best boy in da whole wide world

24 he/him trans femmeboy, trans naoto is real, anti trf/terf, I support trans women and have a transfemme parent, DID system that likes art and cartoons and posts about gender and trauma sometimes a familial trafficking survivor so I'm a little messed up but I'm trying my best

[cybergirl-cathy]

A letter to my fellow trans sisters – transmisogyny is certainly awful to experience and ruining society as we know it, but the solution is not to project our frustration onto trans men and non-binary folks as if they are somehow causing the problem and not the cisgender dominated patriarchy.

Let's be honest with ourselves, us trans women grew up as teenage boys; not that we were boys but that society saw us as boys. Young men are bombarded with misogynistic propaganda every single day, and nobody is immune to that. If you think you're the exception, you're wrong

Toxic masculinity doesn't just disappear when you start taking estrogen. You have to actively, critically examine the beliefs you take for granted and unlearn the bad ideas society has taught you. But so many of you have assumed, just as TERFs do, "well, I'm a woman now, so I can't possibly be sexist," and then start talking about so-called "TMEs" the way incels talk about women (including us!)

Stop making death and rape threats against trans men (especially children, the fuck is wrong with you all!?)

Stop using gross, misogynistic slurs against trans men and enbies ("transandrocunt", "zipper-tits", "theyfab" etc.). Surely you can see that's no better than when we get called "shemales" and "sissies", right?

Stop pretending that growing up as a girl first has zero lasting impact on a trans man's psyche, especially if the man in question grew up in the global south or underprivileged rural areas

Stop pretending that trans men being ignored and invisible is privilege and not erasure (we've already had this discussion years ago with bisexuals having "straight-passing privilege")

Stop all of that. You're making online trans and queer spaces worse for everyone, yourself included. Transfeminism and anti-transandrophobia aren't opposites. They go hand-in-hand! In fact, they're the exact same thing. You're never going to break the gender binary down if you keep acting like being a trans woman is more valid than other genders

Trans women, stand up for your brothers and enby siblings instead of beating them down, especially in this day and age when governments around the world want to fucking murder and detransition all of us. When they speak, say it louder!

If you're already doing that, I love you and you need to keep doing it until we make the world a better place for all trans folks <3

United we stand, divided we fall

[cybergirl-cathy]

An addition: I'm seeing quite a few people in the comments talking about male privilege. Male privilege and internalized misogyny are two totally different things.

Male privilege is a reward patriarchy gives to men who conform to society's norms, which exist to manipulate men into being more subservient workers and soldiers. It is highly conditional and taken away as soon as any "man" (AMAB person) expresses femininity. This is NOT what my post is talking about.

Internalized misogyny is having beliefs influenced by misogyny without realizing it. Men and women are taught to view femininity as lesser (in the latter case, this causes women to see themselves as lesser), and this can express itself on a subconscious level. If you think trans men/enbies, who are feminine insofar as being AFAB, are inherently inferior, that is rooted in misogyny.

Also, I appear to have misunderstood what toxic masculinity is and wrongly equated it with internalized misogyny. That might be where some of the confusion is coming from. I've fixed that and some other things. Apologies

[cybergirl-cathy]

Let me elaborate a bit, since some people think I'm talking about "male socialization" (in the sense that TERFs use it). Thanks to @twohumansinatrenchcoat for helping me find a better way to explain this idea.

Internalized misogyny has two dimensions:

1. Feeling that masculinity is better than femininity

2. Feeling you personally are better than others, for arbitrary reasons

#1 is misogyny in the literal sense obviously, but those who are taught to feel #1 also necessarily learn #2 at the same time. #2 is the learned behaviour that doesn't disappear with HRT alone.

Unlearning #1 is easy enough since a) it's antithetical to transfemininity and b) for a feminine person, it's a negative feeling the ego naturally wishes to avoid.

But I'm seeing many fellow trans women who have neglected to also unlearn #2, which has to be done separately, because it's a positive feeling that boosts the ego, especially if you use practised egoism to cope with your mental health issues like I do (my PFP is Jax TADC for a reason).

These trans women rightfully embrace femininity while wrongfully redirecting their undue feelings of superiority and entitlement to non-femininity (i.e. masculinity); trans men and AFAB enbies are easier targets than cis men for this because trans men don't in fact have meaningful male privilege (those who say they do misunderstand what male privilege is).

