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@ventingmythoughtsblog
Wanna know some bullshit? Hysteria. Why? Because Hystera means womb and whoever the fuck decided that acting “irrationally based on emotion or mental health unrest” is decidedly female is an absolute tool.
Fuck the patriarchy and it’s complete inability to acknowledge us as normal, functional people.
I was unexpectedly not at work today for the first day of half term. Kids were absolutely devastated, why? Because daddy doesn’t monitor snacks, screen time, homework or engagement with the chore list like I do 🙃😂 Cracking. So glad I grew them in my actual body for 9 months to be viewed as the “boring” parent.
When your SIL can’t remember to wish your daughter happy birthday, but she does have time to wish happy birthday to your husbands ex whom he dated over 10 years ago (you know it’s been over 10 years as you’ve been with husband for 10 years) for 1 month…. This is when you realise that ‘blood’ family is absolutely bullshit. There are people you love, care for and put effort into and there are people you don’t. This is all.
I am honestly so supportive of young women and girls who don’t want to present themselves as sexual, whether they’re asexual, sex-repulsed, politically celibate, women who don’t want to feel or be sexy, or women who just don’t want to discuss it. I’m supportive whether this is something temporary or permanent, whatever the reason for it. If sex isn’t liberating for you, that’s great. There’s nothing wrong with that and I’m sorry you’re being sold the lie that you’re repressed and/or unfeminist.
Me: would you like an omelette?
2yo: yes please mummy!
Me: *gets out eggs*
2: yay! I like it eggs.
Me: *serves omelette*
2: what you do to my eggs mummy?
Me: I made an omelette
2: I don’t like it omelette (without eating any of course)
My son (almost 3) was sick, I called 111 as our GP was full. One of the generic questions they ask is about pain or swelling in the genital area; I was able to ask my son if he had pain in his penis or testicles and get an actual answer because we have always used the biological words for his body. This was important and helpful in the moment because it is what the doctors need to know.
This is why euphemisms are dangerous, this is why using proper terms matter. My son had no swelling but I couldn’t speak for his pain, luckily he had no pain and there was nothing wrong. However, I know that I have taught him properly about his body for his own health so that he can be safe. Rather than using euphemisms because “I don’t feel comfortable hearing my child say penis”
I did the same with my daughter. My children are both growing up knowing penis, vagina, vulva, testicles, clitoris and all other scientific words that relate to their bodies because they’re actual whole people (not just babies) and it is important to their wellbeing that they know about themselves. I would be wrong to hide behind silly words for myself when teaching my babies about their bodies and their health and well-being
“I hate so many female characters because they’re written by men who hate women, see women as 2D or don’t care about women. Not because women are awful” - a mantra I repeat every time I watch a new tv show.
Because sadly it is necessary.
I can’t believe a bunch of men were like “actually, women have it easier when it comes to mental health because everyone already assumes you are weak, irrational, crazy, and stupid 🥺” and a significant amount of feminists were like oh shit good point
this is actually a super interesting take on mental health relating to gender.
its easier for women to get diagnosed with things like depression because women are allowed to be more emotionally expressive in society. men have higher suicide rates because it is harder for them to reach out. people take this as proof that men’s mental health issues are worse than women’s.
however, men are diagnosed with other mental illnesses and disabilities, like autism and ADHD, much more and much earlier than women are. there are a lot of reasons why this happens. mostly it is because our current world is centered on men. yes, society is improving in gender equality. but do most people know the symptoms of a heart attack in a biologically female body? I know I don’t, and i’m afab.
i’m going to specifically talk about ADHD because I was recently diagnosed. it’s easier to see male symptoms of ADHD because we’re taught to look out for them. we also care more if our sons are struggling than our daughters. the symptoms do show up earlier and louder, because boys are allowed to take up more space socially. i was a hyperactive kid. i’ve had focus issues for as long as i can remember. yet it took until i was nearly 18 to diagnose me with adhd, because i had good grades and no obvious symptoms. i’d been mocked when i tried to express that something was wrong in my brain.
i cannot speak for transgender or nonbinary people, since i’m a cisgender woman. I do know that cis men and cis women have a lot of inequalities when it comes to mental health. instead of comparing, we should try to bridge the gaps and find ways to treat mental illnesses in people of all genders.
I’ve gotten a lot of similar replies on this post so I’m replying to one:
Women aren’t “allowed to be more emotionally expressive than men”. Women are expected to silence every negative feeling they have in a constant attempt to please others. They are discouraged from expressing anger or asserting themselves or even setting boundaries.
When men express their emotional reality they are more likely than women to be perceived as objective, rational, truthful, and sane. The perception of women as “more emotional” has only ever been used to rationalize misogyny. It’s been the purported reason for denying women the right to vote. It’s enabled centuries of medical abuse because women’s reporting of physical symptoms is always doubted. It’s been used to deny women’s claims of sexual assault and abuse at the hands of others in their communities. And finally, it’s been foundational in the psychiatric abuse of women (example: the diagnosis and treatment of “hysteria”).
If men are afraid of being called “woman” (or an epithet associated with womanhood or femininity) as an insult, this dynamic harms women first and foremost. Period. When men insult other men in this way they are using “woman” as a synonym for the offensive adjectives I listed in my original post. When someone calls them woman-like they may feel humiliated in the moment but the fact that my gender is used as an insult is something that affects me all of the time. Also, you cant chastise me “not to compare” when you open your reply with a comparison between what is “allowed” for men vs women.
Btw- women attempt suicide more than twice as frequently as men; men die of suicide attempts more frequently because they are more likely to use more “violent” methods (for example, they are more likely to have access to firearms).
Btw #2- you’re right; they are many more factors than gender that affect diagnosis and treatment of mental illness but I am criticizing recent rhetoric that often exclusively compares gender disparities
Btw- women attempt suicide more than twice as frequently as men; men die of suicide attempts more frequently because they are more likely to use more “violent” methods (for example, they are more likely to have access to firearms).
Extremely crucial point. In high school I had a health teacher say men commit suicide more often but women attempt more. He said “do you know why?” then pointed to a random boy in the classroom and said “how do you think most people commit suicide, what method do they use?” and the boy responded probably a gun. He pointed to a random girl in the room and asked her the same question and she said “idk probably pills or slitting their wrists” and he said “that’s why men effectively commit suicide more, but women attempt more than twice as often.” He went on to say he does this with every class every year and it’s always the same. A boy will always say a more brutal and violent (but more effective and immediate) method like a gun or jumping in front of a train, while a girl will always say a more “passive” method like pills or slitting her wrists, which mean she has more time to be found by a friend or family member and taken to a hospital, or more time to regret and rethink her decision and call 911 herself.
I’ve read somewhere someone making points that women are so socialized to care about their physical appearance at all times, and also socialized to care about and be courteous to others that it’s even factored in (even if subconsciously) in the methods they use to commit or attempt suicide. Women are more likely to use methods that will preserve her face and keep her looking “nice” even after she dies, and are also more likely to pick a method that doesn’t leave as much of a mess so their loved ones don’t have to clean brain matter off the wall or something to that effect. So she’ll be more likely to pick a method that keeps her face ‘pretty’ and in tact, and not something too messy so her parents or partner or children or whoever doesn’t have to clean too much while in mourning, so pills or wrists it is (and if it’s wrists typically in a bathtub or shower so it’s easier for her family to clean up later.) And again, this gives her loved ones time to find her and rush her to a hospital, or it gives her time to feel regret over this decision and call 911 herself.
Meanwhile men are socialized to be more violent and aggressive, and this is reflected in the methods they typically choose for suicide. Men are also much more likely to own or have access to firearms or explosives than women.
I’m not by any means saying male suicide victims and men with depression don’t matter or don’t suffer. But I’m so tired of seeing the “actually men commit suicide more than women” as a gotcha to try to shut up women who complain about how hard it is to live as a woman and how hard it is to have their mental health taken seriously and not be dismissed as a typical shrill hysterical overemotional woman. Women attempt suicide more than twice as often as men
That’s not a small number. It’s significant that women’s attempts at suicide are more than double the attempts men make and that’s factoring in both men’s successful and unsuccessful attempts. Before you use the “actually men commit suicide more than women” gotcha remember men only successfully commit suicide more but their numbers are still dwarfed by how much women attempt suicide.
I also think it’s infantilizing to say “well women attempt more because they’re not as serious and don’t mean it but men suffer more and are more serious about their depression which is why their attempts are more successful.” That’s demeaning to suicidal women, that’s demeaning to the state of women’s mental health, that’s infantilizing women and our mental health and our depression to just say “oh you’re just not as serious as men and only making a cry for help”
As I always add to these posts, the mental illness with the highest mortality rate is anorexia, which disproportionately affects women.
My PMS pains are super bad today so my husband suggested I go for a bath, but I said just couldn’t be bothered to run one, so no.
