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[misslickey]

Co-parenting is always something I strive to be better in. It’s a very important part of my life and my son’s life. His relationship with his dad is very important to me. Just look at how happy he is with him. It’s perfect. Co-parenting always involves growth. It takes understanding. Compromise. Trustworthiness. Love. And selflessness. To all the single parents out there never stop trying to make the line of communication, of team work open. Because when you can have a healthy co-parenting relationship with the father or mother of your children you make your life easier and most importantly your child gets everything they deserve. It took my son’s father and I awhile to get where we are now in our relationship but I’m so thankful that we can raise and care for Tre together.

[bonusmomma-blog]

Here I go...

So. I’ll be honest, I’ve wanted to start this blog for over a year. However, I was nervous. From what I understood, being a step mom meant being a homewrecker, an evil bitch, and hated by most, if not all, biological mothers. Now I know, that is a HUGE judgment however, it was engrained in me for years. It was so bad, in fact, that when my hubby and I first got together, I was extremely nervous to see his ex wife. All of the generalizations that I had forced into my view built up a ridiculous amount of anxiety and I thought I could explode from it at any moment. The time came though. She was at our door, with their daughter and her fiance and I thought of how many different ways I could get out of my new home to avoid this woman… Once she saw me though, for the first time in over five years, she practically ran me over trying to hug me. She expressed how excited she was that it was me, someone she adored and trusted, becoming a part of her ex husband and her beautiful daughter’s lives. She welcomed me to her family, with open arms. It was probably the biggest relief I’ve ever experienced.

At first, and for a while, I was so busy figuring out how to parent a four and then five year old little girl that I didn’t give birth to and wasn’t there for the first part of her life… Realizing I was becoming a parent was the second most shocking and overwhelming feelings I had since starting this journey with my amazing man. Since this started, I have laughed, screamed, cried, felt empowered and felt useless… The roller coaster that is parenting and co parenting is one of intense insanity.

Now… Here I am adding this to my journey. A small space of the vast internet to share my hopes, dreams, reality and insanity with other step moms, moms, moms to be, hopeful moms and women waiting until the right time to be moms. I’m nervous, not going to lie. However, I have already decided that if I’m going to do this, it must be done right. This blog will be the most honest thing I’ve ever put on the internet. I hope to be accepted in the mother community and to share in the ups and downs in this thing we like to call parenting.

[loveandluckafterdivorce-bl-blog1]

Birthday party success

A HUGE improvement over last year’s uncomfortable mess for the fairly newly separated parents. A jump place. 2 hours. Family, old friends and school friends. Occasional small talk awkwardness with the new girlfriend.  Cake. Buh-bye. Emma had an awesome time, which is what matters most. But it’s a bonus that I survived and didn’t hate it! 

There is hope for divorced parents hosting birthday parties together. 

[theminnieproject]

I really want to be angry with my co-parenting partner.

He does so many things that piss me off so bad when it comes to our child.

But I think ultimately I’m just jealous that he gets to be happily remarried with a family…when Mer and I are all alone. And that’s a hard thing to admit. I don’t miss him or want him by any means…it’s just so unfair the way life works.

[somalifaces]

“When the relationship broke down, my daughter and her mother moved cross country. I was happy and content for she was going to be with the best person who happened to be her #1 hero: her mom. I just assumed that visiting her on holidays would be sufficient. But it was all in the little signs and questions after every visit; questions of why I’m leaving so soon or if we could hang out more. An intense and a painful emotion stirred in me after seeing her sad look on her face when I said goodbye after every visit. It went like this for two years. Once she started to articulate, I would receive random Skype calls from her just to touch base. She would send me a list of random emoji’s’ during the day, as a hidden message of her feelings. That eventually broke the camel’s back. I decided there and then that I would complete her missing loop, packed my bags and moved to her city to be near her. I’ve no regrets, and I feel like I’ve avoided many. I love the look on her face when we hit the local library as she selects her books or does her homework knowing I am by her side. I even love being there for her when she shares her experiences with me such as school, dugsi or her new home community. I am very blessed as a father to be able to be there for her when she needs that push on the back as she swings at the playground and any push/ support/motivation she may need in the future. And it’s something that depends on both parents. By working together, can you put your children’s interests first.”

