conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 53 (masterpost here)
Damian: you complain that we're mean to you but it's clearly how you prefer to be spoken to.
Dick: *high pitched laugh*
Tim, indignant: no don't- shut up Nightwing, don't laugh at that, that's not what he meant.
Damian: no no, don't worry, i'm sure it reflects how you are in the bedroom as well,
Tim: you can't fucking- you're a child, you can't infer stuff like that about me!
Dick, mouth clearly full: child on child crime.
Tim: shut up- stop eating my breadsticks-
Dick, mouth full: the fuck brings breadsticks on patrol? *fabric shifting* you are way too short to take these off me, give up.
Damian: -look i'm just saying you very clearly don't know how to respond when people are friendly with you on a consistent basis. you're more comfortable being insulted, you like the power play of succeeding under duress and insults.
Dick: *slight cough* to be- to be fair that could just be because he's not used to having friends.
Tim: oh- OH- *supremely indignant* DON'T YOU DARE- if any of us isn't used to having friends, it sure as fuck isn't me.
Damian: *snort* ok then who?
Damian: why are you looking at me like- ...
Damian, dry: you must be joking.
Dick: it's alright Robin, you just... weren't in the right environment to-
Damian: I HAD FRIENDS?!?!
Tim, audibly gleeful: cattle doesn't count.
Damian: shut the fuck up- look i'll get Hood on call, you'll fucking see-
Dick: Rob, i don't think he'll answer any texts right now, he's undercover on a case. he hasn't been answering me the whole weekend.
Jason, amidst muffled bass-boosted music: yo, you told me to join this line?
Dick: oh you fucking favouriting bitch-
Dick, instant: -and what are you laughing at, degradation kink?
Jason: ...what the hell did you just drag me into? i'm in a club bathroom right now Day, i'm literally infiltrating a drug ring.
Damian: i know but this was important, you said you'd always talk no matter where you were if i said it was important.
Jason: yeah, and? you're all on patrol right now, right? do you need backup? i'm wearing silver booty-shorts and a beaded necklace right now, man.
Damian: i didn't need to know that.
Dick: i fuckin' did. that's my brother, ladies and gentlemen!
Jason: yeah yeah, i know you dream of this, don't worry.
Tim: i hate both of you so much.
Damian: tell these two imbeciles that i had friends when i was younger.
Jason: ...are you taking the piss?
Tim: Rob come on, you were the prince of a murder cult. i believe you had servants you were amicable with?
Jason: well- *annoyed huff* ok, well, he did and he didn't. they were my friends, but they liked him too.
Damian, indignant: they were not just your friends,
Jason: they were- to be fair to Damian, there were kids his age in the compound. some of the new trainees would come in as young as five, as depressing as that is. plus some of the servants and assassins would knock each other up, and Ra's both didn't care enough to have the kids killed, and also didn't care enough to grant maternity leave. so as long as you raised your kids not to get in the way of anything, they were just allowed to chill with the parents around the base.
Damian: see. i had children to play with, not just servants.
Jason: yeah but Damain, they didn't like you.
Tim: *slow build of laughter*
Damian: i wasn't- they didn't all hate me,
Tim, through giggling: oh, sweet vindication,
Jason: dude they did. you kept calling them 'expendables' and telling them that your brother could beat up their parents whenever you asked him to. it was- it actually caused problems, because i had to tutor some of those kids and they were too terrified of me killing their parents to focus on learning.
Tim, still laughing: oh my- dude, you were insufferable! you were like- *gleeful* you know what this is? you were essentially the league equivalent of that kid on Roblox who tells everybody his dad is the game dev and he could get you banned.
Jason: *abrupt laughter* holy shit he was-!
Dick, also giggling: aw, that's actually so cute though! you were so proud of Hood being your brother!
Damian: shut the fuck up.
Tim: i knew you were a friendless child.
Jason: *laughs* ok, ok no to be fair to the kid, he didn't have friends his own age, but he still hung out with people. i had a platoon of my most trusted subordinates that i worked real closely with after i was made general or whatever, and he hung out with us a lot.
Tim: ok so- that's not him having friends, that's being nice to your boss's little brother.
Jason, snorting: no genuinely, they loved him. these guys were more friends than subordinates anyway--they had to be for me to trust them that much, so they were chill. we used to sneak Day out into the villages around the compound sometimes, they thought he was funny. he shot a dove once.
Damian: SEE. eat shit Red.
Dick: hold on what do you mean he shot a dove- i thought he loved animals?!!?
Tim: i still don't buy it. you are way too antisocial to have grown up in an environment where you had lots of friends.
Jason: Tim, Bruce told me that last week you got so tired of talking to people that you sat in the car for four and a half hours playing on your ipad while he went and took a WE meeting for you.
Damian: *scoff* oh and I'M the antisocial one?!
Tim: ...Hood i thought you were undercover get the fuck off our line.
Dick: WHY DID HE SHOOT A DOVE.