Can you guess what he did next?
He went and had one himself 🙃 he has since come to me and announced that he realised he should’ve just run one for me.
Recently I went to the theatre to see ‘Rocky Horror’ I dressed up for the occasion (obviously) nothing too revealing but I did have fishnets on, so when I parted with my company to get a cab home - 8.30pm - I was feeling a touch vulnerable and getting into a cab is of course a scary thing to do, even though the driver seemed lovely. I had already spoken to my husband a moment before getting in the cab, but once we drove off I called him again to loudly state I was in the taxi, expected to be home in about 5-10 minutes and told him I loved him. I also made sure to have my keys in my hands and have all my possessions held close to me.
When I got home my husband was baffled by the call and asked why when he already knew the information I passed on. The look of realisation on his face as I explained that I was making sure the driver knew someone was waiting for me, someone knew where I was and how long I’d be and that I was not returning to and empty home as a precaution for my own safety. That is not a situation that would ever make him feel unsafe, never in his life would he have considered any of these precautions or even seen a need to implement them and that experience highlighted to him just how different the world is for him than it is for me.
I think the vast majority of men are completely unaware of the lengths women have to go to in order to keep safe, even in normal day to day situation.
Following up on this post:
Have you ever heard of “time poverty?” – here’s why it’s the biggest issue preventing gender equality
“Across the globe, women spend about 4.5 hours a day on unpaid labor, such as child care and household chores. For men, that figure drops in half. That’s according to data cited by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which identified the issue of time poverty as a central focus in an annual letter released by its wealthy benefactors. In poor countries, the unpaid labor gap grows. Women in India, for example, spend an estimated six hours a day on unpaid labor. Men there spend just an hour on such chores. The expectations affect a woman’s ability to work outside the home. “She doesn’t even get out of the house in that situation. She is trapped in that home,” Melinda Gates told Refinery29 during a round table interview earlier this year. “So she doesn’t even get to go to the market, or participate in a job.“
Read the full piece here
@profeminist Lefty Cartoons has cartoons that deal with this topic too. Check out ‘how the Feminist Revolution wasn’t completed’ and ‘another mum gets screwed over by a tiny advantage’.
Love your work :)
HEY THANKS A LOT! FEMINIST FIST BUMP!!!
Readers, click the links from the share above for relevant & on-target cartoons!
I do like this cartoonist a lot and have shared some of his pieces in the past. You can browse his site by category, here are the feminist ones: http://leftycartoons.com/category/feminist/
This breadwinner/homemaker ideal needs to go away. If this is a home for both parties then both parties should take care of it 😒
My son has worked out how to ask grapes (his favourite snack) problem is he can’t get the G sound so instead he just shouts r*pe at me over and over even in public which is less than ideal
Tonight I asked my son for a kiss and a cuddle before he went to bed. He opted to delegate this task and tell me it is daddy’s turn 🙃
When I was young and struggling with life and mental health and all that had to offer a teenager I often saw posts on tumblr telling me that one day I would be living a life with a partner or home or kids or something beautiful and happy and I would look back on the struggles and be proud to have made it. I didn’t believe those posts really.
But, today I sat on my sofa in the morning with a hot cup of tea and listened to my husband in the kitchen teaching our kids how to make proper gravy for our Sunday roast. I felt so blissfully happy and suddenly remembered all those posts and my lack of belief in them, realising I had made it, I am happy and I am proud of myself.
Incase anyone else is out there not believing in the good part that can come after the struggles; it will come and it is in the small and inconsequential moments you’ll be able to revel in how far you’ve come and how well you’ve done.
My children hate taking their vitamins, but they absolutely love being given a “daily sweet”
My daughter starts year one on Wednesday (UK, not sure what that translates to for elsewhere) I’m seeing posts all over social media from mothers gushing about how sad they are for their babies to start year one (first year of ‘proper’ school) how much they’re gonna miss them and don’t want their babies fo grow up.
So here is me, and I don’t think I’m alone. It is a little scary seeing your babies grow up. However, to be honest I am stoked! I can’t wait, this is the next part of parenting, my baby will be in proper school and learning exciting things. I will have more time to focus on myself and I’m loving the prospect of getting to do homework with her and learn things together.
I don’t think I’m a bad parent for being excited for myself and my freedom because I’m still a person outside of my kids. I just don’t think that’s being said enough and I think a lot of parents might end up feeling bad to be the ones that are excited.
Definitely some evil shit
