Pointers and tips from the left hand of one Uryu Ishida

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

I'm a broken teapot, hear me out

The only part I have's my spout..?

...

Um.

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

If you can't scream... I dunno click your fingers really loudly in protest or something instead

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

Sometimes, the only thing you can really do is scream

[uryusuggestions]

Thumbs up to me I’m still Cool

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

It’s okay. We still have each other. *Holds own hand*

[uryusuggestions]

Jumping over your feelings to avoid them is a form of parkour

[rukiasuggestions]

Stabbing the person responsible is a form of affection

[uryusuggestions]

Stabbing people is incredibly illegal

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

LET'S NOT STAB INOUE-SAN OKAY BAD IDEA @rukiasuggestions

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

Leftie-kun, are you sure you should be telling on Ishida-kun like that?

What a delight to hear from you Orihime-chaaaaan <3

In response to your question, Inoue-san: not entirely. Next question?

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

What's the most embarrassing thing Uryu has ever done in front of Orihime?

Well, there was that time he walked into a lamppost because he was distracted staring at her. I know, right? What a nerd lmao

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

Has he ever used you to..... you know masturbate?

Congratulations! You are the winner of 1000 yen because I am not willing to answer that question. Please collect your winnings from @ryukensuggestions because Uryu and I are skint.

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

Has he ever used you to pick his nose?

Not recently, but yeah, when @uryusuggestions was a kid we picked his nose all the time. Now my job is mostly holding tissues while he blows his nose because we’re actually civilised.

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

Now accepting embarrassing questions about @uryusuggestions! It’s honesty hour!

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

does he drool in his sleep

ALL. THE. TIME. We wash our pillowcase twice a week because it turns yellow and blotchy so quickly.

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

Does anybody have any embarrassing questions about @uryusuggestions? If yes, please direct them HERE

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

@orihimesuggestions I want to rearrange the alphabet and put U and me together… wait, no, that’s not right…

[zangetsu-ggestions]

I find it amazing a hand can learn the complexity of speech.

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

It’s called sign-language and it’s very very difficult when Rightie won’t cooperate. You are right to be impressed by my prowess.

@orihimesuggestions are you impressed, too?

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

@orihimesuggestions I want to rearrange the alphabet and put U and me together... wait, no, that’s not right...

[uryusuggestions]

They’re not your friends unless they try and kill you

[orihimesuggestions]

Ishida-kun, are you feeling all right?

[uryusuggestions]

I’m just thinking back to when Renji tried to kill me and Ichigo tried to kill me. Friendship built on violence and swords.

[orihimesuggestions]

!

You may have a point! Remember the first day of handicrafts club when I nearly took your finger off with a thread unpicker and you almost impaled me with a knitting needle? Maybe we were always supposed to become friends. ^_^

[spont-ayin-eous]

Boy I sure am hella interested how THAT happened

[uryusuggestions]

We both got flustered and I almost died.

[rukiasuggestions]

Now that I outrank you again, Ishida, I’m going to give you some solid 10/10 advice. Get. A . Room.

[uryusuggestions]

IM NOT EVEN A SOUL REAPER YOU CANT OUTRANK ME YOU OUTRANK ICHIGO NOT ME MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A ROOM

[rukiasuggestions]

Maybe I will get a room…but you guys first because I’m Tired of all these human highschool romance shenanigans and if you won’t tell her, I will. HEY INOU–

[uryusuggestions]

I’m not in high school anymore….I’m 27….. frIENDS DONT DO THIS TO FRIENDS

[rukiasuggestions]

I hope you got laid for both your sake and my sanity

[uryusuggestions]

Why is my love life such a big deal to you??? Your soul society has plenty of drama so why don’t you just leave my love life alone????

[rukiasuggestions]

Oi. 10 years of peace gets boring, aight? Plus your love life’s kinda hilarious :/

[uryusuggestions]

Stop laughing at my love life!! Geez I’ll get a cat or something….

[rukiasuggestions]

I bet Inoue likes cats, too

[uryusuggestions]

Yeah she does… She really liked yoruichi when she was a kitty… It was cute. HEY WAIT A MINUTE STOP DISTRACTING ME

[rukiasuggestions]

Congrats, you played yourself.

