fuck i can’t believe i wasted my entire life being moved by art and beauty and the indomitable human spirit ugh i should’ve been making money through internet scams
Hey y’all, so turns out now I’m writing Joey Ramone x Reader fanfics since my obsession with him transcends spirituality itself and I love him so fucking much. Also because wdym there’s no many Ramones media out there, y’all are missing out. Anyway, I post on Wattpad, ao3 and now here. Requests are always open!
It was 9 am when the phone rang, making Y/N jump at the sudden sound. She set the glass with which she was watering one of her few surviving plants aside and ran to the living room to answer the call.
"Is Joey with you?" Was the immediate sentence she heard before she could ask who it was. It was Dee Dee.
"Oh, good morning to you too! I'm fine, and you?" She sarcastically replied to her friend's abrupt greeting.
She heard Dee Dee chuckle on the other side of the line.
"Yeah, sorry, Y/N," he apologized, his voice rumbling hoarsely. "It's just that we were supposed to be having a band meeting today to prepare the next record and Joey hasn't come. We thought maybe he could be with you."
Y/N frowned, confused at Joey's absence. He had been talking about them coming up with a new album so excitedly for two whole weeks that it was strange for him to miss the very first day of working on it.
"No, he's not here," She hugged herself with her free arm. “Last time I saw him was on Sunday, but we talked on the phone yesterday. Have you tried calling his place?"
"Yeah, but he won't pick up."
Y/N bit her bottom lip, beginning to worry about her boyfriend's whereabouts. She considered for a moment the idea of going to check up on him before voicing the suggestion to the bassist.
"Do you want me to go to his apartment to see if he's there?"
She heard Dee Dee sigh. "Can you do that? I would like to, but the drive from the studio and back would be, like, an hour or so and Johnny's already in a bad mood."
At that, she faintly heard another voice cursing from afar. Y/N rolled her eyes at Johnny's muffled words.
"There's nothing new in that, is it?" She replied, to which she heard another round of cursing before a muted thump caused some interference on the phone.
A few seconds passed before Dee Dee's giggling could be heard.
"True," he finally spoke again. "Do you remember his address?"
Y/N unconsciously played with the phone chord.
"He mentioned it once after a show but I can't remember exactly," she confessed, trying to remember the singer's words from that night at the club.
"Do you have a pen?"
She jotted down the spoken address on a green post-it from the bundle she kept beside the phone for occasions like this.
"Thanks, Y/N. Call me if you find him."
"I will," she said and ended the call.
Y/N quickly put on a casual outfit to go outside, deciding that time was crucial to get Joey to the band meeting.
Taking her keys on the way out, questions began to fill her mind. Why wasn't Joey already at the studio? Was he at home? If he was, would it be okay for her to appear unannounced at his door uninvited? She knew that even if they had been dating for a while now, Joey still kept some things to himself, so much that not once had he invited her to his place. Y/N decided not to think too much about it, always telling herself he might want to wait for a special occasion or something to do so, not really reading too much into it. After all, that's how Joey was with people; secretive about some aspects of his life.
As she walked into the street, she kept reassuring herself that it was fine to go. Maybe he was sick and needed some help. The thought of it added to her worry, but to her ease, too. If it was the case, then she could take care of him. After all, she was his girlfriend. It was fine to visit him, right?
Re-reading the address on the post-it, she realized the building was not far from her's, so walking was the easiest option. On the way there she decided on getting some bagels and coffee at a pastry two buildings from Joey's, so in case he was home they could eat something sweet together.
Getting inside wasn't difficult, she only had to say she was visiting someone and the guard let her right in. At first she thought it was great, but then realized it could mean these complexes of apartments were not so safe if anyone could enter so easily. She made a mental note to mention that to Joey.
She took the elevator and got off on the indicated floor in the green paper. She walked until she reached the right door, then she knocked with the hand holding her coffee.
There was no reply, so she tried a second time.
"Fuck off!" Someone shouted from the other side of the door.
Y/N sighed in relief at recognizing the vocalist's voice. So he was home.
"Do you kiss your mom with that mouth, pretty boy?" She joked, expecting Joey to open the door next, but only a muted thud followed by a sound shattering of glass resonated from behind the door. Y/N worriedly put her ear to the wooden entrance.
"Baby, are you okay?" She asked, tuning her ear to the noises coming from inside.
All she could discern were ruffling sounds, but no response, so she tried yelling louder. "Joey, it's me. Open the door!"
Almost immediately, the cream-colored door opened slightly to reveal her boyfriend's hunched stance, sporting a dirty striped t-shirt and black boxers. His hair was disheveled and shone with the morning light from the grease settling at the rots, taming his lush hairstyle. His glasses were askew and the rose color made a stark contrast to his almost transparent skin.
Noticing his physical state, Y/N’s brief Sense of relief at finding him home disappeared. But the short moment in which she took a good look at the singer was interrupted by the latter's hoarse voice.
"How did you get my address?" Was the first thing he asked.