[genderkoolaid]

if i may id like to share something funny i saw the other day

i was scrolling through a someones blog (i do this sometimes to check if they have any cringe opinions before i follow them) and there was this huge post where it was just them endlessly arguing with a cis woman who was upset about people wanting to include non-women in discussions of abortion rights. in the tags of one of their reblogs they went 'i swear to god this fucker is trying to make transandrophobia real'

-its ridiculous. they. acknowledge that this person theyre arguing with is being transphobic

-specifically towards trans men/mascs

-and then 'go this person is trying to make the opression theyre contributing to real'. what

-imagine if someone were to do this with anything else

-*in an argument with someone whos saying that wheelchair users shouldnt get accomodations because they represent so little of the population* this fucker is trying to make ableism real

GOD. that it is so. hilarious and also deeply infuriating lol.

Like. Yes!! That's transandrophobia!! You pointed it out!! This kind of shit happens on a widespread scale!!!! Holy shit!!!!

[transmascrage]

At this point, they just hate the term for no reason. They see the word and clutch their pearls because they were told "transandrophobia truthers" are bad. They don't want to understand what we're talking about, they see someone say "tmras are racist and speak over transfemmes" and roll with it, and it becomes a massive game of telephone.

And it's so frustrating because it's impossible to talk about our oppression if you're already convinced we're whiny and evil just for using a word. Even the most polite response gets twisted into "they said transfemmes speak over transmascs omggggg!!!!".

It's like talking to a wall, or to a transphobe that's already convinced we're brainwashing kids into becoming trans, because they get their news from transphobic newspapers and don't engage with trans people.

And the thing that sucks the most is that even though people shutting us down are usually queer themselves, so in theory it should be easier to discuss, I can't think of a solution to make them listen to us, because they just refuse to listen.

[transmascrage]

[Lou] Sullivan himself was not advancing any agenda other than the notion that getting reliable information about the medical technology FTMs use and the social issues FTMs face should not be as difficult as it had been historically. He did have three pet peeves that he expressed directly and indirectly often enough that I cannot think of him without imagining a situation in which he’s saying something about one or another of them. The first was that sexual orientation should not be a gating factor determining access to surgical transformation (which it definitely was at the time); another was that it wasn’t right for anyone to judge whether someone else’s expression of masculinity was “correct,” no matter what kind of body was doing the expressing; and the last was that FTM people deserved as much attention, study, and recognition as MTFs. I couldn’t agree more.

Becoming a Visible Man - Jamison Green (2004)

[transmascrage]

Since he had lost his job after being diagnosed with AIDS in 1987, all Sullivan wanted to do in his remaining days was to help make life better for FTM people. He spent hours responding to letters from lost, lonely transsexual people, trying to build the networks that he wished had been there for him, and that he hoped would sustain the rest of us after he was gone.

He allowed trans people to transition while being non-heterosexual, which wasn't possible before he stepped in.

We owe it to him to build this network, and no one has the right to deny it, especially non-transmasc people.

And if you deny it, or you throw around baseless conspiracy theories about what transmascs are trying to do with the term 'transandrophobia', you're spitting on Lou Sullivan's grave.

[transmascrage]

When it comes to transmasc representation in old media no one fits better than Oscar François de Jarjayes from "The Rose of Versailles" (1979) (Lady Oscar for my Italian friends). So much so that at some point I thought of having Oscar as my second name.

He's a fictional character set in a story based off of real-life Marie Antoniette as a teenager.

He's raised as a boy because he's the youngest of six, and never actually goes "back" to being a woman, because he dies fighting during the French revolution.

Oscar’s identity is a cause of great conflict in the manga and the anime. His agency is constantly taken into question, everyone around him is convinced he’s being forced to be a man by his father, when he’s constantly rejecting womanhood.

Transgender Identity as Parental Abuse, And Oscar's Agency

It's important to mention that Oscar is almost always referred to as a woman. The people close to him know he’s not cisgender, and always refer to him as a lady. But people who have never met before assume he’s a boy. 

He's always told to be more feminine by those around him except, most of the time, by his father. His father's decision to raise him as a boy is actually portrayed as dramatic, with thunder and lightning.

