the damselette

the damselette

[utssuangel]

𓂃۶ৎ utsu ᣟ༷𝅘𝅥𝅮୧ 18 yo 　𝄞 jirai blog⠀

masc prns 𓈒 aroace 𓈒 perv freak thing ⠀

rerir is my oshi ◞ vanilla of jiraiblr

﹒ potential npd﹐audhd 𓏲ּ𝄢 tw for sh ﹐everything is properly tagged◞ dni bina/vani doubles ♡

[utssuangel]

also i don't have much mental energy for too many people cause my friends left me for my abuser. like wow okay, talk about "we care for you"! two of them also started dating after leaving me. i totally feel nothing and not wishing for someone to get in a car crash

horrific! i let you leak into everything and pour my love to you only for it to amount to nothing! the universe finds many ways to torture me

[utssuangel]

oh my god ... i wasn't even aware it was 2 weeks i thought it was just a week. this is what depression does to someone

update i've been playing project diva and i, have no skill at rhythm games which is kinda funny for a jirai. i probs won't be too active on this account at all anymore cause only one alter (me! utsu!) is interested in tumblr jirais plus we're too tired mentally to properly take care of two accounts especially since we keeping switching fronts so utsu can't be active enough to put dedication

IM SORRY !!! WAH! you can expect bursts of energy when i do front though! please still love me my cuties ...

[utssuangel]

disappearing for 2 weeks after saying only one thing is keeping me alive was probably NOT a good idea omg. i didn't kms i just forgot about jiraiblr a little bit

[utssuangel]

changing my theme later. i want it to be red desire because umamusume is really the only thing keeping me alive.

i like them ... how cute they are. i wish i could be that cute.

[utssuangel]

nobodies said anything for a full day i think it's starting to become apparent someone probably doesn't want me as a friend anymore.

if all expressing emotions and thoughts gets me is being treated as dramatic and senstive then what's the point in doing it? is there something so inherent to me that i can't be valued as much as others? what a pain in the ass

[utssuangel]

have tears in my eyes and it sucks ... uuwwahh.

[utssuangel]

around every year or so i always come back to this thought, and usually my feelings fluctuate. but this time i'm at a complete loss at what to feel.

people come and go in life, that's just a part of how things work. you'll be friends for awhile. you'll have great memories but at some point, it fades. you move on and the cycle repeats over and over

though, how does it feel to be the person constantly moving ..? people usually have a solid in their life, someone who stays forever. or is that just something everyone wishes and very little actually have it?

i'd like to be someone worth staying for. but every time i can tell i'm not making the cut. something about me, no matter how much i change, just lacks the quality that'll get me what i want.

is this just a part of life for some people? it seems to be a part of mine. i don't seem to be worthy of being an object of admiration.

[vampyricsquid]

“ __ followed you / liked your post “

awwwwwwwh lil old me?? (*´ω｀*)

EHEHEHAJDHFJ YAYYY!!!!

[utssuangel]

i’ve been watching nekopara because of you and it’s very silly

that's so nice to hear !! ehe. i love when people get into things cause of me, my influence is spreading

the dialog is kinda stupid at times where i can't take it seriously. there'll be a certain scene and i'll just start laughing because of it.

[brutallydying]

[utssuangel]

in this state of mind where i'm not exactly in an episode or mood swinging hard but at the same time things just feel ... unbearable

just like, state of the world is unbearable. it gets frustrating to exist but i don't want to stop living either, there's much to live for i think.

i'm just mad at people. for multiple things. but it could get better. the possibility is always there

[utssuangel]

hi cuties! miss me much?

i'll be rethemeing soon , maybe! how would you guys think of a red desire ( uma ) theme?

sorry for my connstant in and out activity ... i'm just tired of tumblr a bit usually. i haven't forgotten about you guys though dw

[utssuangel]

i just need to constantly consume myself with media so i don't have a personal thought and it'll be okay. i just need to stop thinking. maybe i should try getting high again.

[utssuangel]

save me anything at all.

please anything at all

for the love of god anything at all save me.

[utssuangel]

summer is my months of misery and then i randomly chill out in autumn. just gotta hold out until cool weather hits back again ... yup. god someone save me

[utssuangel]

i dont even know who you are but i was scrolling the weird tumblr that replaces the @ with a random user's @ and it keeps picking up yours twin

so yeah!

it's because i'm simply amazing! yup!