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@verycoldandcolder-blog
2/22/17; 12:30am
just a story from the past, what happened today reminded me: remember this first time we hung out after school? that was pretty wild i told my mom i had to stay for a retest but you just took me for a ride we literally drove around until we parked in the parking lot of your church we made out and sat in your backseat, listening to music, talking.
we asked to go to the bathroom fifteen seconds apart funny how the teacher didn't care.
You came over and we had sex for the first time.
fuck I just want you in my room, naked, with your arms wrapped around me.
omfg
holy shit i hate writing
12/30/16; 2:06am
I haven't seen you since you dropped me off on Christmas. You're in Houston while I'm here missing you.
12/25/16; 4:07am
We arrived at your house, empty house.
I raise an eyebrow at you suggestively and you shrugged, explaining that they went to a dinner party. We then went to your room, with me trailing behind you and our fingertips barely holding on. Your room flooded with a setting sun’s light, your blinds pointing downwards. I rolled on to your bed and took out my phone as you kicked off your dress shoes to join me.
We laid there, my head resting on your chest, both of us checking our phones. Every time l saw something funny I would bury my head in your chest and you would do the same thing to my hair.
I crossed on of my legs over your body, then I turned off my phone and adjusted my head to sleep on your chest. Seeing me do this, you do the same thing and wrap both of your arms around me.
I woke up first and crawled on top of you to just look at you. One small freckle on your chin. Perfect flawless flaw. I lay my finger on it and traced it down your neck, across your collarbone, your shoulder, and down a vein in your arm, extended to your hand. I wrapped my fingers around the hand and turned it so I could interlock our fingers.
At this, you start waking up and I greeted you with, "Remember what happened when I was on top of you last time?" You chuckled and jokingly pushed me off and said you don't want anything like that tonight.
Instead you tried to teach me how to play the guitar. Me, sitting in your lap with your arms wrapped around me to guide my fingers on the instrument.
That’s when we heard the garage door open. I jumped on to your bed, the side next to the wall and slid under the covers as you went to the kitchen to greet your family. After the short conversation, you came back into your room and locked the door behind you.
"Just in case."
You slid under the covers next and wrapped your arms around me for the night.
12/25/16; 3:29am
You picked me up after your afternoon mass yesterday and I told my parents I was sleeping over at a friend's. You were looking a little too good in your dress shirt and tie.
12/25/16; 3:25am
Merry Christmas. I've always felt indifferent saying it, but this time it contains pure happiness and genuineness. Just for you.
12/24/16; 4:16am
You asked me to come over near midnight. I told my parents I was going to bed but I was actually slipping out my window, running to your car waiting in the alleyway. You've never looked so good. Your hand resting on my thigh the entire ride. My fingers grazing over your arm and drawing circles on your hand. My mind going to places they shouldn't go. You park your car in the driveway to avoid opening the garage door which will most likely wake your family; which also explains the giggles and the shushing all the way from the door to your room. You show me your room, plain and simple, with multiple musical instruments on display as the centerpiece of the room. I took off my pants and you took off your shirt just to crawl into bed. You pull me closer and smashed my back against you, your entire front snug on my back. I start playing with your fingers as you rest your chin on top of my head. I start pressing my butt into you and you pull me closer. You start tightening your arms around me. I start resting my hand on yours. You start adjusting your position. You tell me you're tired so I tell you I'll do all the work. I reach my hand behind me and starts rubbing you through your pajama pants. You tighten your arms even more. You tell me you've never done anything like this before so I tell you the same thing. I turn around to face you and starts kissing your neck up to your lips. You move me on top of you. I adjust where I was sitting and sat on your crotch while you let out a satisfied moan. "Fuck," I let out against your lips, "that was hot." You let out chuckles between the kisses down to my neck. I start working my hips into yours and both of our breaths quickened. You pull me tight against you, feeling my chest resting on yours. I start moving my hips forward and backward and you bit into my shoulder. You pulled my shirt out of the way and starts kissing my shoulder. I start moving my hips in circular motions and reached into your pajama to adjust you. You let out a groan when I made