Syzygy

"So much universe, and so little time" - Terry Pratchett

[vermilliontheory]

Thursday May 26, 2022

Whoops almost forgot to post. Thankfully I had a reminder on my google calendar. That thing is a life saver. Anyway, the last two days went by so fast. I just moved and did like an hour of work for my project each day. I’m allowing myself to take the project slow this week because of the moving. If I have the liberty to do that, I will do so. This weekend though, I am grinding out a short script.

Today, I spent three hours straight moving my things to my summer room. It was difficult but therapeutic. I am about 85% done with move out. All I have is my bedding, the things on my desk, plants, the necessities on my drawer, food, dishes, three suitcases, and everything in my closet (not to mention the fridge and AC)... alright it sounds like a lot but progress has been made. I should really downsize later; I own too much stuff. But i care for most of it. I definitely should get rid of the stuff taking space in my desk. I’ll make a box for it when I unpack.

I have so much energy from all of the moving I did today. I feel so productive something that I haven’t felt in such a long time. I miss it.

I was sent a really nice looking scholarship. I haven’t applied to anything in a while, so this is excited. At first, I thought it was award of up to $20,000 but there are many other benefits! Oh my, I am going to work hard to get it.

It’s been weird without any of my close friends. I feel as though I have lost part of my identity. But I was invited to a hangout tomorrow, and we also planned a brunch on Saturday! Quite exciting.

I am going to manifest:: I WILL WORK HARD ON MY PROJECT! I WILL GIVE IT MY BEST

thank you:)

[vermilliontheory]

Monday May 23, 2022

It’s been almost two years since I’ve looked at this. I’ve changed a lot, yet I feel as though I am the same person I was when I started this. I learned things about myself, that I suppressed for a long time. I admitted to myself, now I should really tell my family. But that will be a later conversation.

Anyway, I decided to start this blog again while I’m doing summer research. I’ll probably talk about my day or whatever pops into my head. I hope to do a similar pattern, where I do every week day and then group the weekend together.

Today, I started with a meeting with my professor and my partner. My partner seems nice. I’m excited to work with them and see what we come up with together. The time for this project is extremely flexible, so I’m trying to provide myself a bit more structure, so I can actually take this seriously. 

I visited my campus job and recommended a book to my favorite co-worker. It made me extremely happy. I never really recommend my favorite things to people, and he seemed really excited to read it. It reminded me of a quote that I heard a while ago. I don’t remember it exactly, but it was about how we are pieces of other people. That our interactions with others help us find who we are. It’s very beautiful, and I wish I can find it. Another time. 

I’ve been going around campus by myself, and it’s so strange, because during the semester when I would come back to my room, there would be someone there. It’s so lonely, but I knew this would happen. I feel as though sometimes I am too aware of the consequences and outcomes. Not in a God-like way, but in an apocalyptic way. If that makes sense...

There are many things to look forward to, but i have to pace myself. This year burned me out to oblivion, and that was a terrible experience!

[vermilliontheory]

Wednesday, September 23- Sunday, September 27, 2020

Big oops! I totally was so busy and stressed during this period of time. It was nothing but class lecture, notes, homework, and just trying to maintain a social life. I did not like this period of time, but I will continue to attempt to write to destress. I am very upset at myself, but this is kind of just something I just have to keep working on. I promise to myself that I will make sure to write consistently everyday.

I am also just feeling really unmotivated and am very harsh on myself. I do not feel as though I am retaining anything that is being taught to me. I feel so uninspired and not at all creative. I hate it.

[vermilliontheory]

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

I had Economics for the first class of the day, and it went by as per usual. Although I have just been more tired than usual.

Physics was next and it was pretty good. I am getting more comfortable with the professor and she’s pretty cool.

I had a Computer Science lab, and it was extremely mind-breaking. I really dislike the class, because I feel as though I am not learning anything. 

I have lots of work and need to work on time management. I don’t have much time to do anything.

[vermilliontheory]

Monday, September 21, 2020

First class was Computer Science, and this time I actually paid attention. Unfortunately, it did not help as much as I thought it would. So, I am going to read the textbook as I am supposed to.

Then, I had Calculus. It wasn’t that bad. It’s usually just lecture that I fear being called out on. That hasn’t happened yet, and I hope it never does.

My roommate and I lofted our beds and created little hangout area under it. It was really fun and a good way to procrastinate on my schoolwork. Before this, we ate by the lake and had a conversation about old pets. 

For dinner, part of the fellow group hung out in our room. We technically allowed to starting today but we started before. Oh, well. Afterwards, I went to the neighbor’s room to hang out and watch one of them cut her hair. Somehow, we went down the road of talking about our trauma that happened in high school. So, crazy how I forgot about everything that happened to me. But, I love my new friends. Although, we’ve only known each other for about a month, I feel very connected to them.

