I've fallen for the black outside my window... @uncertaincuriosity - Tumblr Blog

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First Love– first heartbreak.

My first love… well it was everything you expect a first love to be; passionate, fun but most of all, devastating. At the time, it was the most vulnerable I had ever felt, fearing this awful thing called heartbreak that I had heard about in songs, movies and from other people’s accounts. I realise now, the fear of experiencing it was probably what lead to it. Nevertheless, as most first relationships go, things ended and as you can imagine, it didn’t go well. I ran away from home…When I came back, I’d wake my mum up in the night with my crying… I spent a solid week without a single sober moment… Then came the Christmas holidays, I left the country and spent 2 weeks away, and it was the best thing I could have ever done.

I no longer longed for his Versace cologne, I no longer yearned to look into his ocean blue coloured eyes, I no longer needed to hear his deep voice through the phone every night. I was over him. I was… instead I now longed to smell your Boss over his Versace, preferred staring into your forest green eyes instead of his, i now needed to hear your soft voice say “good night”. I was no longer obsessed or infatuated with the idea of love with my first boyfriend, I am now in love with my soulmate.

But explain to me, why, when I get treated like everything I could ever hope for, why, when I have someone who would do absolutely anything for me, why, when I have found true happiness in another person, why, do I still wake up at 3 am on a Wednesday morning sobbing into my pillow with memories of him flooding through my head, instead of you?

That’s the thing about your first love– it usually ends, yes, but it rarely ever just disappears.