unstaple yourself

staple! she/her, 30-ish, queer. white cis neurodivergent spoonie academic. ball of anxiety in vaguely human-shaped form

[thedreadvampy]

there are two key questions to gauge what sort of Weird Girl someone was as a preteen.

a) horses, dolphins or dragons?

b) Vikings, Ancient Egyptians or dinosaurs?

tell me in the tags please. if you were allowed to pick your own room decor between 7 and 13 the answer to A should be self evident bc every Weird Girl I knew who was allowed to pick had one of those three themes.

[thedreadvampy]

Based on your answers I am adjusting the Weird Girl Classification System

a) horses, dolphins, or wolves

b) dragons, pirates, or dinosaurs

c) Norse, Ancient Greek, or Ancient Egyptian

to correctly answer this quiz you should be choosing ONE from EACH section. yes we all liked horses AND dolphins AND wolves but you were either a horse girl, a dolphin girl or a wolf girl. look deep in your heart and you will find your answer. or look at the walls of your childhood bedroom.

(also you don't have to be a girl NOW, or ever have been a girl, to be a Weird Girl)

[mybeingthere]

Dandelions by Lourdes Sanchez, an artist and printed textile designer.

[ashipwreckcoast]

[unstaple-yourself]

I'm alive! For the record! All continues to be stressful, but things are In Motion, and gradually shall be far better, no matter the outcome.

[two-thirtyy]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

[taykoutmccleod]

reblog if its friday and you made it

[nuggsmum]

[aletheyass]

the thought of modern technology being available to ancient romans is truly terrifying and i'm not even talking military aircraft or atomic bombs i'm talking what if cicero had access to whatsapp voice messages

[onetrueharem]

[shelbys-advice-blog]

I want to live by myself when I move out of my parent's place but I'm really afraid of money problems? I'm afraid that the only place I can afford will be in the ghetto and it'll all be torn apart and I'll only be allowed to eat one granola bar a week. I'm really stressing out about this. I don't know anything about after school life. I don't know anything about paying bills or how to buy an apartment and it's really scaring me. is there anything you know that can help me?

HI darling,

I’ve actually got a super wonderful masterpost for you to check out:

Home

what the hell is a mortgage?

first apartment essentials checklist

how to care for cacti and succulents

the care and keeping of plants

Getting an apartment

Money

earn rewards by taking polls

how to coupon

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

how to save money

How to Balance a Check Book

How to do Your Own Taxes

Health

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

things to bring to a doctor’s appointment

how to get free therapy

what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment

how to make a doctor’s appointment

how to pick a health insurance plan

how to avoid a hangover

a list of stress relievers

how to remove a splinter

Emergency

what to do if you get pulled over by a cop

a list of hotlines in a crisis

things to keep in your car in case of an emergency

how to do the heimlich maneuver

Job

time management

create a resume

find the right career

how to pick a major

how to avoid a hangover

how to interview for a job

how to stop procrastinating

How to write cover letters

Travel

ULTIMATE PACKING LIST

Traveling for Cheap

Travel Accessories

The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase

How To Read A Map

How to Apply For A Passport

How to Make A Travel Budget

Better You

read the news

leave your childhood traumas behind

how to quit smoking

how to knit

how to stop biting your nails

how to stop procrastinating

how to stop skipping breakfast

how to stop micromanaging

how to stop avoiding asking for help

how to stop swearing constantly

how to stop being a pushover

learn another language

how to improve your self-esteem

how to sew

learn how to embroider

how to love yourself

100 tips for life

Apartments/Houses/Moving

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 1: Are You Sure? (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 2: Finding the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 3: Questions to Ask about the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 4: Packing and Moving All of Your Shit (The Responsible One)

How to Protect Your Home Against Break-Ins (The Responsible One)

Education

How to Find a Fucking College (The Sudden Adult)

How to Find Some Fucking Money for College (The Sudden Adult)

What to Do When You Can’t Afford Your #1 Post-Secondary School (The Sudden Adult)

