USMC BOOT CAMP; A WIFE'S JOURNEY

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Yippie!! WE MADE IT!

I haven't had time to write what so ever for these past couple of weeks. Well more than a couple of weeks. I have been so very busy. Before my husband came home I had a lot of things to get done. Then before I knew it, it was family day then graduation. I can't believe its been almost 2 weeks since my husband graduated! Time has flown by.

We had an awesome time together on his leave. Today is the first day he is actually no longer on leave, so that really sucks. Why does time go by so fast when we are together and so slow when we are apart. Today as I write this, my husband is doing his week of RA. It sucks that we both have to get back to work, but nothing I can do about that I guess.

I know bootcamp was just one of the separations we are going to go through as we get further and further into this. I'm really hoping that bootcamp will be one of the hardest due to the fact their was hardly any communication, granted he wasn't in harms way, I hope that separation was one of the hardest. Im not really sure if it will be any easier whenever he leaves again - I'm sure it won't, but maybe with the better communication it will somehow make the situation a little more bearable. Who know's I guess. Only time will tell.

If I had to tell someone how my bootcamp experience was being a wife separated for my husband, i would tell them it simply sucked. There was nothing good or fun about it. Some wives and girlfriends are completely fine when their loved one leaves. Even the day before he came back, with my major excitement, if someone asked me a question about him I would still get teary eyed and have to hold back my tears because I missed him so very much. I definitely wasn't myself at all while he was gone. I felt like I had this huge cloud over my head, and I just couldn't shake it. My biggest fear while he was gone was that time would just somehow stop and life would be over. I was so afraid that something would happen in this world, like a major disaster or something and I would never see him again. I was even afraid that I was going to die or something and never see him or be in his arms again. Pretty irrational, but at the time it was a huge fear for me. Though those 13 weeks of him being gone went by extremely slow and it was very tough, time did continue on and we both made it. Hopefully whenever we have a separation like that again, I can remember it will end.

As I sit here and am writing this, I can't help but a get a little emotional thinking about just everything. Now that bootcamp is over, we have to wait till he finishes his MOS schooling and then he will get a permanent duty station.  I can't wait for that because I can't wait to finally know were we are going. I am also a little scared for whats to come. We are not a normal family anymore. We are a military family. There are just so many questions and uncertainties to our life in the future, that it scares me. I know everything will be okay and whatever is going to happen is going to happen, it just is scary. 

till next time...

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

The real countdown..

I am getting really close to finally being in my husbands arms. A little more than 2 weeks left. I can't believe it! I am getting so excited and nervous. Its been a while since i have wrote anything down, I just haven't felt like it. 

I have been getting letters this last week "more regular". That made me real happy. My hubby said he is going to call sometime this coming up week, so that will be great to hear his voice and be able to talk to him. I haven't talked to him for over 2 months now and I feel like I am going crazy. I miss him, I miss everything about him. I can't wait to just be able to call him on the phone and have him pick it up. Last weekend, when I was cleaning I was cleaning by his phone and it got dust on it. :( That made me soo soo sad. 

Its hard to believe that this is almost over. I know there is still quite a few more days left, but we are over 81% complete. I never thought that I would survive. I thought that my life would stop and that my life would essentially end without my husband by my side. This has not been an easy journey what-so-ever. Everyday has been a struggle and everyday will be a struggle until he is back home with me. I'm just surprised and shocked with myself that I survived. You have no many times I thought about doing something really stupid to get my husband home. But then something came over me and I realized if I did that, my husband would come home for a little bit but then he would have to turn around and leave again. I've tried to stay as strong as I possibly could, and I really have my husband , my friends, and God to thank for that. 

I just can't wait to see him and be in his arms again. I can't wait to be able to hug him, kiss him, and tell him that I love him so much in person. <3 I've been counting down the days since he left, but now they are really in sight. I can't wait. I love him so much.

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

getting there

Well I am getting closer to getting to see my husband again. I can't wait. I did get 2 letters last thursday but none since then. I guess I am kind of getting used to not having the letters. It sucks, and I still cry about it but I am trying to not expect anything. I found that when I start expecting, and then it doesn't happen I get more hurt rather than just being honest and really not expecting anything. 

