* VIOLENT / delights !

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO BE HOLY, / I HAVE NEVER BEEN FORGIVEN FOR WANTING. maddison bulstrode. sixth year, SLYTHERIN. DEATH EATER. half-blood. by azula.

[violentlongiings]

faithlvss‌:

her voice faltered once, twice, and cress gritted his teeth. if he had been looking at her, he would have tried to identify her tells. she bit her lip, sometimes, she touched her hair. but he hadn’t. so he had to go off only what he knew: she did need him.

‘or rather, he just knew that he wanted her to.

sure, she could get anyone else to help her decipher the book. there were thousands of people, experts really, who could do just as good a job (if not better) as a barely-17-year-old ravenclaw. but that wasn’t the point.

“you’re right, bulstrode. there are other options,“ he said quietly, bitterly, “but none are like me.“

it was a selfish, possessive, ugly thought, he knew, but it was not just arrogance that made him say it. it was the pounding in his chest, the desperate need for him to matter as much to her as she did to him. 

his whole life he had been a ravenous thing, hungry and wanting, always reaching for more. he had always been alone and he had contented himself with that. it had been such a simple thing. but, somewhere, along the lines, things had changed. he had met his match and their paths had intertwined. like ivy, the two of them grew together, ever upwards towards the sun.

yes, maddison was cruel. he had been on the receiving end of her bluntness far too many times to deny that. but that was not all she was. despite the sharpness of her teeth and the cut of her claws, she was no ordinary monster. behind her sly smiles and unforgiving iniquity, was a girl for whom tenderness had not yet forsaken, who had accepted him first, however begrudgingly and skeptically it had been. 

and, while it was not enough for him to forgive every time she had let genie or gemma steamroll him in the de meetings, it was enough for him to forgive her now. with shaking fists, he reached for the textbook he had no hope of reading, tried to still the anger he knew he had no right to, but still felt nonetheless. 

“after all,“ he tried to make his tone upbeat, cast off the uncomfortable air with a teasing jibe, “who else is going to explain everything twice just so you can follow?”

he laughed, even though it felt more than a little hollow. 

she should’ve known that he’d say something of like that—and maddison had to laugh. whether he knew it or not, he had been getting the better of her lately; surprising her, agitating her. “right,” she huffed. the other options... the girl bit the inside of her cheeks, gnawing at them like an indecisive child. she wanted to say that, like any other time, he was CORRECT—that no one else could think like he did, that there were plenty others who didn’t have such a mouth on them but she liked him better than those. it was true, but quite an ugly one. instead, she remained quiet for a heartbeat. then: “whatever helps you sleep at night, lee. that is, if you even sleep.” maddison glanced at him, lips pursed in some semblance of worry that only mocked him. “i’m sure you didn’t always look like this—always worse for wear, that is.” 

a sick, devilish smile crawled onto her mouth at his quip. without another thought, the young bulstrode settled into the changing atmosphere—clinging onto it, and not the memories of some child with a strange fondness for some inquisitive ravenclaw. she let out an exaggerated gasp, a hand pressed against her chest. “aw, how incredibly considerate of you! a word that i never thought i’d associate with you.” there was scorn somewhere there because maddison despised the sliver of truth in his words. until realization struck her between quiet, quick breaths... and she yielded, only for a moment to indulge him.

she glared at him with a slight frown. “but that’s your own fault, you know. i ask, and you’ve never refused to answer. like, you like being the one with all the answers, don’t you? being the brightest person in the room?” although a slight distaste made itself known in her mouth, so did amusement until she was snickering—and chortling, really—at the thought. “without me,” she waved her quill in the air, a shoulder raised innocently. “who else is going to feed your—arguably, already massive—ego? and i do it with no cost, either! you should be GRATEFUL for me, you prat.”

[violentlongiings]

iphgenias‌:

“vivienne chang lost her fucking mind on gem just before,” genie says, raising her eyebrows in a perfect imitation of shock. “like, honestly, who let her out of her kennel? disgraceful —- poor ally, like he doesn’t have enough to deal with the dead dad schtick, but also a rabid girlfriend? tragic.” with a pitying shake of her head, she slanted a glance at her —- well, what was the word for maddison? not quite friend, not quite minion… an acolyte, maybe, clay to be moulded. the envious, the imitating, the potential, if she stayed strong enough to tap it. “what did you notice, skulking in the shadows? scor looking heartbroken, i assume?”

