I’m Vee

Hi! I just want to ramble about some topics I unfortunately have to keep hidden.

[vee-rambles]

Hello there! I’m your friendly neighbor Vinnie, but you can call me Vee.

I’m a bigender person and I use she/he as my pronouns. I’m just discovering my gender now, so label may change. Please be patient! I’m trying my best.

I’m AFAB, bisexual and a legal adult. I’m also polyamory though on a monogamous relationship at the moment. In short, I’m very queer!

I can’t really come out as trans to my family now so yeah, I’m in the closet and this is a secret blog.

I’m not gonna say DNI because I can’t stop anyone from doing whatever they want, but be aware I’m:

Aggressively inclusive. Anyone who’s not cishet belongs to the LGBT+ community. Yes, aces and aros too. Yes, polyamory and divergent ways to experience attraction too. Yes, MOGAI too. Yes, if they need the support, GNC and kinks get too. They fought with us and belong here if they want.

And I’m making this point separately due the recent rise of TERFs: the trans community belongs to queer spaces, period. And you don’t get to tell anyone, binary or not, what they gender is.

And since we’re talking about TERFs, SWERFs can also fuck off.

I’m a feminist with leftist views, though I admit I don’t know enough about politics to put the proper label to them.

Gonna reblog stuff that I can’t put safely on my main blog. If you know who I am, shhhhh! It’s a secret.

Also I’ll ramble about whatever is on my head. Most of these would probably be lengthy and pointless.

I may reblog pretty NSFW stuff.

And yeah, that’s all. Enjoy!

[vee-rambles]

I don’t usually say “cringe” because I find the word deeply misused.

But holy beans, that prior interaction was cringy af

[vee-rambles]

One of the funniest crazy nonsense radfem has to me is saying that a all transmascs want to look like teenager twink pretty boys uwu

Because literally every single fandom I have been to has a man transmascs flock to and - it’s always the most pathetic one. Like usually on his 30s, usually fat, usually ugly, usually short, and usually a bit weird and a bit gross.

Like, maybe they only see people projecting on teenagers because they only hang out around teenagers? Which by the way… creepy.

[hyenagurl]

good for… you?

[vee-rambles]

I’m sorry this untagged post on my personal blog somehow made you think I was specifically addressing you.

[hyenagurl]

go cry about it to someone who cares thats maybe not on a public fucking site lol dork

[vee-rambles]

Sorry your majesty I didn’t realize I was talking with the Supreme Court of what’s allowed on the internet.

I care about this because the stereotype impacts my life. I can’t say I understand why mocking others having concerns is appealing, but you do you - this is a public site after all.

[hyenagurl]

[vee-rambles]

Bestie this is literally my post I suggest you to stop reading it if it bothers you??

[vee-rambles]

One of the funniest crazy nonsense radfem has to me is saying that a all transmascs want to look like teenager twink pretty boys uwu

Because literally every single fandom I have been to has a man transmascs flock to and - it’s always the most pathetic one. Like usually on his 30s, usually fat, usually ugly, usually short, and usually a bit weird and a bit gross.

Like, maybe they only see people projecting on teenagers because they only hang out around teenagers? Which by the way… creepy.

[hyenagurl]

good for… you?

[vee-rambles]

I’m sorry this untagged post on my personal blog somehow made you think I was specifically addressing you.

[hyenagurl]

go cry about it to someone who cares thats maybe not on a public fucking site lol dork

[vee-rambles]

Sorry your majesty I didn’t realize I was talking with the Supreme Court of what’s allowed on the internet.

I care about this because the stereotype impacts my life. I can’t say I understand why mocking others having concerns is appealing, but you do you - this is a public site after all.

[vee-rambles]

One of the funniest crazy nonsense radfem has to me is saying that a all transmascs want to look like teenager twink pretty boys uwu

Because literally every single fandom I have been to has a man transmascs flock to and - it’s always the most pathetic one. Like usually on his 30s, usually fat, usually ugly, usually short, and usually a bit weird and a bit gross.

Like, maybe they only see people projecting on teenagers because they only hang out around teenagers? Which by the way… creepy.

[hyenagurl]

good for… you?

[vee-rambles]

I’m sorry this untagged post on my personal blog somehow made you think I was specifically addressing you.

[vee-rambles]

One of the funniest crazy nonsense radfem has to me is saying that a all transmascs want to look like teenager twink pretty boys uwu

Because literally every single fandom I have been to has a man transmascs flock to and - it’s always the most pathetic one. Like usually on his 30s, usually fat, usually ugly, usually short, and usually a bit weird and a bit gross.

Like, maybe they only see people projecting on teenagers because they only hang out around teenagers? Which by the way… creepy.