Y/N was taken aback by his blunt tone. “Uh... Dee Dee gave it to me," she explained, meeting the other's eyes and suddenly feeling wrong footed. Was Joey sick? "He called about an hour ago, he said you missed the band meeting and that you weren't answering the phone."
Something seemed to click for Joey, but he quickly masked his expression.
"Ah, yeah, I'll call him later about that."
That's it?
Y/N furrowed her brows, confused at Joey's weird attitude. He had never talked this indifferently to her.
Y/N was set on getting answers. "So, are you okay? Why didn't you go?" She asked in concern.
Joey just averted his eyes to the floor and discreetly tugged the door closer to him, like he was trying to hide any view from inside the apartment that wasn't him.
Y/N instantly noticed the careful movement and squinted her eyes in suspicion.
"I bought some bagels and coffee, I thought we could eat them together," she mentioned nonchalantly, prodding for conversation to find out what was going on.
Joey just kept looking at the floor, tapping his fingers on the doorframe.
"Joey?"
The taller man sighed. "Why did you come, Y/N?” The irritation in his voice was clear.
Y/N’s grip on her coffee cup turned uncomfortable. "I already told you, Dee Dee said-"
"Yeah, but why did you come here?” Joey interrupted angrily. “I didn't invite you here."
Y/N gasped, shocked at Joey’s rude words. She never expected him to talk to her like that. It was fine if he was not ready to invite her over, but any other day he could have just said so, not act mysterious and exclaim his discomfort so crudely. He had never been like this.
"I thought you were sick,” she tried to convey her concern. “I was worried about you."
"No one asked you to worry about me." Joey hurriedly cut her words, dragging his eyes back to hers.
Y/N’s mouth went agape. She stared into the dark eyes and didn’t like the distressed look behind his glasses. "Joey, what the hell? Why are you being like this?" She took a step forward, intending to reach for the man’s arm.
Joey flinched back. "I never asked you to come!" He yelled.
Y/N jumped, startled, causing her to drop the brown paper bag. The dull sound of it colliding with the floor made her drop her stare. A bitter taste set at her throat. Too many feelings rushed inside of her, causing a pressure to her chest. A second that felt too long passed and she quickly came back to her senses.
"Yeah.” She mumbled, numbly setting the coffee down on the floor. Regaining her posture, she tried to talk as normally as she could. “Yeah, you're right, I should've never come."
She spun around, attempting to leave, but lanky fingers pulled her back.
"No, wait! Y/N-"
She shook them off. "No, let me go."
Tears started to form around her eyes, but she fighted them back. She was torn between directing her anger at Joey for treating her like that and at herself for acting so stupidly. Why had she felt entitled to come in the first place?
Just as she was about to turn to the hallway, the cold hand settled on her arm again.
"I- I'm sorry,” Joey stuttered in a quieter voice. Y/N didn't turn back to see him, but felt his looming presence behind her. “I didn't mean to yell at you like that. It's just that..."
A few seconds passed while Y/N expected him to say something else– tell her why he was acting like that, but nothing came out. She turned around and tried to search for his eyes behind his long bangs.
"What, Joey?” She urged, desperately. “Why was it so bad of me to come? Did I mistake our relationship and I'm unwelcomed here?" A single tear rolled down her cheek, making her bite her lip in distress, intending to keep the rest at bay.
Joey stayed quiet, trying to hide his stare once again.
Y/N’s apprehension grew higher, hating the feeling of walking on eggshells when voicing a single word. She gathered all the courage she had to call the man’s name again. "Joey?"
"I just don’t want you to see what's in there!"
"What?” Y/N frowned at Joey’s rushed words. “Joey, what are you talking about?”
“My apartment’s a mess! I’m a mess!” Joey repeated in the same frantic manner. Y/N was unable to understand. Why did he look so miserable for a reason like that?
“I-I don’t understand.” Y/N lamely stuttered. “What is so bad about that?”
"Me! I'm bad, I'm a fucking mess!” Joey raised his head to meet her eyes again. He yelled irritatedly, but Y/N didn’t flinch. Finally, the whole situation made sense, and she realized the frustration was not directed at her.
Oh.
“Joey-”
“No!” He yanked the hand still in her grasp back as if it burned. “I don't want you to see what's inside because when I show too much of myself– of my messes to people they just can't stand it and they all leave me and I don't want you to leave!"
Joey had started to frantically move his hands, unable to keep his eyes on one spot. His breathing became ragged. Y/N’s heart clenched, recognizing one of Joey’s panic episodes. She rapidly took a step forward, carefully placing her hands on Joey’s shaking shoulders.
"Hey, baby, breathe,” She instructed, rubbing the lanky limbs to calm the trembling. She had discovered the soothing caress helped him regain control through his breakdowns.
“Baby, I would never leave," she assured, managing to cover her own agitation so her voice came out in a soft whisper, audible enough for Joey to hear. The lush hair fell over the pale face, restricting her from seeing his face.
