Since January of 2021, ive been faking.
I had started to learn more about plurality, which I knew a small amount from seeing DissociaDID. I became obsessed, I started to hyperfixtate on systems and plurality. Especially when I learned about systems that weren’t traumagenic.
I was dealing with a lot of stress, but that’s not an excuse for all the irreversible pain I have inflicted onto the people I have called friends, who have called me their friends.
After the first month or so, it less felt like I was faking and more like I was roleplaying. I tricked myself into thinking everyone was in on it, that everyone knew I was just roleplaying.
Everything about my system was a lie. It’s….it’s so hard to admit that. I want them to be real, I want everyone to be real. Everyone felt so real, I got so good at faking I could subconsciously think up interactions and bring these people to life.
I’ve been wanting to tell everyone i’ve been faking since March. But…my involvement with Pluralpedia made it harder for me. Making more and more friends with those who were plural made it so much harder, made it harder for me to know I have to break their hearts at some point.
I made plural terms to seem more valid and to solidify my place in the plural community. I enjoyed being in the spotlight. I was toxic.
I used persecutors as a way to gain attention, pretending that they were harming members in the system to gain sympathy and to make my friends pay attention to me.
I lied about experiences I had to make other people seem like they were the assholes for questioning something.
I made other plurals feel bad about their own existence and experiences because of my faking.
I’m really sorry to everyone.
I’m turning 14 in October, I’m still only so young on the internet and I can admit how childish, inconsiderate, and toxic it was for me to fake being a system. For 8 months. 8 fricking months.
You can block me, yell at me, hate me. I won’t mind, I fully deserve it.
I am giving all the plural servers I’m in to kick or ban me, and….I really don’t want to leave because despite all the shit i’ve done i truly do love and like everyone and i just…i dont want to leave im already losing so many people in my life and i dont want to leave, but you can totally kick and ban me if you need to.
Im really sorry. I cant even explain in words how sorry I am.
My discord is Vampirflügel#0001
Feel free to come yell at me, or i dunno…just…anything.