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This cadet, born in Haiti, enlisted in the Army, became an American citizen, and now is a West Point graduate.

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The Dying Wish A Cop Was Unprepared To Fill

This is a story by retired Sgt. Donald Gill of the Puyallup Police Department in Washington State. He was a cop for 36 years.

It was a bright, sunny afternoon in Sumner, Washington, and I was working the swing shift when I got a radio call stating there was a bad accident at an intersection less than a block from my old family home, where only my parents lived now.

I raced to the scene, hoping it wasn’t one of my family members. When I arrived, I could clearly see that a large truck had failed to stop at a stop sign and impacted the driver’s door of a small pickup. I didn’t bother to get out and check for injuries, and called over the radio, “112 Sumner, need aid now.”

Climbing out of my cruiser, I made my way through a gathering crowd to find an old man behind the wheel of the small truck that was crushed all around him. The driver’s side was mangled and blocked by the offending truck and the passenger door was crushed by a now broken telephone pole. I, however, was able to get to the old guy using an opening that used to be a back window.

As I looked him over, it was obvious he was a mess. Arms and legs had snapped in directions they weren’t meant to be. His internal damage was probably just as bad. He bled badly from a head laceration. When he realized my presence he said, “I’m not going to make it.” I said, “Aid will be here soon, I’ll stay with you.”

The old man looked at me from deeply sunken, half-closed eyes and asked, “Do you have a bible?”

I had been a cop for 5 or 6 years and always thought I had everything a cop would need, but suddenly here was a “last request” I could not fulfill. I yelled at bystanders for a bible, but no one had one.

(Continue Reading: The Dying Wish A Cop Was Unprepared To Fill)

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5 Signs You’re a Firefighter Douchebag

I love this job and the people in it, but what job doesn't have its share of douchebags? The only problem is, do these people actually realize that they are bags of douche?

I thought I'd take the time to make a list of signs that you may be a firefighter douchebag:

1) Wearing a lanyard on your sunglasses.

WTF is this all about? Two types of people wear lanyards on their glasses: old women and douchebags. You can't just take your glasses off like the rest of us, you gotta hang them around your neck like you’re in a fucking Banana Boat commercial. Are you a firefighter or a pro beach volleyball player? Is there a reason you’re wearing polarized shades indoors, or are you just trying to hide the douchebags under your eyes? And while we're on the shades, if we add some sunless tanner and frosted tips we’ve got a level 3 douchebag situation from which there is no recovery—you might as well have your mail forwarded to douchebag island, the land of fist pumps, techno music and broken dreams.

2) Fire muscle shirts.

Sup BRO! Yeah nothing says douchebag like a skin-tight muscle shirt that has some awesome quote like “I fight what you fear.” These shirts should come with a mirror and a phone so you can see what a D-bag you are and then call your mother to apologize for embarrassing the family name. While you’re at it, just cut the fucking thing in half so the world can see those rocking abs. There ain’t nothing cooler than a dude rocking a midriff shirt—no I take it back, a fat dude rocking a midriff shirt is cooler. If I had a nickel for every fat guy I saw rocking a black helmet muscle tee... I'd have a ton of fucking nickels, that's all I’m saying.

(Continue Reading: 5 Signs You’re a Firefighter Douchebag)

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The Marine Who Won Two Different Medals Of Honor

In 1899, the Spanish-American War was in full-swing.

Swaggering into the nearest recruitment center was a 5' 6” and 130 lb. pre-Captain America looking Steve Rogers-type named Daniel Daly. There can be no way the recruiters knew that day that they had just signed up the man who would be called, “the fightingest Marine I ever knew,” by famed Marine General Smedley Butler.

Private Daly missed the Spanish-American War, as he was still in training when it ended. But he had enlisted just in time for the Boxer Rebellion in 1900. Despite the name, it was not an uprising brought about by drunken Irish shenanigans. Instead, the Chinese people were rebelling against foreign intervention in the nation, and Daly, along with his fellow Marines, were sent in to protect American interests within China.

Taking position in a defensive line against potential Boxer assaults, Daly volunteered to man a lonely post about one-hundred meters in front of the main line while waiting for reinforcements. Armed with nothing but a bolt action rifle and a bayonet, Daly held the line throughout the night against relentless attacks by the Chinese forces.

When his fellow Marines returned with reinforcements the next morning, they found Daly calmly puffing a cigarette surrounded by the two hundred or so Chinese Boxers he had killed the night before.

He was promptly awarded his first Medal of Honor, with a citation that merely states “Daly distinguished himself by meritorious conduct.”

When he wasn't invading other countries with the Marines, Daly served aboard various US Navy ships. In 1911 he prevented the USS Springfield from going USS Arizona after he promptly put out a fire he had discovered burning near the powder magazine.

(Continue Reading: The Marine Who Won Two Different Medals Of Honor)

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12 Car Crashes That Miraculously Left Drivers Unharmed

Cars through walls, cars through roofs, cars split in half. When first responders pulled up to the scene of these accidents, they probably weren't expecting the drivers to walk away with just a few scratches. But somehow, that's exactly what happened.

Check out these 12 wrecks that drivers miraculously emerged from unscathed:

1. Blame it on the dog.

This driver crashed while trying to avoid a dog on the Tun Dr Lim Chong Eu Expressway in Malaysia. No injuries suffered. [Source]

2. Slippery when wet.

The driver of this Mazda Protege slid on wet pavement, flipped and crashed into a utility pole in Holyoke, Massachusetts, but emerged unharmed. [Source]

(Continue Reading: 12 Car Crashes That Miraculously Left Drivers Unharmed)

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I'm No Superhero, I'm Just Ambulance Man

After an eternity somebody managed to answer the door.

“Did you call 911?”

The guy failed to acknowledge our presence, turned his back, left the door open and said, “The ambulance men are here.”

We were led to a small bedroom where a little boy and his nightlight waited.

The kid looked me in the eye, gathered up his courage and asked, “Are you real?”

You bet I’m real. I’m as real as they come, especially when I’m at the side of a sick 6-year-old kid living on the third floor of a crummy tenement house in one of the worst sections of Providence. A kid who sees his world full of arguments, gunfire, screaming and neglect. A kid who lives in the house on the corner where a 15-year-old girl was gunned down in broad daylight the day before she was to testify against a neighborhood drug dealer. A kid who looks forward to going to school because school is safer and more fun than the dump he calls home.

Yeah, I’m real. I am Ambulance Man.

But maybe I should be Batman. If I was, I’d clip the kid onto my utility belt, fire my grappling hooks out the window and onto the top of the building across the street, hit a switch and get him out of there in style.

Maybe if I was Superman, I could just put him on my back and fly him away.

Or I could be Captain America and use my shield to protect him from the people who brought him into this existence, and let him live in squalor, and call 911 when he has a fever because they use the money the government gives them not for clothing, nutrition and medicine, but for cigarettes, heroin and booze, and a dozen tattoos.

(Continue Reading: I'm No Superhero, I'm Just Ambulance Man)

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This kid had his Pokemon card collection stolen. An officer gave his own collection to the kid!

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Surviving a Trip to the VA: A Step-By-Step Process

The VA catches a lot of flak nowadays ("nowadays" of course being Latin for "over the past decade due to utter incompetence") for being a morass of bureaucratic nonsense, administrative tomfoolery, and less-than-stellar medical care. (Though the candy bars in the cafeterias are reasonably priced, so there's that)

While most folks I've met who don't get to enjoy the thrills of regularly visiting a VA facility take it as fact that it sucks, they often wonder about the details of said sucking. So for all the curious out there, here's a breakdown of what it takes to get through a regular, everyday trek through the halls of a Veteran Administration edifice.

Step 1:

Arrive at the VA facility. There will be a 50/50 shot that you will either be waved quickly through a malfunctioning metal detector by lethargic security personnel or spend several hours waiting in line while an ancient man in a CRIMEAN WAR VETERAN ball cap is frisked because every single joint of his has been replaced with metal. Also could be some shrapnel in there.

Step 2:

Look for map or diagram of the building to figure out where you need to go.

Step 3:

Fail to find map or diagram.

Step 4:

Go to the front desk and listen as the smiling person sitting behind it spends several hours explaining why they can't help you.

Step 5:

Wander aimlessly, being sure to keep your left hand on the wall at all times to keep from getting lost like you would in a maze.

Step 6:

Stumble upon your intended department or clinic. Rejoice briefly. Very, very briefly.

Step 7:

Check in with the person who somehow looks exactly like the person from the front desk before and is equally cheery and unhelpful.

