anymore You want to start living And in the darkest hours when your eyes can’t barely open anymore You feel lost More lost than you have ever felt before You’re purpose is now gone You know that it has consumed you And the fight in you has given up And the fire inside is nearly extinguished You can’t even get up anymore Everything you know is caving in And you’re stuck in the darkness The one you call your black hole And no matter what solace anyone offers The only thing you can focus on is the end Then somehow you find yourself being okay You’ve now accepted the fact that this will always be a part of you And that the only person who can help you is yourself You know you’re fading But you know you can still fight And as long as the fire in you hasn’t been doused You know you can still keep going This chronic emotion festering inside Yes it is a part of you But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy That you can’t live It just made you realize that life is short And that you’re the only one who can save yourself

dabda //

[un-heardnotions]

drink, rant, rinse, repeat i've been used to these things since i was a kid i close my eyes and drown out the sounds of drunken slurs , the mumbles of a lush drink, rant, rinse, repeat for a few years you were clean and i can sleep at night with no anxious thoughts of your unpredictability i thought that somehow you were finally free drink, rant, rinse, repeat was it your guilt? that pushed you to taste the poison and put it into your lips was it your dying wish? to once again feel the rush and pounding of your heart beat in a blurry haze drink, rant, rinse, repeat sometimes i ask myself why can't it be just drink, rant, dream and sleep sleep sleep

i don’t know what to feel right now //

[un-heardnotions]

don't expect them to do the things you would've done for them in a heart beat

you just don't matter i guess //

[un-heardnotions]

it's hard when you're alone, you've got no one to worry about if you affect them with your sadness, no one to stop you from being selfish and thinking only about yourself, when you're alone nobody's gonna stop you from feeling sorry for your pathetic existence

dangerous: alone time //

[un-heardnotions]

and i don't know why it always comes back to that 11:20 pm feelings, where i'm so alone and the people i expected to make me feel alive wouldn't do a damn thing that i would've done for them, not a word of love and assurance, not a drop of understanding, and when i've come back to that feeling it oddly feels like home, where tears flow freely and where heart aches slowly, no one would save you, no one

11:20 pm depression //

[un-heardnotions]

i try to find peace within myself but every time i get close to waving the white flag some part of me just can't let go of the war within my mind and it's just a cycle of never ending peace talks and cross fires

i’m fucked up//

[un-heardnotions]

thoughts of what we used to be plague my mind mindless chatters replaced talks of dreams dreaming of what once was a perfect love turned into a crumbling mess messy sheets and your whispers of 'i love you' turned into mockery and silence silently your efforts became nonexistent existing now is the version of you who is cold and hard Hardly giving me your time of day and day by day, night by night i became desperate for your attention attentive is what you once were whenever we are together together we'd laugh then suddenly you'd hug me and silently say against my temple how you've missed me my, how times have changed, now you'd raise your brows and sneer whenever i am near and it cuts me deeply to see that ugly expression on your perfect face your perfect face that once showed love and passion passionately telling me how we'd always be together and that you can't handle if we ever take a break broken, we're broken now and your cold indifference fails to see that i'm slowly dying deadly stares and poisonous words are what we frequently exchange and changing our minds now can't bring back the time we've given to each other others ask and wonder if we're still okay okay, we're far from it, we are nearing destruction self destruct, we'll reach it soon soon enough we'd both be lying on the floor lifeless we lived, we loved and now we're broken

you are going to be the death of me

[un-heardnotions]

You are something special A missing piece that I never knew I needed A soulmate of some kind A part of the puzzle that is my life A chapter of my book And you were there And you made me feel special You gave me love A bond so strong at times I cry You’d hold my hands and say that I’m strong And most of the times you hug away the pain But then situations arise where we needed To take separate directions And a promise of a loyal love Was uttered between our lips Whispers of do not forget me Firmly grasping the memories of us That I desperately cry to at night At first you were so sad And I was angry because you don’t deserve the pain I prayed for you to be okay And I told you that you were strong And I held your hand when everything in you life was wrong I listened to your voicemails and to the sobs that you’ve been familiar with And I wiped away your tears even when you don’t want to see me We tried to keep the connection The special binding of our soul But talking became a chore And answers monosyllabic And now I think you’re fine Because I see your smiles again With the bunch you grew close with With your now familiar friends And I think that you’re okay And that my prayers really worked And now you’ve settled in But that’s where our story closed You’re no longer there And most of the time you forget I think maybe you’re just busy Or that maybe I’ve been lousy The feeling of worthlessness grows And the tears are kept at bay I just want your happiness Even if I smile less I think you’re finally fine But what do I know we don’t talk anymore right?

