sperglord versus pericarp texture
i just figured out if you peel an orange and hold it under the tap you can use your fingernails to scrape off all the soggy albedo layer in just a few seconds. i tried it out of sheer desperation, and then laughed with delight as the stuff sloughed off like wet tissue paper, leaving perfectly translucent orange segments without awful stringy clumps of sponge going anywhere near my mouth.
no, this is really exciting for me, shut up. i have the ‘tism and i have always loved oranges but the horrible horrible albedo texture makes me gag.
when i was a kid i would peel every segment and remove just the vesicles, and it was time-consuming and joyless. it took so long it eventually wasn’t worth the effort compared to the hedonistic payoff of masturbating.
for a while i tried biting into the segments, sucking out the juice and discarding the pulp, was time-consuming, joyless and wasteful. my parents hated it, and i eventually just wandered away from citrus in general.
at least with my other problematic favorite fruit, the apple, one can pare away the horrid peel and core the damn thing. but the albedo haunted me.
but no longer!
just a little bit of water and some fingernail action. that’s all it took.
i am looking at a bag of about 10 oranges right now, thinking: let the slaughter begin.