His friend André calls him Oscar while André’s grandma scolds him, telling him to call him Milady Oscar because of his lower rank as a servant. 

And even as Oscar tells her he likes it better this way, André’s grandma brushes her hand on a dress, reminiscing that Oscar could be wearing that instead of his boy clothes, and that she hopes one day he'll attend a ball dressed as a beautiful lady.

Later she drunkenly moans: "Oh poor Oscar, there's a conflict inside of [him], [he] doesn't know whether to be a man or a woman!"

Throughout most of the show, actually, people think Oscar acts like a boy because it's his father's wish, when it's Oscar himself deciding to present as a boy.

Oscar's agency is always questioned, just like it is for transmasc people and trans men (as well as the vague entity known as “the children”), supposedly "brainwashed" young girls. Many transphobes actually think trans kids are forced to transition because of their parents.

The recent decision in Texas to investiagte and remove transgender children from their families on the basis of “child abuse” echoes this sentiment, for example.

In the very first episode, André tells him "It's not too late! Become a woman, Oscar!" as he runs away. And even though he hated the prospect of becoming the Captain of the Guards, he chooses that over becoming a woman. 

The narrator even says "And so Oscar chose to become a man."

He's running away from his assigned role at birth by doing something he hates. He could have chosen to stay and "become" a woman, like Andrè and his grandma say, but he doesn't want to.

As his first assignment as captain, he’s ordered to dress as Marie Antoniette to take her place during a planned kidnapping, and he reacts by throwing away the dress and walking away angrily. His father actually sees his manhood as a costume he can take off whenever it’s necessary, Oscar sees it as his identity.

And even after Oscar's father decides to marry him off, he still doesn't want to play the role of a woman. But nothing seems to convince people that he's acting of his own accord.

Alternatively, many characters treat him like a silly girl who’s just playing pretend. It’s true that Oscar is young, but his identity in manhood is just as strong as those of the men around him.



Detransition Because of Social Pressure

Oscar doesn't express any wish of wanting to be a woman, except once when he dresses as a woman hoping to make a man fall in love with him, but learns the man is already in love with Marie Antoinette and desists.

Marie Antoinette also feels attracted to him, even though she says she’s disappointed Oscar was born a girl.

Which I think is very relatable for a transmasc person, to feel like we're unlovable as we are. Oscar trying to fit in his "womanly role" (the one time in the entire show) isn't really out of place, it's reminiscent of transmascs and trans men detransitioning because we're not accepted by the people around us.

Andrè, confesses to being in love with him (when he's seen him in nothing but men's clothes his whole life, might I add. He's not attracted to Lady Oscar, he loves Oscar the Captain of the Royal Guards.) but Oscar pushes him away and joins the army instead.



Transgender Identity Seen as Childish

At this point, his father regrets letting Oscar be "too unfeminine" and plans to marry him off.

This, to me, is another aspect of being trans even in a supposedly accepting family. There's an age threshold at which it's not acceptable to be trans anymore, that it's something childish that eventually the teenager will forget and join in their role in society. Then there’s the entitlement that families feel they have over children.

Yet another man, his rival, asks for his hand, but Oscar refuses. Then, as a Commander in the Army, he affirms his leadership on his troop, making yet another man, André’s friend this time, fall in love with him.

Most of these men have seen Oscar appear exclusively as a man. All of them, to my knowledge, are aware that Oscar isn't a cisgender man, but Oscar never presents as a woman, and he still manages to make three men fall in love with him.

Oscar realizes that he's in love with Andrè as well, and switches to fighting against the Monarchy with him, but dies by his side during the Storm of the Bastille.

The Return of Oscar

In a completely non-canonical book that only came out in Italy, Oscar doesn't die and instead becomes the Black Knight (a character that appears in the original manga), fighting against injustice.

It's revealed that he didn't die, instead just lost his memory. Once he regains it, he moves to England and lives a quiet life as Rose.

But that doesn't last, and he goes back to France to become the Black Knight. This is, in my opinion, just another instance of detransition that doesn't last (it's non-canonical as well). After all, Oscar is alone in England, the people that previously supported his masculinity are dead or have disavowed him, like his father.

He also kisses Napoleon. This man can't stop making men fall in love with him.

The story ends with Oscar leaving for America, but all of this is not canonical anyways.