School has been over for over a week now and I am going crazy. I've been so bored. I've been trying to go to the gym a lot more but you can only be in the gym for a certain amount of time a day. It doesn't fill your entire day up.

This past saturday was one of the worst days by far though this experience. It felt like the first week all over again. I cried on the floor for at least four hours. I just felt very over the whole thing and I was very done going through this. I just feel so alone and bitter. Today, I am just trying to look forward and get through my days. 

Hopefully I start getting more letters on a regular basis now. Praying I get a letter tomorrow. <3

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

no mail

Yep, it has been 8 days since I last received a letter and 2 weeks since the letter I received was written. 

pretty much going through hell right now. feeling scared, angry, hurt, worried, upset and alone. just want this to all end..

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

letters... please!

Well I went 3 days without getting a letter. I finally got one yesterday, but none today! :( It really sucks. It sucks just not knowing how he is doing. I know no news is good news but :'(

I am starting to get so excited for my husband to come home, but it is still 6 weeks away. Its just good knowing that this is half way over and we are on the downhill part. I have the app on my phone called "doing time". Its a pie chart and its good to see that a little bit more than half of the pie is gone! 

As for myself, I am trying to drown myself in work, school, friends and working out.  I know this sounds bad but I really have been trying to stay away from family. This is because most of the family wants to talk about my hubby and him being gone and its still very tough to talk about. Just like before he left everyone was always talking about it. I try not to be home that much because home reminds me that my husband is not home, so I try to stay out as much as possible. :) 

Lately, I have been really trying to stay positive. I've been trying to look at this separation as a start for our future together. It is definitely easier said than done , but I am trying. I've been doing so many searches on apartments, town homes, cars, furniture, exc. Trying to look forward to my husband and I having our own house and decorating and it making it our home together. I can't wait till he gets back so we can really start our own lives together. I can't wait to start our family and to start having/making our own traditions together. <3

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

6 weeks down!

I can't believe that it has already been six weeks since I have seen my husband. It is crazy to believe. I don't want to say that it has gone by fast or anything, because it definitely has not! The days seem to drag on but the overall time seems to be speeding up a little bit. It still feels like I haven't seen my husband in years though. :( I swear, it doesn't even feel like my husband is at boot camp. Like right now, as I am writing this I am staring at the front door. Its like I keep waiting for him to walk in and say "SURPRISE!!". I swear everywhere I go, I keep thinking he will just show up. Obviously thats not going to happen, and is a little far fetched from reality. 

This week has been pretty good on letters. I got one Monday-Friday. Normally I don't get one on tuesday, so that was nice. However, I didn't get one on Saturday so that kind of sucked. Today is sunday and there is no mail on sundays so that means its been two days without hearing from my hubby. Praying I get a letter from him tomorrow. I think maybe God is preparing me for mail for the next week when there is a holiday. 

Everything I do still remind me of my husband. I mean I guess thats normal since we used to be together all the time and he is my husband. It really has not gotten better. I still can't really talk about him being gone to anyone without feeling that pain deep inside my heart and getting teary eyed. I don't know how I am ever going to get through any deployments, but I am trying to not think about that. Trying to focus on today and taking it one day at a time is so hard when all I want to do is run! I'm thankful I have been so busy lately. School has really been kicking my butt. I have also been going to the gym a lot and have lost 17 pounds since my husband left. I want to lose 13 more but I really gotta put myself in gear and start working harder. I know as time gets closer to him coming home, I will start to freak out and be living in the gym. 

School is over in about a week and a half, so after that I really am going to be bored and not know what to do with myself. I guess then is when my gym time will pick up. I'm ready for school to be over but I don't want to lose that busyness that comes along with school. Oh well, at least the more days that past the closer I am to being with my husband. I keep trying to make plans, mostly for the weekend since I don't really work weekends. I keep trying to make them to give me something to look forward to having to do. It also makes me feel like time will go on. I mean its been 6 weeks already but I just have this horrible feeling that time is going to just stop and stand still. I found that it really helps dealing with that fear and anxiety. Setting little goals is good because when I get there it feels good to know that time is still moving forward. 

