if you know me , you don't really.

we are crammed in this body. learning to function together. surviving while learning to live.

[graveyardclubbing]

being a part of a system and watching everything in your life vary drastically and wondering how other people don’t notice

[cwote]

YOU DO NOT EXIST TO BE AT THE DISPOSAL OF OTHER PEOPLE.

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

“but this didnt used to trigger you” or even “this didnt used to trigger me why am i upset about it now, i must be faking” 

memory shifts. you build barriers to protect yourself and depending on the frequency of your exposure to something, those barriers can break down or change

understanding something better can make it feel worse sometimes. look, when you were younger you probably couldnt understand that something was hurting you. now that you know it was bad??? yeah its gonna trigger you worse than it used to because you KNOW now.

recovering from some things can unlock deeper struggles. so you dealt with the issues that were on the surface? well your brain is going to let you access the next level of problems that need to be dealt with now.

life has different phases that expose you to different triggers. stuff that triggers a teen with school responsibilities is going to be different than the stuff that triggers a new parent with a new baby or an adult with a social job or a blogger with constant exposure to daily news.

triggers can be shaped by the trauma of people you know. you can gain new triggers from knowing something related to that happened to someone you care about. once you know how awful a thing can be, even if it wasnt awful for you personally, you can still be sensitive to it.

and most importantly

YOU DONT NEED A REASON FOR SOMETHING TO BE A TRIGGER. yes, there IS a reason, but it’s not your responsibility to immediately understand why your brain does what it does. forcing yourself to analyze too soon is skipping the stage where you learn to cope with it first. learn to cope, then analyze. knowing why is difficult if you cant handle the emotions that come with knowing

UNDERSTANDING COMES WITH TIME AND INTROSPECTION. you should not force yourself to explain your triggers, especially without the guidance of a therapist or trusted, stable confidant.

[dino-nonbino]

Triggers are like food allergies, in that they can change as you grow and you can get sick on something new any day.

They’re also like video games, in that once you clear a stage (process part of your trauma) and remove one boss (trigger) there’s another level unlocked for you to go through again until you beat the game (become totally recovered).

Some people’s video games are longer or have more backstory or have longer levels or have barily any levels but the levels that are there are really really hard, but I promise that you will get your “the end” screen some day, one way or another. I believe in you. ♡

[theproxysystem]

I seriously wish people would remember this..

[ivorysystem]

when that one alter fronts and your voice drops 7 octaves

[toothyblowjob]

there’s not really much discussion of child neglect on here so i guess i have to do it

p l e a s e don’t shame neglect survivors for not knowing “basic” things like how to eat a balanced diet, when to go to the doctor, how to drive, etc. you know these things (usually) because a caring adult taught them to you. we didn’t have that. we often enter adulthood knowing jack shit about how to take care of ourselves. we know we’re missing information, and we feel so fucking lost.

it’s okay to, if you have a friend who’s experienced neglect, try and help them learn how to take care of themselves. saying things like “hey, do you think you could try to eat at least one vegetable per day?” or “that infection looks pretty bad, do you want to go to a doctor?” is genuinely helpful. but belittling us for not already knowing these things is completely unproductive and unnecessarily cruel.

don’t be a dick to survivors.

[fuckyahumor]

someone: remember when…

my forgetful ass: probably not

[systematicsystems]

A lot of people assume that blacking out and/or losing time is a very prominent, sudden thing where you’ll wake up in a new environment and *know* it’s happened. And don’t get me wrong it can be like that, but a lot of times it’s… not.

A lot of times it’s going to listen to music and there being 10 new songs on your playlist It’s going to grab a dessert or food only to find it’s gone It’s waking up in the morning and finding your phone half way across the room, not charged It’s texting things you don’t remember and didn’t mean to people in your life It’s never being able to find things again because they’ve been placed somewhere else. It’s small breakdowns because it’s so frustrating sometimes and just…. not knowing

[recovering-suggestions]

I’ve seen a lot of people talk about how they want to be okay, feel better, and I’m gonna drop some knowledge on you right now. Just the fact that you want to feel okay means you’re getting better. You saying ‘this isn’t where I want to be in life’ means you are looking forward, looking to get better. And just that little bit of motivation means that you are okay, because you’re still alive and still looking forward. You haven’t lost hope yet, and I’m sure that’s better compared to where you used to be. I believe in you. Keep getting better.