In conclusion, Oscar's identity in manhood is constantly questioned or completely disregarded. Even as he says "My duty as a soldier comes before being a woman" everyone assumes he's simply being edgy.

Oscar is born to be a soldier and dies as a soldier. But being a soldier isn't even something he wanted to be in the first place. He just took on the role to avoid becoming a woman, both in the sense of getting married and starting a family, and in the sense of being seen as a woman.

Really, Oscar uses "soldier" as a short-hand for "man."

[transmascrage]

Pinned post

Transmasc Archive server: https://discord.gg/hUd8MD2X6k

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Tags and Post on my Blog You should Read

#transmasc hairdresser tales -> stories of the high and lows of haircuts and cisgender hairstylists;

#non/transmed experiences -> first-hand accounts of people who were transmeds at some point, and those who never were;

Transandrophobic caricatures, "transtrenders", and fatphobia;

Lou Sullivan wanted there to be a support network for trans men after his death, and we owe it to him;

Transmasc erasure hurts transfems too;

Infantilization, specifically that of Elliot Page;

It's 4%, not 40%;

By the way, you should read "Becoming a Visible Man";

The Clothing Industry and Men;

Some historical (probably) trans men and transmascs you may not have heard of;

Relationship with pronouns in different languages;

The Rose of Versailles Trans Representation;

Trans men and transmasculine people, victims of domestic violence;

[prometheist]

the way anti-trans people speak about us, I’ve noticed that they don’t actually treat trans men and trans women that differently. They simply focus their energy on different age groups. When trans men are discussed, we are only children. Teenage/tween trans men are the main focus of transandrophobia from these groups, because we fit the agenda of “vulnerable delicate women” who are harder to view as men or people with agency. We are less likely to pass and more likely to have mental health issues, and therefore are easier to pass off as defective and hysterical girls.

meanwhile, trans women are almost exclusively framed as middle-aged or older. This allows them to be viewed as more mature and cunning compared to younger people. In addition, older women are less likely to fit traditional beauty standards, so this gives them an easier time making a “gross ugly predator” argument.

however, when forced to acknowledge trans people of other age groups, they pretty much stick to the same playbook. Older trans men are no longer treated as pitiable women, but as some sort of gross third gender, similar to trans women. They are considered part of the ring of predators trying to steal your children. And, importantly, are considered ugly. Transitioned trans men are not seen as attractive to “normal” men or women. conversely, young trans women are treated very similar to young trans men. The “they’re trying to cut off your son’s dick” line is well-used. And they are not treated as a weird third gender like adult trans people, and rather are categorized as vulnerable boys being preyed upon by the “actual villains”, adult trans women.

the purpose of this post is to point out that neither trans men or women are privileged for the way that we’re treated. Adult trans men experience very similar treatment as adult trans women, and vice versa. Transphobes do not want you to know that. They want you to think their agenda is to protect trans men and ostracize trans women, because that makes them seem less hateful. But their actual treatment of us contradicts that.

[depsidase]

[kushblazer666]

nothing pisses me off more than a proud “no msg!” label on something. shut up you dumb bitch put the msg back in there so it tastes good. idiot

[ynde]

Six year old, bouncing up and down with glee as desserts are unpacked: "I'm so appointed!"

Took me a moment to realize she had logically assumed "appointed" must be the opposite of "disappointed" and used it as a synonym for "excited."

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

[rninor-blog]

“bend over” “bend what? over”

[striderofthen0rth]

I hate this place

[intelligentchristianlady]

A bus may have only a couple of passengers, especially at the beginning or end of its route. But let's also take fuel efficiency into account.

[foxoftheasterisk]

If there's one person on a bus because that person cannot or doesn't want to drive, the bus is succeeding.

[luckyladylily]

I read a study once on the fuel efficiency of various types of commuter vehicles (car, bus, train) on a per person basis and the number of people needed riding public transit to match the "efficiency" of cars is shockingly low. A bus needs to carry like 3-4 people to be fuel efficient, and trains require 2-3 per train car. Both often carry two dozen or more during peak hours, more than justifying any perceived requirements for efficiency for the train or bus to provide service the entire day.

[brightlotusmoon]

[sugarcubii]

As someone who uses a wheelchair on the bus a lot the bus system is failing if the buses are always full it forces people to stand and makes it so that wheelchair users are denied entry onto the bus , I've been told I can't get on so many times riding septa because the buses are not big enough and are too full.

