Investigate why he is hesitant to show affection and flirt with me.
Be kind and open.
INTRODUCTION
Greet warmly and compliment how he looks. “You’re looking good today.”
Ask him how his week has been.
Tell him my week has been good. I’ve been hitting the gym, took a driver’s class, met with a friend for dinner, and planning to get some flowers after the call.
Thanks for getting on this call with me! I appreciate you being here with me. I just wanted to share some things that have been coming to mind since the last time we hung out together.
POINT ONE: COMMUNICATION AND DAILY EXPECTATIONS
Something that’s coming to mind that I’m realizing that I haven’t had the chance to ask you is: What does a healthy connection look like to you? This could be like day-to-day communication. I just wanted to hear your thoughts on what that looks like so we both have an idea of each other’s viewpoint on this.
For me — I have a bit of a confession -LOL - but I really prefer not to rely on texting every day to keep in contact with each other. For me, I’m someone who generally is not a texter — even with my closest of friends. I’m an introvert, and I’m someone who often needs some time to recharge and come back to myself. Even when I have an amazing time with someone. My idea of a healthy amount of communication look like every other day. Or a single phone call once in a while is good too.
Don’t get me wrong, I really love when you send me songs and messages that recall something we’ve talked about in person. It makes me feel good to know that you’re present with me when we spend time together.
The best way I feel reassured is having a date scheduled in advance so that we both have that day to look forward to without getting caught up in the texting back and forth.
I think that early on in dating, it’s good to have healthy space to not only build excitement and tension, but for us to balance our own lives. There’ something about texting every day in early dating that actually takes away from the experience of building intimacy in person because it’s so easy to feign emotional connection through texting constantly. I would hate for us to have a break down in communication because we are both feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to text every day.
What do you think about that?
I would love to figure out a way we can communicate that is comfortable for the both of us. Where we can both recharge and come back to ourselves, and then show up presently for each other.
POINT TWO: HESITATION FOR FLIRTATION AND AFFECTION
Another thing that’s coming to mind since the last time we spent time together is that I’ve noticed that there seems to be a hesitancy surrounding flirtation and affection. I feel like our second date really felt right and good. It felt safe to experience that kind of touch and closeness with you. It really broke down some walls for me personally. But I think I noticed in our last date, there seemed to be some hesistancy.
I just wanted to check in with you and ask how you’re feeling about that and what’s coming up for you?
FREE BALL IT.
Be kind! Be elegant. Be poised. Take back your power!
I’ve been reflecting on my dating experiences throughout this year and here are 7 lessons I’ve learned from dating 7 different people.
Sometimes, you’re just not compatible! And this is not by any fault of both people involved. The chemistry is not chemistrying! It’s okay to exit the connection.
If you spent a whole date with someone talking AT you AND you come home exhausted? Don’t bother agreeing to a second date. Protect your energy.
I will not waste my time being someone’s penpal! I’m not a texter. Never have and never will be. But somehow, I find myself in situations where the other party is communicating so much through text and it burns me out. Like, if they are merely just texting you and not locking down a date, move on, babe!
If they do are intellectually stimulating, the sex is not good for me. Just because they have impressive musculature does NOT mean they are good in the bedroom.
Now number 3, related to number 2, if they are coming in hot with the texting… giving too much flattery and making all these assumptions about you BEFORE a date. It’s a red flag! You do not know this person. They do not know you! Beware of the lovebombing.
If they think it’s feels like handwork to communicate with honesty and vulnerability so early on in the dating phase, it will not work out. This person is not equipped nor has the bandwidth to match your energy. If they think it’s labor to show up for you and have a discussion to honor both your needs — not just your own — then let them go and wish them healing.
If it doesn’t work out, let them go with love and healing, but turn all your attention back to yourself! Something I’ve learned is that I find so much more comfort and safety in myself that when things don’t work out because the person is afraid or has an avoidant attachment style… I have always had myself to come back to. I have never abandoned myself. I will always be able to mend my own heart. And you can too.
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