[vermilliontheory]

Saturday & Sunday, September 19/20, 2020

The only highlight of Saturday was hanging out in the parlor room with my student fellow group watching a movie and playing a board game. Also watching Black Mirror with my roommate. 

I just spent this entire weekend procrastinating. I just felt really depressed and did not do anything. I really need to do my work. Also, the are choosing students to go to a physics workshop and I don’t know if I’ll get chosen. I hope so, but my expectations are low. I just need to work at a good pace.

[vermilliontheory]

Friday, September 18, 2020

I woke up so early that I felt dead getting breakfast.

First class Oceanography, and it went pretty well. I am half-deaf today so that was a nuisance. It was just lecture and working on an assignment with your group.  I am currently in the library. I was going to do work, but I started to do a bit of research to decide whether or not I should run for a representative position in the college student association. I am not really sure if I want to do it. Who knows?

I did not run. The positions were filled but good for them.

Lastly, I had calculus and the day got better from there. He pushed the assignment to Sunday and finished class 20 minutes early!

I met up with the calculus group and finished the question. It felt better with having extra time under us to finish it ‘early’. 

I went canoeing and it was really fun. Not what I expected at all; it was extremely calming and I really like hanging out with my new friend. We even ate in the middle of the lake. 

After hanging out at the lake, we went to the museum and had fun looking over the paintings. We went to the building right next to it and tried to climb up to the tower but the door was locked. How sad. 

[vermilliontheory]

Thursday, September 17, 2020

I really felt my outfit today. A big shirt and overalls just feels so right. 

First class was Economics. I felt as though I participated a lot more today, so it felt great. We got more homework and I really need to catch up on the reading, but I think I am doing alright for this class. 

Today has just been such a good day. Physics went by well. It now has a routine that I can grasp, and it just makes things better.

For my Physics lab, I no longer have a partner, so as of now I am working on this lab on my own. The lab was just us trying to comprehend the program that we’ll use for the semester. After the lab though, some classmates and I worked on the second half of the lab. They offered to help, and I gladly took the opportunity. They are so nice, and we were bonding. How fun!

Today was a really good day. Just overall good vibes. 

[vermilliontheory]

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Today was my cousin’s birthday so happy birthday to her. 

I had a quiz during Computer Science, and I bombed it. I had no idea what to do. I really need to catch up and tell the professor she needs to change her teaching methods. I wanted to spend time crying, but I had Calculus right after.

This class went by smoothly. I am scared of getting called on still. Hopefully, I can do it at least once. I am starting to get the material.

I got all of my packages today. Can’t wait to wear all of my new shirts! Clothes make me very happy, and I can’t wait to see what I have back at home.

I went to the library and got some work done. It was a very productive day since I finished my assignments a day early and not the day of. I finally have time to set up my notes and study. I really hope I can stay on the ball and finally keep a routine of productivity. Dressing nice should help, it makes me look forward to the days. Now, the biggest worry is my group question for calculus, but it’s due on Friday so I’ll work on it tomorrow. Very excited to be productive!

[vermilliontheory]

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Economics was the same old, same old. Though I am finally understanding what is going on as I had it before senior year was disrupted. I do have to catch up on the reading though. 

Physics was also the same. I am getting better in finally talking during breakout rooms. I’m too anxious during class.

The Computer Science was lab as we went in-person. My friend and I were talking to a classmate. I hope I get to talk to him again; I would like a new friend.

Today was honestly not much. Almost nothing happened.

[vermilliontheory]

Monday, September 14, 2020

I woke up today really tired and depressed. Everything was hazy, so I knew this was going to be a sad week. Hopefully, it gets better.

I couldn’t concentrate during Computer Science class. I just decided to do some online shopping. Although, I heard about the quiz that I have on Wednesday, so thank goodness I stayed that long. 

Calculus was alright. We have another group assignment, so I should really step up and help the out more than the last time. I’m beginning to understand everything a little better so that is a great sign.

Well, I have lots of work to do but I put it off to tomorrow and I took a pretty long nap that was maybe 3 hours long. I basically slept the afternoon away. I did not like that.

I did end the evening doing some work and playing cards with a friend. That was a little highlight. I just really hope I get back to a working mode. 

[vermilliontheory]

Saturday & Sunday, September 12/13, 2020

Saturday I spent the day relaxing and doing one assignment. I really have to learn how to write faster, it’s a huge problem.

I was enjoying online shopping again. It’s extremely addicting but thankfully I am not going to spend any more money. I should really be job searching again, since I haven’t gotten one. 

I did work at the library again. It is very coming, and I very much enjoy the quiet vibe. Although, it makes me sleepy as well.

I slept in on today (Sunday). I dislike how almost everything in the college is closed on Sundays, it’s just really sad. There’s little to do, so the roommie and I stay cooped up in our room. We did both try knitting, but I can’t get it. Thinking about buying thicker yarn, (but like I said, I don’t want to spend any more money.)

