Shhh! Let me ramble

Lidija | Poems and writings dedicated to the unknown reader

[v-a-r-m-a]

Terrified

For my words are meaningless

And actions are dull

They scream at me

Showing their fangs

Stepping on my blood and tears

Sometimes I wonder

Whether I live in a daydream

Secretly turned into a nightmare

Meticulously planned, left unnoticed

By my always observant eye

I fight, every day

For my light to shine

For my work to pave a path

To see the light, to reach

The flower meadow, the waterfall

Where I can rest

And replenish my tired fibers

But right now

I'm terrified, with no place

For my head to put at rest

Terrified, yet not broken

The world has put me

On a life-long test.

[v-a-r-m-a]

I left my scars open For you to look at them, Cry tears of sorrow, Neglecting that you are the reason I have them.

You stood there, Eyes wide, Seeing but not seeing, A canvas of memories. Each wound painted With the colors of our past, A palette of trust broken, And promises unkept. Yet still, I showed you, Hoping for understanding, Or perhaps a touch of regret. Each mark a story, A moment etched in my skin.

Yet the weight of your gaze Felt like a storm, Tearing me apart, Leaving me exposed. Still, I left my scars open, An offering to the unseeing, A reminder that love With all its beauty Can carve the deepest lines.

[v-a-r-m-a]

One day

You asked me

Staring fiercely

What is my reason for living

You have searched it everywhere

Looking up the sky

Asking the dead ones

And never getting an answer

You have played the life to the fullest

Playing the villain

Glistening teeth at night

And bringing terror to the poor ones

Searching for an answer in their screams

You played the goody two-shoes

You played the clown

You played and fall in abyss

Bottom of no answers

Nightmare clenching your shoulders behind

But, dear, oh my dear friend

While asking and searching

You stopped living, dreaming of death

But there might be no answers for the dead

Oh dear, my dear friend

Instead of prying, take my hand

And let’s start living

The answers come to those who ‘live’

Showing up in front of us

Unexpected, inevitably at some time

For the time being

I will be by your side.

[jade-fox-deactivated20230511]

I always feared reaching 30 years old

Like a looming black shadow in mourning

Of all the time I’d wasted

The chances I didn’t take

The regrets I still carried near

The love I gave to the wrong people

The wisdom I still felt I hadn’t found.

Instead it felt as if life gently placed a cloak of calm upon me

And called it ‘acceptance’

-JF-

[v-a-r-m-a]

Sorry

I can't "human" anymore

This inner child in me

Is confused and tired

Despair and fear

That's all I hear

That's all I see in the face

Of those looking at me

I can't "human"

Be part of you

Just leave me in dust

I will wake up one day

I promise.

[fullofreveries]

[v-a-r-m-a]

I tried to bow my head, But pride slipped in like smoke, Filling the room with its sweet scent. I clutched my chest, wondering Why the weight of grace Feels heavier than a crown.

In quiet moments, I hear The echoes of my own voice, Each word a pebble tossed Into a pond of what could be. I want to be the quiet light, But the glow of recognition Pulses brighter, tempting me, A moth to the flame, flickering.

So I stand, wavering, Between the shine and the shadow, Searching for the path that feels like home.

[v-a-r-m-a]

The tremble I feel Throughout my life Can't escape this yearning A premonition of the storm coming And changing the path I've walked so diligently I tremble for I fear Every new journey That awaits at the sidewalk And takes my hand Is it a friend I yearned for Or a foe that I feared?

[v-a-r-m-a]

It rained gold Upon her shattered past, Like a cloak draped heavy, While threats hovered close, Shadows at her back. She has borne enough, Yet the battle carries on. Life is a jagged road, Her heart, a weary drum, Beating out a reluctant rhythm.

Voices hiss behind her, Chipping away at her mind, But still, she stands, Enduring the storm, Transforming torment into treasure, Her suffering forged to brilliance, Each wound a spark, Illuminating a future bright, A castle rising from despair, Built of dreams, Growing, Expanding, A sanctuary made of light.

(reworked, 30.07.2025.)

[v-a-r-m-a]

My mind, a storm I cannot tame, A restless beast that bears no name. It races wild, it weaves and spins, A labyrinth of should-have-beens.

I seek the calm, a steady shore, But thoughts crash in, a ceaseless roar. They twist and turn, they pull me under, A ship unmoored, torn asunder.

I grasp for peace, but it slips away, Like shadows at the break of day. The weight of worry, the chains of fear, They bind me tight, they hold me here.

I try to breathe, to still the tide, But doubts arise, and hope subsides. The echoes whisper, cruel and low, Of all the things I’ll never know.

Why can’t I reign this inner storm? Why must I ache, why must I mourn? But still, I fight, I seek the light, A fragile spark in endless night.

So here I stand, though bruised, alive, A soul that struggles, yet will strive. For even in this fractured state, I’ll learn to heal, I’ll learn to wait.

The mind may wander, wild, unbound, But in its depths, some peace is found. A quiet strength, a hidden grace, To face the storm, and find my place.

[v-a-r-m-a]

I lift my voice — Can you hear me screaming? I wonder where all the faces have gone, Lost in the shadows of my memory. I simplify my life by not giving a damn; So true, I have lost them, The fears I once despised.

Can you hear me screaming? Words spill like fire, igniting anger, Yet I still waver, lacking the courage To shatter these chains And rise anew.

Can you hear me screaming? I wish you well; The time has come To leave it all behind.

[v-a-r-m-a]

You have nothing but burden

On your shoulders

Yet you never cry for help

You humbly carry it

Like a queen's mantle

You won't throw it off

No reproach comes out of your mouth

You are unbreakable

-

Can you teach me your ways?

Can you show me your strength?

I have lost my way,

Fallen under my own burden.

[quotemadness]

One of the best lessons you can master in life is to master how to remain calm.

Unknown

[metamorphesque]

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

[bsd-bibliophile]

You see I kept asking myself then: why am I so stupid that if others are stupid—and I know they are—yet I won’t be wiser?

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

[starlightacademia]

I wish I wasn't, such a dreamer. I've ruined this life for myself.

— N.M. Sanchez

[quotemadness]

I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.

Ferdinand de Saussure