i am, as the poets say, a mess

Eli. (cover by ikimaru)

[birdwives]

kinda gay for a man to sit with his legs far apart. what is all that space there for? another man?

[darthsuki]

Wife, playing Legends Arceus: hey honey I'm fighting a new pokemon and i need some help

Me, focusing on something else: uh huh, what do you need?

Wife: *shows me the pokemon she's fighting* what's this bitch allergic to?

Me: d... do you mean its type weakness?

Wife: just answer the damn question

[chairman-rose-is-king]

Good job I only have breakdowns near blisseys

[mrsterlingeverything]

What employers need to understand about me is that I do my thing

[croutoncat]

reblog if you’ve always believed that it was butter

[macrolit]

Small scene on a shelf, part 798

[mapsontheweb]

References to “the Seven Seas” are found throughout history, but the exact list varies by time and culture. Here are three of the most popular lists

[joeydeangelis]

[afon-afanc]

[anasauruss]

cat falling off table

2022

acrylic on canvas

30 x 40 cm

[purpleskiesandcryingovercals]

[borzoibabe]

you know what trope pisses me off the most? when the protag is pointing a gun at somebody and they’re like “you won’t do it. you’re too good” and the person holding the gun is like oh shit i am and they slowly lower the gun while the other person laughs. WHAT THE FUCK. if i were there, and somebody told me “you won’t do it” i would immediately shoot them dead without hesitating. who are you to tell me what i wont do. musty bitch

[k-lionheart-deactivated20171126]

[sam-winchester-cries-during-sex]

[kyraneko]

Keep in mind that there is almost always a third option, most especially when the person talking is vague about what, precisely, it is that you “won’t do.”

If it’s noodles, pour them on your sister instead of on her computer, or if the noodles are quite hot, pour them on her pillow or in a great spattering arc around her room.

If you have a supervillain at gunpoint and *they* say you’re “too good” and “won’t do it,” shoot them in the leg/foot or the shoulder. The former allows them to think they’re right while you lower the gun only to be confronted with sudden understanding and regret when you blow their metatarsals to kingdom come, while the latter is instant and avoids giving them even a moment’s satisfaction or any time to charge you while you’re lowering the gun to shoot them in the leg.

Door Number Three usually exists and is often your friend. Endeavor to cultivate awareness thereof.

[mixingmetaphorsoup]

Ethical dillemas are rarely reducible down to a clear binary.

[neurodivergent-crow]

Getting philosophical here

[guerrillatech]

[mellointheory]

ppl be like “i need to watch a based streamer who calls out their chat whenever theyre dumb and doesnt have an audience of eleven year olds” like sneegsnag isnt right there

[mellointheory]

im about to lose my shit

[mellointheory]

[mellointheory]

WE GOT ANOTHER ONE BOYS

[jonathanrichman]

@mellointheory i’m on the phone with my partner and i read this out loud to them and they said, “is this person gaslighting or lying to you???”

[mellointheory]

bro. bro. look.

this is sneegsnag wearing his own merch. he has a dog named boomer (hence the dog patch) and he models his online shit after lancer deltarune. he has a youtube channel. he has a criminology degree. he speedruns fnaf: sb. he has a twitter.

this is his profile picture on twitch. please. do a single google search. search his name on any site. he’s literally fucking real. here is a screenshot from one of his streams

he literally exists. there’s fanart of him on tumblr and on twitter. why would i waste my time gaslighting people into believe he exists. the entire reason this post blew up is people laughign at someone believing sneegsnag was made up. half of the entertainment in this post comes from people still believing sneegsnag is made up.

[a-suspicious-number-of-ducks]

hey op i made art of your OC!! ^w^ I love his design it’s super creative :DDD

[fernlom]

holy crap he’s real

[penguinramen]

[normal-horoscopes]

My favorite thing about that post explaining how the "may your womb be barren" person is channeling the ghost of Michael Jackson to say the n word or whatever is all the normal people going "Jesus Christ what the fuck" and all the neopagans in the comments like "I know twelve different people like this"

[marbleguard]

a little-known birth control method is tracking down and starting a fight with that twitter user who casts the “may your womb be barren” spells on everyone she dislikes

[marbleguard]

[a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e]

OKAY I'M SORRY SHE GOES BY YARROW NOW

[marbleguard]

[a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e]

Should I get into the Ghost Harem™️ or is it too much

[marbleguard]

you can’t just mention a ghost harem and NOT elaborate!!!

[a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e]

Okay, so the short version is she thinks she communes with the deceased and demons and stuff because she’s a super-cool satanist pagan witch with a catgirl succubus persona named Chordeva in the astral realm or something, and so she has four boyfriends who are dead including Heath Ledger, Richard “Nightstalker” Ramirez, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Michael Jackson. 

She also used to “speak” for them online by channeling them through her body so they’d use her to type (and she did this for Satan too and it was as cringe as you’d expect) and basically Michael Jackson is genderqueer and fucking Richard Ramirez from beyond the grave and they’re all fucking Stephanie too, and at one point Stephanie split up with Michael when he wanted to save his deceased father from Hell and he got the astral child in the ghost divorce, but that’s fine because she thinks she can get AIDS from having sex with ghosts so at least Michael isn’t getting AIDS while he’s dead. 

And there was the time she used Richard’s name to send (google translated) Spanish death threats to people, and used Michael’s name to say the N-word because she thought it made the act more convincing. She groomed a group of minors on DeviantArt (me included) and had people calling her “daddy,” and that only stopped because she got in a fight with one of the kids who happened to have a heart condition and had to go to the hospital because of the stress, and then Stephanie took credit for sending Michael’s spirit to pull the girl’s soul out of the afterlife, and when you lowkey kill a disabled teenager from another country and take credit for saving their life other people start to notice and so she got doxxed and now her parents (who she still lives with in her 30s) won’t let her use DeviantArt ever again.

That was longer than I intended but there’s just...so much...

[marbleguard]

[boarofthenorth100]

Im Going To The Visit Sea 

[boarofthenorth100]

Well Here I Am

[maxeth]

Who’s your friend?

[boarofthenorth100]

Its Called A Fish

[r0zeclawz]

*turns my wizard hat backwards* *it looks exactly the same but im considerably more smug now*