It gets harder every year, the baking, the gifts, keeping up with appearances, sending cards, family photos, visiting family. Somewhere within it all we forget the most important thing. Loving and being thankful/grateful for everything/one we have. This year I’ll have a ten month old son in December, so toys and clothes are in order for Christmas shopping. Problem is he hardly plays with his toys now! He’s busy up moving and trying to walk everywhere. Hoping with some new toys he’ll enjoy them more, or his dad will lol. He is constant growing, he’s tall but chubby so we always battle finding the right sizes for him and with winter being here than moving back to WA in February I’m trying to make sure he has enough clothes for the cold wet seasons there. My boyfriend is a car guy, and a man child, so shopping for him isn’t as hard but still has it’s problems because I know next to nothing about tools and car stuff, I just know what he needs and where to get it but don’t have that kind of money as of now. I do not haven’t any family within the state I live currently, and only my boyfriends parents and younger siblings live close to us. This will be my first year without my own parents be close to visit them for thanksgiving and Christmas. And it will also be a first that I will not be able to call my grandmother who is like my other mom due to her passing in April, and that will be the hardest thing for me... I have been looking for a job for months now, however I live in a small town, everything clothes up kinda early. I need a job for a night shift pretty much, that way my boyfriend can watch our son after he gets off work. No one wants to hire me because I have no experience, my hours I ask for are dumb and they want someone who is flexible with hours and work holidays, and I share a car with my boyfriend but I don’t have a license. I’ve applied at so many places called them many times about my applications but get shut down every time! It has caused so many issues with my boyfriend and his family, they think I’m not trying hard enough or even doing anything. Well I’ve shown the proof to my boyfriend on everyone I’ve called and applied for. Also my in-laws took back the phone I was using so now I have no phone number to have the jobs try and call me back. I’m having to start over on all my applications now and try and get an app to make calls out without having to pay. Money is tight this year, this is the first holidays with my own little family and we are losing sight of what they really mean because we are stressed out about money and bills and if we are able to provide a good enough Christmas for our son. It’s hard and I sit and cry about it a lot honestly. If I work I’d be cutting out so much stress in our life, but I also loose out on a lot with my son as well. I haven’t worked since the week before I gave birth and with holidays picking up you’d think some of these places would hire but not me... It’s hard not to give up on everything really, and it’s even harder to keep positive when even a small hope of chance is seen it gets taken away again, over and over and over again. We need out of this shitty house that doesn’t have working heat, or working stove/oven, and is falling apart, and we out of this small one minded town and move to a place with better chances and start over in our life as a family.