“maybe they were thinking that she needed to come out of that kennel and see how people actually interact—in hopes that she learns civility...?” maddison shrugged, her lips lifting in a sneer. in a split second, her brows pulled taut in feigned pity as she nodded in agreement. “he has such bad luck. it makes you wonder how much worse his life could get by the end of next year. maybe it’ll be his turn to die, who knows.” she took a small sip of her drink, before sharing. “oh, that’s what him being heartbroken looks like?” she frowned, only slightly as she tried to remember him as she passed by a few minutes ago. whispering, she wrinkled her nose. “i thought he was just having a really bad stomach ache—"

[violentlongiings]

🖋+ pain

SEND 🖋 AND A WORD AND I’LL TELL YOU SOME HEADCANONS RELATING TO IT! /  still accepting .

long story short: maddison would have been at the place where her parents want her to be at this time already if it wasn’t for pain.

she complains about it—or at least, like, being made to feel it now because she KNOWS what it is, now—in almost every draft that i write for one (1) reply for her.

somehow, a little musing about feeling pain makes it into them and because i know... how much maddison likes to pretend that she’s fine 25/8, i have to delete it otherwise she tries to punch me square in the throat.

but here’s the thing, though: she’s grateful for what pain is, what it can feel and what it can force people to do... because for some, that’s how she can get people to do what she tells them to. 

if she threatens pain or uses it against them, they might bend enough for maddison to... do whatever with them. 

( sometimes, she can use it to see how much control she has—you know, to prove that she still has it even if there are Bigger and Worse Villains that seem to be pulling her strings. // she can thank them later for letting her have some things . )

on the other side of this ... coin is her gratefulness, because for someone who has been mocked for being made to do things, rather than feel ( see: love ), being able to feel even the slightest of pain is an enormous ' fuck you ' to that, and the idea that like, maddison isn’t even a person anymore—just some pawn for her family with nothing real inside her. 

well, screw that because she does feel pain and it’s shitty and god, maybe she isn’t so different from anyone else, huh?

[violentlongiings]

🖋 + favorites

SEND 🖋 AND A WORD AND I’LL TELL YOU SOME HEADCANONS RELATING TO IT! /  no longer accepting .

she says that she doesn’t have a favourite class but lowkey, she still loves to get her hands dirty in some form or another and that’s why she’s good enough to be getting E’s, stretching to O’s in herbology.

those succulents that she’s had since 2nd year… are having the time of their life right now because they’re so surprisingly well-taken care of!

she loves eating sour food! it’s her favourite—and truly, only—comfort food! acid pops, sour patch kids, toxic waste and warheads. yeah, they’re muggle candies but the point is that she literally… snacks on them like they’re potchi. one after the other, like what the fuck?

if dinner has raspberry pudding, you know damn well that she’s having like an entire plate of it. no excuses!

you know how most kids have like, a favourite artifact that they either struggle with having to get rid of or are just forever attached to it? maddison’s was this small pig plushie similar to this. she can’t remember who had given it to her, but she cherishes it… so much, thanks.

did she bring it to hogwarts? you bet she did.

it took me quite a time to think about what her favourite colour would be but it’s probably something light… like, pure to soft white. i don’t know the exact name of the shade, but it’s around there.

[violentlongiings]

ariadnediggle‌:

      ❝  hi ! ❞        in a brief moment ; ariadne forgot if she had already greeted  maddison or not as she sat down. she knew she had said something, but whether a polite hello was amongst them was completely forgotten. so, to be safe, she said it once more, her sheepish smile reflecting the thought process that racked her head.

     she wiggled down into the seat,     placing a large, awfully plain looking sack onto the table. it didn’t seem like it could hold too much, but the resounding thud it made as ariadne placed it on the table suggested otherwise.    ❝  oh, it’s such a stash it’s been on the prefects hit list for like a good month now.     you have to keep it like . . hush  though alright, because i’ve seen how ravenous the first years can get if not kept in line. ❞      untying the parcel string, ariadne peeked inside, using an index finger to poke around the contents as she surveyed what was inside,         ❝  oh ! i’ve gotten some chocolate frogs leftover too, acid pops … cauldron cakes.   really, i think my uncle robbed honeydukes for christmas and i just forgot, but help yourself please ! i desperately need to reduce my sweet hoarding profile – - those first years … ❞    

ariadne diggle was SICKLY SWEET, it was almost nauseating. maddison remembered when she was like that—and she couldn’t help but eye the other girl, and wonder if she ever felt exhausted with such an exuberant disposition for a facade. well, if it was a facade. maddison thought that it had to be; it almost seemed impossible that one person could handle being like this for so long. “oh, i have no interest in being caught with such a stash at all—so you’ve got nothing to worry about, ariadne.” she leaned in, lowering her voice in a whisper with a smile. “you can trust me.”