Stop Shitting on Community College Kids (Why Community College is Fucking Awesome) (The Responsible One)

How to Ask for a Recommendation Letter (The Responsible One)

How to Choose a College Major (The Sudden Adult)

Finances

How to Write a Goddamn Check (The Responsible One)

How to Convince Credit Companies You’re Not a Worthless Bag of Shit (The Responsible One)

Debit vs Credit (The Responsible One)

What to Do if Your Wallet is Stolen/Lost (The Sudden Adult)

Budgeting 101 (The Responsible One)

Important Tax Links to Know (The Responsible One)

How to Choose a Bank Without Screwing Yourself (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting

How to Write a Resume Like a Boss (The Responsible One)

How to Write a Cover Letter Someone Will Actually Read (The Responsible One)

How to Handle a Phone Interview without Fucking Up (The Responsible One)

10 Sites to Start Your Job Search (The Responsible One)

Life Skills

Staying in Touch with Friends/Family (The Sudden Adult)

Bar Etiquette (The Sudden Adult)

What to Do After a Car Accident (The Sudden Adult)

Grow Up and Buy Your Own Groceries (The Responsible One)

How to Survive Plane Trips (The Sudden Adult)

How to Make a List of Goals (The Responsible One)

How to Stop Whining and Make a Damn Appointment (The Responsible One)

Miscellaneous

What to Expect from the Hell that is Jury Duty (The Responsible One)

Relationships

Marriage: What the Fuck Does It Mean and How the Hell Do I Know When I’m Ready? (Guest post - The Northwest Adult)

How Fucked Are You for Moving In with Your Significant Other: An Interview with an Actual Real-Life Couple Living Together™ (mintypineapple  and catastrofries)

Travel & Vehicles

How to Winterize Your Piece of Shit Vehicle (The Responsible One)

How to Make Public Transportation Your Bitch (The Responsible One)

Other Blog Features

Apps for Asshats

Harsh Truths & Bitter Reminders

Asks I’ll Probably Need to Refer People to Later

Apartments (or Life Skills) - How Not to Live in Filth (The Sudden Adult)

Finances - Tax Basics (The Responsible One)

Important Documents - How to Get a Copy of Your Birth Certificate (The Responsible One)

Important Documents - How to Get a Replacement ID (The Responsible One)

Health - How to Deal with a Chemical Burn (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting - List of Jobs Based on Social Interaction Levels (The Sudden Adult)

Job Hunting - How to Avoid Falling into a Pit of Despair While Job Hunting (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting - Questions to Ask in an Interview (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - First-Time Flying Tips (The Sudden Adult)

Life Skills - How to Ask a Good Question (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - Reasons to Take a Foreign Language (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - Opening a Bar Tab (The Sudden Adult)

Relationships - Long Distance Relationships: How to Stay in Contact (The Responsible One)

Adult Cheat Sheet:

what to do if your pet gets lost

removing stains from your carpet

how to know if you’re eligible for food stamps

throwing a dinner party

i’m pregnant, now what?

first aid tools to keep in your house

how to keep a clean kitchen

learning how to become independent from your parents

job interview tips

opening your first bank account

what to do if you lose your wallet

tips for cheap furniture

easy ways to cut your spending

selecting the right tires for your car

taking out your first loan

picking out the right credit card

how to get out of parking tickets

how to fix a leaky faucet

get all of your news in one place

getting rid of mice & rats in your house

when to go to the e.r.

buying your first home

how to buy your first stocks

guide to brewing coffee

first apartment essentials checklist

coping with a job you hate

30 books to read before you’re 30

what’s the deal with retirement?

difference between insurances

Once you’ve looked over all those cool links, I have some general advice for you on how you can have some sort of support system going for you:

Reasons to move out of home

You may decide to leave home for many different reasons, including:

wishing to live independently

location difficulties – for example, the need to move closer to university

conflict with your parents

being asked to leave by your parents.

