I feel like I can't even say anything on Facebook. I start typing and I just keep deleting the posts halfway through. No matter what it is, anything at all related to what I'm actually feeling just seems pathetic. I hear her whole polycule mocking me in my head no matter how I consider expressing myself. In some ways I feel almost more trapped by them now than I did even while we were still at least technically together. She doesn't miss me. She has all the people she already replaced me with months before we actually broke up, and making it official really didn't change much for her. She already stopped caring long ago. River doesnt miss me either. They also started replacing me before we broke up, though not nearly so long ago as hunter. I am glad that they are both happy, but it does feel terribly lonely to be the one left out alone, the one who kept trying and didn't simply break up in their head months before, such that now they have nothing left to feel. On some level I know that the silence and the total lack of any effect on either of them shows that I made the right choice in leaving. But it doesn't make it easier. I committed to those relationships so heavily. They are the longest of my life, both of them, and I really, truly believed they would last. I never thought I would be single again. I thought I had found my family. I thought a lot of things.