she tried not to seem too enthusiastic; though, it didn’t take a lot of effort. maddison had tried to avoid sweets as much as possible. after all, they were bad for her teeth and sometimes, the mere smell of them would bring up memories that she didn’t want to revisit. carefully, she took a peek inside and scooped up a lone acid pop. “your uncle sounds like a very interesting man with an interesting set of priorities—in this case, you could practically have your own honeydukes.” maddison set it aside, sitting on a plate of a leftover snack from earlier. “they are a little mouthy aren’t they? have you tried doing something about them?”

[violentlongiings]

ambitiousxanthea‌:

Anthea nodded with a sympathetic noise. Really, missing exams over being sick would be pretty awful. Even Anthea, who didn’t really put much stock in her marks in school, was trying their best to do well on NEWTs. What they would do after school was still up in the air but at least they would have a good report from Hogwarts to help them on their way. “I really haven’t,” they said. That wasn’t usually the case but this particular time - “It didn’t seem fair, to get her hopes up, you know. And …” They probably shouldn’t let someone else do the hard part for them but Anthea had no desire to have that conversation. “I really don’t fancy her. I never truly did though. She was pretty and fun and that’s all I wanted. And now it’s over.”

They laughed but it made sense that the sweets were coming from Maddison’s heartbroken fan club. “Well at least you’re getting something out of it, right? Too much of something but still, better than nothing.”

Maddison knew that she shouldn’t—for the sake of the Ravenclaw redhead, in the name of compassion and kindness. But her smile widened in gratitude for this certain kind of ammunition. She was practically buzzing in excitement at the thought of discovering what the Ravenclaw might be useful for. “I understand what you mean,” Maddison said, nodding in sympathy. “Oh, well, I suppose that it’s not entirely your fault, though. If you both knew that it wouldn’t lead to anything serious to begin with, she’s the only one at fault if she accuses you of hurting her feelings.”

“Hm, yes, I suppose so!” The younger girl laughed, lifting a shoulder in uncertainty. When she was younger, she had always looked forward to those gifts—of any kind, from anyone. “It’s the same thing over and over again—though I can’t judge them for the lack of creativity; rest assured that that wasn’t what I dated them for—but it’s nice to know that they still think of you sometimes.” As they should; she held their secrets with her after all. 

[violentlongiings]

🖋 + sisters

SEND 🖋 AND A WORD AND I’LL TELL YOU SOME HEADCANONS RELATING TO IT! /  no longer accepting .

wholesome bulstrode sister moments? NO.

i’m kidding—there’s some. but still, trying to grasp for a memory that didn’t involve pain or blood was like trying to catch water in your hands—and how often did maddison do that, in hopes that she would look at her sisters like they were her sisters?

her parents were keen in isolating her. they played sometimes but only if they were a) allowed  /  b) they sneaked into maddison’s room  /  c) they bribed the sitter to look the other way.

margot used to braid maddison’s dark, tousled and bulstrode hair into a crown. she would often beg her to do her hair, almost everyday—or at least, whenever they managed to find a time to play together.

“margoooot, please?” / “what should i do?” / “make me into a princess!” / “a crown braid? again? … alright. come here, then.”

chocolate frogs, flavoured jelly beans, licorice snaps and acid pops—between melanie and maddison, they competed against one another for having the sweetest tooth. one of them used to keep a box of stolen sweets under their bed. 

( its contents had to be spilled a few years later, because their mother found out about it. maddison hardly eats sweets now, too—she can’t take the smallest piece of chocolate without tasting blood in her mouth . )

margot and maddison would whistle back and forth to each other when they were younger. they would make it into a game of sorts—repeat after the other as it gets more complicated or guess which song it is. they would do it to pass the time or conquer boredom during the most suffocating, quieter parts of their days in the manor.