[dredsina]

mormon kids under the age of 18 being told their church is a cult

mormons 18-24 after they go through their endowment ceremony and receive their new name and secret clothing and learn the secret handshakes and passwords and realize everyone around them has been secretly doing this the whole time and now theyre going to be sent away from their family for 2 years where they will literally not be allowed to be alone for 1 second of the day except to go to the bathroom and they have no idea how to get out of what they just got into

[dredsina]

one of the only perks of being a mormon woman is that i didn’t get my endowment at age 19 and i had a little extra time to mature and be out on my own. that’s all i needed to make a clean break and i got out at 21 before i wouldve gotten my endowment. 

[kittleimp]

wait what? can anyone elaborate on this? because I had no idea this was a thing

[dredsina]

basically when youre a mormon kid growing up you realize your church is a little strict but you’re like whatever. i have friends at church because i go to church 6 days a week and everyone around me is affirming that this is the right thing to do and we have special knowledge no one else has otherwise everyone would be like this. so youve gotta go teach them & it’s the greatest thing in the world to be a missionary. also the temple is beautiful and amazing and spiritual and holy and everyone wants to go there. but it’s a secret! :) because it’s holy and sacred

then if youre a boy and u turn 18 they’re like wow amazing!!! you get to go on a mission and be like all the great men around you!! and now you get to go through the temple! so #blessed!

and then you go through the temple and all the above mentioned SECRET CULTY SHIT happens (EXPLANATION HERE http://mormoncurtain.infymus.com/topic_templeceremonies.html) and youre shipped off to a strange place where everything you eat, wear, go, listen to and do is controlled, and you’re not allowed to talk to your family or friends (except through a once-a-week email) and you literally are being watched by your companion at all. times. 

some might say “you can leave at any time” but consider that i never went on a mission and i never went through the temple and i still consider leaving the mormon church the hardest thing i ever did. you have no social network outside the church. you are lacking major knowledge and skills. you have to grapple with the fact that you may never see your family again.

[chortletortoise]

I’m reblogging this again bc I have Thoughts.

Leaving is such an isolating experience. No one inside wants anything to do with you anymore and no one outside understands the scale of messed up that Mormonism is. Like it’s easy to point and laugh at the ridiculousness, but it’s literally a cult. There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.

People on the outside don’t understand how hard it is to leave. I grew up where all my friends were catholic and are no longer religious and they’re like “well everyone hates church, you just stop going” but Mormonism isn’t like that at all. For starters I had to get a lawyer involved to leave and then the ostracization from the entire community that nurtured me growing up was just the cherry on top. It’s effectively being shunned. Everyone you were forced to call sister and brother growing up no longer wants anything to do with you. And you deserve it, because you shouldn’t have fallen for the anti-Mormon lies.

Leaving The Church was the hardest thing I ever did and my family accepts me so I’m a lucky one. But they still ardently adhere to the institution that hurt me and has resulted in the deaths of people I love. I will never understand.

[antique-scarecrow]

“There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.”

It’s easy for people looking in from the outside to forget this. Thank you for the reminder. Can anyone recommend resources for young Mormons looking to explore their options?

[periwinklepromise]

Please note: this post will be directly addressed to those hypothetical young Mormons

If you know you’re ready to leave, use quitmormon.com. It’s run by the guy from reddit who is now famous in exmormon circles for offering absolutely free legal services to anybody who needs help leaving. You can give your church id number if you know it, but it’s not required (I never memorized mine, and I sure wasn’t going to ask for it). He takes care of everything. This keeps TSCC (the so-called church) from getting all your latest info and keeps them from hassling you or harassing you. They have to talk to your lawyer instead. Pre 2015, it felt almost impossible to try to leave, but it’s a lot easier now! The years of picketing General Conference to force an excommunication trial are over!

