I finally escaped from the clutches of the rogues long enough to make some batfam doodles

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@usernames-are-very-difficult
I finally escaped from the clutches of the rogues long enough to make some batfam doodles
Batlantern goes public only when there's a ring on someone's finger and the house has been drilled thoroughly on how to survive whatever interrogation that Gotham believed they were entitled to
Well, Bruce Wayne has been vocally taken (happily, might he add) for years now. The only difference was that there's a name and face for this elusive partner
Hal was prepared for an onslaught of privacy infringement and maybe some cruel comments from Gotham's more conservative blocs
What he doesn't anticipate is Gotham's people... liking him??????
The first time he goes out with the kids in broad daylight since his identity came out, street vendors are flocking to him, all mesmerized by him. Someone is pushing free food into his hands and snaps at him for trying to take out his wallet. ("Bah! I'll take it out of your husband's pocket. He's paying for all my girls' colleges anyways.")
He makes polite talk to old grannies in Damian's school, and they make a point to just gush about how Hal is everything the late Thomas and Martha would love for their boy, and absolutely thrilled about the equally unhinged glint in his eyes, reminiscent of their late lady darling's unhinged passion for the arts and the family
Dropping by Wayne Enterprises is a whole new thing. Lucius drags him down to Engineering, letting him take over, talking about the transport tech and efficiency. Hal is always looking over his shoulder to make sure people didn't think of him like a know-it-all, because he knew how much Bruce cared about his co-workers. But no, everyone in the room, interns and senior managers, were all lighting up at the prospect of meeting this incredibly brilliant and seemingly mundane-looking Mr. Jordan-Wayne to be
Hal is about 93% confused and sure that common people with half a brain were just being nice to make up for the slander that he and Bruce must be getting from the elite class.
But nope! Even the high class of Gotham are keeping their comments on the surface of decency.
Hal brings it up to Alfred at some point when the suspense becomes too much, and god knows the kids won't tell him anything.
"They're... relieved. The city is relieved by your identity, sir," the butler patiently explained.
"Relieved?"
"Well, the last two times Master Bruce appeared on the verge of marriage, it was to the heiress of Gotham's criminal underbelly, and the leading lady of an entire death cult organization. Knowing that their prince is marrying, well, a test pilot from across the country, is remarkably tame."
"...well, they're in for a ride then if they find out I'm a Green Lantern!"
[narrows eyes at him]
"Sorry."
Damian: Why are there several of you here? Kon Kent, shrugging: Dunno. Wally West: Dick invited me. Roy Harper, holding a sleeping Lian: Jason said something about family dinner. Jon Kent: You said we were doing something. Hal Jordan: Bruce said we should come over, also about a family dinner. Selina Kyle: Right. Damian, looking over his shoulder, shouting: YOUR GAYS ARE HERE! Tim was first: Kon, you made it! Kon: Yeah, Jon made sure I did. Jon: You're welcome! Jason was second: My gay? What about your little thing with superboy two? Damian: Shut up! Roy: Hey baby. Jason: Sup? Damian: Gross, gross gross. Go away. Jason, cackling: You got it, baby bird. Bruce was third: Don't call them that, Damian. Damian: You are the only person here who took offense to that. Hal is literally gay, and Selina is Bi. You're a pansexual mess! Hal: He has a point, Spooky. Selina: Leave the kid alone, bat. He's having fun. Bruce, sighing: Right, right. Dick was last: Wally! You're on time. Wally: Why was everyone invited here? Dick: It's a yearl- Damian: It's pride month, idiot, Alfred has a huge feast for the start of Pride Month to assure to the family that he loves us and supports us unconditionally. Dick: That. We're to invite our partners for it too. Jon: Even if someone in the family is straight, like Duke, Alfred loves to make sure he invites his partners. Damian: I think Duke actually came out as Bi? Jon: Did he? Congrats to him. Unlucky he's single though. Damian: Whatever. Alfred: Come on, now, boys, dinner is ready. Damian: Thank you Pennyworth. Jon: Happy Pride Month everyone!
BatLantern but its Depresso but like technically Happy where Bruce and Hal fall in love off camera and its cute and perfect and they have Problems but they solve them together and are in Love and Marry
And the kids dont know. Because they dont live at home anymore, because they are just getting to a point where them and Bruce have semi stable and good relationships and he just doesnt want to be That Guy to introduce a step father, so he doesnt.