(Seattle, United States)

“Markii aniga iyo hooyadeed kala tagnay, gabadhayda iyo hooyadeed waxay u guureen dhanka kale ee waddanka aanu deganahay. Waan ku faraxsana oo qalbigeygsa ii degay maadaame ay la joogtay lanooleed qof aad uu fiican oo ah hooyadeed. Waxaan is lahaa, booqashadda xiliyada fasaxa aad ugu tagto intaas baa ku filan. Laakiin waxaa igu dhacay dareen aad u xanuunbadan markii aan arkay gabadhayda oo ii weydineysa su’aalo markasta aan ku booqdo magalaadda ay deganayd, oo runtii igu beeray dareen. Su’uaalo maxaad sidaas degdeg ah ugu noqonaysa? ama aabbo wakhti inta kadabadan aan sii wada joogno. Aad baan u damqan jiray markaan arko iyadoo ka niyad xun in aan ku noqonayo meeshii aan ka imid . Waxay sidaas xaaladu ku socotay muddo labo sano ku siman. Markii ay si wacan u baratay hadalka ayey dhanka Skype iga soo wici jirtay si ay ila soo xiriirto. Waxay ii soo diri jirtay liis sawiro muujinaya dareenkeeda. Taas baa igu kaliftay inaan go’aan cad qaato oo ah in aan u guuro magaaladda ay degan tahay gabadhaydu. Runtii, wax qoomama maanan qabin xitaa waxaan qabaa inaan kuwo badan ka badbaaday. Waxaan jeclahay markasta inaan daawado goobjoogna ka ahaado farxadeeda, ha noqoto markaan booqano maktabadda bugaagta oo ay dooranayso buugaagta ama markee sameeneyso wixii iskuulka laga soo diray anigoo la ag jooga. Xitaa waxaan jeclahay markey ila wadaagto waxkasta la kulanto ha noqoto dhanka iskuulka, dugsiga ama wax kale. Ilaahay ii fududeeyey oo fursad ii siiyey inaan wakhti qaali la qaato gabadhayda oo hiil iyo tageero u noqdo. Taasina waa mid ku xiran labada waalid isfahamkooda.”

(Seattle, Maraykanka)

[essence-of-divinespirit]

Co-parenting is imperative to the emotional and psychological well being of a child. When a relationship ends, the reaction to hurt the other person in revenge or bitterness usually involves the child. Often children are put in the middle and used as pawns. A parent should never tell their children they were abandoned by the other parent even if that is true, telling a child they are unwanted damages that child emotionally. A parent should always protect their children from what the “grown ups” are going through. A child subjected to the revenge, manipulation and blame projection will result in an adult who is unproductive and may have psychological and emotional issues.

[amyurbach]

Deadbeat Parent

A deadbeat parent is someone who chooses to not accept responsibility for their child or their relationship with them. They don’t show up physically, financially or emotionally for their child.

A parent is not a deadbeat if they miss a ballgame because they had to work, miss a child support payment because they are struggling financially, miss a weekend with their child because they have something come up they just can’t change. Life happens, life is challenging and life must be flexible at times.

A parent is not a deadbeat if they continue to show up, pursue and support their children even when it’s not easy, even when it looks like the odds are against them, even when they don’t know how they are going to do it.

I am convinced there are many parents that get wrongfully labeled as a deadbeat parent. Often times, one parent will push the other parent out the child’s life and then accuse them of being unloving, uninvolved and deadbeat when in fact the alienated parent does/did everything in their power to have a good relationship with their child/children.

Don’t give up, don’t quit, do the best you can even if it never seems good enough for others. Mistakes are made, emotions run high, life happens but at the end of the day, God sees your heart for your child and so will your child someday.

[keriellee]

As time passes I realize I could never truly HATE my child’s father. No matter the status of our relationship. My daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me. How could I hate him but love her? As adults you have to learn what’s truly important the CHILD/CHILDREN! Never talk about the other parent in front of the child. Never argue in front of the child. All of this does nothing but hurt the children involved. Sometimes you have to approach things differently. If all you did before was yell, try speaking softly. If all you did before was fight distance the two of you! You don’t have to be in an intimate relationship with the other parent in order for the both of you to have a healthy relationship with the kids… You just really have to respect each other’s space and learn what COPARENTING is…

[chastitynicole]

Being here has made me realize how much has changed in the last year. When I got married it set the foundation in place for both myself & my coparenting partner to grow. I grew in my marriage & as a woman. He grew as a father & a man. He’s changed so much, more than I ever expected, but I’m so fucking proud of the growth.

A couple years ago I would have never thought it would be possible for us to coparent in peace while inhabiting the same place. I’m so happy that he is healthy, and HAPPY and such a good father. The best father I’ve ever met or known. The way he loves our child makes me want to cry. He teaches him so much & is just the apitome of what a father should be.

