WARNINGS: death, ptsd, heartbreak, insecurity, loneliness, domestic abuse (verbally/emotionally & physically), car accident, self harm, mentions of suicide, intrusive thoughts, depression, anxiety, trust issues, guns (kinda), implied dissociation, sad ending, also she forgets to feed the dog
seriously, do NOT ignore the warnings if you are easily triggered
Pairings: Fuuka Yamagishi x Minato Arisato/Makoto Yuki
Summary: 10 years after the events of Persona 3, Fuuka is still having trouble dealing with her trauma. She blames herself for her boyfriend Minato’s death and is still processing everything that happened with S.E.E.S but also in her home. Meanwhile everyone else, even Junpei, seem to be okay, Fuuka is on the path of self-destruction. [AU]
Word Count: 1,509
A/N: before you read, please note that this is in no way belittling abuse survivors, the only reason it might seem like that at some parts is because it’s from fuuka’s point of view and she doesn’t believe that she deserves better. this is not meant to make it seem like minato cured her either, so i’m sorry if it comes off that way!! also the writing is amateur but i’m just here to vent.
this is an alternate universe of the game persona 3 from 2006 developed and released by atlus (massive spoilers so don’t read unless you’ve finished the game!!), none of the characters are mine.
it’s been 10 years since her hero had sacrificed himself to save the world, and she was forever grateful
and fuuka actually thought she was getting better for a while
but most nights ends with her curling up in a ball sobbing silently to herself in her bed
recalling the way she was the reason for his first smile in months
and the way he used to look at her like she’s the reason the world keeps spinning
she thinks about the way she had always been insecure about their relationship
because really, who in their right mind would choose her over someone like mitsuru kirijo or yukari takeba?
but he was so patient, understanding and sweet. every time she voiced her concerns he just smiled faintly
“i will always choose you” he had whispered, resting his palm on her cheek
he was the quiet type, but whenever he did speak, it was always something important
it always made her feel better
but then he had died in another girl’s arms
and it just so happened to be the girl who always had a close connection to him
and everyone knew about it
i'm not the right match for him, i never was
doesn’t trauma cause you to lose your memory?
then why did she remember those moments so clearly?
almost as if it was the present
like when they all ran up the stairs leading to the rooftop
and the way he looked so peaceful
almost as if he was only sleeping
she remembered the sinking feeling in her stomach when she realized what was happening, her throat tightening, and the way it felt like time slowed down as she fell to the ground, wailing. this can’t be happening
at this point, she had lost count of the amount of times she had wished her evoker could be used as a real gun, just so she could put herself out of her misery.
over the years, she had slowly lost contact with her former teammates, because she kept herself isolated in her stupid room in her stupid apartment, afraid somebody would notice the scars on her wrists or the way her whole body flinched at the faintest sounds.
koromaru had stayed at her place for a while
but then yukari had visited
they were only supposed to have a cup of coffee
but really the girl came to check up on her friend
and she had noticed how thin the dog was getting, and how pale fuuka was
“fuuka-chan, are you sure you’re okay?”, her voice cracking
fuuka had tried to reassure her worried friend that she was just fine
but of course, yukari wasn’t stupid, and had seen right through her lie
weeks later, koro no longer lived with her, now he was with akihiko.
because fuuka had apparently forgotten to feed him.
but she didn’t understand it, she was sure she had filled his bowl everyday
was her mind playing tricks on her?
and to make matters more complicated, yukari kept recommending therapists
she knew she needed to talk to professionals, and she had tried. but really, how can they help? they can’t time travel, and the anti-depressants had never seemed to help her feel any better. she was a lost cause, too far gone.
yukari was the s.e.e.s member who had tried the hardest to help, but eventually she had given up as well. fuuka couldn’t say she was surprised, it’s not like she was ever going to escape the destructive lifestyle she was trapped in. she was grateful for her friends, but she stopped feeling understood a long time ago.
sometimes she felt like she was losing her mind completely. the trauma of everything that had happened when she was only 16 haunted her everyday.
why can’t I just be like the others? at least they’re functioning like normal human beings.
but minato had been the best thing that ever happened to her
and some nights, she can’t escape the guilt. the guilt of so selfishly wishing it had happened to somebody else. does that make her a terrible person? no, she tells herself. but her mind tells her otherwise. her disordered mind always makes matters worse for her.