Hal understands completely and the kids arent around that much anyway so its fine. (Plus he has Damian and Duke because naturally, those guys live with him)
Anyway then Bruce dies. Not dramatically, not for any one reason, its not relevant to the plot. But he dies.
And the batkids are left reeling from the grief- and so is Hal- but it was expected or whatever and they plan the funeral and they make arrangements for Damian and Duke to move in with Dick and
Day of the funeral everyone shows up except they forgot to go pick up Damian and Duke
And then Hal frickin Jordan walks in with them and just stands there quietly during the speeches and everything and says nary a word
Until the end, when the batkids finally turn on him and demand to know why he felt like he could intrude.
And Hal sighs so very deeply and whispers an apology under his breath before he states, quite calmly and firmly, āI am Bruceās husband.ā
They dont believe him at first, but when itās obvious its no longer a bit for the plot, they get mad.
The worst part isnt that Bruce didnt tell them. The worst part is that somehow- Hal became the legal guardian of Duke and Damian.
And theyre willing to put up with a lot- but they wont let him take their brothers.
bruce realizing that being a parent means that you have absolutely nothing for yourself. children do not understand personal space and privacy.
dick gets scared at night and he wants to sleep in bruce's bed. fine. dick realizing that bruce has the best bed in the house and playing his games in there, scaring the shit out of him when he goes to take a nap? unexpected. dick thinks bruce's sandwich looks better than his, even though alfred made them the exact same sandwich? dick takes a bite out of his sandwich. and not a little, dainty bite--half of his fucking sandwich, chomped. and dick's just happily chewing away, like bruce hasn't been left with scraps.
dick steals bruce's clothes because they're cooler. he looses all of bruce's socks because he likes to wear them in the winter. bruce will be talking work calls in his office and dick will just barge in to do cartwheels in the corner. the worst though, is when bruce is in the BATHROOM, and dick decides that he needs to talk to bruce right then and there about some inane shit and he just BARGES IN and bruce puts his foot down. he beams a toilet paper roll at dick's head sending the poor boy right out the door.
he's mortified. and he feels really guilty about throwing a toilet roll with enough force to kill a grown man at his child's head.
dick takes it in stride through and just talks to him through the door.
bruce is so happy when jason prefers to stay in his own room or the library. the boy prefers his own, clothes too, and he doesn't really share food. and even though he knows jason's hangups are for entirely different reasons, bruce is privately relieved. at least he doesn't have to share his things with dick AND jason, lol
Having an argument, and Bruce is trying to offer advice
Tim, sarcastically: Thank you so much, autism central, I think Iāll take it from here
Bruce, stunned: What the fuck?? This is friendly fire!
āā
Hal: Gotta say, I love your Dadās big naturals *makes squeezing motions with hands*
Cass, slowly turns around with horror etched on her face: What
Hal: *snaps picture* Lock Screen *flees before he gets stabbed*
āā
Damian, his face very serious and stoic: Father, this mortal shell that I am bound by requires⦠*takes a deep breath* huggies
Bruce, trying so hard not to laugh: Did your brother teach you that? *pulling Damian into his arms*
Damian, satisfied yet slightly embarrassed look on his face: Yes, Richard said it was the best way to gain physical affection from you
Bruce: You just have to ask baby, maybe not like that, though, you sound pained
āā
Bruce, watching Hal from afar: Hrnā¦
Dick: Youāre so in love with him itās redonkulous
Bruce, pleading softly: Please donāt say the word āredonkulousā to me right now. I canāt handle it
āā
Bruce: Itās a no, you guys, and nothing you say is going to change that. Iām putting my foot down
Duke: What if we kidnap Jason every night this week and force him to come to the family dinner
Bruce: ā¦Iām picking my foot up
āā
Hal: *saying something without thinking*
Bruce: *looking up at the cameras with a deadpan expression like heās in The Office*
āā
Alfred: I made beans and toast for breakfast. Later, I will make a meal with mushy peas
Bruce, who has traveled the entire world, has had all kinds of cultural food, and hates bland British food: Ooo yum⦠*strained smile*
Alfred: *nods and walks away*
Steph: That was a little flat, B man
Bruce: Shut up⦠whatever makes Alfred happy
Damian: Iām glad you share the same taste palette as me, Baba
Duke: What if we sneak out to go get some food? Like, actual food
Dick: Iām down
Jason: Well, letās fucking hurry before he comes back!