Find a support system. Lean on your friends that have never been mormon, any family members who left, anyone you know who left. I’m an exmormon happy to answer any questions, and I’m sure there are plenty others in the notes who would be super willing to be supportive too. Exmormon groups are many and varied now, and it’s best to find the one that vibes for you. There’s a subreddit that’s popular, but I personally used - and I know this sounds weird, since I don’t have kids - a forum called Mormonism & More on the site babycenter.com. It was started several years ago by some mormons who had questions they weren’t allowed to ask on the normal mormon board (because that board required uplifting, mormon-approved answers at all times). It’s since shifted to ex-mormons or people who want to leave but can’t right now because of family situations. Even though the threads were years old, I spent weeks on that forum, reading about what other people had gone through and how they got through it, and to me, that was super helpful.

Research the culty stuff at your own peril. I liked learning about that stuff for a really long time, because I felt learning about all those secrets (I especially liked learning about the truth of the Book of Abraham) … it helped me feel valid in my choice. It helped me keep in mind that this was something that I had escaped, something that had wanted to hurt me. Missing your abuser doesn’t mean you should go back, it means you should keep moving forward. Missing your cult has the same solution. Lots of people fell for the “we’re totally not a cult!” line by TSCC. Some of them will not offer sympathy. If you want to watch the hidden camera videos of endowments and other temple stuff, I would super super recommend you have a trusted friend watch them with you. And bring comfort food. You’ll probably need it.

TSCC put out a series of essays on controversial (read: faith-killing, eye-opening, omg how could I have ever supported the people who did this) issues in mormon history. They are the Orthodox LDS pre-approved responses to a lot of the more incriminating accusations that have been leveled at TSCC over the years. They should be hosted on TSCC website somewhere, and would have been posted around or after 2015. They may reaffirm your faith now that you know TSCC’s defense, but they may push you right out the door. (Or break the shelf? Do Mormons still use the shelf analogy, or is that retired now?)

Lots of mormons become atheists after leaving. Many join mainstream xian churches. Some become witches, some study every religion they can get their hands on, some try to go back and realize all the magic (or holy spirit, if you prefer) is gone. Don’t think you have to know right away. Some people throw away or burn all their mormon stuff, some people keep it to show their kids, but again, you don’t have to make that decision right away. Some people call TSCC a cult after they leave, myself included, but you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable or it it doesn’t feel true to your experience.

Look up religious trauma syndrome. It’s real. The pain you will probably feel is real, the grief you will probably feel is real, and in many ways, you may have to mourn the death of what you were always told Life Will Be For You.

And learn that the world is not half as evil as TSCC told you. Your coworkers who drink a beer at the end of the day are not evil or abusive. Your friends who wear sleeveless shirts are not evil or promiscuous. You’re allowed to wear short shorts! You’re allowed to drink coffee! You’re allowed to ask questions in a faith community without being silenced or condemned! You’re allowed to not want kids! There’s a lot of unlearning here.

TLDR? You have options. You have freedom. Find nonmormon friends who will support you. Be kind to yourself.

[justslowdown]

People joke about Mormons but this is the first time I’ve seen anything at all directed towards people who need to get out.

I had a high school friend turned college roommate who left, moved 4 hrs away, and I had to lie to people who showed up repeatedly that he wasn’t home. That’s just the smallest outside perspective of this. They kept coming.

It is a cult. It operates by manipulating people. My aunt, who also left, converted from Catholicism when she was a single mother in her 20s who needed help. The church gave her a network of tangible support and got her through a vulnerable, scary time in her life–and used that

[i-suggest-transing-your-gender]

Sometimes I think about the fact how TRFs on tumblr like to justify their transandrophobia by sharing their beliefs that "all men are inherently evil and predatory and want to hurt women and take advantage of them" and how interesting that line of logic is, because last time I checked isn't that the same logic transphobes use against trans women?

[draconym]

It's nuts how common it is to not allow children to be angry, even (especially) in households where adults are angry all the time. As a child I knew my own anger was unacceptable--not just expressing it outwardly but feeling it at all. So now as an adult my immediate reaction to my own anger is often to feel guilt instead of like. Noticing when someone is being rude or unfair or my boundaries are being violated or whatever. fucked up.

[fluffyplushiesworld]

[i-suggest-transing-your-gender]

Endless love for trans people who struggle to take showers because of dysphoria

Endless love for trans people who struggle to change clothes because of dysphoria

Endless love for trans people who struggle to take care of your hair because of dysphoria

Endless love for trans people who struggle to look "presentable" because of dysphoria

Someday you'll be able to look the way you want to, you're not any less valueable as person for struggling with your hygiene

[catasters]