🫶🏼🍑🍒🫧✨ @venividiv1ci - Tumblr Blog

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K311Y 🍒🫧✨

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#mine

#me #selfie

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Lift weights eat food and prosper

We are going to the gym

#me #body

I used to wake up and think how can we do repair on this face so we build a new face from scratch

And it somehow works and I’m like DAMN!!! Hot. DAMN!!!! WOWZA.

And now I wake up thinking uh oh maybe we have to do damage repair but I look in the mirror and I’m like DAMN!!! HOT. DAMN!!! THERES NOT MUCH TO DO!!!!

Seb is annoyed at me when I put on makeup lately

He’s like I don’t see why you’re bothering

What’s so wild is I had literal actual matter of fact cancer draining my life energy which is why in my old piano/guitar/singing videos (for which I mostly didn’t use makeup) I looked so sick

Because in fact I was

And now I’m not

Also, I feel like I just really wanna have fun this summer and not worry about anything because I feel like I didn’t really let myself have fun like I didn’t have fun on the boat and cancer wasn’t fun and now I am having fun like the way that I’m currently living is really happy to me like making my singing videos trying to learn to sing better going to the gym not having any pressure now to like improve my German cause I already have my certificate. I haven’t even been studying languages recently I’ve just been eating food, taking care of my body and listening to music and enjoying music and I feel like I’m feeling good maybe next week my way of having fun is gonna be more about reading books but the main point is I feel like this summer I just wanna give myself permission to distress from all the shit that’s happened.

I finally found the words to describe my mom whom I thought was indescribable

And the words are: lacks common sense

Stepdad too

2025 my body knew something was up I guess. I was so bizarre. It was like my physical and emotional/mental reached peak estrogen-fueled disorder and delirium

I was so attracted to highly emotional men. And I was so intensely attracted and moved

And now without estrogen running rampage in my body I am attracted to rational pragmatic levelheaded people. Not sexually or romantically. Maybe it’s more admiration and recognition

Anyway last night on naked and afraid there was a guy who was hyper emotional and he kept crying and seb and I were like ‘this man gets periods’

Now I’m into big muscles and problem-solving

I feel I used to wanna know why

I now wanna know if something is gonna work by testing it out

I used to be unhinged in my curiosity. Like. Useless pointless curiosity

Now pragmatism and physical reality and especially the body are everything to me. Everything. The things I can touch and feel and see. That’s everything to me. And it’s that layer of reality which feels the safest to me now

I used to write differently too. It was like quirky and lyrical and overly emotional. I was overflowing with metaphors and imagery and complexity. My thoughts formed that way. And now I’m like a simple man. I identify now as Michael from season 11 episode ‘two Tarzans one Jane’ of naked and afraid

But ironically it’s now that I finally find the words to describe the formerly ineffable

The guys from my past don’t wanna talk to me. But they don’t decline my friend request either. They let it sit in their inbox as a nice consolation prize

Both ChatGPT and Gemini say that the animal I most resemble is the snow leopard.

Sebs fav animal is the snow leopard isn’t that wild

And it said seb looks like a golden retriever/kristoff

And that Antonio is a quokka lmaoooo it’s sooo accurate

Let’s see what my ex is

A wolf. That makes sense.

self esteem

if the tables were turned, if he were married, and even if he were married to like Bella/Gigi...and he were like 'hey I wanna talk to u on video' I'd have been like 'ok let's do it <3'

I wouldn't have been like 'NOOO DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M SOOO UGLY COMPARED TO THE HOT MODELS AROUND U'

buuuut that's a big step from where I was. I was also like Antonio. Harrison hung out with me everyday. he tried to have sex w me everyday. and he loved it. he couldn't stop. so obviously he thought I was physically attractive enough for him.

meanwhile I was like noooo I'm too ugly for u, u're like the hottest man on earth & u need to get a girlfriend who isn't me and we can just be friends bc otherwise it's just a matter of time before u ditch me.

but now...like I just watched my own singing video and im thinking oh fuck I kinda look like Harrison lmao like I could be his half sister. our bone structure is actually so similar

rob said that other people always act like a fake version of themselves around ppl they like but I'm always myself. he said i always acted as tho I didn't care if other people were there, like I'm gonna have fun anyway

wow what a fucking compliment bc that's exactly who I wanna be

in London I saw a lot of beautiful girls who were constantly checking to see if ppl thought they were hot and they just had this air of unattractiveness, despite how beautiful they were

and I just know that if I were a fuckboy...that's exactly who I'd talk to

I had a dream last night about matt, Antonio, seb and jaime.

the dream told me about why we react a certain way to a certain type of person...why they elicit a certain feeling

Testing my new phone camera & I love it

(sebs old phone)