King Midas, but with salt & vinegar.

As super powers go, it's not a big ask.

[jonbutter]

T’Challa after drinking that stuff that takes away his Black Panther powers

[helprobin-deactivated20190722]

people who wear cat ears in public are braver than any u.s. marine

[thecybersmith]

What if a US Marine wore cat ears into battle?

[helprobin-deactivated20190722]

oh hey human pet guy how’s it goin

[mangonetics]

Don’t dodge the question as if he didn’t just dream of the most powerful being imaginable

[markv5]

Кажется на мою кровать легла черная дыра и замурчала …

[dualityofsquid]

“it seems a black hole feel asleep on my bed and started purring…”

[dandelionofthanatos]

The void is comfy and contented.

[feetdavidson]

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

[feetdavidson]

this same idiot: what kind of animal is the pink panther

me, already taking off my clothes: benjamin you’re so fucking stupid

[languageananas-deactivated20170]

So in russian, nouns are either animate or inanimate gramatically, depending on whether they move.

Well, the russian word for corpse, мертвец, is animate, which raises quite a few terrifying questions about russia’s past

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Rasputin’s influence was extensive.

[fakehistory]

Ready Player One (2018)

[ubuyo]

how dare you insult Spy Kids like this

[cynimax]

spy kids deserves to be insulted

[mallghoul]

In my new world you will not be allowed to have bones, heathen

[tothestartrek]

does anybody else find the phrase “as we speak” slightly menacing? like someone could come up to me and be like karen is dropping off her 6 kids at soccer practice and exchanging brownie recipes with linda from the country club as we speak and I’d start sweating and be like shit karen’s not fucking around

[alexwinters]

#karen’s too powerful we gotta take her down

[paper-mario-wiki]

every lactose intolerant person ive ever met: i mean TECHNICALLY im lactose intolerant but [goes on to justify the fact that theyre about to eat a dairy product]

[girlandgeese]

Note to self

Stop thinking: “I’m not talented enough to execute this concept.” Start thinking: “I’m going to be a stronger artist when I’ve finished this piece.”

[fitzdyke]

spring is apparently gonna take ages to come this year. but I’m glad that Persephone is getting laid for a bit longer.

[pyrolatrya]

#‘no mom I’m not coming home yet. idk maybe april or something. me and hades just started Breaking Bad.’

[daiseokkie-deactivated20190730]

the first five emotes on your recently used emojis describe you as a person ready set go

[prokopetz]

“Inappropriate student-teacher relationship” doesn’t always mean something sexual. My high school art teacher’s drug dealer was one of her own students, and you better believe he got straight As in that class - like, what are you going to do, give your weed man a B- because he doesn’t understand pointilism?

[prokopetz]

My favourite thing about this post is people getting offended that the sixteen-year-old drug dealer doesn’t understand pointilism.

[dracofidus-deactivated20200523]

When my Mum was pregnant with me she was in the pub and this random creepy elderly woman that nobody ever saw before or since told her that she was going to have a boy and when I was born everyone was like “the creepy lady was wrong” but it turned out I’m trans and THE PUB WITCH WAS RIGHT!

I WAS FORETOLD BY THE PUB WITCH

[applejuicewerewolf]

Witches are always pro-trans culture, transphobes cannot be witches.

[ineffectualdemon]

What people think writing is like: careful planning and thought out plotlines

What writing is actually like: being possessed by an idea that you are constantly arguing with

[shades-of-orange]

I have never seen such an accurate description of writing in my life

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Someday archeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think that it was some type of bizarre mouse worshipping kingdom.

[blog-493629846]

That’s because it is fucker.

[thebootydiaries]

How did I wake up in the middle of the night with the funniest tweet idea and it was this

[susielesbian]

too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights