don't blame me, love made me crazy

valeria soto. 31. big sag energy.

[valerianoto]

FMK: Ben, Bram, Greg Walsh

"This doesn't sound like a trap at all.

F: Bram. Been there, done that, got the smashed windshield. M: Ben. That was always supposed to be the plan anyway. K(ill): Greg because... obviously."

[valerianoto]

  What was the most embarrassing moment in your life?

"I don't know if it's the most embarrassing, but it's one that sticks out anytime I'm asked a question like this. So there was a box of free samples outside of a chicken restaurant. And like any sane person, I grabbed a meaty lil chicken leg of a sample. Only it wasn't a sample. It was a man holding a box of chicken. That he'd purchased for himself. I tried to steal this man's chicken."

[valerianoto]

What would you consider to be your fatal flaw?

"My stubbornness is so rooted in my own pride that I would rather chew off my own foot than ask for help. I want people to see it, I don't want to have to feel like I'm begging for it. It's flawed logic, of course, I know that, and yet... here we are."

[valerianoto]

📱📲 ||  Baleria

Ben: So what do you want to do? Really just avoid each other for a year or until we find a better therapist?

Val: No, it's not what I want. What I want is to feel like we've reached some sort of understanding. What I want is to not feel like I've compromised myself and my career for someone who has never been able to fully let me in. I just wanted you to see me, Ben. I went about it the wrong way, I know that. But that's what I wanted.

Val: So what do we do with that?

[valerianoto]

[valerianoto]

text | bram & val

Bram: No why the fuck would I tell her that?

Bram: She would never forgive me or you for that matter, its better to deny it and pretend it never happened

Bram: If you didn't tell her tho and I didn't tell her, then we both know who did.

Bram: I'm gonna kill him

Val: Yeah, me and my shattered car window have gotten that message loud and clear

Val: Go easy on him. He could have absolutely blasted us and he hasn't. I don't know why he chose NOW to do it, but it's done so nothing is gonna change that

[valerianoto]

📱📲 ||  Baleria

Ben: The last time we were face to face, all I could think about was kissing you. Maybe this is better for actual communication.

Ben: The separation as savior concept doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me if I'm being honest.

Ben: Did it feel like fucking up to you?

Val: No, of course it doesn't. But you and I both know the fucking was never the problem

Val: It's that whole pesky communication thing

[valerianoto]

📱📲 ||  Baleria

Ben: It can be, yes. I'm glad you did, though.

Ben: Then what was it? An apology isn't a deep dive into your motivations, so I was guessing.

Val: This is definitely an over text sort of conversation, let's do it

Val: Nothing has changed, Ben. It's literally the definition of insanity to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. What if the separation really is the only thing that can save us? Then we're already fucking it up. I'm tired of fucking everything up. And it just feels like that's all I can do anymore

[valerianoto]

📱📲 ||  Baleria

Ben: I heard you locked your keys in your car the other day. Are you okay?

Ben: I realize this probably breaks all the break up rules and you already guilt dipped so I guess answer if you want or leave me on read. Your choice.

Val: I made it through in one piece, which I've come to learn is a feat

Val: That wasn't what that was

[valerianoto]

text | bram & val

Bram: knows what?

Bram: what'd you tell her?

Val: Bram

Val: ***knows***

Val: Nothing she didn't already know

Val: But I'm taking that as it wasn't YOU who told her, then?

[valerianoto]

text | bram & val

Val: Lola knows so heads up

Val: Or, I guess, more appropriately, heads down

[valerianoto]

finneassullivan​:

-

No one would know the difference, but Finn felt himself cracking under the pressure of his new job. Getting into UCB for his undergrad and then his grad was one thing, but scoring a job as a professor at the well renowned school felt like something he wasn’t sure he deserved. It had only been two months, so maybe he needed to give the imposter syndrome some time to dissipate. In the meantime, he spent most of his waking hours on campus preparing lessons, grading papers, and trying to figure out if the students showing up to office hours really needed his help or were just there to flirt with him. The stress wasn’t apparent on his face.

He headed back out to his car where he parked right off of campus only to find a woman mumbling to herself. As he got closer, the situation she got herself into became apparent. Finn smiled, trying not to let out an actual laugh. “Sup.” He repeated. The tall man’s eyes traced over her once again. “You stuck huh?” He hadn’t seen anything like this in real life, only in movies and - well.. you know.

.

Val wasn’t sure her head could tip back far enough to take in the skyscraper of a man who approached her. She traced the tilt of his mouth, the amusement clear and the way he attempted to hold it back even clearer. It was a hilarious sight, she supposed. Or it would have been. If it had been anyone but her. 

