5/17/16, 1am: Late Night Poly Poem
I discovered tonight that I’m smaller when sleepy.
I’m colder and curling (a fetal regression).
I’m a shriveled small shiver, a half thing
Pink and raw.
I’m afraid when I’m up late.
The lack of control blurs
My edges and leaves me unsure.
I’m needy and wanting, more
Likely to cling, or to beg.
I am younger, unsteady in these wee lonely hours.
My lip will tremble.
What does it mean, what is nighttime to me,
There are things that I need that are
No big deal at 3 in the afternoon.
At two in the morning I’m full of regret.
I want to take it all back and sleep snug
In his armpit. Instead I am an idiot,
Haunted and tearful, aching from ideas
I insisted on. In my head, right now,
It’s wrong. It’s us, him and I, vows and union
And anything else is in theory, it’s
Dissociation – smoke and mirrors with the power
To shatter reality. I want to wake him up
And beg us both to reconsider, since
In the house since we laughed and talked
It out I’ve come so many miles through
Pain and terror, guts wringing, beginning
Seeming like retching vomit and trauma.
Just stop, pause, please, let’s not. I
Want to wake him up to extract promises
That no matter what I say during
The day we must remember this
Small scared child who has never
Been to sleep since she was born. She
Just lies awake afraid of how we
All will die and that really, she’s alone.
I can’t stop crying, and I don’t
Know if that’s a process and
An evolution or if it’s real and
All I have to give. I don’t
Know how I’ll want to live
When I wake up in the morning.
gummygunk
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
2087
germansingergirl
stormborns
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