( at some point later in their youth, melanie had asked maddison to come up with a melody that only the two of them would know . it was supposed to be a secret , “for when we need help .”  their mother heard it once , and maddison hasn’t whistled that tune since . sometimes , it sounds like the crack of a whip against the silence . )

i don’t think her sisters aren’t as bad as maddison makes her out to be. i can imagine that throughout their childhood, the other two would take the fall for everything that either of their sisters had done—whether by accident or not. maddison hardly remembers this; melanie’s been sworn to secrecy to never let her know of it, lest everything unravels and everyone would surely be punished for it.

when maddison first came to hogwarts, her sisters were closer to the finish line but they stayed behind in ways that maddison used to be able to thank them for to their faces. i imagine that margot had been there during her worst moments at the time ( all those embarrassing, unpleasant things that she refuses to ever re-visit ), melanie would lend her notes and study with maddison before almost every test ( until someone else took her spot once she graduated ).

( sometimes, she cries about them until she can’t breathe )

you guys ever heard dynamite by sigrid? not sure what the supposed dynamic is that it’s written for—but, like, ignore it all for a blank slate because it fits maddison and her sisters… very well.

“i’m the same, but i’m bolder / you’ll get home, but i’m on my way out now / not the same destinations / i will stay when you get off this train” AND “oh, it’s so cold here / cause i left my heart to be with you”

yeah, maybe i cried… what about it?

[violentlongiings]

scbastlans‌:

WHERE: A corridor somewhere in Hogwarts. WHEN: A sunny afternoon, a few days after Lily was taken. WHO: Any student who’s not a “blood traitor”, a muggleborn or a known M.A. member. 

“Congrats on making your shirt and pants match, buddy. Didn’t think you had it in you,” Sebastian said in a way that was impossible to consider serious due to the enormous grin gracing his features. Leaning back slightly, he crossed his arms over his chest and looked up at the ceiling. Frowning in disgust, he looked back down. “Anyway, what’s everybody so upset about? Sure, there’s one less Weasley around, but don’t they have back-ups or something? Wait, is it the hot one that got, uh… That ran away?”

Maddison grimaced the moment that Sebastian’s voice fell on her ears. She didn’t waste turning around to greet him and instead, she kept her eyes on the numerous classroom doors opening and closing—as if she was expecting anyone anytime soon. Well, now that this prick was here, she might as well pretend to get out of here as quickly as possible. “There’s several of backups—hope for your sake that they’re too busy arguing over who should replace her.” She turned to him, her face wrinkled in disgust. “It’s sad that you even consider any one of them to be hot. Oh, right, how could I forget? You’ll sleep with anyone as long as they have a pulse. My bad; I expected too much from you.”

[violentlongiings]

🖋 + parents

SEND 🖋 AND A WORD AND I’LL TELL YOU SOME HEADCANONS RELATING TO IT! / no longer accepting .

magnus and millicent are eight years apart. by the time that millie was admitted to hogwarts, her older brother had already spent an entire year under the tutelage of their father. with him, magnus had been taught the ideals and beliefs that he had passed down to his own children—or, at least one of them. with guidance, he had been steered into the direction that had cultivated the worst parts of him. they had already existed, and his desire to join his father in what could redeem their family name had pushed him into becoming the man that maddison has always known her father to be. 

strict, the iron-fisted figurehead of the family. a resolute mind, the kind who had little to no room for error. shame in his younger years had made him this way—and he will not let the chance to rid himself of it simply pass by for something as trivial as happiness. happiness that, he knew, could be taken away so easily. he displayed anger and disappointment with his fists. there are always loud, heart-stopping sounds that came with magnus bulstrode when he was faced with his children. 

truthfully, he had never wanted them—until he saw margot for the first time. perhaps, if he hadn’t married that woman from the department of magical law enforcement with him, he would’ve been a better father. he would’ve seen the wrong of his ways, and turned against what he has always known to give his daughters a better life than the one he had been stuck in. 

perhaps then, his pride for his daughters would extend beyond a stiff nod of the head. perhaps then, the charm bracelet that he had given maddison in first year would’ve meant SOMETHING MORE to her—and she wouldn’t have chucked it in the lake and exchanged it for her place at the table. 