She pressed her lips together to hide her own amusement— a slap-happy sort of reaction to be sure, but still. “Is this what we’re doing? Are we stating the obvious? Okay, okay, my turn. You’re really fuckin’ tall, huh?” 

[valerianoto]

tyramirez​:

Tyler did love his job, it was long days of work hard days for him. But it was always want called for him since he was younger. The Navy was great for him and part of him still misses it. But being on the streets protecting a city did mean a lot to him. He came and became a patrol office but also a training office. Since he loved to help train the future officers of the city so they could be the best they could be. He had a rookie with him for a year then had a few months off on his own and he loved it. His first rookie or boot in Vancouver was doing well on  his own and his second was doing great too. 

They were doing the normal patrol driving around town making sure everyone was behaving . They did have to stop at minor accident on the free way. Thankfully everyone was okay and just had to exchange their information. Then they were driving on before he parked so they could do a foot patrol and it was going fine. Till he stopped and see a young women having hard time parking.

 Him and his rookie John watched from across the street crossing over to see if she was okay. She did seem like her mood wasn’t the best  so he wanted to check in on her. Being an officer wasn’t always about being the one to take a bad person in “Are you alright ma'am?” he asked as John stood by his side.

.

All Val could really see was the uniform and it made her feel uneasy. Cops had been a staple in the apartment building she’d grown up in. Day in and day out, she could look out the window and spot those red and blue lights flashing for one reason or another. As a small child, she’d been told what all children are told: the police help people. But they had never helped her. And looking back on it now, Val could understand she was just a child trying to make anyone accountable for the neglect, a job that had been no one’s but her own mother’s. Even still, it was an impossible feeling to shake.

She straightened (as much as she was able with her arms held captive in her own sleeves. “Oh, yeah. I’m having a great time.” She did her best to place her elbow on the top of her car and lean her head against her fist in a show of casual that looked anything but. “Is there something I can help you with, officers?”

[valerianoto]

sancmsayar​:

~

“You’re about as obvious…as a billboard,” Sanem retorted before smiling as the other occupied the other side of the park bench with her. She had been teasing but once she’d seen Valeria–she had noticed that almost blank expression on the other’s face. It had definitely made her curious enough to call out to her and see what was going on. Sanem liked to think she was a pretty decent person and that especially was true when it came to other people and their problems. She liked avoiding her own and so this was definitely a much more happy place to be mentally–thinking she could be useful to others.

“Oh is that what you were pretending to do? I thought the clothes were just a happy fashion accident,” she grinned with a quick apology, “okay sorry–but I have to say–I’ve never seen you out here on an afternoon like this? Just trying to distract yourself? Because this park is the best for that.” 

.

“Is that a fivehead joke? Don’t make a fivehead joke at me right now,” Val said, her lips pulling into an exaggerated fake pout, “I’m feeling fragile.” It was... mostly a joke. Val was about as fragile as titanium most days, but the past year was really making her wonder if she wasn’t actually made of weaker stuff. 

Glancing down at her clothes, she offered a grin. “Why not both?”  The lightheartedness was destined not to linger, though, and Val visibly winced when she felt it fizzle out. With a sigh, she shrugged. “It’s been a rough... insert any length of time here. And I hear sunshine is supposed to be a cure all for shit moods, but...” She looked up towards the sky with a glare. “That bastard is holding out on me.”

[valerianoto]

wilder-kelly​:

.

Wilder fucking hated going into the city, even though he lived in The Drive so he basically lived there.  Going for a work meeting was a whole different vibe and, to be sure, that vibe did not belong to him.  As he crankily slipped two buttons on his shirt free of their confines, all the better to breathe, motion directly in front of him caught his eye.  He kept his gaze trained on it as he walked out of the office building and across the narrow side street.   “Not much,” he replied, barely keeping in check the grin that was dying to form as she tried to appear casual but was, clearly, anything but.  “My movement seems a lot freer than yours.  But, since I just released the chokehold of my shirt, I’d be more than happy to help you do…. the same.”  He pulled a face.  “That sounded more like a shitty line than I meant it to.  I just meant I can try to get you back on top of the car/person food chain if you’d like.” 

.

“Astute observation,” Val said, voice honeyed and sweet. She was about to launch into more unnecessary words, surely, but it was his that cut her off. She raised a single brow, her mouth closing as the corners pulled down in amusement. “You mean, your intention wasn’t to hit on the disaster with limbs currently held hostage by a shitty Ford?” She spat the last words in the direction of the car itself before she was looking at him again. 

