Untitled

[unreleasedletters]

“Iba ang regalo sa pasalubong”

Dear __________,

I am writing this because I need to put into words the weight I carried for so long.

We were together for five years. You were the longest relationship I ever had, and I gave so much of myself to you. But what I received back was betrayal, humiliation, and neglect.

You were the first to give me two Samsung phones — and yet, behind those gifts, I later discovered the truth: habang break tayo ng tatlong araw, you were already courting three girls, and one of them was ready to say yes. That broke me. You even once told me, “Iba ang regalo sa pasalubong” — as if my love was some kind of transaction. That was my first big red flag.

I traveled three hours just to see you in Apalit, even when my mother was against it, because you insisted I should leave at 6 a.m. I endured the arrogance of your family, your mother’s high expectations, and the way your relatives treated me. I was close with your cousins, yes — but I never forgot how your tita once said, “Bakit andito yan?” when I showed up. I pretended not to hear, but it cut me deeply.

I remember one Sunday, my family was recognized at church and we ate out to celebrate. I rushed afterwards to your subdivision because it was your pamangkin’s birthday at Jollibee. I told you I’d be late, but you waited outside the guardhouse only to scold me for being late, for “missing” the celebration. Still, we went to Jollibee — and then, you left me there. You abandoned me inside while I tried to smile in front of your mom, your sister, and your relatives. I was dying inside. Eventually, I had to ask your cousin to bring me to the jeep stop at SM Pampanga. As I walked alone, trying not to break down, a stranger offered me free eyebrow threading. She comforted me as I cried to her — a stranger gave me more kindness than you ever did that night.

You humiliated me again and again. Even on our dates — your pregnant sister messaged asking for Pizza Hut, and you brought her food while you only fed me at the food court. You never prioritized me. All you wanted from me was chugchugan every time we met. You reduced our relationship to physical intimacy. I was so in love, I didn’t see it then. But now I see how much I gave, and how little you gave back.

Worst of all, you left me with utang after intimacy. You used me, and then you left me to carry the shame and the debt. That is unforgivable.

And now, I see your life from afar — with your long hair, your messy appearance, your partner who looks tired, and the struggles you face. I don’t feel envy anymore. I feel relief. Because I escaped.

I want you to know: I am no longer that girl who begged for your time, who endured humiliation, who thought that love meant sacrificing my dignity. I am stronger now. I have a career I love, a husband who respects me, a life that feels real and solid.

I forgive myself for staying with you longer than I should have. I forgive myself for being blind because I was in love. But I release you now. I will not carry your sins, your neglect, your debt, your abandonment anymore.

This is the last letter I will ever write for you. Not because you deserve my words — but because I deserve peace.

Goodbye, for good.

[unreleasedletters]

College Ex

Dear ___________,

You will always be unforgettable to me. You were my first bouquet of flowers, the first man I brought home, the first I was introduced to a family, the first I had deep talks with about religion, education, and family, and yes — my first kiss. You made my college life full of laughter, tusok-tusok food trips, simple walks, and moments when you followed me even when I tried to walk away. You were my first in so many things, and for that, you will always be a part of my story.

I remember how fun it was to be classmates in TQM, how you teased me before exams, how you made college feel light. You made me feel loved in ways that were new to me. At that time, I believed in us. I even let myself get distracted from nursing because I prioritized our calls and conversations. That’s how much I valued you.

But then the truth came out. That while you were with me, you were also with three other girls — a classmate of mine, your ex, and another girl. Later I would hear even more: that you didn’t take responsibility for someone you got pregnant, and that your long-term relationships ended in pain, just like ours. I was shattered. Because while I thought I was special, I was just one of many.

I wanted to hate you. But when I look back, I see that you also gave me gifts I could never have learned otherwise. You taught me what it feels like to be pursued, but also what it feels like to be betrayed. You taught me to laugh with someone, but also to recognize when respect is missing. You taught me that “firsts” can be beautiful — but not always forever.

For a long time, you were my “what if.” Even when we broke up, even when you once called me asking “Ano nangyari sa’tin?” there was still a piece of me that remembered how happy I was with you. But today, I choose to accept that we were never meant to last. Our differences — religion, maturity, values — were always bigger than us.

I forgive myself for falling so deeply. I forgive you, too, for the immaturity and the betrayal, because we were young and careless. But I release you now. I release the “what ifs,” the sweet memories, and the pain of being just one among many.

Thank you for being my firsts. But this is the last letter I will ever write for you. Because my forever is no longer with you — it is with the man who chose me fully, who respects me, and who never made me feel second-best.

Goodbye, for good.

[unreleasedletters]

To the Exes with No Closure

Dear You,

To those who left without a word, who blocked me, who chose silence over explanation — this is for you.