instead, everything that he does is to appease her. it will always be for colette. not for margot, not for melanie, not for maddison.

colette bulstrode née rochefort comes from another english / french pureblood family. along with her twin brother, raphael, they are the middle children—of five.

among them, she is the most like their father. ruthless, unforgiving and distant. her loyalty is deadly, and she sees her children as nothing more but collateral damage. a perfectionist of some kind; if nothing went her way, then everyone was to be punished for it. she has always been difficult to please.

her marriage into the bulstrode family could be warranted as a mistake… it was neither foolish nor smart; she had resisted it, but her father’s opinion of her mattered more. it mattered most.

one thing for certain, colette is grateful that her children had taken after her in their beauty. the eldest was a selfish little bloodtraitor, the middle child was spineless and the youngest was teetering off the edge like an idiot—but at least, they were beautiful. 

[faithlvss]

oh i’m scared to see the ending / why are we pretending / this is nothing 

@violentlongiings

[rp-memes-without-queues]

Send 🖋 and a word and I’ll tell you some headcanons relating to it!

[violentlongiings]

MADDISON. NIKITA.

[violentlongiings]

zdiggory‌:

irritation rolls off the girl, and z can’t help but feel satisfied. fell proud of himself. it’s not as though he hates maddison - in fact, he doesn’t even particularly dislike her. but it’s nice, to take charge even just for a second. to bite back at a symbol of the organisation that has been toying with him, using him at their whim and will for too long now. “i’ve been known to do that.” he agrees lightly. he knows how to play their game. safety first. but he wishes he had more power: wishes he could push his way further in, just enough that he could control himself again. so that he knew what was happening as it happened, not afterwards. so that he could abstain, every now and again, or at least know what purpose his evil was serving.

z has to admit: he has no clue what he’d have bargained for. he has no interest in directing others around, manipulating them to serve some political purpose. he just wants his book to himself and his business to stay his own. so her reply only fills him with relief, and joy. maybe he can look out for himself. maybe he is made of the stuff that the death eaters need. he doesn’t want to feel proud at that thought, and yet… well, he might just survive this war yet. it’s terrifying, and it’s soothing. “if only.” he replies, hoping his falseness isn’t too apparent. “i’m sure you can get your hands on a copy of your own. but i don’t imagine the specific history of hereditary curses via runic magic is all that interesting to you. so it might not be worth the spend, given there’s about three chapters dedicated to it.” and then she mentions his sister. it’s like crashing through ice into an impossibly cold, impossibly deep, all-consuming ravine. he swallows. “don’t push me. now, i don’t mean to threaten you, so i’ll just tell you the truth: the next time you mention her - the next time you say any of their names, there will be hell to pay.”

“you underestimate me.” maddison said, with a slight raise of her chin as she looked down on him. oh, but didn’t everyone did? hereditary curses via runic magic did seem interesting to her—familiar, even. if she willed herself to think back as far as she could in her memories of being here, in this library and in this stuffy and unappealing corner of the restricted section, she might be able to remember. of course, without a doubt, it might involve another boy—but maddison only smiled. she smiled, until her cheeks ached. “i’ll read almost anything; i mean, i am easily bored. did you know–” she leaned closer, the curve of her mouth turning sly. “–i was going to be a ravenclaw? imagine that.” she laughed, quiet though amused. “we could’ve been housemates.” 

she expected a reaction of some kind, and she wasn’t disappointed. this family... it irked her that they remained this... close despite what was going on around them, despite what was going on with them. maddison narrowed her eyes briefly, then she forced a light tone as she spoke; they were just two friends, having a lovely chat that didn’t involve such menace. “i appreciate the honesty. i’m only saying that i like her.” it was still a threat. could this be considered as an act of insubordination? either way, he wouldn’t be the one to reap the consequences—that was what mailan was for. “what? i’m not allowed to call her by her name now? what should i call her then? what cute nicknames do you have for each other?” 

