Not sure people will sit and read this to the end but I need to expose my opinion on something.
I believe fanatics exist all over the world, but it is truly sad to see how certain places in Asia are ravaged by this parasocial dynamic. It is once again, deeply saddening to realize how these places are consumed by loneliness. The Valko situation is one of the great examples of this phenomenon.
I uninstalled LADS a few days ago because I honestly don't have the time to do much in the game—or even keep up with the news like I used to. However, given the situation with Valko, I was deeply saddened by the stance of the Chinese fandom and the position taken by Infold.
Even though I know there are other factors behind this situation—such as the lack of a main storyline, everything being monetized, and so on—we can certainly see that there are indeed people who think they can boss around actors, singers, idols, and even the companies that create characters who DO NOT EXIST.
We need to step away from the screen! I’ve noticed that many people close themselves off because they’re constantly seeing influencers talk about "red flags" and "green flags"... We are human beings! We are ever-changing! We change, and that hurts! It’s easier to get attached to a fictional man because he acts exactly the way you want him to, but that brings consequences!
Emotional detachment is a consequence of alienation. Capitalism replaces human relationships with commodified exchanges, forcing the individual to focus on "having" rather than "being." This breeds isolation, as people come to view one another as competitors or mere instruments of profit.
We are money for the companies! That’s a fact! It’s affection being sold—it’s emotion being sold!
This brings to mind the concept of a parasocial relationship with fictional characters—a situation I’ve experienced myself.
My mom died when I was 14, and ever since I lost my desire to live, my life is a mess, I have social problems and feel like a failure. Not a day goes by that I don't wish for death.
Obey Me! entered my life one year later, I was 15, and it was like fresh air to my lungs. I had things to obsess over besides missing my dear mama.
Increasing my affection level with the characters, collecting AP, gathering Grimm, doing the new events, and so on.
They filled something that was missing in me at the time: the feeling that someone truly loved me. They fulfilled the sense of belonging—something that remains unsatisfied for me to this day—and that is why this account exists.
Every time I smoked, I imagined Lucifer chewing me out; every time I got ready, I pictured a nervous Mammon waiting for our date... my life revolved around this routine, and I kept deteriorating on the inside.
I do not blame myself for what I did, and even though I wasn't an extreme fanatic, I was, in a way, within that fictional parasocial framework.
What I truly want to say is,
Live. Don't let the days pass by. Live.
If your day is filled with rage, embrace it, understand the feeling, let it pass through your body, and let go. Tomorrow will come, another feeling will come, another experience, but don't let yourself get trapped in a box where the only possibility is a pixelated love. That’s not how life is; that’s not how life needs to be.
Obsess over books or movies; be a nerd about anything that drives your mind toward ultra-creativity. Don't worry about who you were or who you’ll become—what matters is the here and now. And even if you consider yourself a loser, even losers have passions. What do you have to lose? I like to think I have nothing left, so nothing can be taken away from me.
I don't have any friends (literally), I don't have a job, I don't have - and never had- a boyfriend, I am perverted, I am pathetic, I am a coward- but I'm trying to be better, and I know a river doesn't stop flowing, so neither will I; even though I'm completely fucked up, I'm going to keep moving forward.
Loneliness is real; it affects me and countless others in our daily lives. If you are on the edge of the abyss and need someone, know that you can send me a message! I can't promise to fix all your problems—that’s impossible—but we can have a good conversation and share experiences.
I will always be grateful for the community all of you helped me build, and for embracing my ideas and interacting with me. Don't suffer alone, okay?
Having Mychael stuck in my head all the time on my birthday this year actually makes me really happy! I hope everyone will be the happiest person in the world!
I was planning to donate blood for my birthday, but I ended up being sent to the hospital because my heart was beating too fast lol
SUMMARY - You spend the day with your boyfriend celebrating a very special day. His birthday. But I think he lowkey forgot.
CHARACTERS - Solivan Brugmansia x Fem! Reader
WARNINGS - nothing, just fluff
AUTHORS NOTE - aye it's sol's birthday so I made this
Whenever you stay over at Sol's place, he expects a few things when he wakes up; sleeping in all cuddled up with you, he'll wake up before you do, make breakfast, and then kiss you awake to start your day together.
But this morning, as he turned over in bed to reach over and pull you into his embrace, his hand was met with an empty, cold space. This wakes him up.
Sol snaps his eyes open and immediately removes the blanket wrapped around his shaken form, scanning the bed in case he made a mistake in his assumption.