You ended things without giving me the respect of a conversation. No goodbye, no reason, no chance to ask “why.” You just disappeared. And for a long time, I carried the heaviness of that. I questioned myself: What did I do wrong? Was I not enough? Did I deserve to be left hanging like that?

The truth is, I didn’t.

I deserved better. I deserved honesty. I deserved closure. And yet, you left me with only questions and silence.

At first, your silence haunted me. I replayed our moments, looking for clues. I tried to fill in the blanks myself. But looking back now, I realize: the silence itself was my answer. You didn’t have the courage to end things properly, because you didn’t value me enough to do so. That’s on you, not me.

Your absence taught me presence. Your silence taught me how important communication is. Your indifference taught me that real love never just leaves without a word.

So today, I let go. I no longer need your explanations. I no longer crave your words. I no longer search for “what ifs.” Because closure doesn’t come from you — it comes from me.

To the exes with no closure: thank you for teaching me what not to settle for. Thank you for showing me how strong I can be, to move forward even without the answers I once begged for.

This is the closure I never got from you, and it’s more than enough.

Goodbye, for good.

[unreleasedletters]

“Nakita Ko ang Multo ng Isang What If”

Nakakatawang isipin, pero minsan talaga may mga taong bigla na lang bumabalik—hindi para guluhin ka, kundi para ipaalala kung gaano ka na kalayo sa dati mong sarili.

Last year, sinabihan akong samahan ang isang estudyante sa isang seminar para sa quiz bee. Simple lang sana, normal school task lang. Pero nalaman ko, anak pala siya ng ex ko nung high school—yung lalaking naging parte ng maikling kwento ng kabataan ko.

Dalawang linggo lang kami, pero tumatak.

Naalala ko pa kung paanong binigyan niya ako ng beaded accessory—isang bagay na simple pero pinanghawakan ko bilang simbolo ng effort, ng kilig, ng isang panahong sobrang dalisay pa ng lahat.

Una ko siyang nakita noon sa simbahan. Cute siya, maayos, parang straight out of a young love story. Pero hindi kami umabot sa "chapter 2"—pinutol ng nanay ko. Hindi dahil sa may mali, kundi dahil siguro, hindi pa talaga panahon.

At ngayon, bigla siyang muling bumalik—hindi siya mismo, pero ang bunga ng mga pagpiling hindi ko naging parte. Maganda ang anak niya, mabait, at kahit hindi ko siya lubusang kilala, parang gusto ko siyang makita palagi.

Hindi dahil anak siya ng ex ko, kundi dahil… siguro may parte sa'kin na curious. Intrigued. Naaalala ang isang “what if” na hindi na kailangang sagutin.

At si ex? Sa mga litrato ngayon, halos hindi ko na siya makilala. Itim na ang kutis, hindi maayos magdamit, parang pagod sa buhay. Balitang hiwalay na raw, dahil sa pambababae.

At ako? Hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip:

"Buti na lang siguro."

Hindi dahil gusto ko siyang maliitin, kundi dahil napagtanto ko—hindi lahat ng minahal natin noon ay dapat kasama natin ngayon.

Minsan, nasa buhay lang sila para turuan tayo magmahal, masaktan, at tumanda.

At ngayon, hindi na ako yung batang may hawak ng sirang beaded bracelet.

Ako na yung babaeng kayang tumingin sa nakaraan nang may ngiti. Walang galit. Walang habol. Walang tanong.

Just a quiet, inner peace.

A kind of closure that doesn't need words—just understanding.

[unreleasedletters]

Buti nalang hindi ako sumama

Hi,

Naalala mo pa ba ‘yung panahong halos araw-araw tayong nagtetext? Early college days, bagong mundo, bagong kilig. Nakilala kita sa pamamagitan ng pinsan ko. Akala ko noon, “Maybe this could be something real.”

Anim na buwan din ‘yun—kahit hindi tayo nagkita, kahit puro chat at text lang, ramdam kong may something.

Hanggang isang araw, sinabi mong susunduin mo ako sa Sta. Rita. Naligo ako, nag-ayos, naghanda. Pero habang nagpe-prepare ako… may kutob akong hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Parang may humihila sa’kin paatras.

Sinabi mong andun ka na. Pero ako, bigla akong nagsabing hindi na ako makakaalis.

Hindi ko alam noon kung bakit, pero ngayon—alam ko na.

Ilang araw lang, o linggo, nalaman ko may bago ka na palang babae.

At siya mismo ang nagsabing tigilan ko na ang "bf niya."

Wala na akong nasabi—binitawan na lang kita. Kahit masakit. Kahit ang dami kong “what if” sa utak.

Maya-maya pa, buntis na pala siya.

Ngayon, may dalawa na kayong anak.

At nitong huli lang, nalaman kong hiwalay na kayo.