[cwote]

You are beautiful and perfect all by yourself, okay? 

[nephilem-of-the-woods]

split: my alters possess me and make me kidnap, murder, and literally eat people

me: cool story bro my alters kick me out of the body to make me do basic shit like shower, go to sleep, and do the laundry bc i literally wouldn’t do it on my own

[maemaybe]

Can you describe or explain what an emotional flashback is? I wanna have that level of awareness too. I was listening to sad music and disassociating too.

Emotional Flashbacks are one of the hallmark symptoms of CPTSD and one of the things that differentiates it from PTSD. 

In PTSD and typical flashbacks you flashback to an event and are re-experiencing that event as an explicit memory. In typical flashbacks you are experiencing a specific memory of an event. 

In CPTSD and Emotional Flashbacks you flashback to an emotional state without a clear memory of the event that caused this state. So you are experiencing the emotions tied to the traumatic event without remembering the event itself. 

This makes it harder to recognize that you are experiencing a flashback because you seem to just feel bad for no reason, especially if you don’t realize that you were triggered. People with CPTSD sometimes can’t remember specific traumatic events because trauma was long term and a part of their daily life, and/or because the trauma began at such an early age. 

To give a more clear example, I recognized that I was having an emotional flashback today because I was feeling frozen, helpless, powerless, and as if my actions would have no impact on the world around me. 

Just recognizing that you are having an emotional flashback can be helpful, but grounding techniques that pull you back into the present are especially helpful. Once I realized I was in an emotional flashback I turned off the sad music and tried to reorient myself to the present. 

Writing this reply to you has actually been very grounding. 

[unhibited]

I had no idea what an emotional flashback was and I struggle with it more then I struggle with explicit visual flashbacks.. either that or I experience visual flashbacks without emotion so then they just don't feel real.. made up...

[kristina100000]

i would give literally everything i have for every child to have a good childhood and never come in touch with someone who would abuse them for their own personal gratification 

[suspend]

[thedarkperidot]

Your daily reminder that traumatised brains are literally physically different to a normal brain. Repeated trauma and abuse has a severe, long-term effect.

If you have difficulty maintaining social bonds, concentrating, sleeping, focusing, or regulating your emotions, it’s because you’re traumatised. If you’re not happy with yourself, if you worry you’re a burden, you’re toxic, that you don’t matter, it’s because you’re traumatised. If you struggle to make it out of bed, think straight, get motivated or distracted, it’s because you’re traumatised.

Have you ever been told you’re too dramatic, or emotional? Has anyone wondered why you trust no one? Why you analyse every person’s smallest behaviour? Why you’re paranoid of the most minor signs of history repeating itself? It’s because you’re traumatised.

And it is NOT your fault.

[unhibited]

Thank you for all the times I thought I was going to lose it and you grounded me to reality.

You remind me everyday that I am strong, that I am NOT broken, that I am smart and kind and useful and important. You remind me that I am loved EVEN in my worst.

All the shame that comes with this brain shit and my ability to handle it, settles when I tell you I'm losing it and you don't look down on me.

you don't treat me like I'm stupid or incapable of anything.

I wholeheartedly love you Kaleb Michael Mather💜

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

you deserve someone who looks at you as you’re mid-laugh and feels like the luckiest person on earth

[unhibited]

All I needed was a safe hand to hold

You needed a safe place to land.

I protecc and defend you at all costs🗣️ your my baby, my love, my bro bro, my man, daddy as fuck, my partner, my lifetime buddy, my favorite place to be held, my safe space..

Life is much easier with you by my side 🖤🌱