Please Don't

[vent-and-logging-blog]

I want to scream and break something or hit someone.

I feel like I don’t get any appreciation at home and that I’m nothing more than a maid for everyone else. All I ever do is clean or cook and wait on someone hand and foot. My brother is such a fucking lazy piece of shit, that even though he stays up until 2-3am he doesn’t clean up after his own fucking messes. He uses his job as an excuse to contribute nothing to the house when my dad also works and does his share of things, even though I still wait on him hand and foot as well he at least shows he appreciates it and makes an effort to do shit himself.

Meanwhile to my mom I’m like a video game she controls. She’s always been like this. She ignores when I do anything good and get angry and yells and throws shit when I do something wrong. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it. I almost never have time for myself. The only free time I have is when I’m at work and even then I’m still catering to other peoples wants and shit.

And after work i still have to come home and wait on my family like a maid.

[vent-and-logging-blog]

There are thousands of students who are afraid of going to public schools these days because of how easy it is for a person to obtain a gun. I am disgusted by the fact that there are just as many adults that believe the only way to prevent school shootings is to add more security to schools and give teachers guns. If there were laws that kept guns out of dangerous hands, then this type of action wouldn’t be necessary.

Even if these measures were to be taken, larger automatic weapons will be still accessible by dangerous people if no one does anything about it. Additionally, not all teachers want to feel like they need a gun to protect their students.

While grown men scream for their ‘Right to bear arms’, there are children crying for their right to a safe learning environment and reassurance that they’ll live to see the next day. What the pro-gun citizens aren’t hearing is not that we want ALL guns taken away, we only want the proper measures to be taken to prevent dangerous people from getting them. These actions work well in other countries, why won’t it protect the children of ours?

I graduated two years ago, but I’m still terrified of this problem. All throughout highschool I heard talk of shootings in other schools in my town, and I have even left school early in tears when there was rumor of a bomb threat at my school. Knowing how our country works, this gun-violence is only going to spread to places outside of schools. Parks, malls, it’s already happened in theaters and other public places, and it’s only going to get worse.

America has become a very dangerous country internally, it’s very hard for me to feel safe here anymore.

[vent-and-logging-blog]

[fiestasaur]

He deserves them.

You do too.

[dumbwoof]

@captainsnood

[teganfeatsara-deactivated202106]

that’s how I wanna go

[melongifts]

Okay but if you read the article he wasn’t stabbed

he literally walked into the blade thinking it was a toy and not that it was a replica actual sword

HE LITERALLY WALKED INTO MY SWORD OFFICER

[owlmylove]

HE WALKED INTO MY SWORD TEN TIMES

[astranaut]

HE HAD IT COMING

[jeremiahsmysteriosotouch]

HE HAD IT COMING

HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME

[astronsouls]

Zelda to Chicago in 0.2 seconds

[double-z-the-queen]

AGAIN 

ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE POTS SMASHED IN THE ALTERCATION???

[itzbatz-deactivated20240722]

were you an atlantis the lost empire, the road to el dorado, sinbad legend of the seven seas, or treasure planet kid

[vent-and-logging-blog]

In a pretty bad mental state right now. Took a lot to get out of bed this morning.

[vent-and-logging-blog]

Once again things have sunken to an all time low and I seriously want to hurt myself at this point. For a minute my idiocy took over and lead to my mom being mad at me.

I’m an extremely paranoid person and have a hard time saying anything online due to a past incident I won’t mention here. Basically, I saw my mom doing something online, and my paranoia associated it with said past incident. So my shit-brained ass decided to tell my brother, who proceeded to tell mom. In the end it turned out my mom was working on something for my brothers birthday, and now she’s mad at me because my brother knows shes up to something now. This isn’t the first time I’ve opened my mouth so i ought to have learned by now. But apparently you can’t teach a screaming idiot new tricks.

I used to get asswhoppings as a kid for messing up, but now I don’t. Now though i feel like I need to have some kind of physical punishment for screwing this up because I should have known better yet here we are.

[vent-and-logging-blog]

Well I can say something good has happened for me recently. After several months of absolute dysfunction, I managed to find the drive I needed to clean my room for the first time in quite a while. Of course, there’s one shelf I missed, but that’s because I ran out of energy for the job and there’s a lot of stuff on it that I need to sort through as well...

[vent-and-logging-blog]

1/10/18

5:00am

It was actually really hard for me to get out of bed today, and I hate the motivational method I had to use. It was either get out of bed, or my alarm clock would go off again, possibly waking up one of my parents given my bedroom is adjacent to theirs. Given as I don’t want to deal with one of my parents without coffee, I was left no other choice.

I hate my alarm clock, some days the sound is just a major annoyance, but majority of the time I wake up scared and confused. A lot of the times waking up in the morning is almost a full blown panic attack.

Mom wants me to use my alarm clock more often as well, to wake up even on my days off so the she doesn’t have to come get me. Otherwise my habit of staying up until 2am leads me to waking up around noon or later. Of course, this has lead to the same result, waking up in a border-line panic. Even my phones alarm sets me off; It’s that sense of urgency somehow perfectly portrayed into a single sound that fills my head to the point I feel like it’s going to explode.

This fearfulness even stretches outside of my morning routine. Anytime I hear a beeping noise, be it on television or something in real life, I get that sense of panic. Hearing it, I suddenly feel like something is wrong and I have to fix it RIGHT NOW.

My job has a lot of noises similar to my alarm clock, so I’m almost always in a state of high stress there as well. It usually adds on to my anxieties to the point I’ve had 4 mental breakdowns while working. If I can, I take care of the tasks causing the beeping just so it stops. I doubt my coworkers have figured it out, nor do I plan on telling them unless they ever ask. I’m needing to find a better job, at least one with a different kind of noise so I’m not a mistake away from another breakdown in the middle of my shift.

I just want it all to stop at this point, or to at least find some kind of help for it. I can’t afford therapy though, or anxiety medicine if I were to have it prescribed to me.