Issues to consider when moving out of home

It’s common to be a little unsure when you make a decision like leaving home. You may choose to move, but find that you face problems you didn’t anticipate, such as:

Unreadiness – you may find you are not quite ready to handle all the responsibilities.

Money worries – bills including rent, utilities like gas and electricity and the cost of groceries may catch you by surprise, especially if you are used to your parents providing for everything. Debt may become an issue.

Flatmate problems – issues such as paying bills on time, sharing housework equally, friends who never pay board, but stay anyway, and lifestyle incompatibilities (such as a non-drug-user flatting with a drug user) may result in hostilities and arguments.

Your parents may be worried

Think about how your parents may be feeling and talk with them if they are worried about you. Most parents want their children to be happy and independent, but they might be concerned about a lot of different things. For example:

They may worry that you are not ready.

They may be sad because they will miss you.

They may think you shouldn’t leave home until you are married or have bought a house.

They may be concerned about the people you have chosen to live with.

Reassure your parents that you will keep in touch and visit regularly. Try to leave on a positive note. Hopefully, they are happy about your plans and support your decision.

Tips for a successful move

Tips include:

Don’t make a rash decision – consider the situation carefully. Are you ready to live independently? Do you make enough money to support yourself? Are you moving out for the right reasons?

Draw up a realistic budget – don’t forget to include ‘hidden’ expenses such as the property’s security deposit or bond (usually four weeks’ rent), connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.

Communicate – avoid misunderstandings, hostilities and arguments by talking openly and respectfully about your concerns with flatmates and parents. Make sure you’re open to their point of view too – getting along is a two-way street.

Keep in touch – talk to your parents about regular home visits: for example, having Sunday night dinner together every week.

Work out acceptable behaviour – if your parents don’t like your flatmate(s), find out why. It is usually the behaviour rather than the person that causes offence (for example, swearing or smoking). Out of respect for your parents, ask your flatmate(s) to be on their best behaviour when your parents visit and do the same for them.

Ask for help – if things are becoming difficult, don’t be too proud to ask your parents for help. They have a lot of life experience.

If your family home does not provide support

Not everyone who leaves home can return home or ask their parents for help in times of trouble. If you have been thrown out of home or left home to escape abuse or conflict, you may be too young or unprepared to cope.

If you are a fostered child, you will have to leave the state-care system when you turn 18, but you may not be ready to make the sudden transition to independence.

If you need support, help is available from a range of community and government organisations. Assistance includes emergency accommodation and food vouchers. If you can’t call your parents or foster parents, call one of the associations below for information, advice and assistance.

Where to get help

Your doctor

Kids Helpline Tel. [phone]

Lifeline Tel. 13 11 44

Home Ground Services Tel. [phone]

Relationships Australia Tel. [phone]

Centrelink Crisis or Special Help Tel. 13 28 50

Tenants Union of Victoria Tel. [phone]

Things to remember

Try to solve any problems before you leave home. Don’t leave because of a fight or other family difficulty if you can possibly avoid it.

Draw up a realistic budget that includes ‘hidden’ expenses, such as bond, connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.

Remember that you can get help from a range of community and government organizations. 

(source)

Keep me updated? xx

[brihann-deactivated20220622]

Reblogging for myself

[bridgyrose]

reblogging for those that follow me that may be starting to move out

[unstaple-yourself]

Oh my God people have yet to learn that legit the most effective way to get people to tell you things is to not push them to tell you things.

There's that pause.

They'll say, "It's just-Yeah. Never mind..." And then the pause.

If you demand, "It's just what?!?" , well, limited chances of success. That makes them feel pressured. Make them feel like they have to tell you (this is especially true with people who have anxiety, or who have experienced trauma related to control or force). An implied 'or else'.

The most effective thing is to just... gently accept, and wait. Nod, blink softly, maybe give an understanding smile, maybe glance down so you aren't pinning them with eye contact.

[yes, I'm neurodivergent and sometimes think through the physical steps that serve to convey a particular feeling - doesn't mean I don't feel it, but rather that I actively think of how to most effectively radiate that feeling].