This year will mark 10 years since we very first started dating, and us dating led to this beautiful child. And even tho we’re only friends, I could not ask for a better person or man to parent with.

I’m just feeling so proud.

[thisismumlife-deactivated202009]

School starts again today so we are back into routines, Rue will be with us every Thursday-Saturday again and I’m looking forward to getting back to normality. I told Rhykah we are picking Rue up from school today and he goes “Yaaaaay!! I miss Rue!”… It was so cute. He was asking why Rue has two homes and he only has one home. I explained because Rue’s Mummy and Daddy don’t live together, so she has one house with her Mummy a nd one with her Daddy. But his Mummy and Daddy live together, so he can live with both of us at the same time in one house. I think he understood and it was a basic enough reason. He’s a little sponge for information right now, the “whys” drive me crazy some days, but I’m trying hard to answer everything and help his little world of knowledge grow 🌱🧠📚

[ourskinship]

Although we are no longer married, in the 2 years since our divorce we have learned how to grow and co-parent in the best interest of our sweet Valentina. Her smile says it all. We are still a happy family! Some days are better than others. Married or not, our baby comes first. This year we took her out for Halloween together!

[unballestjess]

Dreaming of the day 💖💙 #ourbabycomesfirst

It’s going to be hard work getting there but I know we all have it in us. Our kids, our future deserves so much better. Our kids deserves happiness and their whole family together.

[neckkiss]

The Lover (1992)

[redlipstickresurrected]

Damselfrau aka Magnhild Kennedy (Norwegian, b. Trondheim, Norway, based London, England) - 1: Viir, 2018  2: Blue I, 2016  3: Uri, 2018  4: Roese, 2018  5: Tanssi, 2018  6: Hotz, 2018  7: Cosmic, 2018  8: Uutan, 2018  9: Yashil, 2014  10: Hedjet, 2017  Chimeras

[sosuperawesome]

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[maakomori]

[dwagunlily]

My whole family owns/operates/works in Chinese restaurants so lemme tell you: -We chop all our vegetables FRESH -We butcher our own chicken from whole chickens (we strip the breasts/tenders from the torso; we debone the thigh meat) -We use the bones to make chicken stock for our soups -We roast our own pork/ribs in an in-house smoker -We peel and devein all of our shrimp BY HAND (this is what i did as a kid) -We make our own dumplings/wontons/egg roll/spring rolls/breaded shrimp BY HAND (none of these are frozen) -We used to make our own dumpling dough from scratch, but it was a lot of work and we switched to premade but many other places still do this -All sauces and marinates are made by hand (no premade/store bought) -All gravy is made by hand from scratch -All soups are made from scratch -Egg Foo Young takes FOREVER TO MAKE (there are like 7 different steps and you can only make one order at a time) -An average take out restaurant has 3-6 employees (oftentimes family) -Most employees work 6 days a week/60-70 hours a week -Many employees live with their employers, sometimes very far away from their families (ie a father sending money back to his wife and kids in China) -Owners (such as my parents) usually work 7 days a week, 364 days a year (we close on thanksgiving) -Oftentimes kids will be helping out/hanging around bc they can’t afford childcare (I’ve been cashiering since i was 10) SO WITH ALL THIS IN MIND, it’s really hurtful when someone complains about our prices. Averaging $5-$10/person (which is FAST FOOD LEVEL PRICES), the food you get has fresh vegetables, fresh meat, no weird preservatives—all cooked to order. “HOW MUCH did you say this cost??? WHEEEEW!” “You’re taking all my money!” “(Asks for extra thing) Why does that cost extra?” “So what do i get for free for spending $20?” “How’s your pork made? It ain’t dog meat, is it?” —all hurtful things I’ve personally heard and had to grin and bear For some reason, it seems people don’t respect Chinese restaurants. You would never treat a Western-owned restaurant like this. Even places like PF Chang and Panda Express (who DO NOT use fresh ingredients) can overcharge out the wazoo but no one complains because they’re oftentimes being served by Western faces. It really hurts for people to act like my family’s hard work isn’t worth anything to them. Treat your locally owned business with respect. Treat your Chinese restaurants with respect. Really think about the food you’re getting and all the work that goes into it. Think of all the hard working people behind bringing you this meal you’re about to enjoy, a meal you didn’t have to prepare (this goes for fast food too). Above all else, TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS WITH BASIC DIGNITY.

[sosuperawesome]

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[sosuperawesome]

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