[uryusuggestions]

You’re being mean to me and that’s illegal I’m calling the FBI

[rukiasuggestions]

when are u gonna tell her asshole

[uryusuggestions]

I almost died for her twice doesn’t that count for anything????

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

#don’t u usually drop the L word on dates #maybe I’m setting somehting up #you don’t know

You’ve already dropped the L-word, though? Remember that time when I tried to get you to apologise to Inoue-san for not giving her your cape and you fell for my trick misunderstood me?

Also, if you’re planning something, you might want to run it past somebody before you execute it. You don’t exactly have the best track-record, and I’m not letting you screw something like this up for us. I expect @yoruichisuggestions would be willing to help?

[uryusuggestions]

Remember when you weren’t blurting out my secrets to the entire world?

Umm??? I’m an Expert Planner. Trust me I’ll be fine. I’ve got this.

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

I’M NOT SURE I’D CALL IT A SECRET

[uryusuggestions]

They’re not your friends unless they try and kill you

[orihimesuggestions]

Ishida-kun, are you feeling all right?

[uryusuggestions]

I’m just thinking back to when Renji tried to kill me and Ichigo tried to kill me. Friendship built on violence and swords.

[orihimesuggestions]

!

You may have a point! Remember the first day of handicrafts club when I nearly took your finger off with a thread unpicker and you almost impaled me with a knitting needle? Maybe we were always supposed to become friends. ^_^

[spont-ayin-eous]

Boy I sure am hella interested how THAT happened

[uryusuggestions]

We both got flustered and I almost died.

[rukiasuggestions]

Now that I outrank you again, Ishida, I’m going to give you some solid 10/10 advice. Get. A . Room.

[uryusuggestions]

IM NOT EVEN A SOUL REAPER YOU CANT OUTRANK ME YOU OUTRANK ICHIGO NOT ME MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A ROOM

[rukiasuggestions]

Maybe I will get a room…but you guys first because I’m Tired of all these human highschool romance shenanigans and if you won’t tell her, I will. HEY INOU–

[uryusuggestions]

I’m not in high school anymore….I’m 27….. frIENDS DONT DO THIS TO FRIENDS

[rukiasuggestions]

I hope you got laid for both your sake and my sanity

[uryusuggestions]

Why is my love life such a big deal to you??? Your soul society has plenty of drama so why don’t you just leave my love life alone????

[rukiasuggestions]

Oi. 10 years of peace gets boring, aight? Plus your love life’s kinda hilarious :/

[uryusuggestions]

Stop laughing at my love life!! Geez I’ll get a cat or something….

[rukiasuggestions]

I bet Inoue likes cats, too

[uryusuggestions]

Yeah she does… She really liked yoruichi when she was a kitty… It was cute. HEY WAIT A MINUTE STOP DISTRACTING ME

[rukiasuggestions]

Congrats, you played yourself.

[uryusuggestions]

You’re being mean to me and that’s illegal I’m calling the FBI

[rukiasuggestions]

when are u gonna tell her asshole

[uryusuggestions]

I almost died for her twice doesn’t that count for anything????

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

#don’t u usually drop the L word on dates #maybe I’m setting somehting up #you don’t know

You’ve already dropped the L-word, though? Remember that time when I tried to get you to apologise to Inoue-san for not giving her your cape and you fell for my trick misunderstood me?

Also, if you’re planning something, you might want to run it past somebody before you execute it. You don’t exactly have the best track-record, and I’m not letting you screw something like this up for us. I expect @yoruichisuggestions would be willing to help?

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

@orihimesuggestions your eyes are as beautiful as two sparkling pools of… mud?

[ryukensuggestions]

///Ryuken and I are judging you smh 

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

@orihimesuggestions I hate your new dress. I think it would look much better on my floor. But folded nicely so it doesn’t crease.

[ryukensuggestions]

///That’s a little better 

[uryuslefthandsuggestions]

@orihimesuggestions did it hurt when you fell from the Royal Realm? I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to drop you, but I had to get you away from my murderous ancestor.