“it’s your fault. it’ll always be your fault, you could’ve stopped him. and look at you now, it’s been a decade and you’re still crying. how pathetic. you’re a failure, fuuka.”
every time she thought of that horrible day, her head would repeat those words over and over again. isn’t grief supposed to have five stages? she knew that much, but for some reason, she seemed to be stuck in the worst one. she screams into her pillow, hoping something would make all the pain go away. but who was she kidding, this was a routine.
or a cycle, a never-ending cycle of pain that was far worse than anything she could’ve ever imagined before it had happened.
it was worse than being lost in tartarus surrounded by dangerous shadows.
it was worse than how her father would hit her and call her a disappointment when she refused to become a doctor.
and it was certainly worse than having to accept the fact that her parents didn’t look for her when she went missing for 10 days.
“why can’t you just be like other girls, fuuka? why do you have to be so special? what’s so interesting about that damn computer? you think hacking will get you anywhere in life? grow the hell up and get a proper job! think about your mother and i, and how humiliating it is for us to have a daughter like you.” her father would shout, while her mother sighed and looked the other way as he threatened their daughter, saying that he would disown her if she “didn’t get her shit together”.
those days always ended with her upper arm covered in bruises, tears streaming down her red cheeks as she fell asleep wishing she was somebody else.
she knew it was sad, tragic actually, that she would go right back into her abusive household in a heartbeat if it meant that he would come back to life.
but the thing is that at least she had a safe place back then. it was him, no, it’s not like in those cliché love stories where the boy saves the princess from all of her problems. it wasn’t like that at all, but she had him to talk to about anything, he always listened so well.
and whenever she was around him it felt like nothing was wrong with the world.
like when he first kissed her, she had never felt so safe.
pressing a shaking finger to her lips, she smiled faintly at the memory.
but it only lasted for a moment.
“he’s gone and he’s never going to come back. you’ll be alone forever, fuuka.”
now she had nowhere to go, no one would truly understand her
she had once thought that maybe junpei would understand, he had lost chidori in a similar way
and he had lost his best friend, too
but then she realized she didn’t know how to talk to him anymore
and there was no way she could tell him everything
not to mention, she wouldn’t want to upset him. he deserved better than having to deal with her shit too
all the bad memories replayed in her head. like a nightmare.
or a horror movie that constantly rewinds and plays the scariest parts over and over again
she thought about her fathers words, and she knew he was right.
but he had died in a car crash a few years back, and she no longer had contact with the woman who used to be her mother.
so she couldn’t tell them that they were right about her all along.
not that she would’ve given them the satisfaction, anyway.
maybe if he had just killed me when he wanted to, they could’ve had another daughter, or a son, who would’ve been picture perfect. and they would’ve been happy.
once she gets up and slumps towards the bathroom, she knows it’s just another messy night that proves how weak she is.
fumbling through the cabinets, she retrieves what she was looking for.
she's not crying anymore, everything feels slow and distorted, as if time had stopped passing and nothing was real.
dragging the razor blade across her skin, tears start to flow again. watching the blood drip to the floor, she can’t stop telling herself that she deserves everything bad that has ever happened to her.
This is honestly one of the best anime openings i’ve ever watched. I just absolutely love the music, it makes me want to sing along even though i have no idea what i’m saying and just stand up and dance omg i never get tired listening to it.
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Im pretty late on Mirai Nikki…. I didnt watch it until recently cause my friend was so shocked i didnt watch it so she forced me to marathon it with her… and here you go I ship this hard 8′))))))))