[violentlongiings]

isaacmacmillan‌:

where:  ravenclaw common room when:  24 february, 2024, nighttime who:  open to anyone @ hogwarts

     in spite of the several obligatory “good game!”’s he’d received, isaac’s reflection post-game had him feeling quite the opposite.  sure, ravenclaw won — no thanks to him, though.  his performance had been lousy.  one of his worst games in recent memory, if anything.  he managed to score a total of one time, and he took three bludgers in the course of the match.  cynically, isaac wondered which was more bruised:  his ego or his body?  he needed a drink.  dull the pain, drown his sorrows, he couldn’t decide.  victory was owed almost entirely to roxanne weasley, and something about that didn’t sit well with him.  he was torn between being a supportive teammate and being a petty, envious prick.  the macmillan boy forced himself into a more positive demeanor as he approached the drink table.  “what a fuckin’ day, right?”  he asked, chuckling as he poured himself a cup full of whatever was within reach.

“tell me about it,” maddison said with an innocent smile carved onto her face. oh, what a fucking day it was, indeed—and upon recognizing whom she was speaking to, she had to violently contain herself from spilling a little secret or two. her smile broadened as she stepped closer to him, nudging him with her elbow as she reached for a drink. “word around here says that you did as poorly as i did on arithmancy in third year. it was that bad?” brown eyes gleam in mischief as she turned to him with a cup in hand, now. “i reckon you’d want to get so pissed that you forget this game ever happened? well, luckily for you, i’m such a great friend that i’ll be here all night to make sure of it.” she held the drink to him, “one in each hand, come on.” 

[violentlongiings]

faithlvss‌:

“you would like that, wouldn’t you?” he fired back quickly, “i always had you pegged for a sadist. it’s why i-”

he had nearly recovered their usual rhythm and rapport when he caught sight of the smile on her face. his mouth snapping shut, he trailed off in the middle of his sentence, finding that he had no recollection whatsoever of what he had been about to say. it was entirely her fault. it had been shocking, after all, he rationalized, any sane person would have been taken aback too. no one expected someone who came from a family of such ugly toads to have such a nice smile.

with that established, the (absolutely normal) shock at her surprising un-toadliness had left his mouth feeling very dry. cress found himself wishing for either a glass of water or for it to be socially acceptable to aguamenti himself in the face. as it was, having calculated the risk, he was strongly favoring the latter. while its ability to quench his thirst was dubious, it would certainly allow for him to make a… perhaps not more graceful, but certainly less graceless exit from the conversation.

“i-” he tried again, but he caught a glimpse of the book again and he had nothing to say. his fingers itched to open it again, to start work right then and there. cress would have put money down to say that there was likely a double-layered protection rune somewhere in the first few pages (these kind of things always did). he checked the clock. he wondered if she’d be impressed, if he cracked it in the next few minutes. it was reward enough on its own to solve any puzzle that need solving, but, if she would tilt the corner of her lips upwards again in approval, it would be-

it would be-

a trick. it would be a trick.

having purposely avoided looking at her for a long enough time that his rationality had returned, he felt a twinge of shame in his chest. maddison and the rest of the leaders so very rarely gave him credit when it was due. maddison was a slytherin. she had ulterior motives. nothing in this world came freely. it was likely all some calculated scheme to try to make him act a fool. was he so desperate for their approval that a thin-lipped grin was enough to send into a flurry? he frowned.

“you wouldn’t make any headway without me and you know it. i don’t have to prove myself as better when the truth is so plainly obvious: my grades in runes are always better than yours and i hardly even have to try,” he tried to sound more callow than he had before, but the delivery was off.

“it’s not a big deal. birthdays are useless anyhow,” he added stiffly, defensively. now that he saw through to her evil intentions, he thought it was rather cruel of maddison to taunt him. in years prior, he had spent his birthday celebrating with his (now former) friends, and he had given all of that up when he had chosen the death eaters. of course, he still missed them. on some level deep down, he wanted nothing more to have a cake and a party and go back to the way things were, but that didn’t mean he regretted his decisions. he was grown now– and that meant he was willing to give up some things to fight for the bigger cause. maddison bringing up all that he had left behind, reminding him that he sacrificed so much and still had to prove himself to the death eaters for even the most base level of acceptance— it was- mean in a way he hadn’t quite thought her capable of. he burrowed his head down and went back to work on his paper, “it just means the trace is off.“

maddison found herself utterly grateful when she felt the air around them shift. granted, she was left feeling slightly uncomfortable ( somewhere along the lines of embarrassed, reluctant ) but it was better than the alternative. one that she wouldn't even dare to think about—because what if it came back? it might lead her into crumpling the parchment beneath her palms into a ball and setting it on fire. the entire library could go up in flames too, but maddison knew that this place wasn't the last thing that kept them close.