She didn’t trust people ever, that was sort of her biggest toxic trait. She believed at any moment of any day, someone could and would be out to get her for some reason or another. It was just the journalist in her with a penchant for sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, but there was something about the wildness of this man that made her feel... not threatened at all, actually. And it was so nice, for one brief moment, not to feel as if she were on her guard. So, her smile turned a little devilish— far more than anyone in her position had a right to be— and nodded. “I would like. I prefer being on top.” A pause. “Of the car/person food chain.”

[valerianoto]

sloaneleia​:

**

Her studio was finally finished after what felt like a lifetime and she actually felt confident going there now that it had been done. The horrible memories were still there, stuck in the back of her mind, but she wanted this place to have the better memories back in the forefront of her brain again like they had before. Her studio was the one thing that she prided herself on more than anything else and she was ready for the new chapter to begin and she was ready to write the pages. She only had a few more items to bring to the studio that she had picked out to accompany the new studio.

She had bags in her hands when she saw a person in the distance, seemingly having one of the worst days. Sloane decided that she wanted to help, if she could and made her way over to the girl with a smile plastered on her face. Her lips pressed together in a line as she stood in front of the other girl. “You okay? Wait, don’t answer that because I already know the answer. I guess my question would be, how can I help?”

.

Val hated pity more than she hated bananas. And she really hated bananas. But the kindness of a stranger in the midst of what had been an incredibly shitty... day, week, month, year— honestly, take your pick— made relief feel like a prick at the back of her eyes. She laughed, the sound self-deprecating, as she considered the question. She could barely move her arms, certainly not enough to twist herself out of the jacket. “Um...” she started, laughing again, because, honestly, this whole situation was ridiculous, “I guess it depends. You know anything about breaking into a locked car?”

[valerianoto]

lolakelly​:

.

Lola had been busy since before sunrise with her work load cranked way up as a distraction from the stress of her personal life. A life that was falling apart at the seams. A young women surmounted by anxiety, grief, and betrayal even when she kept her mind busy because it littered the streets. In a blazer, trapped by a car door. Like a fucking moron.

They’d been friends once. Lol and Valeria. Almost sisters (by marriage). It only made this worse in her eyes. Lola told herself to keep walking as about a million and one scenarios flashed behind her eyes. All of them ending in Valeria fucking SCREAMING.

The taller woman whirled around in an instant and marched straight towards the smaller. She stopped violently close of a collision. Rage waged war in eyes of mahogany, more red than brown now, as they glowed with the intensity of her fervor. “Fuck you, Val.” It didn’t feel as good as Lola thought it would have, so she continued. “You deserve so much worse,” Her eyes flashed down to indicate Val’s predicament, “for all the people that you’ve hurt.”

Seconds from walking away, ready to leave Valeria to suffer a fate karmically earned, Lola’s guilty conscious kicked in. Maybe this was the universe punishing Val, but it was also it testing her.

“But since I’m a better person than you..”

Lola stepped along the curb until she found a loose brick. It was a menacing, and she’d admit tempting, walk past Val to the other side of her car. With anger fuel for her throw, Lola smashed Val’s passenger side window. An alarm sounded before the shattered glass even settled, then she unlocked all the car’s doors.

.

It was right around the fuck you, Val that Valeria knew that Lola knew. Her smile was slow to slip off her face, some part of her brain that returned to self-preservation mode urged her to deny it. But that was just adding insult to injury. And although a defensive you weren’t even together danced on her tongue, she swallowed the words down as her eyes remained fixed on the taller woman as she stalked around the car. For about three whole seconds, watching that brick hang in Lola’s hand, Val was convinced she was about to do some bricklaying. Right in the middle of her face. But while she was one hundred percent certain that the thought had crossed the singer’s mind, she continued her walk around the car.

Val, stuck as she was, could only trace her path to the trunk before she lost her. You deserve so much worse for all the people you’ve hurt. Val almost laughed. Not because it was funny but because Lola seemed to think she hadn’t already thought this and worse about herself. Did Lola really think she didn’t have a hard time looking in the mirror? She’d been desperate and sad and—

CRASH.

The sound of shattering glass made Val jolt so suddenly, she heard the unmistakable sound of fabric tearing. Had she seriously just... “What the fuck, Lola?” She pushed away from the car to go survey the damage before being yanked back, remembering she was still stuck. A frustrated groan danced up her throat as she opened the now unlocked door and freed herself, turning to face her friend. Or... ex friend, it would seem. And maybe she did deserve it, but righteous indignation found her before logic did. “Are you kidding me right now?”