"...Pumpkin?"
Scrambling off the bed, Sol glances over at the desk, your phone wasn't there. You always had it charging and put away every time you were over. He cherished it whenever you gave him your undivided attention.
But where were you? Did you go to the bathroom?
Sol dashes over and finds it empty.
Gritting his teeth, he stomps down the hall and to the front door. He had a small, clay bowl, from the time you both went to a pottery class for a date.
Your keys were gone.
nonononononononononononononono-
Did you leave? Did you finally realize how obsessed Sol is with you? Did you find something you weren't supposed to? Is that why you left?
No.
He lets out a low growl in frustration.
No, you left because of that damn Ichabod. It's always him. He'll have to deal with him soon and-
The rattling of keys breaks him out of his trance; Sol watches the front door open and with multiple grocery bags in your arms, you wiggle your way inside his home, trying to be quiet thinking your boyfriend was still sleeping.
Not noticing Sol, you make your way to the kitchen and set the groceries down.
"Okay, I bought what I needed for tonight and now all I have to do is- ah!" You jumped, turning around to open the fridge only to bump into Sol's chest. "Sol! You're awake!"
He doesn't answer you.
"Did you sleep well? I know you like to cuddle in the mornings and I'm sorry for not being there when you wake up but-" Sol interrupts you by wrapping his arms around your neck, pulling you into a tight, warm embrace.
Shoving his nose into your neck, your boyfriend takes a few deep breaths, inhaling your shampoo and perfume like an addictive drug. Shocked from the sudden hug, you chuckle and wrap your arms around his waist, giving his back a few apologetic pats.
A few minutes go by before Sol finally pulls away from your neck, but still keeping his arms wrapped around you, he gives you an angry pout.
"And why were you gone from my bed?" Sol questions, lifting an eyebrow.
"Well, my dear lovely boyfriend of mine, I had to do some things that required me to leave your precious cuddle time." You lean upwards and plant a kiss on his chin. Sol's cheeks grow red.
"But fear not, my lovely Sunshine who cannot stand the thought of no cuddle time in the mornings, it'll be worth your while after I show you what I got."
Peeling yourself from his embrace, Sol nearly whines at the loss as he watches you remove the items from the bags and place them onto the kitchen table. They were ingredients. That he can deduct.
But for what?
"Y'know," He began, watching you unpack. "If you had to do some thing, you could've woken me up."
Stopping your movements, you shoot Sol an unimpressed look. Then you both snort.
"Whatever you horndog," You chuckle, shoving the plastic bags under the kitchen sink for later use. "Anyways, these are ingredients to make a cake tonight!"
Sol tilts his head, confused. "A cake? A cake for what? Are we celebrating something or are you trying a new recipe?"
Blinking at you boyfriend's genuine confusion, you unlock your phone and showed him the date. "It's your birthday today, Sol. Did you forget?"
"Oh, yeah." He hums, watching your expression,
Giving your boyfriend a deadpan look, you crossed your arms. "You forgot?"
"I forgot."
Slapping your hands on the kitchen table like a commander giving out commands, Sol settles on a seat across from you, hands folded in front of him as he watched your every move without distraction.
"Well good news, since today is the day of your birth, it's all about you." You began, tapping your nail on the table. "Right now, I'm going to ask you what you want to do today; do you want to go out and celebrate, or do you want to do something else?"
"Stay home." He answers immediately. "With you."
"You sure? It won't be as fun-" Sol interrupts you once more.
"Yes, I am 100% sure." He leans back and raises his arms above his head to stretch. "I want to spend my birthday with you."
Sliding out of his chair, Solivan goes around the table to grab your waist and pull you into another hug. "Besides, my day was already ruined when I woke up."
Groaning, you give Sol a small glare. "Don't tell me it's because I didn't wake up with you."
The look he gave you was evident.
"Are you serious, Sol? We wake up together all the time, just this one morning I didn't stay in bed because I needed to grab things for your birthday cake and you suddenly declare that today is going horrible! The day barely even started!"
The man ignores you, walking backwards to the bedroom with you in his arms.
"Sol!"
He nudges the door wider with his heel and plops the both of you onto his plush sheets, immediately tucking his head in between the junction of your neck and shoulder.
"Sol."
Sol answers you by shoving the blanket higher, practically shoving himself underneath while your head was above the blanket. It was a nice pregnant pause before finally Sol responds to you.