Don't push. Don't suggest. And don't just act like, but actually try to be okay with them not telling you more.

Make it clear that there are no consequences if they don't tell you the thing. Let them feel safe. Safe to tell or not tell, knowing you'll respect that, and won't push them.

I repeatedly get people demanding why someone will tell me things but not them.

And I keep trying to explain that often... the best way to get answers is to not ask.

[elcorhamletlive]

doctor who meme | nine scenes [3/9]

↳ “You’ve been in that skin suit too long. You’ve forgotten. There used to be a real Margaret Blaine. You killed her and stripped her and used the skin. You’re pleading for mercy out of a dead woman’s lips.”

[ladytharen]

#anyways eccleston is such an underrated doctor#his acting in this scene alone should won him at least 10 emmy’s or whatever#i haven’t rewatched his season for more then 5 years now#but i still remember to this day his voice when he said ‘cause they begged’#it gave me so much shivers (via @julibernardo)

[unstaple-yourself]

Shit shit shit I'm the parent. Oh fuck I keep re-realising that I'm legit the only competent parent for my teenage cousin. There are 4 other people who think they should have that designation, but they're all so fricking bad at it it's unfathomable. So I'm now responsible for her safety and well-being because I say so, because nobody else will be, and she deserves it, but it keeps getting more and more complicated and she's got such a rough life I'm trying to ameliorate, and oh no I'm the Only Competent Parent and my only practice has been my cat.

Also, like, a few passels of undergrads. They were also practice. Actually quite good practice - lots of sudden revelations of traumatic things, and responding to crying, and attempting to boost self confidence, and unspoken convincing that I'm trustworthy and safe.

... Also, I think at this point my cat may actually be co-parent.

[unstaple-yourself]

Having Steve Harrington feels again.

Being completely unqualified but nonetheless apparently the most qualified in the immediate vicinity, so appointing yourself protector? Yeah.

Someone needs to fight to keep people safe, and I'm small, and scared, and keep getting hurt, but I'm still gonna fight to keep people safe.

Knowing the inevitability, but doing it anyway.

Being the Fighter, because someone has to. Because you aren't gonna just let the Bad Things keep hurting people.

Bigggggg Steve Harrington feels this week.

[unstaple-yourself]

Tw: mention of abuse 🙃

.

.

So, in trying to fix the extremely messed up situation my family exists in, I have realised many things. But one that struck me recently:

Our family is a series of people who were treated like crap.

Who were forced to be responsible for things that weren't their job.

Who sacrificed their wellbeing and happiness at the altar of others' laziness and cruelty.

Who endured and endured and shrugged "That's life" while accepting a life that required enduring.

Who were told that even daring to think of themselves was selfishness.

Who came to accept that unprotesting acceptance was a basic, accepted feature of love.

Who were molded and cast in the role of 'Caretaker'.

Who were covered in shame for ever daring suggest that they could deserve...anything.

Who were told that their responsibilities always trumped their happiness, but 'responsibilities' meant utter servitude, and 'happiness' meant basic rights to safety.

Who were told they had "a servant's heart", a lie hiding a carefully cultivated curse.

Who believe that love is sacrifice. And sacrifice. And sacrifice. And sacrifice. Unrequited sacrifice. And continue, and continue, a pointless, blasphemous sacrifice.

... Who then expect us to do the same.

Who then expect me to do the same.

Who then force us to do the same.

Who punish our kindness, our care, our competence, by tossing us down to be doormats for those who came out cruel, uncaring, unwise.

Who drag us onto an altar, and make us feel guilty for daring wish we weren't the lamb.

Who call our wish for happiness 'selfishness'.

Who give the same name to our pleas for safety.

Who are disappointed in us, when we fail to throw ourselves away.

Who expect us to suffer. Who love us, and calmly expect us to suffer. Like they hold up expectations of good grades and good manners, they expect us to suffer.

