Victoria's Truths

Frank, honest, wannabe journalist bares everything. Tumblr beginner, technologically retarded so any advice or [constructive] criticism appreciated.

[victoriastruths]

Then.

When we met I was lost,

taking everything I could get,

running the show, I was the boss,

you hurt me, I left. It's not over yet.

You really thought you were my bitch,

'cos I wouldn't make effort to keep you, 

always too busy satisfying my itch,

even though I hid it all, my feelings were true.

I'd never felt like that, the way I do about you,

not 'cos we were friends straight away,

but 'cos we were stuck together like glue,

never thought it'd be me you'd betray.

You probably think I'm wrong,

I made you feel like you weren't enough,

still listening to the same damn song,

didn't think you would make it this tough.

Should have took our time,

allowed our love to grow,

not rushing, doing crime,

losing that now I'm as cold as fresh snow. 

Victoria.

[victoriastruths]

Nice Things.

Can close my eyes and be there,

feel the April sun heat my smooth skin,

your gently strong hands in my hair,

so far behind us, our chances seem slim,

you know where we've been,

fearlessly touching each other,

not caring who had seen,

didn't matter. We had one another. 

Those moments are blurry to me,

it's an endless, brightly lit dream,

everything fades, you're all I can see,

when reality pulls me out I could scream,

you said you'd never let me leave,

now like a clingy annoying child,

I'm forever tugging at your sleeve,

begging you let us always be this wild.

You used to curl your bottom lip,

looking out through watered wide eyes,

thought we'd never let it slip,

I can still see your pretend cries,

we played with each other's truth,

but you were always in my mind,

there's no such thing as showing proof,

in love completely and blissfully blind.

[nikico]

[victoriastruths]

"Most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."

When I said something similar once, he told me "Who said anything about walking away?" He picked me up and just like that all the doubts in our minds melted and even though we couldn't dance we fell into each other another time. Kissed hard and rolled around in bliss. If that's not real I don't know what is. 

[victoriastruths]

"Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some have greatness thrust upon them."

W.Shakespeare. Twelfth Night.

[victoriastruths]

Draft 24.

Moved back about a month ago, and found these letters in my piles of paperwork. You know I'm not that organised, sorry its taken so long to get them back to you, didn't know I had them. 

I've written to you loads of times, but I think I might actually send this. Have tried and failed to tell you how I feel. Every time I open my mouth to speak, something stops me. I'm so frightened that you don't want to hear it, or that by saying anything I'll upset you or push you away. 

Not spoken to you in months anyway so I figure there's not much to lose, and I can happily just move on once I've sent this if you don't want to know.

Nothing I ever said to you was a lie. My heart still pounds every time I think about you. I feel like a massive cliche. Still think of you all the time and I try not to. I have tried to forget about you, 'cos I think you want me to. Its not that easy. I would love to be able to move on. I didn't want to spend this long pining for you. You are one of my favorite people. I haven't ever met anyone like you and there isn't a single thing about you that I don't love. I don't want to get to 50 and wish I had tried or that I missed out on the best person to walk into my life. So I got to try. 

You were the real deal to me. Fell in love with everything about you, and still can't accept that you didn't feel it. I saw it in your eyes, I heard it in your voice. Felt it in the way you grabbed me tight, the way we reached out for one another in the middle of the night. Like needy kids, we didn't even need an excuse to fight, but I know that fire is exactly what I liked. 

All I need is for you to tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me I was just something that happened. A mistake? Like u once said. When you said you wanted to be friends, you said it was because you didn't wanna put me through shit, that doesn't make sense to me, cos being away from you is so difficult. So so tired of my mind racing with things you said. Telling me what I want. I want someone I can rely on, I want a family. I want to depend on somebody completely and know they will be there through thick and thin. Don't we want the same things? Didn't I see you crying your eyes out more than once. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to make you feel like you're not good enough cos you always were. I'm sorry for not being there when you need me. I'm sorry for being selfish and walking away when you needed someone to be there. I'm sorry I never introduced you to my family, because I do want to show you off like you did with me. I'm sorry I smoked bud all the time, I'm sorry I was selling your shit. I'm sorry for not making more effort. I'm sorry for pretending I didn't care. I'm sorry for running away to wallow in my despair. I'm sorry I left you to to be so easily ensnared.