[radkindoffeminist]

I genuinely don’t understand how to respond to this self-own…

[radlearning]

a lot of tifs wanna be pretty twink teen boys

also how is it creepy to hang out with teenagers a lot us are 😭

[vee-rambles]

I mean good for you, I wouldn’t know because I’m not a teenager and I certainly don’t go around looking for teenagers. Adult TERFs (radfems, whatever) on the other hand, have such a huge fixation on trans men it’s super creepy. Like the times I have seen them mock what the consider “cringy” minors… ugh.

I don’t know what’s an own about liking very average, even ugly or messy men as a goal; when the complain is exactly we shouldn’t want to look like twinks? Like I personally don’t know any transmasc who wants to look like that, but I suppose it’s fairly common in teenagers because surprise, they are teenagers and they’ll want to look like pretty teenagers. Same that their cis counterparts and all.

But wanting to look (conventionally) attractive is bad. Wanting to look not (conventionally) attractive is bad.

It’s almost… as if there’s nothing we could ever want or do that you would find acceptable anyway.

[vee-rambles]

One of the funniest crazy nonsense radfem has to me is saying that a all transmascs want to look like teenager twink pretty boys uwu

Because literally every single fandom I have been to has a man transmascs flock to and - it’s always the most pathetic one. Like usually on his 30s, usually fat, usually ugly, usually short, and usually a bit weird and a bit gross.

Like, maybe they only see people projecting on teenagers because they only hang out around teenagers? Which by the way… creepy.

[absurdlyalive]

The lies that people tell you about testosterone are so many and so hurtful. Do you know how often you can be told that you will become an unfeeling, dumb, uncreative, ugly and unlovable predator by virtue of 1 hormone before you internalize some of these ideas and view yourself in the same light? And how damaging that can be to your self-worth, your feelings of competence, belongingness, your trust in the fact that you are worthy of love? It’s so cruel to instill these images in the minds of trans men and anyone who desires to go or be on T.

And, I would argue, it has created generation after generation of men, cis and trans, who do not seek help, who do not think their real feelings are worth uttering, who only ever know how to speak in gestures of desperation, who self-isolate, who self-harm, who become addicts and consider themselves perpetual losers in every possible way. When the failure has been that of a patriarchal society that does not know how not to dehumanize everyone in it and drive a wedge between us by way of branding all of us as somehow wrong, bad and other.

[ieategosforbrekfast-deactivated]

It’s also incredibly cruel to intersex people.

I’m hyperandrogynous because of an intersex condition. Luckily I want to go on testosterone anyway, but I didn’t get to choose when I started masculinizing. I’m 21 and already going bald because I didn’t get to go on finasteride before my hair started thinning.

I’ve been having a bit of a hard time dealing with it, I wasn’t ready. It felt like once again I had no control over anything that happened to me. And at that same time I was being bombarded with rhetoric that told me I was “becoming ugly.” It’s been a major source of distress for me, my mental health has absolutely tanked because of it.

I can’t even begin to imagine how devastating it would have been if I hadn’t wanted to go on testosterone.

[hummingirls]

transphobia is truly such a miserable mindset. to live in a world where no one is mutable and nothing can be abstract. no one can change or decide who they want to be or enjoy the wonders of modern medicine. everyone has to live and die by pointless kindergarten rules, but no one can reimagine themselves or create a different world. don’t you get tired of black and white and making up boxes and plugging your ears to the reality that nature is complicated and funny, and human hearts can feel infinitely?

[iwishthedayswereametaphor-deact]

holy shit ur so right

[vee-rambles]

What did I do wrong?

Clearly I fucked up. He’s mad at me, I can tell, but I don’t understand. It’s probably obvious, it always is to everyone but me.

I thought I was doing things right.

Well, clearly not. I’m so lost. I don’t understand and I struggle explaining what the problem is. My best bet is he became upset because I asked about physical boundaries with my other partner. But isn’t that, like, the proper procedure? What should I have done instead?

Then he talks about sacrifices and limits and I… I don’t get it. Is this a sacrifice? Isn’t he comfortable? Then why did he say yes to it? A no was fine, it was just a question, literally just a question. But this just feel I was told yes and then scolded when the consequences of the yes showed.

It sucks because I can’t make any sense of it.

And it sucks, because now I AM upset. Reasonably, of course, and boundaries take higher ground in 100% of cases; however, I would had preferred to be told no from the start then because now is just squishing several months of excitement. I was kinda pumped. I thought it would help with my confidence too.

And I had this stupid domestic fantasy…. heh. Im pathetic.

[vee-rambles]

I got 180€ in my piggy bank.

