deez nuts

15 | he/him | running on a fake email | my reddit account is sour_cunt_juice | formerly shortstoriesandshitposts

[supermariomamafucker]

[mediumsizedboy]

me and my hobbit gf

Me: *eating oatmeal* well i better go do some work in the shire Gf: what about second breakfast? Me: whoops how could I forget! *starts eating pussy*

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

every day this website tests my patience in new ways

[anarchapella]

Please fucking lie to your employer. Like they don’t need to know your mental health issues or what drugs you do. Ffs

[thecolorsfucked]

its not lying if its to employers or cops

and look up ur rights on what they can and cannot ask u many places ban asking about ur record and transportation status and things like that resources will also tell u how they reword sketchy questions so ur prepared

[beemovieerotica]

here's a quick guide for Americans with very common interview questions I've been asked:

🚫 illegal: how old are you?

⚠️ dicey: what year did you graduate?

✅ legal: are you 18 or older?

🚫 illegal: do you have kids?

⚠️ dicey: what responsibilities do you have at home?

✅ legal: can you adhere to this schedule?

🚫 illegal: do you have a disability or are you mentally ill?

⚠️ dicey: is there anything we should know about you that would interfere with your job?

✅ legal: can you perform these specific (named and described) duties?

🚫 illegal: have you ever been arrested?

⚠️ dicey: would you like to tell us about any problems you've had with the law?

✅ legal in 37 states: have you ever been convicted of a crime?

[squeakitties]

bedtime stories are sleepypastas

[memewhore]

[bananahomo]

I reblogged this last month, tagged it, and said “might as well see if it works.” I used this video as a reference to find all the forms that i needed (which is A LOT, especially if you’re a dependent) and sent them through the mail, not really allowing myself to hope.

dude.

$2,714 of medical debt from my top surgery - gone. im shaking this was such a weight on me for 2 years and it fucking worked. what the fuck.

[puppylovesystem]

re-reblogging and thinking about when i have another collection agency calling that i can just do this

[secondmoredangerouseyes]

Yo this is such good info to have

[were--ralph]

Tumblr is unique bc like. It's collaborative shitposting and you can't opt in or out. You can just say something about your day then an evil wizard shows up to turn your post into something humorous

Every other site is just one and done, but here a post is a welcome mat to be funnier than you

[evilwizard]

yeah or sometimes you’ll see a post that hacks into your brain and forever rewrites your instinctual reaction to seeing a pineapple explode

[were--ralph]

[alphabetcompletionist]

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

26/26

[were--ralph]

[rednines]

[alittlemonster]

activatijg my love laser on u that kills u instantly. and u die. bc ily.

FAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[marcitlali]

the police to my mom: ma'am your daughter was driving 110 mph eating hot cheetos with one hand and texting in an imessage group chat titled “boy pussy” with the other and crashed into the back wall of dd’s discounts and died instantly but somehow her body made its way to the accessories section and we found 35 dollars worth of stolen hoop earrings in her purse

[mosticonicposts]

certified iconic post

[keithstack]

[collaredblonde-blog-deactivated]

Demure dalmaidtian, 2023, mixed media

[lukois]

i need to stop going onto twitter bc in every single thread about the submarine sinking ppl are being chastized for not caring and "lacking compassion" meanwhile we're all on here like

[neenarchive]

people who upload movies online for free shouldn't face legal action they should get their peanus sucked everyday.....??

[someguyiguess-deactivated202511]

i love you USPS I love you NASA i love you taxpayer funded services that actually contribute positively to society i love you libraries i love you public transport

[someguyiguess-deactivated202511]

[collaredblonde-blog-deactivated]

the cycle repeats infinitely

[sistertaxon]

we need to bring back the word square like i don't think it's problematic that you listen to taylor swift i just kinda think it's lame as hell

[sleep-deprived-lesbian]

simmers will be like "townie makeover 🥰🥰" and then completely deprive said townie of any personality or individuality

[sleep-deprived-lesbian]

look at how they massacred my girl 😥