[unkadaj]

I paid almost a grand deposit for a level 4 counselling course now I don't want to do it. and deposit is non refundable

[unkadaj]

We've taken to smoking hash. not like loads, a small hit every couple of weeks or so, but I love it. it's such a nice treat.

[unkadaj]

my friends relationship is so dysfunctional. I mean I hear about it from my friend all the time but coming to stay with them I really see how freaking mean his partner is to him. but also my friends will make casual remarks about other people he's been with and if that would have worked out had he stuck to it.

anyway I said I'd come around for dinner if the dinner was AT LEAST done by 9 cus they eat at ridic times. We ate close to 11 last night 🙃 they had an argument before I got there about who should go out and get the food and my friends partner was telling me "I was like, you go get it, it's YOUR friend". I was like wth lmao you're making me feel very unwelcome here. he's an interesting man, he doesn't necessarily have ill intention but he can just be really rude and angry without realising.

[unkadaj]

I am constantly wondering if I can fick off my high paying high stress job for a part time crappy admin job. I'm so annoyed I didn't marry rich. but I married a man I feel safe with which is great I guess. but my nervous system is fucked and I'm the main breadwinner which isn't GR8. Hoping he can turn things around in the next few months with his job and start earning more so I can relax and pop a baby out. I think with the constant knots I feel in my stomach about work I don't even wanna stick around for the maternity pay. like it's not worth it.

[unkadaj]

I am feeling super alone and frustrated and angry

[unkadaj]

I got a laughing fit about something dumb (I looked over at his phone and he was googling "margarine"), so he got the hump with me?? he asked if I want to "talk" just now but no I don't. he made me feel dumb for just laughing. now he's sleeping really loudly and it's pissing me off.

[unkadaj]

I feel like the ads on Tumblr are the hardest to reckon with

[unkadaj]

I did my breathing exercises, read and did some stretches this morning and I felt much better. need to build some routine in and keep it up now.

mum had a blood clot in her lung so not sure whether I'm gonna make it back home to Darrell any time soon though.

[unkadaj]

I've like stopped moving the last two weeks. No working out, barely walking. I wake up early and then get back into bed to scroll. I was doing breathing exercises in the morning a couple weeks ago but that's out the window too. I need to force myself to be better again.

[unkadaj]

Just wondering why everyone is soooo fucking mean. I've had three interactions of the past week that have made me RAGE but also cry (cus that's how I release my anger).

Today I parked in a space in the hospital car park that looked like a spot but wasn't so was blocked in. The woman was still in her car so I went to her window and waved at her and she saw me but didn't wind her window down so I waved again and she did this time after sighing very dramatically.

I asked if she could please move her car back so I could move out and she shouted "WELL THATS NOT A PARKING SPACE IS IT?" I really calmly just said I thought it was when I parked and she just put her window up again and shook her head and started to move back.

Like she was such a dick for absolutely no reason. In a hospital car park of all places where people aren't well or not having the best time in life.

Had another two angry driver interactions while driving after that and I literally just had to park up on the side and cry I was so overwhelmed.

It really does make you generally hate people and gives a negative tinge to life. Those small interactions with strangers have such a big impact.

[unkadaj]

sometimes I'm just so angry like I'm having to travel so much and care for mum, and Darrell cuts me no slack if I'm a little moody. esp if I'm on my period. like allow me.

[unkadaj]

I was about to write in my journal but then I had an urge to come back here and write, not sure why. maybe it means I can use Tumblr as a journal again, but maybe not. sooo much has happened since I properly used Tumblr before.

anyway. I was just thinking about how one of my friends mum has cancer but his experience of it is so different to mine (my mum also has it). I just spent yday (and every Wednesday for three months now) at the hospital with her getting chemo, running to A&E cus the oncology nurses wouldn't listen when I told them that her eye was in pain (bc it had nothing to do with the chemo they were essentially like who cares). All of that while trying to answer Teams messages and review bits of work.

Then today ringing up the GP and ophthalmology clinic which has taken 45 min of my work day that I'll need to makeup tonight.

I really miss Darrell (we got married!). I was meant to go back yesterday but I needed to stay an extra day to administer this new injection for mum.

then I just feel guilty all the time for doing anything for myself or leaving for a few days. I'll be gone till Sunday and I'm stressing about how she'll be, how she'll feel.

and yeah idk not to make it about me, but I guess Tumblr is a place where I can make it about me. and then just thinking about my friend, he lives hours away from his mum and sees her about three times a year. the cancer and chemo is so abstract to him. vs me seeing everyday how it's impacting my mum and how bad she's getting. it's horrible.

[unkadaj]

haven't posted on tumbly ina while but when I'm feeling my lowest I'm here it seems. I've suddenly come to the realization that I'm not attracted to my partner. my fiance that is. it's not even that I've come to the realization. I think I've always felt it but now it's like AT THE FOREFRONT OF MY MIND. also I can't stop thinking about the fact that I want to be with an Indian man. I just can't get over it?? in reality id be throwing away a wonderful man for some grass is greener type bullshit. idk what I'm doing.

[mithliya]

i hope this man dies, the fact that he basically talked about raping her and taking advantage of a woman in her early 20s when shes desperately in need of money to survive & then acts confused as to why she would cry ??? die die die

[mithliya]

@hatsunezzbian thats what makes this so infuriating! the entire thing he wrote is so dehumanising, he had to say stuff like “pretty tits” “the little tramp was so damn tight” and even complained about having to stop himself when she was crying to ask if everything is ok. hes a monster. repulsive.

[politijohn]

Source

[gums]

i honestly think toddlers with ipads are one of the most pressing issues facing US society today lol. our children are being made neurotic, distracted, and addicted to screens before they’ve even learned to speak. this will have devastating longterm consequences on their ability to develop normal social skills and learn new information. it feels like these tech companies and their financial backers are trying to create an underclass of people whose experience of life will be almost entirely online. they’re setting our future generations up to be unskilled, anti-social, and intellectually stunted

[immortalfem-deactivated20230815]

I work in tech and it was really interesting hearing from my manager how he doesn’t let his kids watch YouTube, no social media for them, and if they want to watch something, it has to be from a streaming service because YouTube Kids is notoriously bad at screening videos that are inappropriate. It left me thinking because parents who are just trying to keep their head above water financially don’t have time to think about these things. In the short term, iPads and YouTube and TikTok and whatever else keeps their kids occupied. 

It’s very well known that the top schools in Silicon Valley where tech elites send their kids are really strict about internet usage. Tech millionaires want their kids doing real, productive things. It’s going to be a huge advantage that wealthier kids are able to concentrate for longer, have higher self esteem from developing real skills and hobbies, and have better social skills. 

I totally agree with OP that this is going to further stratify society and create an underclass of people who are “unskilled, anti-social, and intellectually stunted.” Just like how having pearly white straight teeth in America is seen as a class indicator because many people can’t afford orthodontia or dental insurance. 

I once read an article by the Dean of a prestigious university where he lists basic life skills that an eighteen year old should have. He wrote this because he was noticing the lack of those skills in the freshman classes. It’s only going to get worse, in my opinion. 

[antiporn-activist]

Additional effects of giving iPads to babies:

Allergic to boredom

Annoyed when something takes longer than 2 seconds

Unpleasant emotion -> pick up screen

Don’t see the point in going outside

[unkadaj]

makes me terrified for my niece and nephew

[unkadaj]

i got a new phone and realized i hadn't downloaded tumbly for months!