absolutely wild to know and have learned from the VA for chaos and zeus from hades bc he voiced both those like super big characters and the man is 5’8 w a combover
this was...really, really difficult for me to write. I needed to put into a fic how I feel about SU:F, and how I think things are going with the show, why Steven’s acting the way he is, etc. This was my best attempt at conveying...a very similar kind of pain i’ve experienced that i think that steven may be experiencing.
Steven grit his teeth and covered his face - the crystal gems were all in front of him, practically cornering him in the room.
"We're here if you need to talk, Steven, you're hurting, we want to he-" Pearl said, reaching out.
Steven backed away further into the corner, shaking his head and trying to hold it together. "No! If you wanted to help you would've done something already!"
He felt the sensation well up in his chest and cheeks, the bright burning pain that enveloped his body and number out everything else but the pain he was feeling. It spread like a flame, turning whatever he used to try and calm down into fuel for the inferno.
"Steven, man, we didn't know, we would've come sooner if-" Amethyst began, trying to put her hand on Steven's shoulder. The pink flare only grew and Steven slapped her hand away.
"How could you not have realized - how could any of you not have realized that I could maybe be hurting?!" Steven said, his throat burning in pain as the warped power twisted his words into explosive daggers. "I've almost died! Multiple times! Do you know what that can even feel like?.. No. No of course you don't."
"Steven, you're bigger than this, take a breath," Garner began, holding her ground.
Steven stamped on the floorboards, the house rocking and the wood chipping and breaking underfoot. "I don't care if I'm bigger than this or not, I don't - I don't want to be! I spent my entire life helping everyone through everything! White Diamond tried to kill me, Jasper wanted me dead, Eyeball wanted me dead, Peridot wanted me dead, Bismuth tried to kill me, I - I watched Lars die when the diamonds still wanted me dead, and Bluebird still wants me dead, and at this point, I think she's the only sane one amongst them!"
"Steven, that's not true! We-" Pearl began.
"You what?! Didn't care? Never came to check up on me when I was younger? Ignored me whenever I had a problem? Yelled at me about why I was wrong when I saw something in the portal? Complained about how draining it was when I was so anxious? Is that it? Oh, and when I was right, you never even apologized! None of you have EVER apologized! Not once! You never cared when I was a kid, and the only reason you care now is because I have powers! Powers you can't ignore anymore!"
Garnet took a step towards Steven, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, rage still visible on his face as the high-pitched hum rang through his ears, pink shrouding his vision. "Steven. We made our mistakes in the past, please, let us make up for it now-"
Steven pulled away, screaming, a barrier forming between him and the gems,
"NO! I don't want your help, Garnet! I don't want any of your help! You expect me, after years of not being able to confide in you guys without having to...to fix you guys - to just...forgive you? To just forget it all happened and talk about it how I’m hurting now? You were supposed to take care of me! You were supposed to be parents to me!"
"We were trying, Steven! Do you think we've ever parented before?" Pearl said, tears in her eyes.
"If you weren't ready to take care of me, you shouldn't have taken me in at all!" Steven screamed, the barrier exploding outwards, a thunderwave destroying more of the house. A light fell down from the ceiling, shattering as the glass sprawled across the floor. Steven fell to the ground as his barrier reformed, in a crying heap. "None of you...did anything for me. I was thirteen, and I had to help three...thousands of year old gems deal with losing my mother. I felt like it was...my fault she was gone. Like every single bit of pain you all ever felt was my fault, and that if I wasn't helping you through it, I wasn't good enough. But that's how it was, wasn't it? You only helped me when I was in Stevonnie, you only asked if I was okay so the fusion could be safe. You never - not once asked if I was okay."
Steven balled his fists on the ground, shaking as the tears rolled down his face. He hated when he angry-cried. They probably thought he was showing weakness, or trying to confide the in them, and it made his blood boil hotter. "It was always your problems, your insecurities, your battles, your arguments, your problems! You didn't care!"
Steven choked and sobbed, almost retching onto the ground from the intensity of his emotions. He felt like he was going to rip himself apart from the inside out. Everything about him burned, and as the tears rolled off his face, he felt like they should've been melting through the cracked remains of the floorboards beneath him.