āā
Bruce: Let me in there! Iāll do the surgery myself, Iām medically trained!
Nurse: You are not a doctor, Sir-
Bruce: I said medically, not legally!
āā
Bruce: Oh, light of my life⦠get the fuck down from the fridge
Duke: But thereās so much space up here!
āā
Bruce, coming back from doctors due to multiple fractures in his leg and a concussion: The clinician is calling it ātraumaā or something
Bruce: Donāt know what the fuck sheās talking about
Bruce: Iām as spring as a spry chicken
Jason, driving him back from the doctor's appointment: Itās as spry as a spring chicken
Bruce: Thatās what I said?
āā
Bruce, walks into the study: ?
Steph, crying her eyes out: Wahhh!
Cass, comforting her: The delivery driver knows her by name. Asked if heād be back tomorrow
Bruce: Ah, painful
āā
Dick, who has frequent hallucinations: Everyone hal-nutes people
Alfred: First of all, it is hallucinates
Alfred: Secondly, no
Bruce, who also has frequent hallucinations: Hmm⦠I dunno, I think we should hear him out
āā
Hal, bringing Bruce coffee: Here you go, babe
Bruce, smiling softly: Thank you, love *presses a soft kiss to his cheek* This is just what I needed
Hal, flustered and smiling dopely: Uh huh, no problem-
Damian, tugging on Bruceās sleeve: Baba
Bruce: Hi, baby, how are you? *kissing Dami's cheek*
Damian, all smiles at Bruce: Iām good, Baba, I just wanted to see you
Damian, glaring at Hal over Bruceās shoulder: Get the fuck away from him, heās mine
Hal, sweating: ā¦
āā
Dick: Dad, please sit the fuck down!
Jason: Are you trying to sneak off somewhere? You know we canāt allow that
Tim: Seriously, Bruce, youāre just aggravating your wounds
Bruce: You guys are being dramatic
Bruce: I was lightly tossed over the hood of a car. Iām not invalid
Steph: Donāt say it like that! You got run over!
āā
Bruce: I canāt just not give the kids in the alley joyrides in the Batmobile
Bruce: Theyāll riot
Alfred: Master Bruce, theyāre children
Bruce: Theyāre Gotham children. We're an entirely different breed. You wouldn't understand
Jason: Thatās true
Steph: I support this message
āā
Dick, coming in from outside: Hi Ace, did ya miss me!
Ace, running past Dick to Bruce excitedly: Woof!
Dick: Hurts every time
Bruce, petting Ace: You canāt really blame him, heās my dog, Birdie
Dick: Still
āā
Bruce, at a restaurant eating: Oops *accidentally drops napkin*
Patrons: *scrambling to grab it, either to keep it for themselves or give it back to Bruce*
Bruce: *sigh* This happens every time
āā
Cass, appearing with a chip hat with one half full of guacamole and the other salsa: Dad
Bruce, half asleep because itās 1 am: Oh my gosh, I was just dreaming about this
Bruce: You know me so fucking well, I love you so much, princess
āā
Stuck in traffic
Bruce, overstimulated from being honked at: Jaylad
Jason: Yea?
Bruce, at his breaking point: Go find the motherfucker who's been honking at me and shoot him point-blank range, please
Jason, scared: O-ohā¦
Bruce, white knuckling the steering wheel, eyes distant: Itāll be considered mercy compared to what I want to do to them
āā
Bruce, down the hall: Where is my sweet boy? My lovely little baby boy?
Batboys: *heads lifting up*
Dick: ā¦
Tim: You guys know heās talking about me, right? I dunno why youāre all looking up
Duke: In your dreams, spleenless, you must still be fucking sick. Get your head checked
Jason: Oh, and I suppose you think heās talking about you? Heās known you for the shortest amount of time
Damian: Gentleman, please, it's hilarious to watch you argue when you know who he was actually calling. Your delusions will never cease to amuse me
Dick: Yeah fucking right, Iāve been here longer than all of you! Iām the reason why he wanted to have more kids in the first place. Trying to compare will only hurt your feelings
Batboys, eyeing each other: ā¦
Bruce, still down the hall and in a happy voice: Come here, baby!
