Mr. Loverman @vangle - Tumblr Blog

The only things i've ever loved are my PILOT G-2 05 pens. They write dark. They have curves. They are the sexiest thing i've ever seen.

#pens #study #school #g-2 #pilot #pen #love #stationary #school supplies

What da frick

#what if #lol wtf #lgbtq #lgbtqiia+#biseuxal #lesbian #harry potter

7/21

How can I long for a time that has passed me by? I want to be a child again, to not know the things I do, to read the way I once did. I used to get lost in a universe of my own design, but now I know too much, I cannot leave when reality has its grip on me. I want to go down the rabbit hole, find someone else's universe, fall deeper and deeper never coming out again.

I want to pick up a book as I used to, without my biases and knowledge, my disgusting knowledge. I want to read for the pleasure of seeing visions in my mind, and live the lives of a thousand people.

I want to write, without going back and seeing if I spelled it right, phrased it well, structured it perfectly.

I want to draw, draw scribbled nothings onto paper and hang them up, out in the world for everyone to see.

But I cannot. Because without quality it has been reduced to nothing. I cannot read for fun; I must read for culture and expansion, and my bias has corrupted childhood nativity. I cannot simply write what comes to mind; I must first polish and filter it. I cannot draw in my untalented hand; it must be perfect, a vision of excellence and refined grace.

The sad part is, these expectations are not direct from society, but infused into my very being by society. I cannot secretly read my childhood books under the covers, society has prevented me from finding joy in it. I cannot simply write in a journal tucked under the bed, for imperfect words are worse than nothing. I cannot draw only to shred the evidence, I hate the drawing before it is even finished.

I must overcome these so you can find joy in the imperfect messes that I produce.

-V

7/18

I feel as if I have this projection into the future, a point in time where I will be everything I dream of being.

Successful, living on my own, in a great college, thinner, more in shape.

I find myself limiting what I do based on this "One day I will" or conversely "I will be happy and do things that make me happy once I get here." Such as, in most of middle and early high school, I had this idea that once I got into college, I would diet and somehow miraculously become skinny. I told myself that once I moved out, removed temptation, I could finally be happy. I could stop looking in mirrors whenever I passed them by. The whole system was kind of based around, one day, I will finally be content.

I do the same thing now. Why would I make something pretty when I can do it in college?

It's sort of like the college-paris syndrome. I place so much of my happiness and expectations on a finite point-moving out for college-I forget that I still have two more years left. Maybe, if I don't change now, will that future be there for me? Can I condemn myself to living in this misery, sustained only by the buoyant light of the future, only to be cursed once that dream fails to meet reality?

I must learn to be happy in the present, and stop burdening you with my expectations. Because if I do that, you will inevitably fail, as all great dreams do. It would not be fair to pass the burdens of my failures upon you, and expect you to take them all-years of my mistakes and my dreams, all poured utop your shoulders, begging you to fix it.

I must fix what I can and start everything else, because one person can not build a steady foundation overnight, there must be generations of workers, unseen in the moment, whose steady labours allow you to bear the fruit. You will be seen as great, and I and all others will be forgotten, but I do this for you. You are my future, you are the mind and soul that today I inhabit. I wish for you to be able to overcome your struggles, not be crushed by them. I want you to succeed-I don't need it. Just showing up, making that 1% change, it is enough. You are enough.

Never forget that you are the present. You are the here and now, and you are responsible for your future and your happiness. Because the future is not the only place happiness lies. It is within you, and you need to know that.

I love you, not for your potential, but for your being,

-V

"You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought."

-Arthur Conan Doyle

I want to be tumblr trash and have a pen pal and chat with each other like nobody’s business.

So red white and royal blue is basically young royals which is basically heartstopper which is basically why im alone