16 ~ Don’t fucking touch me!
“Hey everyone! Hey, we have some news…”
He’s engaged. He’s getting married. He’s getting married to someone else. She feels sick, like all the feelings she’d repressed up to this point were at boiling point and were ready to spill over. She needs to get out, she needs to go home, so she does. She leaves a fleeting kiss on his cheek and a quick congratulations to the oh so happy couple and then she’s gone.
Her front door is flung open and she knows it’s him. Not only because he’s yelling but because he’s the only other one who has a key.
“No! What was that? You find out I’m engaged and all I get is a ‘I’m so happy for you’ and then you run out of the restaurant? Maybe we should go back and check, I think the you shaped cloud of smoke might still be there.”
“Well why wouldn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend and you don’t even tell me when you’re planning on fucking proposing? A little heads up would’ve been nice H.”
“That’s why you left? Because I wanted to surprised you? I’m so sorry okay? I mean damn is it too much to ask that you don’t think of yourself for once and maybe just be happy for me?”
She doesn’t answer straight away. Settles for staring at him with a look he hasn’t seen from her before. She’s hurt and she’s angry. She’s so angry. How dare he think she wasn’t happy for him? How dare he think she has ever put her self first when it comes to him?
“Get out Harry! I don’t want you here! You really think I’m not happy for you? You think I’m mad because you didn’t tell me? Are you that oblivious?”
She’s never been this angry before, never at him, and it scares him because he has no idea what she’s talking about. All he knows is that his best friend is mad at him, like really mad, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
“Hey- hey! Calm down okay? I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me, what’s got you like this? Never seen you so mad before.” His voice is soft now and it’s going straight to her head and all she can think is ‘I bet her talks to his fiance like this too’. He’s reaching his hand out to rub her arm as a comfort but as soon as she feels it she’s flinching away from his touch.
“Don’t fucking touch me! Okay just don’t touch me right now” She’s yelling now and his hands go up in surrender.
“Okay, okay I’m not touching you. Can you tell me what’s wrong? I can’t fix anything if I don’t know what’s happened?”
“You can’t fix this Harry! You can’t, I don’t want you to. You’re so happy with her and I can’t ruin that for you.”
“What? Is this about my relationship? You’re this angry because I’m engaged? Do you not like her? If you didn’t like her you could’ve just told me-”
“This isn’t about me not liking her H. She’s perfect, she’s beautiful and kind and funny and I’ve seen how you look are her. How could I not like someone who makes you look at them like that?”
“Well then what is this about? How are you going to ruin this for me?”
“I love you, you idiot! I am so damn in love with you and it hurts. I love you and it hurts because you love her and I’m watching you love her and I just-” She’s cut off by a sob that’s been stuck in her throat since he walked into the restaurant with his fiance on his arm and it’s breaking his heart to see her fall apart because of him. “I just can’t watch you love her anymore.”
His eyes soften as her words do. Her voice now broken with a bittersweet softness to it. He’s reaching out for her again, cupping her face in his hands and brushing away mascara tinted tears off of flushed cheeks. She doesn’t push him away this time. She should, she knows she should, but his hands are warm and they feel an awful lot like home and she’s just too exhausted.
“Oh sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“You’ve been so happy with her H. You called me after your first date with her and told me that this was the girl you were going to marry. And now you are. I couldn’t take that away from you.” He’s pulling her into his chest, she’s gripping his shirt in fists and he’s sighing. What does he say to that? What can he say to that? She’s been so hopelessly in love with him and she hasn’t said anything because she cares more about his happiness than her own? How do you respond to that?
He can hear her shaky breaths and he can feel shirt getting damper and it makes his own eyes well with tears. This is his fault. He did this. He was so preoccupied with trying to get rid of his own feeling that he didn’t stop to notice that she was doing the exact same thing. And now she’s broken. He broke her.
“I think you should to go.” Her voice is almost a whisper and they hadn’t been so close he would’ve missed it, he heard though and he’s pulling away from her in disbelief.
“I really think you should go home now. You have a fiance and she’s probably missing you and you need to-”
She’s interrupted by him pressing his mouth to hers and her head goes quiet for the first time all night. She would give anything to stay in this moment but she can’t because she’s so aware that he isn’t hers.
“Har- Harry we can’t. You’re getting married we can’t do this.” She’s pushing him away. She’s played this scenario over in her head countless times and not once did she push him away. Her unsteady fingertips are on her lips because she can still taste him like he was still there and god how she wishes he was still there and he’s watching her, silently, his heart is racing a million miles a minute and all he can focus on is how kissing his soon to be wife never made him feel as complete as kissing his best friend just did.
“I can’t marry her…” Her head shot up, surely she hadn’t heard him right.
“What? Harry no, you love her! I’m sorry, I never should have said anything, I’m so sorry.”
“No… No I don’t, I can’t. I can’t marry her. Hell, I can’t even kiss her again after that. Don’t be sorry, please don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault. I can’t-” He sighs, runs his hand over his face and lets his eyes settle on her shocked frame that’s clinging to his every word.
“I can’t marry her when I’m in love with you.”
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