Batboys, scrambling to get to Bruce: Tati/Papa/Dad/B-man/Baba!
Heās talking to Ace
āā
Bruce: Sometimes you just gotta say āIām gonna kill myself!ā Before moving on with your day
Steph: Youāre so right
Duke, snapping his fingers like it was a slam poetry: Speak your truth
āā
Bruce, talking about Timās weed usage: Iām not telling you to stop, sweetheart. All Iām saying is limit yourself before going on patrol
Bruce: The smell lingers
Alfred: It could be worse
Alfred: At least Master Timmothy wasnāt caught trying LSD behind the bleachers at school
Bruce, scoffing: First, I wasnāt trying, I was doing. Second, I was only caught one time; they didnāt get me any other time with my other stuff
Alfred: What
Bruce: Hm? I didnāt say anything
Tim: Iām gonna leave⦠it doesnāt feel safe in here
āā
Hal, bursting in: Spooky! I have an assassin problem. I need your help
Bruce, groaning: Thereās always an assassin problem in this family!
Cass and Damian look up
Bruce: Yeah, you two are trouble, but not today's trouble
āā
Hal, watching Bruce beat up an intergalactic villain who's made entire planets cower: I could handle that
*Record scratch* Like hell he can
āā
Texting
Hal: I think we need to break up
Hal: Iām not good for you, and I donāt want to drag you into my personal problems
Hal: I could put you in harm's way
Bruce: No
Hal: Okay
Bruce: Say you love me
Hal: I love you so much, babe
Bruce: Good. I love you too
āā
Bruce, wearing headphones and chilling by himself: ā¦
Tim, storms in angrily: !!!
Damian, storms in after him angrier: !!!
Bruce, watching them yell at each other without being able to hear a thing: ā¦
Dick, comes in, annoyed and starts yelling at them: !!!
Jason, comes in to instigate: !!!
Tim and Damian teaming up on their older brothers, apparently making up with each other: !!!
Dick and Jason teaming up and waving their hands around: !!!
Steph and Cass peeking their heads around the corner: !!!
Tim jumping on Dickās back and Dick running out of the room: !!!
Jason grabbing Damian and throwing him over his shoulder before following: !!!
Duke, closing the door and leaving Bruce alone again: ā¦
Bruce, who didnāt hear a single thing being said but is exhausted: ⦠*goes back to reading*
āā
Bruce: What doing?
Tim: Trying to collect everyone in the LGBT
Tim: I donāt have anyone who is nonbinary
Bruce: ?
Bruce: You have me
Tim: ⦠what?
Tim: Why didnāt you say anything?!
Bruce: Not important
Bruce: The city needs me
Tim: Okay, yeah, you would say shit like that
Tim: So.. pronouns?
Bruce: Donāt care, more important things to worry about
āā
Dick: Iām just⦠Iām a little sad you didnāt adopt me sooner
Bruce: What?
Dick: Yeah, I guess I was jealous when Jason first came around, and you adopted him immediately
Dick: Why didnāt you want to adopt me?
Bruce: ā¦
Bruce: Youāre kidding, right?
Dick: No�
Bruce: First, it was a different time back then, and I could only take you as a ward for the time being
Bruce: After a few years, I came to you and asked if youād be okay with me adopting you
Bruce: You werenāt
Dick: ā¦really?
Bruce: You screamed, yelled, and hit me
Bruce: You told me, "If you ever try and replace my parents again, Iāll kill myself and make you watch. Iāll leave a note and make sure everyone knows itās because of you."
Bruce: So yeah, I never asked again
Dick: ā¦
Dick: Iām sorry⦠I donāt remember that
Bruce: *shrugs* Didn't think you would. Itās been years, Dick. I understand you were going through a tough time
Bruce: It still hurts, though
āā
Hal: Can we have hate sex?
Bruce: But we donāt hate each other?
Hal: Yes, but havenāt you heard of role play?
āā
Bruce, smack Damian on the head lightly with a wooden sword: I believe thatās another win for me, Habibi
Damian, frustrated: How?? Iāve trained in the sword my entire life
Bruce: And Iāve trained longer
Damian: But I am a master of the Leagueās sword technique
Bruce: No, youāre a master of the new and improved version
Bruce: When I was there, I did a complete overhaul, which is the version that youāre using today
Damian: ⦠what?
