I'm going to sprinkle in some rare positivity about my life, and about my transition.
One of my major barriers to transition was worrying about its difficulty. Terrified of medication, terrified of transphobia, terrified of legality, terrified of social repercussions.
I often heard a sentiment repeated: transition is the most difficult thing I've ever done. It's still worth it.
That's.... true, to some extent. But in a pretransition depressed haze, it didn't help. I couldn't imagine something that difficult ever being worth it. I couldn't imagine the peace and happiness it would bring me.
Now, looking back, I feel like I disagree in a lot of ways. Yeah, sure, on paper, a lot of things are more difficult. I have to deal with more paperwork, I have to make contigency plans on top of contingency plans for legal trouble, I've dealt with transphobia both behind my back and to my face. I've lost friends. I've had instances of harassment.
But in practice? My life overall is easier.
It's easier to get up in the morning.
It's easier to make new friends, and even moreso than that, deepen my relationship with old friends. My friendship with women in my life in particular has grown.
It's easy to be in a relationship, to feel romance, to court and be courted.
It's easier to set barriers and stand up for myself.
It's easier to dress and feel at home in my body.
It's easier to exercise, to maintain hygiene, to take pride in my appearance.
It's easier to do things I enjoy.
I'm no longer content to just roll though life barely existing. I want to live. And its so much easier to do that now. I was exerting so much effort every day just to pull myself together and become a shambling shell of a person. That's mostly gone now.
With the government being like it is, I'm worried about the closeted trans people who are now scared. It's okay to be. It's scary. And yeah, new things will be difficult that weren't before.
But my baseline existence is easier, and I'm more equipped to fight the things that difficult than I ever was before.
I know I haven't been the most optimistic, but remember to share your queer joy as well. It makes the world brighter for all of us.
I love you. I love everyone under the rainbow. Stay here and add your thread to the tapestry, I want to see its colors.