I watched Six the Musical with my roommate, and it was the most fun I had all day! It’s amazing when you can share and enjoy a common interest. Also, I was at a friend’s dorm watching some more of a show, so that was a lot of fun too.

Sometimes, the days end really well.

[vermilliontheory]

Friday, September 11, 2020

It’s been 19 years since that day, what a tragedy... I was born months after but I heard that it changed society in many ways.

Well, I still had class. I went in-person to Oceanography. It was kind of awkward but nice. I’ll better prepare for next week. I don’t have much to say.

Calculus was the same as well. Although, I think he made me more confused for this past lesson. I finally understand how to apply the concept, but he did it differently, so I felt a little lost. I’ll practice, and it’ll be alright. 

I went to the receiving building and got my new laptop! I’m very happy. I also got my headphones and cute wave stickers. It was just like Christmas. I feel very much happy, especially because this came from grant money.  All day, I spent it doing Physics homework. That’s what I get for procrastinating but I got done in time. But, it was satisfying when I got it done. 

My fellow group and I had a movie night in the now open parlor room. It was a lot of fun. Then a friend and I watched a season of one of her favorite shows. Afterwards, we spent time reminiscing on old childhood games. I felt very much at home and am excited for more things to come.

[vermilliontheory]

Thursday, September 10, 2020

Today was very dark and depressing. Mostly due to the gloomy weather. 

Economics was a full on lecture. I feel as though this current lecture was majority review as I did take an Econ class the last semester of Senior year. It was nice to finish off this week.

Physics was also a nice pace. We were just watching a video and working on problems. I personally do not like being on video, but the professor requested that I be on. I understand she wants to participate, but I just am not comfortable in front of a camera. But, what can I do?

My fellow group and I made some plans to watch movies together. I really like hanging out with them. It’s weird to think we met only less than a month ago. 

I am currently at the library to do homework in a new environment. Today, I have to prioritize Oceanography, Physics, and Calculus. Then I have to do reading for Computer Science and Economics in the weekend. I’m planning on taking a break tomorrow (and mix in some practice Physics problems).

I am feeling insecure in my skills, but I have to remember that I will not be perfect at first and that it takes practice to comprehend these complicated questions. I wish I had more confidence to put myself out there. I feel as though I don’t contribute to anything at all. I just want to be useful to myself, if that makes sense. 

[vermilliontheory]

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Today was the usual day. it was just a nothing day really. 

I had Computer Science as my first class, and although I feel bad, I did not pay attention. I was online shopping as this professor is extremely disorganized that I found myself thinking that studying later would be a good idea. Let’s see how that goes this weekend. 

I had calculus as well. I have been spending hours into this class today, and honestly, it made much more comfortable with my math skills. Who would’ve thought that studying would pay off! *Note the sarcasm*

Once again, today nothing remotely interesting happened. I did buy some postcards and did some online shopping. But, I felt as though I was just waiting for packages all day. 

[vermilliontheory]

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Breakfast was the same old routine. It’s a great experience of bliss. I just ate in my room but the ambiance of just eating on my bed was quite a vibe.

First class of the day was Economics, and I really enjoy the lecture aspect of it through zoom. I pay attention, but at parts he drones on, I can easily just go on to websites and work on other classwork. I am starting to understand more though which is nice (I do make mistakes often.) 

I got the money from the grant today! I am very happy to get a new laptop. I also bought some more school supplies (headphones, laptop sleeve, and calculator) with the left over money. I still have about $70 left so I’m not sure what to do with that yet. Maybe more school stuff.

I’m thinking of learning ASL. After being half-deaf for two days(ear infection), I feel as though it is very much necessary to do sooner than later.

I had lunch alone by the lake(it just calls to me). It’s nice to get some alone time(though I mostly studied up on physics) I love my roommate, but i do understand we both need time separate. Honestly, I love our situation. We get along really well and haven’t gotten in any fights, just joking banters. We talk things through, and I could not ask for a better roommate.

Last class was my computer lab. It was confusing as per the usual, but I got the program running well. I even went in-person with someone with my fellow group and we finished our lab in the computer lab. It’s good to know that we’re allowed to go in-person.

I have lots of homework that I am finally chipping away at. I am proud of not procrastinating as much as I usually do. It’ll pile up eventually!

[vermilliontheory]

Monday, September 7, 2020

Today is Labor Day so everything was closed. The early afternoon, I was chipping away on my homework, but I mostly organized what I need to do for the week. 

Today was also a birthday of a new friend. We celebrated during dinnertime and ate cake. It was the same routine, and it was so much fun!

I had a nice video call with my father too! He was showing me all the kitties at home just following around the house. I can’t wait to see them when I go home in November.

I also got to try and keep the habit of writing every night. I also forgot to do today and this weekend. This probably won’t happen again. This is very soothing since no one is telling me to do this. It feels great to continue a personal project longer than usual. I tend to get bored and forget about what I’m doing, but this is different.