Bruce: Donāt worry, I know youāll surpass me
āā
Bruce, surrounded by priceless jewelry and picking out what he likes best: Hmm
Steph: Damn, Bruce! This shit belongs in a museum *holds up solid gold bangales*
Tim: I think this one was in a museum⦠*holding up a diamond earrings*
Bruce: Yeah, it was
Duke: You mustāve spent a fortune
Bruce, confused: What do you mean?
Steph: I mean⦠this shit would put a dent in any billionaireās pockets
Bruce: I didnāt buy any of this. They gave it to me
Tim: ⦠why would they do that?
Bruce: Iām Bruce Wayne?
Bruce: The world belongs to me
Duke: Ah⦠that actually makes sense
āā
Hal: Just come over, Iāll make us food
Bruce: No thanks, I donāt eat
Bruce: ā¦
Bruce: Wait, that sounds weird. What did Tim call them? Pick me? Yeah, sounded pick me-ish
Bruce: No, I have ARFID
Hal: Iāll make one of your safe foods
Bruce: I love you so much
āā
Batkids: This isnāt working
Bruce: ⦠okay
Batkids: Try different parenting. Act like Alfred *unaware of "parent Alfred" and only know "Grandpa Alfred" which is vastly different*
Bruce: I donāt see how thatās better, but okey? *emotionally neglects them and guilt-trips them all while being passive-aggressive*
āā
Cass, sliding in to sit next to Bruce: I see you bought mangos
Bruce: Hrn
Cass: Please cut mangos for me
Bruce: Why? Your brother cuts mangos himself to eat. If you want to eat mangos, go cut them yourself
Cass: Fruit tastes better when you cut it
Cass: Dad, please, Iāll die without mangos
Bruce, preparing to stand up: You are so annoying
āā
Duke: Whatās one of your favorite Robin moments?
Bruce: Any? Youāre not asking me to rank them, are you?
Duke: No, weāll both get in trouble for that
Bruce: Hm, Steph wanted a main weapon. Like Dick and his escrima sticks or Tim and his Bo staff
Bruce: So she picked up a shovel for like, a week straight
Bruce: She was actually really good
āā
Tim, having a depressive episode: I donāt want to survive
Bruce: And yet, you must
Bruce, yanking his blanket off: Up, sweetums, weāre taking Ace on a walk
Tim, slowly sliding out of bed: Ugh
āā
Bruce: So let me get this straight
Jason: ā¦
Bruce: Youāre mad at me for not knowing something that youāre purposefully hiding from me?
Dick: ā¦
Bruce: Do you see how fucking stupid that sounds?
āā
Bruce: My love language is lurking
Duke: Aaah! How long have you been there?!
āā
Bruce: I hate everything!
Bruce: I hate the world! I hate myself! I feel like Iām crawling out of my skin!
Ace, trots in carrying Bruceās meds:
Bruce: Ooh, that makes so much more sense. Thank you, Ace
āā
Alfred: Master Bruce was always going missing one way or another, promising he was going to run away
Alfred: Like that one time *recounts story*
Bruce: Ah, no, I was actually kidnapped that one time
Alfred: Hm?
Bruce: Yeah, you seemed annoyed at me, so I just told you I ran away
Bruce: Didnāt wanna stress you out
Alfred, eye twitching: Didnāt want to stress me outā¦
āā
During an interview
Reporter: And how did you end up in that neck brace?
Hal: I asked him to squeeze my head with his thighs
Bruce, blushing: Please stop talking
Hal: It was the best moment of my life
Hal: I wear this injury with pride
āā
Cass: We need a distraction
Bruce: Donāt worry, Iāve got this
Bruce, walking out into the camera's line of sight: *smiles*
Paparazzi: *clamoring to talk to him or just get a picture of his smile*
Jason: Damn⦠I always forget how famous and popular he isā¦
āā
Bruce getting detained for beating up an old guy messing with his kids at a gala
Police person, trying to cuff Bruce: P-please cooperate, Mr Wayne
Bruce, eyes dark and blood still splattered across his cheek: Do you really want to do this?
Police person, trembling and scared: No, Sir *fumbling with the cuffs*
Bruce, voice very close to Batmanās register: Youāre going to let me go. Now.