I keep trying to think of the positive things that are going to come out of this separation. Finally getting our own house, buying all of our own things and maybe starting a family sooner than we ever thought we could. I've been looking at apartments and places that we could possibly be moving and it gets me excited, but also scared. Scared of not knowing were we are going to go, will we be staying here, or moving far away? I don't really want to move away from my friends and family but it doesn't really matter wherever I go as long as my husband is with me. 

It's hard to force a smile on my face, but I try. I keep hoping that one day I will wake up and be happy and have that natural smile on my face. Don't mean to sound like a debbie downer but there is nothing fun about this life.  The only thing I look forward to is being back in my husbands arms! 44 more days! 

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

Thursday!

Well this week I got a letter everyday. Surprising since normally I don't get mail on tuesdays, but since he is in a different phase of bootcamp, I somehow did. 

Everyday I go open the mailbox it is like the moment of truth. As I am slowing turning the key, my heart begins racing and then I open it and there is almost always a letter from my amazing husband. I really am so lucky that my husband takes the time to write to me. I am so lucky just to have my husband. He is the best man ever. Im so happy that I got to marry my best friend. 

Today I am not really feeling that good and it just sucks to know that if my husband were home he would be taking care of me. Not like I can't take care of myself, but my husband would always take care of me when I was sick. 

47 days!

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

Another Sunday

Hubby wrote me and told me he was busy to write the other day. He said he felt really bad about not getting one out because he has gotten one out everyday since he has been there.This kinda made me sad because I don't want him to feel upset that he didn't get a letter out. I know he is there to do a job and he doesn't get that much free time, and even the free time I do get he is still busy and expected to get things done.  He said he felt like a really bad husband. :( I wrote him and told him of course he is not a bad husband and I could never think that he was. I am actually very lucky to be getting as much mail as I have gotten.

I got a letter yesterday as well, this one was very short, only about 4 lines but he said he just wanted to get something out to me. So I am very appreciative of this. Like I said, I am very very lucky to be getting this much mail. 

Well today is sunday! If you guys have been reading my blogs you would know that I can't stand sundays because they are the day my husband left and also they are very boring because I never work. I mean don't get me wrong I have plenty of things I could be doing at home, like chores and homework, but being home is tough. However, today isn't actually that bad. I mean I'm sure I will cry later on tonight as the day starts to wind down, but I have been doing "ok" this morning and afternoon. I am babysitting later on today so hopefully that will keep my mind off of this but who knows. 

I am eager to find out how the mail is going to be for the next few weeks, as my husband is transitioning to a different part of boot camp. I still hope I get a few letters a week, but I hear the mail tends to get very slow. I'm praying that it is the same for me, but expecting the worst. 

On the bright side, only 51 days left! 

I can't wait! 

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

No letter

Today I didn't get a letter :( I am pretty bummed. I should have gotten a letter from him that he wrote on Monday but for some reason I didn't get one. Maybe tomorrow I will get two or maybe he was just too busy to write. 

Its upsetting not getting a letter after I pretty much had my letter schedule down. I guess I should never expect a letter, but I just feel down that I did not get one..

54 DAYS!! (tick...tick...)

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

It's Wednesday

Well it is another wednesday. I was right about not getting any mail on Tuesdays. Yesterday, I didn't get any mail, so I think its official that tuesdays are non-mail days. Just because they are non-mail dates doesn't mean my husband isn't writing and I know that. I got 3 letters today all from the weekend. His letters were great! He said that he finally got caught up on all of my letters and he said how much they mean to him. Its nice to know that he feels connected to home by my letters. 

However, he is still sick. :( Him being sick is the biggest worry of mine, because being sick could possibly get him delayed. I know that everyone gets sick while in bootcamp because of the close quarters and people coming from all over but its still hard to deal with. He said he has pink eye too so he said he needs to go to medical and get some drops but he doesn't want to say anything about being sick with a cold and cough because he is afraid to get dropped. I shouldn't say that he is afraid but he just doesn't want to be away for longer than he has to be. For now he says that he will just suck it up. I am just afraid if he sucks it up for the next 8 weeks that he will end up getting sicker. Idk? Maybe the sickness will cure itself with time and my prayers. 