contact with your exposed skin. I start running my hands through your hair, grabbing on to whatever I could. You grab onto my hips to control my movements. You start to grind your hips upward towards me and I pushed you down with my hands. I climbed off you as you sit up against your headboard. I look into those eyes of yours and saw the need in them. I hook my fingers onto your pajama pants along with your underwear and pulled them down slowly, making sure you're comfortable with this. I straddle you once again, this time with you naked and sitting and only a thin fabric that is my underwear separating us. You seem to like this more. You rest your hands on my hips and start guiding them again. We resume our previous tempo until your breath quickens once more. We both know what this means. You remove your hands from my hips to wrap them around me once more. One around my waist and one hand resting on the back of my head, pulling me close. You nuzzle your face into my shoulder and I move faster and faster until you exploded onto the both of us. I moved slower and slower until you lift your head up again. You've never experience anything like it, I jus know it. I don't think you've ever even touched yourself for the seventeen years you've been alive. I'm glad to be your first before being your first. You seem disappointed that I didn't cum so I told you I could do it myself. I reached my hand under my underwear and starts rubbing into myself as you lay beside me, with your head resting on your hand, watching intently. I could feel myself getting close with the thought of your gaze and your fresh cum on my underwear. I slightly raises my hips and you slip your arm under my neck and watches me even closer. You kiss my forehead and I let out my final groan. "Fuck," you let out with your lips against my forehead, "that was hot." I chuckle as I regulate my breathing again. And just like that, we resumed our previous cuddle. Just with less and wetter cloths.
12/24/16; 4:12am
Christmas eve. You dropped me off minutes ago. After a few hours of intimacy, I need to get back to reality, home.
12/22/16; 1:17am
I didn’t want to write about this because I wanted to be portrayed as “loyal” and “single hearted” but this has been on my mind (also I really don’t give a fuck). So here it is: Best friends. My “best friend”. I enjoy your face a little too much. I enjoy your attention a little too much. I enjoy your touch a little too much. I enjoy every little part of my best friend a little too much. If you are my best friend, can you tell me why you would sit so close with our sides pressed together? Can you tell me why you would press your body against my back and wrap your arms around me every chance you get? Can you tell me why you would grab my legs and put it in your lap and rest you hand on my thigh? Can you tell me why you would come so close behind me when we are laying in bed? Can you tell me why you would drape your arm over mine when I’m laying on my side, just to use your phone in front of my eyes while I’m trying to sleep? Can you tell me why you would pull me closer in bed when that move wasn’t reserved for a friend? Can you tell me why you would fall asleep, with your face in my hair, with your arm across my chest? Can you tell me why you would tighten your arms around me when I nuzzle my face against your chest when I'm asleep? Most importantly, tell me why we always enjoy the physical contact not meant for best friends?
12/19/16; 1:37am
I don't know who you are.
Who you are exactly.
After meeting you yesterday, there haven't been one moment in my mind where you weren't there.
You were the 'question of the day', the ''what if' of the day'.
What if I had gone after you, what if I had asked for your number, what if I didn't let you walk away like that.
Now you are just a memory, heating my body every waking moment.
Memory of your body, the body that everyone craves.
Memory of that same body pressed up against me in the dressing room showers.
Memory of the person who allowed me to run my hands in their hair.
Memory of your hands, one forever resting on my back and the other free to roam, anywhere.
12/19/16; 1:31am
Tonight, I imagined your head between my thighs. Yesterday, I imagined someone new, someone temporary. The day before, I imagined being in a portable bathroom, just you and me. You would know what I mean.
12/19/16; 1:21am
Everyday. I see you in the hallways. Every time. I meet your eyes. Everything. Stops for a split second. Everyone. Gone away. Nothing matters. Except, you and me.
12/18/16; 4:06am
It might be too soon to write about someone new. The truth is, I have been think about him for a while now. His music taste, his sense of humor, his genuine smile, his interest towards me. I could be reading things wrong.
12/18/16; 3:56am
Thank you. Thank you for being there over the past year. Thank you for bring me joy when I needed it the most. Thank you for taking me over the edge every time. Thank you for allowing me to move on. I’m sorry.