If you can find it in your heart to look past the pity you probably feel for me now, and give me a chance to show you that nothing changed between us. My feelings are just as strong as they ever were. You deserve to be happy. Let me try to do that for you, again.  

Victoria. 

[victoriastruths]

Want to send you a letter. But don't want to look desperate and pathetic. The longer I leave it the less I have to lose.

[victoriastruths]

Wish I hadn't made you so unreachable. Deleted your number to stop me from texting but the gap has just grown. How do I fix this. How do I even know if you want me to fix this. Are you really just happy to not see me. That feels shit. I did this to myself. 

[tristivoire]

[victoriastruths]

Burgers.

Not surprised that Tesco have lied about the contents of their burgers. Sadly disappointed in myself for being surprised that the mainstream media seem to be focusing on the horse meat contents. Disgusted that Tesco has got away with this in UK but more shocking that it was discovered in Ireland not here?! So is anyone actually testing the contents in our food? Are all the conspiracies about E numbers and the micro food generation giving us cancer actually true? Truth is we just don't know. 

What has astonished me most is that nobody seems to be talking about the potential pork content of the same burgers. Although I'm a horse lover and am sickened by what is happening, it upsets me more to think of the hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, who have been affected by the pork content. How many religious people who have avoided pork for years, maybe even a lifetime, have now purchased and consumed a meat which is not allowed in their religion? Sick and twisted, and not in mainstream media. Horse meat is controversial but it does not affect people's religion.

If this is happening in one selection of one mainstream supermarkets, can we really be sure of any meat whatsoever? Will be avoiding all minced products from now on as it is far too easy to conceal other animal flesh in meat which has been minced. 

One last thing, everywhere I look there are jokes about this and it is so far from funny. Hate to sound like a joy kill but wake up people we are being spoon-fed bullshit. 

Sincerely glad I don't like burgers anyway,

Victoria.

[victoriastruths]

Perspective.

If there's one thing worse than someone you love thinking you hate them, it's letting them think it for so long because they haven't told you. How do you break the barrier of silence? Even if you've done it before. I can't see the way in. We've not spoken for a while before. But this time I think you really don't want to hear from me any more. It feels like such a pathetic way to think. I'm sure nobody reading this cares but that's why I write on here. It's a free canvas to post my deepest thoughts that nobody I know personally can see. So it is about as close to anonymous as I can be. Back in the same City I might see you but I don't want us to meet in some awkward place at some awkward time. I want to still be able to call you mine. It's so long ago now you probably think I'm fine, and I tell you I am and maybe you believe me every time. Maybe you actually think I don't want you? Maybe you think that the past is too much for me to forget. I've turned to you every time I have needed to be with the closest person to me and sometimes I haven't even told you what is bothering me. As soon as I'm with you all those problems melt away, it sounds so damn cliche. I'd rather be with you, hidden away. 

Victoria. 

[victoriastruths]

Wishing, Wanting, Waiting.

Wishful thinking doesn't help,

Wanting fate to help me out,

Still feel your hands on my scalp,

Waiting for there to be no doubt.

Told you I wish things were different,

you know what I meant, my normal,

but you think that's irrelevant,

want to go back through some portal,

I'd show you just how important,

you were, and are, in my big picture,

you were never just a moment,

I thought you were a permanent fixture.

Victoria. 

[victoriastruths]

Eternally Mirrored.

Your hands around my face,

strong and simple to show me

there's no other place

I'm comforted improbably.

Never meant to be - just me,

but yours still and controllable,

these night tremors dreamingly,

show I'm not that capable.

Our near families so similar,

and our tempers too,

no place too near, or too far,

here I'd rather be, next to you.

To free myself from these webs,

would be the true mistake,

even to slum in these dreads,

Mine is a love that will not break.

Victoria.

[victoriastruths]

‎"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never some true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in you excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that makes you special even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of you childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate that will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. You only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life".

Bob Marley

[hellanne]

[victoriastruths]

The 1930's Scarface. Everybody thinks Al Pacino's gangster this guy was a real piece. 

[victoriastruths]

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to dress like this? 

[victoriastruths]

Glad I'm going to see 2020's not 1920's but the dresses were fabulous d'AAAAhling