Its hard not being able to help the person you love the most. Its hard not being there to take care of my husband. The letters I got today were 3 days old, so I'm hoping the ones I am going to get in the near future are better and they say that he is doing much better. I keep hoping to hear that he is doing better but every letter I get he says that he is still sick. sometimes he says he is feeling a little better, but obviously he is not better if he still is feeling sick. He said he has been sick for week 1, so for about 4 weeks now he has been sick. He's made it this far, he only has to do it two more times, but its just scary being on the other side not knowing.

I just want to see my husband and don't want anything to happen to delay that but I also don't want him to get sicker. This is a tough place to be. Feeling helpless, and alone with no support from anyone about this. Granted people in my life know whats going on, they are not giving me the support that I need and they are not telling me what I want to hear. Haha. I want to hear that it will be okay and that he will be okay but no one can tell me that. 

As of right now, all I am doing and all I can do is continue to pray. I pray like crazy and feel like my connection with god has grown because of what I am going through. Just like they say, god only gives you what you can handle, but right now it feels like I am not handling anything. I can break down in the split of a second... Hope things go up from here. 

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Another sunday...

Well its another sunday... This sunday marks 4 weeks since i have seen my husband. It is so hard to think that it was really 4 weeks ago. I really wish that time would speed up.

Like I have written before, some days I have really bad days were I cry all the time and sometimes I have an okay day were I cry a little. Today is definitely a really bad day, were the tears are flowing. Trying to be strong but I just want to break down.

No one will understand how I feel until you have your best friend, lover, other-half, husband completely out of your life in a matter or hours. When we go from having our routine everyday, to our normal staples, then to having daily life continue on going but not having him here to do it with me. It is tough trying to pick up the pieces, when you need your husband here to help you pick up the pieces.

Its hard whenever I am having a bad day or something because my husband was the one to always get me through the bad ones. Its hard being alone. Its hard not knowing. 

I'm very scared for what life will be holding for me in a week and a half when he transitions between phases. I know the mail will slow down and that is going to kill me. I am so used to getting mail on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. I'm trying to be happy and look at this transition into the other phase as progress and progress means we are even closer to seeing each other again, but its tough to do.

I just want this to be over already. This is a lonely and tough life. No doubt about it. 

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

Day 27

Well its May 4th.

One day after my husbands 21'st birthday. I would like to say that I am over the worst as I was very worried about his birthday being extremely hard on me, but I don't think I am.

Last night I had an awful dream that my husband called and I missed his phone call by literally seconds. Today I am going to buy a ringtone that is very loud so I can hear it from anywhere in my house. Even though I keep my phone glued to me. This was the kind of dream where you are balling your eyes out and then wake up and you have tears running down your face. I hate those kinda of nightmares. I always used to have nightmares life this and my husband would wake me up and comforted me. I wish he could have done that last night but I know he would have if he was home. 

I also woke up this morning and had a horrible feeling like I am not going to see my husband forever. I know that I will see him soon, 59 days and counting, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

Hopefully today I get a good upbeat letter and my husband lets me know that he is feeling better. Its tough trying to be strong for myself and having to turn around and be even stronger for my husband in the letters. I realize that I have to be stronger for him because he is going through so much. I know that I am going through a lot too but he doesn't need to know what I am going through... 

Until the next one.

59 days and counting!!

(Tick, Tick)

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Happy Birthday to my Amazing Husband!!

Today my husband turned 21. I really wish that I could have been there with him or that he could have been home for his birthday. It has been a tough day just because we have been together for every birthday since he turned 17. We always have been living together for 3 years today as well :)I wrote him a lettter about a week ago hoping that he would have gotten it by today so he could know he has some birthday wishes. I know he probably has gotten it and that makes me happy knowing that he knows I am sending my love. 

I send him a lot of mail. 2-3 pieces a day. He says in his letters that he has gotten really behind on reading them but he has told me not to stop writing because it is nice to get his name called and to know he's got some mail from me. Obviously, I would NEVER stop writing so Idk why he put that! haha

This morning I got a kinda depressing letter. He couldn't tell me enough how much he missed me and just wanted to come home to see me again. Its hard to be strong for myself, but then having to be even stronger for my husband. 