(Continue Reading: Surviving a Trip to the VA: A Step-By-Step Process)

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10 Signs You Definitely Have Cop Brain

Cop brain can be a great thing while you’re on duty, but it can make you look pretty silly while you’re not at work. Check out the list of 10 symptoms and see if you have this unique condition:

Symptom 1: The Phantom of the Radio

After wearing a lapel microphone attached to a portable radio for hours on end while on duty, it becomes second nature to lean your head in the direction of the mic in order to hear what is being said. It’s a totally normal behavior while you are in uniform and actually have the lapel mic on, but if you’ve ever done it while you weren’t in uniform and the mic was nowhere around you, welcome to the club. I’m not only a member, I’m the president.

Symptom 2: The Cop License Plate Game

Like a lot of others who patrol the beat in between calls for service as a police officer, I pay some attention to the license plates near me just in case there’s one that is expired and begging to be stopped for a simple equipment violation. Sometimes I may even say the license plate number out loud to make it easier to remember as I type it into the computer to check the plate’s status. If you have cop brain it’s hard to shut this off, and you’ll likely drive your family crazy on long trips as you consistently point out all of the expired plates around while sometimes muttering them aloud.

(Continue Reading: 10 Signs You Definitely Have Cop Brain)

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“the second picture, of her sister being eaten by a shark, was a gift.”

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@senjukannon what pleasant folks y'all are in Reno

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6 Easy Ways To Annoy An EMS Dispatcher

Here are 6 easy ways to get on a dispatcher’s nerves:

1) Ask that we have the ambulance crew “step it up”

I’m just going to start this off by firing off a couple rounds at our fellow law enforcement dispatchers. We love y’all to death, but for the love of God, stop doing this. Chances are, you didn’t initially give us enough information to even consider sending our ambulance anything but Mach speed, therefore nothing you’re going to say is going to make that ambulance travel any faster. Not to mention, we can see the eye-rolling through the phone when we ask your officers to expedite response.

2) Preface any radio traffic with “be advised”

This goes out to my field crews. We are well aware that the information you’re giving us is actually information. Telling us to “be advised” doesn’t suddenly activate our information receptors. Not to mention, 90% of the time, you’re making this statement to somehow make us look stupid. Yeah, we know the caller probably gave us inaccurate information and it pains us as much to say it as it does for you to hear it. And yes, as a field paramedic, I hate it when dispatchers use this phrase too. Let’s just abolish it all together, OK?

(Continue Reading: 6 Easy Ways To Annoy An EMS Dispatcher)

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What Not To Say At A Police Job Interview

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog post about real things said at police job interviews. We are in the midst of a hiring process, and I am on the interview panel again, so here is a fresh new batch of stuff people said that will NOT earn them a job in police work:

In what ways have you prepared for a career in police work?

Answer 1 - I went to the university and got my degree. Most cops only have a community college certificate, but I got a real degree. If you think about it, I am likely the smartest guy in this room.

Answer 2 - I always wanted to be an officer, so my mom signed me up for the police science program at the tech school. When I was in college, my mom made sure I kept up on all my homework. I graduate in May, so in December, my mom started to fill out job applications for me and mailed them out.

Answer 3 - I bet you I have watched Making a Murderer on Netflix five times now. I know all the mistakes the officers made in that case. I can assure you I will never make the same mistakes.

(Continue Reading: What Not To Say At A Police Job Interview)

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Why Would We Ever Allow Our Kids to Become Firefighters?

If firefighting is so dangerous, so stressful and so hard, then why is firefighting a family affair? Why on earth would a parent subject their sons or daughters to the same punishment that they have endured?

Putting our children in the path of danger goes against every instinct we have. Subjecting them to hardship is something most parents can never understand. Without having lived the life and witnessed the unfairness of it at its most raw and powerful, we could never dream of passing on what we know to them. Protecting them from that unfairness will also shield them from the truly miraculous things we see.

I would hate to deprive anybody, including my children and their children, the opportunities that I have had. Here’s just a few:

I felt like the King of the World manning the tiller on Ladder Co. 7 en-route to a three alarm fire at three in the morning one sub-zero January night, the glow of fire in the distance, radio clacking, smoke in the air, and excitement like I never imagined possible pumping through my veins.

I held the crowning head of a not yet born baby, and helped her into the world while maintaining eye contact with her mother, a connection with two human beings that will stay with me long after the umbilical cord was cut.

(Continue Reading: Why Would We Ever Allow Our Kids to Become Firefighters?)