Hot Girls Come From Houston

[anarchowizardist]

My man ready to catch his own dookie

[corporatetwitteraccount]

That ain't what it's for and you know it

[sadcum-archive]

please for the love of god stop mentioning tumblr’s lack of written censorship because the more you talk about it the more likely they are to notice and change something benign and before you know it we will all be back to posting on independent forums and twitter tumblr knock offs like mastodon and turtleseed

[sadcum-archive]

[narwhalsarefalling]

[jurgenronaaz]

Wasn’t this episode banned in the UK for that specific reason?

[numberlover1729]

yes

[afeelgoodblog]

[chairman-rose-is-king]

Good job I only have breakdowns near blisseys

[zangoonse]

me: *sobbing and crying*

the blissey that charged in from 5 miles away and broke into my house:

[deadbeatmaker]

hannibal took the whole “serial killers inserting themselves into the investigation” thing to a whole other level

[deadbeatmaker]

[bebx]

[doesitsparkjoytho]

[sindri42]

Every cat I have known would immediately climb up through the hole and start stealing everybody’s food.

[graycoin]

Crime porthole

[if-i-was-a-wyrm]

this was designed by cats

[ilovecatsandbaking]

Just get one of these and put them over the whole, you can have cat and food protection.

[lurking96]

You imprison miette. You put her under the glass like the cheese. Jail for mother for hundreds of years.

[hugtheteadrinkthekitten]

this is the most deadpan miette I've ever heard omg

[mikugenesisevangelion]

that’s because miette’s had enough

[staravenger7285]

Terrifying, thanks for the nightmares

[vulgarette]

would you fuck the mailman for mail

[cowboy]

Are you not supposed to

[guccixcucci]

[classycookiexo]

[natalieironside]

Fucking hate pet rent.  You want my cat to pay rent?  She is a cat.  Cats don’t have jobs.  Idiot.

[nathleeng]

Excuse me? What, and I can not overstate this enough, the fuck is pet rent?

[natalieironside]

The US is hostile to both human and animal life

[corporatetwitteraccount]

[bishonen]

[shorturlisouttahere-deactivated]

in 2020

it’s going to be 420

for a whole month

[the-rivulet]

*touches the ground*

this…. a relic…

….a relic of a more hopeful time

[dzamie]

Date of Origin: circa May 9, 2015

[abimee]

I hate the trope of "I refuse to hit women!! [Gets decked]" cause it's boring but I do like the trope of someone in an RPG going "hey I don't wanna hit a kid that's kinda fucked up" and the kid just obliterates them

[abimee]

"i refuse to hit a woman!" = Sexist, overdone, does nothing to actually empower the woman or make the guy seem nice

"I refuse to hit a kid" = valid, even funnier when the kid whips absolutely ass in one go

[inotrope]

Avatar: doing it right yet again

[cephalophor]

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

[nakedinasnowsuit]

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

[thewitchway]

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God:  Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper? 

[careful-crow]

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

[adventuretfox]

He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!

[funkyness]

oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?

[bprinny]

Cainceled 

[ayasafia]