the one that got away // i love her // not everything is about romance

[un-heardnotions]

we live in a world where people desperately create new ways to make communication easier and faster yet we don't really talk at all and when you look around you'll realize that you're all alone

[un-heardnotions]

you hurt the people you love because you love them, that’s how it is in this world

and that’s fucked up //

[un-heardnotions]

people are like ticking time bombs, it’s just a matter of time before they blow up and destroy everything they love

what you say hurts me more than physical wounds //

[un-heardnotions]

He'll come along and break all the walls you've built. He'll do it slowly, accurately and so precisely that you wouldn't even notice that he's now under your skin. He'll bring you out of your comfort zone. He'll show you the world and it's wonders. He'll give a taste of what friendship and love is. He'll let you take a peek on a wonderful life with him. He'll be your new comfort zone. You'll depend on him. You'll feel a rollercoaster of emotions, sometimes you'd be in your happiest and sometimes you'd be in your worst. You'll suffocate without his presence. You'll be possessive and jealous because you now can't get by without his love. You'll cherish every hugs and every smile he gives. You'll never want to know what life before without him was. You'll make him your world. He'll spend less time with you. He'll forget to text you and check up on you. He'll be busy with other things. He'll meet new people, new friends. He'll visit you less. He'll make new promises, new dreams with new people. He'll forget about you. You'll wonder what you did wrong. Were you too clingy? Too unpredictable? Too ugly? Too unlovable? Questions will burn your mind. You'll check your phone every hour just to see if he responds to you. You'll get disappointed every time. You'll try to take your mind off of him and ignore the stabbing beat of your heart. You'll try to build your walls again trying to learn your lesson. You'll try to reach out because you just can't give up like that. You'll cry while trying to forget all of his promises and the dreams he made with you. You'll try to forget him. But you can't.

he was just a taste of what's to come// try to forget him

[un-heardnotions]

I'm going to tell you a story of a girl who smiles everyday and laughs her ass off with her friends. A girl who always tell everybody that happiness is a choice and that they shouldn't be down when facing problems, because you're going to need all the positivity to survive this cruel world, that's what she says. And she goes on with her day trying to accommodate everyone that needs her help, because she likes that, she likes to help, she likes being kind. And then she goes home and jokes with her family, and she does everything with her face accompanied by a smile. She sleeps peacefully and the routine goes on. I'm going to tell you the true story of a girl who fakes her smiles everyday and pretends to laugh with her friends because she doesn't want to bother them with her petty problems. A girl who tells everybody that happiness is a choice, but a hypocrite because she never picks happiness, she feels too unworthy to feel happy. She says that you need positivity to survive this cruel world but she never does that, instead she sticks with her cynical mind just to survive her everyday life. And she goes on with her day trying to help everybody, it makes her feel good but she knows that nobody appreciates her efforts and that no matter how kind and helpful she is, people still won't notice her or value her presence, because she knows that she will always be nothing. And then she goes home hoping that her family notices how she barely eats anymore or how fake her smiles and laugh are, but nobody notices so again she pretends and pretends and pretends to be fine. And at night when she's supposed to sleep, her tears fall down, because she knows that nobody cares and that eventually all of them leaves her, because she knows that her presence is nothing and she thinks that maybe her absence would also go unnoticed, and she thinks of ways to feel less, but it is her curse to feel everything so deeply. And morning comes, and she wipes her face, ready for another day of pretending.

bedtime stories//

[un-heardnotions]

I used to think that being the last choice was the saddest thing that ever happened to me up until I felt the true pain of not even being part of the choice anymore.

always forgotten //

[un-heardnotions]

- half a person //