I wrote a drabble inspired by this post by @unidentifiedseacreature. Enjoy ā¤ļø
The biggest, scariest, most life-changing thing Eddieās ever carried inside his heart is finally out there.
For years, it had lived in him like a secret pulse - something shapeless and heavy, always just under the surface. He didnāt have a name for it at first, unsure exactly what it was, but knowing it was something. A warmth he didnāt want to look at too closely. And then one day, it had a name. He knew what it was, but the knowing of it scared him so bad heād shoved it deep down and built walls around it.
But this last year has been a goddamn shit show.
Chris leaving. Saying goodbye to Buck and the 118 and packing up his life to move back to Texas - back to the life that had felt like a prison. Finally standing up to his parents. Watching Bobby almost die, then retire. Moving back to LA. Watching Buck move out. Then Athena and Hen going to space and almost dying.
And through it all, Eddie kept thinking. Kept picking through the wreckage of his life, holding things up to the light.
Heād gone back to see Father Brian a few times which had opened up a whole other can of worms that had Eddie going right back to therapy and having many late night conversations with Hen, who somehow always asked the questions he was afraid to.
Bit by bit, he stopped running from the thing. Stopped pretending it wasnāt there and actually acknowledged it.
And once heād accepted it, it was like it started breathing on its own, like heād given it life. Like his heart had grown a living thing that wriggled around and pressed against his ribs, begging to be free.
It became too much to contain, and Eddie didnāt want to hold it in anymore.
Heād done enough repressing and masking to last a lifetime, and heād promised Hen, his therapist, himself, that heād do his best to stop.
So early one morning after a long shift, as the golden light was spilling in through the kitchen window and gently caressing Buckās face, Eddie finally opened up his heart and set it free.
He told Buck he was in love with him.
Because Buck hasnāt said anything. Hasnāt moved, hasnāt uttered a single sound to interrupt him, and Eddieās still talking, rambling, tripping over his own heart, afraid that if he stops, heāll shatter.
His chest tightens, breath catching where moments ago it had flowed so easily. He risks a glance at Buck ā just a glance ā and itās enough to knock the air right out of him.
Not just smiling ā beaming. A smile so wide it has his eyes crinkling, his cheeks turning that lovely shade of punk that matches his birthmark.
Heās the most beautiful thing Eddieās ever seen.
āYeah?ā Buck asks, voice soft and small, like heās afraid to believe it.
āYeah,ā Eddie breathes.
Buck swipes a hand over his face, huffing a laugh like heās trying to keep himself together. āI love you too. God, Eddie, I love you so much it hurts.ā
āIt doesnāt have to hurt anymore,ā Eddie whispers as he steps closer, finally allowing himself to reach out and touch. He gently cups Buck's face between his hands, thumbs stroking softly over his cheek bones. āWe can have this. We can love each other loudly. Let me love you loudly, Buckā.
Buck answers by leaning in and capturing Eddieās lips in a kiss. Soft and shaking and real. Itās so full of love and devotion, it nearly brings Eddie to his knees - but there are arms around him, holding him up, keeping him safe. Like they always have.
Buck breaks the kiss first, pressing their forehead together, their breaths mingling in the quiet.
āIām gonna love you so loudly, youāll get sick of me.ā
He says it like a joke, but Eddie hears the tremor under it. The old fear. The āwhat if Iām too much?ā that Buck has carried since childhood.
So Eddie kisses him again, slow and sure, and when he pulls back, he lets the promise fall against Buckās lips like a prayer.