This life and lifestyle is definitely not a fun one. It is very lonely and commend anyone who has done it, doing it with me right now and will do it in the future. I have gotten a taste for his lifestyle as my dad was in the military for 20 plus years, but having your husband be in is completely different than having your dad in. Some things have been bugging me lately. It bugs me when people say they know how I feel. Unless you have been in my shoes, and experienced this kind of pain please don't tell me how you know how I'm feeling. Its annoying when people think that they know the relationship me and my husband have. 

I know that everything will get easier for me as time goes on and when I finally get to see my husband again. Right now, it still feels like I'm stuck in this dark cloud and I can't get out of it. Not trying to have a pity party or anything, but like I said you won't know my pain until you have experienced it yourself. 

Until the next...60 days left!!

[usmcbootcamp-blog]

This is hard.

Yesterday I didn't get any letters from my husband and today I got three. I was happy to get them and to read them, but he doesn't sound as good as usual. His spirits are high but he is sick.

There is no worser feeling in the world than feeling helpless and not able to help the ones you love. Right now I am really wishing that I could be with my husband to take care of him. Obviously, that is not possible so their isn't much I can do, expect write to him and tell him I hope he is getting better and praying. 

Todays just one of those days I really miss him. The tears are falling, and I just want him home. I know I can't do anything about it and I just have to wait so I try to pick myself up and carry on but it is very hard...

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End of week 3

End of Week 3:

  Well I wish I could say that things are getting better. I wish they were. Everyday is still as tough as the first. Every moment is still as tough. This week has been interesting. I have gotten a lot of letters. Monday I received one letter, Tuesday I didn’t get any letters, Wednesday I got four letters and Thursday/Friday/Saturday I have received one letter. I was pretty upset on Tuesday when I didn’t get a letter from him but I guess I shouldn’t really expect anything. All of these letters bring my total of letters to 11.

  I am very blessed that my husband takes the time out of his busy schedule to write me. Granted his letters are not always very long, but just the fact that he wants to write to me daily and send them off daily is very very awesome! I am blesse to have a great husband that writes like this.

  On Tuesday when I didn’t receive any letters, I was crushed. I thought that I was going to be getting a letter everyday. When I opened that mailbox, my heart sank as I frantically looked through all the mail. However, the next day when I got four I realized that my husband still wrote to me everyday and that the mail must just have been delayed due to the weekend and the weird mailing schedule where he is at.

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Another day...

Today I received another letter from my husband. I am so thankful that he is sending little letters out daily. This letter was a little bit different from the rest of the letters. He still sounded good but he said he was sad that he has not received any mail from me. I have written him well over 20 plus letters so he should have gotten them by now or will be getting them soon. 

My husband did however say in his letter that he understand mail takes a while. It is just heartbreaking to know that he is desperately wanting to hear from me and know I am okay. He also said that he thinks he is getting sick, which also sucks. No one wants to hear that their husband is sick and sad. I know that getting sick at boot camp is almost inevitable but its still heartbreaking. 

Hopefully I get a letter tomorrow or Wednesday that says he finally got my letters and is doing much better. Ugh, this waiting game is horrible. 

So far I have gotten four letters from him. One every single day since he has been given "free time". I am so lucky!

71 days left <3

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72 days left

I really hate the weekends...especially sunday. I think I hate sundays so much since that is the day my husband left, and normally they are pretty boring. Plus there is no mail on sundays! ;(

 This morning was pretty rough but the day went by faster since I was out with friends. Its nice to get out with friends and family. I'm thankful I have such wonderful people in my life to help get me through this difficult time. 

Its still hard going out and doing things because I wish my husband was with me. Especially when I go to places that we always used to go.. which in reality is everywhere. 

I can't believe it has been 14 days since he left... Can't wait for tomorrow and to get the mail. Hopefully there will be some mail from him! That would be great!!! 

As for now, I'm just trying to take everyday day by day. I know that every day is a day closer to seeing my husband! I can't wait for our reunion. It will be the best feeling in the world. <3 Until then, I'm counting down the days...72 days left and trying to get through this.