Alam mo kung anong naramdaman ko?

Hindi galit.

Hindi inggit.

Hindi saya para sa pagbagsak mo.

Kundi pasasalamat para sa sarili ko.

Buti na lang hindi ako sumama noon.

Buti na lang pinakinggan ko yung kutob ko.

Buti na lang, hindi ako naging isa sa mga alaala mong iniwan mo rin.

Siguro kung tumuloy ako, buntis na rin ako noon.

Siguro iniwan mo rin ako.

Siguro hindi ko makikilala ang sarili ko ngayon.

Salamat sa hindi mo alam na leksyon.

Salamat sa hindi mo alam na red flag.

At higit sa lahat—

Salamat sa huling text na hindi ko pinatulan.

Kung sakaling mabasa mo man ‘to—hindi ito paalala ng pagkukulang.

Ito ay paalala kung paano ako natutong piliin ang sarili ko, sa unang pagkakataon.

At sa mga susunod pa.

Paalam.

Hindi dahil gusto kitang balikan—

Paalam, dahil matagal na pala akong nakaalis.

[unreleasedletters]

Ikaw pala si pinsan mo

Dear,

Hindi mo na ito mababasa, at ayos lang — dahil ang sulat na ito ay hindi para sa’yo, kundi para sa akin. Para matapos na ang bigat na dala ko mula noon.

Naalala ko pa kung paano tayo nagkakilala sa Friendster. Simple lang, chat lang, tapos naging kami raw. Akala ko totoong tao ka, akala ko totoo lahat. Pero nang dumating na sa punto na “pinsan mo” raw ang nakikipagkita, doon ko naisip na may mali. At kalaunan, narealize ko na iisa lang pala kayo.

Hindi ko sinabi noon na alam ko na. Pinili kong manahimik at lumayo. Pero aaminin ko — natakot ako. Lalo na nang sundan mo pa ako, hanggang Nepo Mall, at nag-text ka na nakikita mo ako. Doon ko naramdaman ang kaba na parang wala na akong kontrol.

Ngayon, habang sinusulat ko ‘to, narealize ko na hindi ko kasalanan ang nangyari. Hindi ko kasalanan na naniwala ako. Hindi ko kasalanan na nagtiwala ako sa isang tao na hindi naman totoo.

Kaya ngayong araw, pinapalaya na kita sa isip at puso ko. Hindi na kita kaaway, pero hindi rin kita kaibigan. Isa ka na lang bahagi ng nakaraan na nagturo sa akin kung gaano kahalaga ang pag-iingat, ang pagtitiwala sa instinct, at ang pagpapahalaga sa sarili ko.

Salamat na rin — dahil kung hindi dahil sa karanasang iyon, mas natuto akong maging matatag at mas pinili kong pahalagahan ang sarili kong kaligtasan at kapayapaan.

Goodbye. Hindi na kita kailangang balikan kahit sa alaala.

[unreleasedletters]

Manliligaw before my I met my husband

Dear,

Sinusulat ko ito hindi para ipadala sa’yo, kundi para tuluyang palayain ang alaala mo sa isip ko.

Naalala ko pa nung bago ko nakilala ang asawa ko, ikaw ang biglang nag-add sa akin sa Facebook. Pinayuhan pa nga ako ng co-worker ko na makipagchat sa’yo dahil mukha ka raw mabait. Nagkausap nga tayo, at isang gabi, may pupuntahan akong meeting. Sabi mo hihintayin mo ako at isasama mo ako sa reunion ninyo. Sinabi ko na huwag na, ang layo pa ng sa inyo. Pero hinintay mo pa rin ako sa labas ng building. Tinrato kita ng McDonald’s, at habang kumakain tayo, ramdam ko na may pagka-ilang ako kahit mukha kang mabait.

May mga pagkakataon pa na sinundo mo ako matapos akong magsumite ng reports sa isang agency. Nang sinabi ko na gusto ko ng samgyup, dinala mo ako sa samgyup restaurant kahit hindi ka pala kumakain ng gulay at ayaw mo ng “dahon-dahon.” Nabanggit ko tuloy na kung ayaw mo, ikaw na lang magluto para sa akin minsan. May isa pa tayong araw na sinundo mo ulit ako at sinabi ko na gusto ko ng KFC. Pinag-take out mo ako at inihatid hanggang sa malapit sa bahay. Sinabi ko pa sa’yo na huwag sa mismong harap kasi ayaw ko makahalata ang pamilya.

May pagkakataon din na pinadalhan mo ako ng bouquet of flowers sa trabaho, ipinaabot mo pa sa isang estudyante. At ang huli kong maalala, nang hiningi ko sa’yo na librehin kami ng co-worker ko sa samgyup, pumayag ka, at masaya naman ang kwentuhan natin noon.