It’s a bird, actually, but does the deed just fine. The money won’t be for myself either, technically it will be for a clinic. Is there anything more telling about your nerves than when you start clarifying semantics?

I use it a lot when I write. Anxiety makes everyone act stupid. I wouldn’t be writing this otherwise.

I up the amount in my Ko-fi tip jar, and my face brightens each time I daydream about reaching the 2% of the total amount needed. I also can count the euro my boyfriend so kindly gave me. That’s 181, then.

It probably won’t be 5000. More like 4000 or so, but I want to be prepared. I know the recovery period is a bitch. I might have to cover some with a caretaker, so my husband doesn’t have a worse time than the one I usually give him.

It comes so suddenly. I guess I’m sick of waiting. I have waited 15 years to have a legitimate chance to have surgery. I’m tired of waiting. I know that even if I would have described differently back then (not realizing I had options), I always wanted this.

I just kind of thought I wasn’t allowed.

So pretty, you know? You’re going to ruin something so pretty.

I wish I was ruined already, so I wasn’t chained to the beauty of something I despise.

[vee-rambles]

I have been commenting with my sister my testosterone levels are really low. Like, even for a female I mean, I’m close to the lower line for them to be abnormal.

We were wondering if increasing testosterone, not to a transmasc level, but just to a more balanced quantity on the female limits, would help. It doesn’t seem my other hormones are that high and rather that they don’t have anything to stop them from being overwhelming.

I’m not a doctor though, maybe I’m spouting nonsense.

[vee-rambles]

I can’t stop stressing about the hormones I’m taking. Several of the common side of effects (1 of every 10 patients) are excruciatingly terrifying to me.

Loss of sex drive, acne, weight gain, depression, sleep issues, increasing chest size???

I know all medication ever has those in the side effects, but not in the very common section! Honestly this just feel like birth control all over again. I’m very wary of these new pills, but I’m giving them a fair shot.

[vee-rambles]

I did briefly seen myself in the mirror in underwear, and probably because of the visual effect of the boxers, it looked like I had a bulge.

I immediately went to check with my hand and obviously not, just a visual trick. But I felt so happy for a moment that in that brief second I thought I had a bulge, I had been left with such a huge smile.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and it faded as I thought that I will just… not have that. It faded more as I thought about my therapist, insisting I only want to get rid of my breast because “you desire to come back to a sexless state of childhood”.

How is wanting a dick that, I wonder??

[vee-rambles]

What can I say tho, I looked fucking fine.

Like I would be hot as hell

(Alas very few people think that, but I’m talking from personal taste. Or confidence? I know I will objectively -according to beauty standard- be prettier as a girl, but I always feel so much handsome when I think of myself as a guy)

[vee-rambles]

I did briefly seen myself in the mirror in underwear, and probably because of the visual effect of the boxers, it looked like I had a bulge.

I immediately went to check with my hand and obviously not, just a visual trick. But I felt so happy for a moment that in that brief second I thought I had a bulge, I had been left with such a huge smile.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and it faded as I thought that I will just… not have that. It faded more as I thought about my therapist, insisting I only want to get rid of my breast because “you desire to come back to a sexless state of childhood”.

How is wanting a dick that, I wonder??

[gayboyslife69]

[hehimhypnosis]

the prince is such a pretty, delicate, handsome thing. all curls and soft lips and fine fabrics. he is gentle and artistic and charming, the golden son of the palace.

he is protected by his personal knight, tall and broad with a handsome rugged face covered in battle scars. his expression is always stoic and he never talks much, but he and the prince seem to get along incredibly well, spending most of their time together, and not just in a professional capacity.

the rumours and gossip abound—the servants whisper to each other, watch the pair disappear for long periods of time, imagine the prince pinned underneath all that muscled glory, mewling and whining as his royal highness is pounded into again and again.

the other knights tease the knight, telling him how lucky he is and how jealous they are—what they wouldn’t give for a beautiful prince begging for their cocks, having a handsome submissive royal hole to fuck whenever they wanted.

the knight smiles, but does not say anything. his peers take it as confirmation and clap him on the back as he polished his armour.

he tries not to let them hear his breath hitch as the plug in his ass is jolted for a moment. he looks across the courtyard to see the prince, who smirks, knowing exactly what the other knights think.

they let everyone think what they want. despite their ranks, no one would believe the truth. that the knight comes to the prince’s chambers every night and is tied up in his royal highness’ finest silks, that he fucks himself on the hilt of his own sword for his majesty’s pleasure, that he kneels at the throne every night as his prince spreads his legs and commands his knight to use his mouth to please him.

only the prince and the knight need to know what really happens behind closed doors.

after all, a loyal knight should kneel for his prince and serve him.