"Look at me, Joey!” Y/N pleaded. She shifted her hands to stroke Joey’s sallow cheek, forcing him to look up. Misery stirred inside her chest by looking at the red eyes. She took a deep breath to order her thoughts and voice them confidently. “I would never leave,” Her voice was unwavering. “Whatever is in there will not make me dislike you. We can go through this together. When you asked me out I knew about your OCD, and I knew what that meant. I love you, Joey, I promise whatever is in there will not scare me away." She vowed, heartfully.
Joey sobbed. "But what if it is too much?” He mumbled, hesitantly. “And you realize you can't handle it–"
"I'll learn how to.” Y/N hastily interrupted, needing to make her resolution clear. “ I'll learn how to help you. I will stay."
Both stood unmoving for a moment, letting the sound from the street invade the space. Y/N watched the anguish dissipate and the dark eyes stabilize. She kept on stroking his cheek, allowing Joey to lean in the touch while regaining his breath. Looking at him, the vow she had just voiced settled around them like a warm blanket to cover themselves from the world, providing a secure place to unveil the darker sides of each other, guaranteeing a force to not fall apart.
After a moment basking in each other’s calmer presence, Joey wet his lips.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized. His voice was still hoarse but his tone came out much calmer.
Y/N offered him a small smile. “Don’t be.”
Joey smiled back.
“Do you want to go inside?” She asked in a soft voice.
Joey straightened up, as much as he would with his posture still hunched casually. He was still visibly hesitant, like a lingering sense of fear remained in the form of a hushed whisper against his ear. She watched him ponder for a moment before nodding slowly.
“Okay.” He sighed, then a small beam tugged at his lips when his voice got clearer. “Yeah, fine. Let's go inside.”
Her lips parted into a wide smile, a small sigh escaping from within. The offering of trust he was giving made chest warm. It was both an injection of joy and a sense of responsibility she willingly accepted.
She slid her hands down his arm to grab his hand and hold it in a firm grasp. He turned around and opened the rest of the door, leading her inside. Once she stepped into the apartment, the faint smell of burnt food reached her nose. Before she could frown at it, he feet stepped onto something and crunched. Joey immediately turned to her with a sheepish snort.
“Uh… Careful with your step. I, uh, leave many things around.”
Before she could reply her eyes diverted to the floor and the scene really took place. The small kitchen was by her right, a counter divided the space from the living room right in front. To the left there was a small hallway that led to another two rooms. There were a few posters hanging from the white wall. A few vinyls piled up by the far corner next to the couch, and behind it an open window that let in the sunlight from the afternoon. Everything seemed fine, except for the bunch of papers, trinkets and other stuff scattered all over the floor. Two piles of clothes gathered by the left and a straight line of half-full glasses of water aligned on the coffee table. The whole place was a mess.
She let out a small chuckle.
“Okay, I get it now.”
Her eyes then returned to Joey who seemed frozen in place. Oh.
Her smile dropped and she let go of is hand to flail them. “I don't mean it in a bad way.” She explained with concern and saw the tension ease away again from Joey’s shoulders. When the worry washed away, another small smile appeared on her lips when an idea popped into her head. “Why don’t i help you”
Joey frowned with puzzlement, but she could discern a spark of curiosity behind his glasses.
“Yeah,” she out her hands over her hips. “Why don't I help you clean up a bit?” Her sentence was simple and light-hearted.
Joey’s eyebrows shot up with surprise. He stood still. “Uh…”
She grinned before getting closer, tilting her head to look up at him and hope she could convey some reassurance.
“I don't want to bother you.”
She snorted, shaking her head and folding her arms. “It's nothing. Besides, I'm not doing this just to help you get this place in order. I want to have a look around my boyfriend’s place.” Her tone turned teasing and snide with a smirk. “I’m very curious.”
Joey’s tightly shut lips quirked up before finally breaking into an amused snort. Her heart fluttered.
“Okay then.” He nodded and she mimicked his moment, sealing the deal with dramatic formality.
“But before we begin…” She took another quick glance around before meeting his expecting gaze again. “Is there something you wouldn't want me to touch or move?” She asked with tenderness and comprehension, knowing he could get triggered. The question seemed to take him by surprise at first, then a hesitant wince took over his mouth.
“I already told you it's alright. You can tell me.” She added as soon as she saw his hesitance, taking his hand in hers again.
“Uh… That knife on the countertop?” He nodded towards the kitchen to where the glasses adorned the view. Right on the edge of the wooden surface was an old kitchen knife. Her eyes followed his and she nodded too. “Uhm… Could you… leave it there?” His voice went quiet again and he didn't meet her stare. Chewing on her cheek, she decided her curiosity should be pushed aside for later and hummed.
“Okay.”
Her simple answer made him lift his head again. His lips twitched with the intention to speak but no words came out, like they escaped him before he could reach them. He stood before her quietly for a moment, the only sound being the faint noise of traffic. The breeze that entered from the open window in that moment preceded the rumble of his chuckle.
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