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This might as well turn into a secret vent account fuck it all

My meowing came back. Fuck it I meow when I feel not safe, it helps.

Maybe now I can get myself to write my first ever smut and it’ll certainly mention lucifer having boobs

Oh yeah on that note I almost forgot to take my meds lmao, gotta do that rn

Yay I finally finished my worst ever writing ‘til now yay. I don’t even remember how it started, probably a shitty vent of sorts? I heavily considered never finishing it, but I’d feel guilty so… I somehow finished it trying to remember all the negative feelings I’m not longer feeling.

Headcanon, charlie being the type of person who has an incredibly easy time forgiving people, to the point she’s the one she can’t forgive if she fails to forgive someone.

You know you’re caring too much about a fic when you’ve felt bad from anxiety because you worry about the characters 3 times already… I guess I should drop it for my own well being

Honestly, writing Valentino as a people pleaser just gives me comfort in the weirdest way. I love gifting people, and when I see their happy reactions I know it was all worth it. But… What if their reactions is emontionless, joyless, the person isn’t excited at all. It’s such a weird type of hurt, as if it was all over nothing. Then, as times go on, you start feeling as if you don’t matter to them at all, as you’re always putting yourself as the last priority while trying to make them happy and never feel as if they’re doing something Back to you, just feeding off while you give and give.

What if you just said fuck it? He’d just had gotten tired of it and he’s gonna get his share wether the person is willing to give it or not. He’s gonna take what be wants, he’s gonna squeeze the happiness he wants them to have, even if it’s all fake. And, by having it, he’s gonna be happy too.

It’s fucked up, but it makes me think “maybe I can think a little about myself too”, it motivates me to do better and to care about me as well. It’s just so comforting…

I don’t have any place to let this out where my friends won’t see it, so… lemme vent a little.

I hate my friends. I love them so much and I hate myself for feeling like this towards them. Girl a is always so lovely and I love talking to her, but I feel like my attempts of reaching out outside of vc are always ignored which just leaves me feeling so alone, I hate that so much. Man b always makes the worst life choices and quite frequently hurts me when doing so. I gave terrible examples, but I’m the type of person who just forgets their negative experiences without even trying. I hate feeling like this. I want to feel happy and love my friends, but I never feel like they care about me. It is at moments like these that I’d rather be left all alone. People are too troublesome, they always hurt you no matter how much you try making them happy (even if a good bit of that hurt is caused by your own expectations). Idk I’d rather be a dog, and not being rational. I just wish i didn’t want to stick to the happy moments.

Ok vent is done whoah this probably makes no sense at all but I had to let this out

New one shot 600 words in yay

I just went on a rant about something personal that makes me sad, time to make it into something hh related

Do you mind it when someone gives a character so many headcanons to the point they’re very different from canon?

I- I think I finally started writing another oneshot. It makes me realize I really went too far with people pleaser Valentino to the point I’m just throwing a bunch of pains I’ve felt before into him. Honestly, it makes me feel good, it makes me relate even tho it’s something I created myself (I might not have created him but I created the headcanons so-). Idk I have no idea how I feel about it. It’s very far from canon I know, but it just makes me feel good.

To the few people who found this and interacted, you have no idea how happy this makes me. I still haven’t slept but it was all worth it taking it out of my chest.

Someone found one of the rants I’m no longer speaking to the void yaaaay

Still debating wheter I should just rant it all out here or keep some of the fic ideas that I’m too shy to talk about to myself ‘til i eventually do it… or never do it…

If someone ever finds this, be aware that I’ve been holding these feelings without someone to talk to about it for a long ass time and the lack of sleep + too much to keep to myself allowed me to rant for 1 hour I’m sorry I don’t know if I can stop LMAO, I blame autism

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