"Let's just sleep," He pleads, his eyelids fluttering shut from the warmth and safety that only you provided. "For a few hours, please?"
Don't make me wake up alone again, is what he wanted to say, but alas, sleep takes over him before the words left his mouth. Letting out a small sigh, you reach under and stroke your boyfriend's hair, pulling out the hair tie that kept his small ponytail up.
"Alright, birthday boy, just a few hours." You murmured, lifting the blanket to kiss the corner of his left eye and settled to sleep off next to him.
.
"I'm sorry Sol, I'm breaking up with you." You murmured, eyes looking down at your lap, voice shaky.
He blinks rapidly
. "...W-what?" Sol shifts around in the chair he was in, clenching and unclenching his hands to contain his huge emotions.
"Why...?" He manages to croak out, locking his ankles together then unlocking them.
You use your sleeve to wipe the flowing tears streaming down your face, shoulders shaking as you spoke. "I-I can't deal with this anymore! I can't go out by myself without you blowing up my phone! I can't even go to the store without you getting upset I didn't let you know before I left! I- I just-" You sob, shaking your head.
"I don't know why you act like this when I have reassured you many times to trust me, but I feel like you don't sometimes." Sol watches you stand up, a blank look on your face.
"W-wait, [Name], I-I can change!" He tries to grasp your hand, but you seem so far.
Why are you so far?
Where are you going!?
Sol goes to stand and ran after you, but his knees seem to give out on him and lands on them painfully. With one more pitiful attempt to make you stay, he reaches a hand towards you, orange eyes desperate, for you to look at him.
"DON'T LEAVE ME!"
.
"SOLIVAN!"
He wakes up with a gasp, bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead. Turning his head slightly, he spots you with a concerned look painted on your face.
"Hey, are you okay?" You reach over and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "I think you were having a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?"
Sol closes his eyes at your touch, pressing his cheek warm, sweaty against your cold palm. Taking a deep breath, he holds it for a moment before releasing it.
"N...no, I'm good, just- just a bad dream." He murmurs, kissing your hand.
Frowning slightly, you jerk your chin to the door. "If you're up for it, do you want to cut your cake and open your presents I got for you? If you're still shaken up from the nightmare, we could do it tomorrow morning."
Sol shakes his head, removing the blanket as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "No, I want to eat your cake you made for me."
Nodding at his choice, you take his hand and guide him to the kitchen where a cake and multiple gifts wait for Sol. Above the kitchen table was a large banner, printed in large letters were "Happy Birthday, Solivan!"
The room was dark, signaling to him that it was way past the evening, the only light source being the candles, lit and ready to be blown out by the birthday boy.
His presents range from different shapes and sizes. He straightens his back once he stands in front of his cake.
"Happy birthday to you!" You sang.
Sol gives you a shy smile, fluttering from your face to the cake and back to your face.
"Happy birthday to you!" Grabbing his pale hands, you plant a kiss on each palm.
"Happy birthday to Solivan!" Stretching out your arm to point at your boyfriend, you sand the final notes.
"Happy birthday to youuuu!!" And plant a loving kiss on his lips, to which he immediately returns.
Pulling back, you gesture towards the cake to Sol. "Go on, make a wish, birthday boy."
Staring at the flames, Sol thinks back to this morning then to the nightmare he had. Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes and just as he was about to blow out the candles, he makes his wish.
I wish we're soulmates in every universe
Bouncing on your feet, you pulled out the knife to cut the cake. "Soo..." You drawled out, giving your boyfriend a smug grin. "What did you wish for?~"
Sol scoffs, taking the knife from your hands to slice the two of you a piece. "As if I'll tell you, don't you know it's bad luck to tell your wish?"
"What!? You won't tell me?" You whine, grabbing the back of his shirt. "Please! Just a small hint!"
Chuckling, Sol uses his finger to scoop some icing and wipes it on your nose, silencing your pleas. "Hey! That's not nice!"
"And you should know that I am not a nice person, pumpkin." He cuts a piece of cake from his plate and plops it into his mouth, chewing softly as he watched you scramble for a napkin.
"Yeah, yeah, and I'm a unicorn who shits out rainbows." You shot back, managing to get the icing off. Not entirely though, the food dye you used ended up dying your skin just a bit.
Even so, Sol thought as he watched you eat your slice with a cheerful expression. If my wish were never to come true for whatever reason, I'll make it happen.
No matter what.
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