...

clearly this isn't all that there is

[1-04-04-1]

is it bad to daydream about you leaving?

it feels like there are days when you’re tired of my presence,

you want nothing from me when I offer you a smile

and then days will pass by 

and you’ll regain your charm on me

and I’ll fall in love with you again

but today, 

instead of staying with you 

I’ll walk away.

[1-04-04-1]

little signals

I just want flowers from my lover,

materialistic signs that he still loves me

because sometimes words just aren’t enough.

what if his promises are hollow lies

and his letters are empty thoughts?

[1-04-04-1]

another one to break my heart

some days we are one 

and other days she splits us

keeping us from getting close 

because as much as you like to deny it,

you still love her

you still want her

and me,

I’m left alone.

you tell me not to interrupt 

but hold my hand begging me to stay

which makes me question,

Who is winning this game?

[1-04-04-1]

•day one•

today I have realized that I am a selfish person,

one who wants it all but won’t give none

leaving without saying goodnight

and coming back without a sign.

keeping silence won’t help me change

but it makes the pain a bit more bearable

my heart is a vacant space

willing to accept anything for none

this time I’ll be here for you

because even though you broke me,

I’m going to change and accept

apologies that rain on my parade

[1-04-04-1]

change is on the horizon

and this time

it’s here to pick up what was

left in the shadows

[1-04-04-1]

time to start again

I haven’t written anything new

because nothing new is happening

my heart is giving up

been saying this since ‘08

but no one is listening

and no one is regretting

the silence that looms.

[1-04-04-1]

rain

The sky lost its color

maybe it’s a sign from above

No stars are in sight

but the clouds blind my eyes

Droplets breaking the silence

No one is here to see the beauty

I’m drowning

in a pool of nothing

I can’t take one more step

the wind is keeping me a prisoner

Come outside and dance

save me from this spell

The sun has not appeared for days

can you call the moon to conquer the night?

[1-04-04-1]

Don't tell me this was a waste of time

[1-04-04-1]

// she was mine //

sleepless nights spent with myself

trying to summon her spirit

have her be next to me

sing her a lullaby

and help my heart hurt a little less.

[1-04-04-1]

// falling in love is too easy //

and it takes every thing away from you

your time and heart wasted

for what?

one smile followed by two disappointments

two laugh for three tears

three hugs for nothing

nothing for empty words

for him?

[1-04-04-1]

// i lost my voice //

I didn't notice that you called

left you waiting for days

giving you a hint of my return

but it never quite happened

[1-04-04-1]

// the unexpected //

What was supposed to be a day off

turned into a unknown number of

evenings producing off poems

that opened up my eyes to realize

I am not as self conscious as I thought.

My exhaustion fueled up many tears

and the nostalgia was suffocating enough to

have me collapse into another

hiatus of healing and finding the roots of

my sadness

that kept me back from feeling

happy again.

[1-04-04-1]

// does the title come first //

or is it better to spill your feelings

without labels that limits the mind?

I didn't feel like writing a pessimistic poem

even though my depression is sinking in

as bad news keep falling down the sky

because at the end of the day,

the sun will bring a rainbow among the rain.

[1-04-04-1]

// my patience is making me hallucinate //

A stranger knocked at the door

and I was sure it was you.

My heart raced at the possibility of

you reaching out to me,

so I decided to keep that illusion in my head

and I didn't answer the door.

[1-04-04-1]

// who are you?//

My memory can't recall your smile that

made me fall to you,

and I can barely grasp on to your

charming brown eyes.

I can no longer hear you voice in my head

saying " I love you"

and it scares me.

How much longer will it take for all

those happy moments to disappear?

It feels like wasted time that could've instead

been used to prevent the future

of our suffering.

[1-04-04-1]

// vivid dreams //

Last night I had one of those dreams

in where you wake up in a cold swear

while recalling the fear that

paralyzed your body and

kept your mind from waking up.

And during the day,

little snippets would come back

to confuse me,

tricking me into questioning if

it was a portion of my nightmare or

a memory I wish wasn't real.

[1-04-04-1]

// no two people are alike //

You reminded me of him until I came into

terms with myself and realized that

no matter how ignorant I become,

you will never replace his spot.

My connection between you and me

never fully established,

at some points I was sure we were going to

be closer but then your differences prevented

anything from happening.

It makes me paranoid thinking that

I had my soulmate by my side yet I never

realized that he could've also been my lover.

And now I let go of him,

and now I realize that all his advice was

for my own good.

Now since I lack the happiness that he gave me

I try to find other options other than

resolving the problem that I created

to ruin my life.