Police person, in tears: Yes, Sir
āā
Bruce, coming downstairs wearing a sexy revealing outfit: Hm
Jason, crossing his arms: No
Bruce: ⦠what?
Damian: You heard him, Baba. No way youāre going out like that
Bruce, amused: Oh? And why is that?
Damian: Itās too revealing!!
Bruce: Iām going on a date with Hal, itāll be fine
Jason: Oh, weāll see about that
Jason: Guys! Come look at what Pa is wearing!
Dick: What- oh hell no
Bruce: I thought you boys grew out of this
Tim: Dad, Iām gonna have to agree with them. This is... your shirt doesn't even have a back!
Bruce: Itās not that bad
Steph: You look hot, like, out of this world sexy
Bruce, pleased: Thank you
Steph: Which is exactly why you canāt wear it. Too many creeps
Duke: Maybe you should put on a nice sweater or something?
Bruce, crossing his arms: I donāt want a sweater
Dick: I thought I threw out all your tight pants?
Bruce: So it was you! Also, this is insanely hypocritical coming from you, of all people, chickadee
Tim: Thatās different! Youāre our Dad!
Bruce: I seriously canāt deal with you guys right now. Iām gonna be late
Alfred: Hang on, Master Bruce. Perhaps it would be best if you did change into something less⦠form-fitting?
Bruce: Not you too, Alfred!
Steph: Like, wow, I feel like we need to hire bodyguards
Duke: Seriously, any sweater will do
Hal, flying in through the window: Hey, babe- whoa⦠whoa⦠whoaaaa⦠*staring at Bruce*
Alfred: Advert your eyes before I make you
Hal, flies down and wraps his arms around Bruceās waist: Hurt me all you want, Iāll die for this sight a million times over
Bruce: Letās go on that date. Now.
Hal: On it, babe. I canāt wait to show you off. I can fight bae, wear whatever you want
Bruce, grinning: Hrn
Leaves while the Batfamily yells and threatens to track them down
Dick: We have to be quiet.
Wally, slightly tipsy: Hear that, Roy? wE hAvE tO Be qUIeT.
Roy: Oh come on, Dick, you think the big bad Bat's going to yell at us for coming here late? It's not like you Bats ever sleep anyway.
Dick: No, not Bruce.
Wally: Alfred-
Dick: It's Duke.
Roy: Duke? The kid in the yellow? With the light show? You're afraid of him?
Dick, shhhing them: He's the day shift. He's sleeping. If you fucking wake him-
Duke, appearing at the top of the stairs: Hello Richard.
Dick:
Wally: Sorry to wake you, Duke.
Roy: We're just heading to bed now.
Duke: *walks away*
Wally: The great scary Nightwing afraid of a kid.
*at dawn*
Duke: *opens door to Dick's room where Wally is sleeping next to Dick and Roy is sleeping on the floor*
Duke: *flashbangs the fuck out of them*
Wally: *screaming*
Roy: *screaming*
Dick: *screaming*
Cutesy little jaykyle stuff I drew for a animation meme I did
Oh Jason Toddā¦
Fatsona Lisa
For mixiās strawpage on twt.
Fatson with a pearl earring
Was asked in comments to draw fatson like this painting so here we arešø
long time no jasey toddie š«¦ā¤ļøāš„šļø
Jason has tried to get rid of his white streak so many times. He hates it, he thinks he looks like a character out of one of Damian's manga books but eventually it grows on him but the thing he loves best about it? Answering the questions of people who ask why his hair is like that.
"Stress," he tells a gala attendee, "Yeah, watching my dad at one of these things, making sure he doesn't drown in the punch bowl or french kiss a reporter, it's a stressful job."
"I drank Zesti Cola and Mentos at the same time."
"I disrespected my elders and a ghost straight up bitch slapped me." he tells one of Dick's kids when he's babysitting.
"This is what happens when you wash your hair in Gotham without using treated water."
āI let Dick talk me into a āfun brother bonding spa day.ā Something in that hair mask that Donna cooked up was radioactive. I swear.ā
āI got caught in a flashbang at close range. My hair saw the light before I did.ā
āI got hit with a fear toxin variant. Apparently my hair panicked too.ā
"My hair is what now?"