Pagkaraan ng ilang buwan, dumating sa buhay ko ang magiging asawa ko. Nang naging kami, nag-post siya ng pictures naming dalawa, at nagulat ako nang bigla kang nag-chat sa kanya, na kakilala mo raw ako. Doon ko sinabi sa asawa ko na ikaw ang dati kong manliligaw, at siya mismo ang nagsabi na i-block ka na lang. Ginawa ko iyon, at doon natapos ang lahat. Ang huli kong narinig tungkol sa’yo ay nakabuntis ka at nagpakasal.

Siguro tama lang na hindi tayo nagtuloy. Siguro tama lang na hanggang doon na lang ang kwento natin. Salamat sa effort, sa mga bulaklak, sa mga pagsundo — pero higit sa lahat, salamat sa aral na hindi lahat ng mabait ay para sa atin, at hindi lahat ng effort ay magbubunga ng pagmamahal.

Ngayon, masaya akong sabihin na nakahanap ako ng taong tunay kong mahal at kumportable akong kasama. Sana masaya ka na rin sa sarili mong pamilya.

[unreleasedletters]

Unsent Unrelease letter for ate Girl

Girl,

Hindi ko na kayang kimkimin. Ang tagal ko nang tahimik pero ngayon, isusulat ko lahat ng galit at pagkadiri ko sa’yo.

Noong una pa lang, nung basketball tournament sa company ninyo, doon pa lang may kutob na ako. Habang nanonood ako, nakita kong uminom ka sa tumbler ni Boy. Para sa iba, baka maliit na bagay lang. Pero bilang babae, alam ko — may mali na doon. At hindi ako nagkamali. Sabi ng asawa ko, wala raw “something” sa inyo, pero yung instinct ko, hindi ako pinahinga. At tama nga ako.

Sumunod na mga araw, nakilala ko si legal partner — ipinakilala pa mismo ni boy. Doon ko mas naramdaman yung bigat ng kutob ko. Dahil habang magkaibigan kayong ipinapakita sa harap, sa likod may binubuo na pala kayong kababuyan.

Sa Aurora Fest, lalo lang lumalim yung hinala ko. Kasama namin si legal partner, pero ikaw, nagawa mong pagalitan si boy na parang ikaw ang jowa niya. Ang kapal ng mukha mo. At pagkatapos pa ng Aurora Fest na yun, nagkape pa tayo. Ako, asawa ko, si Boy, si legal partnerl, ikaw, at dalawa pang coworkers. Ang saya-saya ng moment, pero ikaw? Nakaupo diyan, nakangiti, nakikipagkuwentuhan — knowing na kabit ka. Alam mong niloloko mo si legal partner habang katabi mo siya. Saan ka kumukuha ng ganung kapal?

Nang mabunyag na ang lahat, doon lumabas ang totoong kulay mo. Sa chat pa lang, ikaw mismo ang nagyaya kay Boy na magkita sa Astropark at dumiretso sa hotel. Hindi lang basta nadala, ikaw pa ang nangunguna. At kahit na binasag na ang mga sikreto niyo sa Facebook post ni legal partner, kaya mo pa ring humarap sa company meeting. Nagre-report ka na parang malinis, parang wala kang ginawang mali. Nakakadiri.

Hindi ka man lang nagpakumbaba. Hindi ka humarap kay legal partner kahit pumunta pa siya sa company para kausapin ka. Mas pinili mong magpanggap na walang nangyari. Samantalang si legal partner, bumalik sa anxiety, bumalik sa depression, bumalik sa gamot. At ikaw? “Living your life” na parang wala kang giniba. Nakaka-bwisit.

At hindi doon natapos. Si Boy, nag-resign na sa company. Pero kayo, nagpatuloy pa rin. Ikaw, nag-uutang sa mga coworkers mo para may maibigay kay Boy — gamit, pera, panggastos. Luka-luka. Ang baba mo, at sobrang desperada.

Kailangan kong isulat dahil ang bigat ng ginawa mo, at hindi lang si legal partner ang naapektuhan. Ako mismo, bilang babae at bilang kaibigan, nadiri ako sa’yo. Nadiri ako na may lakas ka pa ng loob humarap sa amin na parang walang mali.

Galit ako. Nadiri ako. Naiinis ako sa kapal ng mukha mo. Pero eto na ang dulo: pinapalaya ko na ang sarili ko mula sa bigat na dulot mo. Hindi ibig sabihin pinapatawad kita — hindi pa. Pero hindi ko na hahayaang lamunin ako ng galit. Bahala ka na sa karma mo. Bahala ang mundo na singilin ka sa lahat ng ginawa mo.

Ako, pipiliin kong maging magaan, kahit gaano pa ako naiinis.

#kabit #siategirl #