A sacrifice birthing a sacrifice. To be good is to be worthy is to be doomed. The more they love us, the more they see themselves in us, the more we will be cast as their understudy, cast to the ground to be trod. The more they are baffled by any resistance to our fate.

The more they guilt trip us, for daring to wish for more than servitude and suffering.

I am the first person who has seen my understudy and dragged her off the altar.

I am the first person, in the line of so many, who hasn't accepted, expected, another to suffer.

I'm the first one who has said "This is not going to continue".

I'm the first one who has said "I never knew happiness or safety" and not finished that phrase with "-that's just how it is", but rather "-you, you will".

[unstaple-yourself]

Dear cat: I am sorry, but I legitimately cannot address your complaint about the existence of mosquitos.

[veeaziel]

every day i am percieved™️

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

There is a reason for this though!

The original tweet summarizes it pretty well. Fanfic tends to be popular among certain types of neurodivergent people (aka people most likely to read excessively as a child, and have burnout as an adult) for the same reasons that we tend to hyperfixate–neurochemical signaling (I hope I’m using that phrase correctly). What I mean is, for people who are really dependent on changes in dopamine/serotonin/neurotransmitter levels, who have low levels or wonky neural reward systems (perhaps the most common types of neurodivergence)…people like us rely on dependable external sources of those neurochemicals. In order to function, we spend a lot of our free time trying to level out our brain chemistry using things that can reliably bring us a steady stream of joyful moments (rewards) without costing too much of the mental effort that is already in short supply. 

significantly: the investment of reading has to be balanced with a steady “return on investment”–and this return has to start fairly quickly. because again, we don’t have a lot of attention/energy to invest on tiring things. we have perpetual “low batteries” in that regard.

that doesn’t mean these stories are “simple,” or that they lack complexity or value–only that the reward has to come in short regular intervals, and it has to have a low “upfront cost.” these stories are only “easy” to read in the sense that the effort we put into them is rewarded in a timely manner. which is why fanfic stories are so perfectly formulated for neurodivergent readers–they are often beautifully written, but skip a lot of the upfront costs (of introducing new characters, of world-building, of getting the audience emotionally connected to the story elements).

the nature of fanfiction is that the reader has a pre-existing relationship with this world and these characters. that–combined with the shorter average length of fics–means that fan fics very quickly start rewarding the reader in a way that traditional fiction struggles to. that’s not a bad thing! and maybe it’s something more traditionally published writers should be paying attention to.

Fanfic, as a genre, has been uniquely helpful and accessible to many neurodivergent readers who would otherwise struggle to immerse themselves in stories. I’m glad so many of you have found a way to love and enjoy reading again! The important thing is that you are spending time inside stories you love–the way those stories are published or presented to the world is just one detail. The fact that you find joy in the process of reading (or listening!) to stories–that is what matters.

[attackofjak]

I feel understood 🥰

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

a bunch of people have reblogged this with the default “i feel called out” reaction….and i know when we say that we mean it tongue-in-cheek….but this comment sorta blew my mind & shifted my perspective up and to the left a little thank you♥

[zadabug98]

The Serotonin is stored in the Ao3

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

The Serotonin is stored in the Ao3

[kizo2703]

#this 100% happened to me#but i’m a middle aged writer and english teacher with an academic literature background#when i burned out got sick and had a breakdown i couldn’t read regular books anymore i could only read fanfic#i saw on twitter where someone said literature is prescriptive. you read the kind of fiction that fits your personal need#we’re all overwhelmed right now and that’s why we like the tropey fiction whether fanfic or romance novels or superhero movies#we UNDERSTAND the rules of fiction and dont’ have to work to understand while the payoff comes quickly. kiss. hea. battle/victory

[unstaple-yourself]

So today someone was Islamophobic towards my cat. So.

[clownboybitch]

Eldest daughters, arent you tired of de escalating? Dont you just wanna go ape shit?

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

I recently figured out a major plot point in LM Montgomery’s The Blue Castle that had always puzzled me. (Major ending spoilers TW)

Keep reading