The pet vampire

Hello everyone, I post things that I ship. I'm an agender pansexual piece of trash and very supportive of the LGBT community

[allofthefeelings]

I hope Avengers sometimes go to Strange like “I need your help” and he’s like “What’s wrong? Skrulls? Hydra?” and they’re like “I’m congested and it hurts when I swallow.”

[magistrate-of-mediocrity]

You think they ever approach Vision in a similar manner to complain about how the wi-fi router keeps kicking them off the network?

[allofthefeelings]

Well, NOW I do.

[thelibrarina]

Peter Parker calls Steve Rogers at midnight and he shows up at Aunt May’s in full uniform, shield at the ready. “You said something about Nazis? Let’s go.”

And Peter’s standing in the doorway in pajamas and like, pikachu slippers, and he’s like, “The AP history test is tomorrow. I need you to tell me everything you know.”

[moonblossom]

Alternately, I’m now picturing Wanda going to basically anyone else and trying to talk about some issues she and Vis are having, and universally, they all just go “Have you tried turning him off and turning him back on again?”

[allofthefeelings]

There are so many good comments on this post but this one deserves a special shout-out.

[indifferent-kiwi]

Peter: So what do you remember about the JFK assassination?

Bucky: I think I killed him

Peter: alrighty then

[marvelxs-universe]

this entire thing is glorious

[yaboywillyshakes]

physically i’m here but emotionally i’m unconscious, face down on a table at dennys

[heythatsmyleg]

[diddi-p]

this gets funnier with each passing year

[thecuriousowl]

oOOOOH SH*t !!!by AnatoFinnstark

[athenanuu]

@lesbianmeouch

[generous-dimensions]

the version of this going around is the version with my dumbass tags and now all these people are following me bc they think im a monsterfucker

@havvehoagie @athenanuu

[generous-dimensions]

the post that gave me the reputation a monsterfucker is now at 69420 notes and im so happy to be the person to make it that

[britney]

remember when Britney Spears dropped the Da Vinci code on all of us almost 8 years ago… the time she sneaked “F-U-C-K ME” into the radio

[yourfriendlysis]

SHIT

[showerthoughtsofficial]

ATM fees are like buying your own money

[dragon-ball-meta]

LMAO (via @grizzlegreertrash)

[just-shower-thoughts]

The internet isn’t full of stupid people. The WORLD is. The internet is just the proof.

[just-shower-thoughts]

The internet isn’t full of stupid people. The WORLD is. The internet is just the proof.

[paar-pahlok]

Well, finals are finally over! Back to writing fanfiction. 

[paar-pahlok]

Dragonborn: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Farkas asked me what the elven word for mer was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.

Farkas: Who are Septims named after?

Dragonborn, already taking off their armor: You are so fucking stupid.

[paar-pahlok]

Amaund Motierre: So you'll do it? You'll kill the emperor?

Dragonborn: uh-huh

Montierre: How much do you want?

Dragonborn: I'll do it for 20

Montierre: Alright, 20 grand?

Dragonborn: *spit take*

[amvs]

what anxiety is like

well! the fears start coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop co

[clowb-remade-deactivated2019032]

yall do know “everytime we touch” is a cover right

[minecraftsona-moved]

[inkfemme-moved-deactivated20190]

https://youtu.be/5lycq0GgjwE

[marxpussy-deactivated20180726]

My entire frame of reality is crumbling in front of me.

[vhesola]

I just... I can't even... this is not okay... I am not okay...

[dianapforlunch]

Reblog Gal Gadot as Batman for 10,000 years of good luck

[splurty]

you’ve all wee’d in the shower but have you pooed in the shower

[metradell-vyorei-deactivated202]

Sometimes you just get a sudden onset explosive case of the shits ok fuck

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Sleep is the free trial version of death.