she could... no, even if she tried to take away his leadership in an effort to destroy him out of spite, maddison had begrudgingly accepted the truth: he’d earned it, it was his. maddison was only a step above him in importance, anyway. she probably wouldn’t even be able to do it... 

maddison hadn't realized it until she tasted the metal in her mouth that she had been biting down on her lip, watching him. "you can keep thinking that all you like—but i already have." she said through gritted teeth. not fully, but some. anger came, and maddison catered to it. "there are other people like you, you know. people who i can look to for other options, other opinions. i don't need you." she hoped—she prayed—that there wasn't a single faltering in her voice. maddison didn't always think of cress as a vexing presence. sometimes, having him around was as close to a sick kind of comfort that maddison knew she disallowed herself to have. still, that wasn't true. he was one of their leaders—and she couldn't leave him with the thought that he wasn't as important as the rest of them. it wouldn't make anything better for her, but it would make things worse. "not all that much," she added after a short beat of silence. "not for this, not really.” 

it was, though, maddison thought. she and her sisters didn't have birthday parties but at some point, she learned that they were a big deal—for most muggleborns, for most people who had plenty of friends, for cress who seemed to have been affected by it enough that he was acting like that. maddison stared at him, and she wondered if leander knew—he would've baked something for cress, if he had, right? "you're probably right," she relented. "who needs a massive event to tell you how old you are? it also seems a little rude—no one wants to reminded how close they are to old age."

[violentlongiings]

@seekinglouis . 

“he’d be a lot more fun if he wasn’t constantly accusing me of poisoning him.” truthfully, she wouldn’t do such a thing—ANYMORE, at least. plus, it wouldn’t suit him ; he was a mouthy little twerp, and it constantly surprised her to know that he was a weasley. no, a weasley didn’t deserve a quiet death blah blah blah. they would insist in going down fighting and maddison… well, she can be kind—and with a taste for violence herself—she might as well give them that.

she feigns a strained smile—as if it was worth anything to be snubbed by him. one of the lessers of his family tree, certainly. “i can’t recall if i’ve ever done anything to him…” maddison lowers her voice, sighing sadly. “but he seems adamant in treating me very unkindly. quite frankly, i always thought we'd make better friends but,” she frowns, but really, there's no loss here. "i suppose not."

[violentlongiings]

swtfcde‌:

 she carried her charms book in hand as she continued to walk quickly. in all honesty, the hufflepuff had tried to get away from this encounter with maddison. there was just something about the other that didn’t settle well in mailan’s heart. no, scratch that, everything about the other made her skin crawl. the way she spoke, behaved and moved. everything made mailan feel so small, like a tiny ant that could be stepped on with the most ease. such feeling laid hidden within her, mailan tried to not show such fear or inferiority. after all, wouldn’t maddison feed off of it? that’s what all the others leaders seem to do. instead, she allowed her annoyance to be somewhat notable. 

 mailan let out a breath as she finally arrived at the courtyard. at the sight of maddison, she frowned, her brows furrowed slightly. she prayed that this would be over even though it hadn’t even begun. the brief smile caused her stomach to turn around. this isn’t good. and then came the words, it felt like maddison spit them out to her; this mailan expected, this she knew. “i got caught up with class.” a lie left her lips easily. she didn’t get caught up with anything, she simply didn’t want to see maddison anywhere else that wasn’t potions class. “i’m sorry i’m late.” another lie. “but i’m here now.” 

she would always wonder: if they were neither colette's nor magnus' children, would she and her sisters have loved one another in the way that sisters did? would margot or melanie love her in the same way that z and his siblings did one another? it was such an uncomfortably painful thing that stung, that tasted bitter in her mouth. it made maddison brim with hatred—and somehow, seeing mai and being in the same space as her only worsened it. 

"i don't understand why you even bother apologizing. it's not like you make an effort to be better." maddison wondered aloud, staring down the hufflepuff girl. she studied mailan—maddison wondered which punishments on hers and kimiko's list needed to be fulfilled, either for the sake of entertainment or more. "unless i'm misunderstanding you and this is your idea of better?" she clicked her tongue against her teeth. "it'd be a shame if you ended up being as daft as expected.”

[thebootydiaries]

me: i want to feel something

emotions: okay here you go

me: Put It Back