Normal rythms , I answer, I repeat , I answer , I repeat . I stop breathing , days tick by and still I'm trying. My head is screaming to fix it, against the ears that are trying so desperately not to listen. There is no way to fix it, I practiced , I repeated , I begged and I pleaded . The world kept turning days to a week, a week to how long... desperately drowning as I try so hard to be patient. Patient something I have been sitting here with whys and hows , patient because I'm scared. I answer , you answer, I answer, you answer... its a pattern. We have a pattern so neither side is dying from the overwhelming crushing urges the world brings.. you read them , i read them, we answer--- normal one, two, three..three..three..... please. She told me not forever, I would have to be patient but still I am sitting, I am writing , I am hoping--- I am dying. Losing my mind in the possiblities, losing my mind in the empty silence that fills my head and the clock ticks by. You are awake, you always answer, you read them , you always answer, closure, repetition, patterns, normal....normal. A six letter word i have never craved so much in my whole life. Normal the need to have things not change, the aneixty I feel that makes me nausues. The sickning social skills I have in a desperate plead to have you see this is effecting me. Normal the craving inch by inch for this to not just mean something to me for it to mean something to you. Normal not breaking a pattern. Staying on course convincing my head that all good things happen in time is like trying to convince it not to explode rapidly and without cause, normal because even on good days i crave the consistency of you understanding me on a level most dont , how our words and turn of pace are diffrent then most. I will improve. I will change to be what is needed for just an answer--- because im so desperately tired of things feeling sweaty, nauses, sickingly, fidgeting and nervous I do not want to fill a space with some thing abnormal something not-- you, and our normal patterns . You have always been there and still the lack of normal, leaves me questing if you'll come back.... and leaves me wanting to beg you for one more inch of normal . I am going insane , I think -- desperately so insane , the heart racing faster, my body shaking as i try not to bug you as i try not to cause fights as i try to be -- excatly what you want me to be. Without being selfish , without being crude, I want to be there for you, can you be there for me to --- at this point, my brain just cant comprehend all the mix signals as i try not to get over excited about being left on read. As i try not to have this be the emotional push i need to have a nervous break down as i try to be sane... and normal with a pattern broken, fractured and in need of repair. I answer, you answer, you answer, I answer. Half assed replies now courgaly accepted . ---- Normal.
You where always there, please come back. Now I am desperately pleeding with you in a gane aginst my sanity where i am struggling overly hard not to spam you , you answer, i answer. I answer, you answer -- patterns. Patterns are normal, craved , they keep things in balance , predictable, stable, needed. You answer -- I answer, we answer , please... patterns... please normal. Please its your turn. I NEED you. I am losing myself to the panic and i need you to see that, because we are friends and this is not normal and i need you to see... patterns. You answer , I answer, I answer, You answer... patterns... Normal .
izzy806
stormborns
blakekathryn
snowghoul
vaporwave