"You...you never did. If you could ignore my problem, you did. If you could disprove my problem, you did. It would've just taken one conversation, one 'We're sorry,' but you didn’t. And now I can't tell if you're trying to help now because I'm hurting, or because you're afraid I'll hurt you."
The gems looked at one another in silence, as Steven took a deep breath and coughed, and began walking out. "I'm...I'm leaving. I don't know where I'm going. I'm gonna go talk to Dad and take the car with him and go...anywhere else. I need to spend time with someone who might actually care. He apologized when he messed up. Something you guys could take a note from."
Steven stepped through the doorway, glaring back at the crystal gems, fire in his eyes. "And if you're really serious about wanting to help me? That you want to help me heal? Don't. Follow me."
Commissions open cuz I gotta pay for housing next year n stuff
Flat color / Full body $35 ✧ Full Color / Full Body $45 ✧ Icons Flat $10 / Full $15 ✧ Additional Characters 1/2 price ✧ Writing Supplements Priced by [Word Count]/200, to the nearest dollar!
I don't draw mechs, sorry.
I do take NS//FW commissions, as well - I don't write or draw incest, pedophilia, non/dub consensual, or anything of the sort. I reserve the right to say no to an NSFW commission.
a bit of an update about things: I've been...spiraling downward mentally for multiple months now, and as things in my life that caused me trauma have been facing, or ceasing (my St//alker being arrested, moving out from toxic family), and building new friendships, a lot of people I know have been...improving a lot! and I'm proud of them!
but I...am a very "helping" based person, and I started to feel shitty for not being needed, and felt...aimless? I felt like I wasn't of use, so I isolated myself a lot. frankly, this is why SU:F has hurt so bad for me.
and so im in college, alone, my roommate moves out, and suddenly I can feel things in a private space without social anxiety of someone else being around, and I...broke down.
it's been less than 24 hours since then, and I'm not doing much better, but I kind of had a wake-up call of sorts. I had been overburdening myself with work, school, etc - to try and just...stop feeling. I'd isolated myself to hell and back and got burned bc of it. Sigh.
Here's to doing something different and hoping the same thing doesn't happen eventually.
A little over half the people voted for shorter stories more often. Which is reasonable! What that means is that, while I work on longer requests, I’ll be doing side-things as well. Unless things change in the next eight hours.
Once a week, give or take, I’d like to take a piece of fanart and turn it into a story. I think it’s a good exercise and some cool collaboration with other fanworkers on here. Anything’s on the table! In the meantime, I will still be working on things. After all, this most recent story is about 6.5K and I’m still chipping away at it.
If you know any fanartists that you think would enjoy a story, tag them and their work and I can give things a shot. I’ll message beforehand for some works, but in general I think this will be fun. I’ve tagged a few artists who post regularly, but I’d love to see others’ works as well!
hey. hey you. yes, you - im proud of you for making it this far. i dont know you super well, maybe, but im proud of you anyway. through all the shit you've been through, or all the shit you're going through now, im proud of you. im glad you're here. i know it can be hard, and im sorry that it still might be, potentially for a while, but i want to say that if you've made it this far, i believe in you.
You know what I hate a lot? People who act like writing is ~so easy~ compared to like, drawing or whatever. Like no actually it takes effort to make it good you just don't need expensive supplies or programs and it takes little to no physical ability. Writing is art. There's just as much skill involved with this medium as anything else, and comparing mediums is itself kinda stupid if I'm being completely honest
I feel kinda bad. I hardly use Tumblr anymore, and my Twitter is just...so extremely excessively NSFW that I can't really link it in good conscience since so many minors follow me.
I can't post about SU anymore. Future...hits too close, frankly. Thinking about it has given me panic attacks, hours of rapid heartrate, and even flashbacks. I built so much of my tumblr experience around SU, but now with so many theories of SU:F, angst, canon PTSD and depression/anxiety, and the fact that Steven, a character I've always felt like was how I was when I was younger, is...actively living out my worst insecurities?
It's just too much, man. It's too much. I don't know what I wanna do with this blog.
romaincrisis
annaxmalina
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
stormborns
areudirty
ellievsbear
2087
