As Aromantic Visibility Day (June 5th) approaches this year, friendly reminder from an aroace: it's Aromantic Visibility Day, not "Aroace" Visibility Day! Not all aromantics are also asexual — there are aromantics who are allosexual (aroallos for short), aromantics who don't separately label their sexual orientation at all, and aromantics whose sexual orientation doesn't fit into an ace/allo binary, as well as likely even more aros who don't fit into "aroace" for even more reasons — and all of them are equally included in Aromantic Visibility Day, because they are equally aromantic! In fact, those aros who aren't ace are disproportionately erased and in need of visibility, even more than aroaces are (which is really saying something, because aroace visibility itself is already terrible), so including them in Aromantic Visibility Day is vital, and using the correct name for the occasion instead of calling it an "aroace day" is a start.
Overall: again, speaking as an aroace myself, we aroaces will not be offended if you just call Aromantic Visibility Day the thing it is actually called! I care about sharing this upcoming day with my fellow aros, so stop excluding them, even accidentally! We aroaces celebrate this day but it is not for us exclusively!
happy Aromantic Visibility Day!
I’ve had very good talks with an aromantic friend who has helped me understand that while I’m 100% not ace (so affirmatively allosexual) and I can and do love deeply that maybe I’m not just “bad at relationships.” That maybe a lot of songs and movies (and TV shows and books and plays and ads and troubadour songs and tattoos and fairytales and fics etc etc. etc) re: romance are not just dramatic hyperbole or metaphor to a LOT of people (or just wanting sex or being lonely or some kind of a common culturally encouraged limerence or just expected social gestures) and just maaaaybe it’s not the Emperor’s New Clothes and that I’m actually somewhere on the spectrum when it comes to romance.
Just to clarify: I am moved and wrecked and motivated love and sex. But I am on the “I did not fall, I choose you” side of love. Love is slow for me, it is knowing and being known. It is surprise and trust; it’s excitement and passion and fun and boredom and danger and it can be really, really hard to find. It's choices and thinking and watching and choices again. But I do not understand the magic, the spark, the ease, the mutual “yes” of romance. I don’t get the hazy stuff. I’m missing something. I don’t know the steps, I don’t get the words right. Maybe I don't make the right expressions for romance. I don’t know. I never have.
I find romance deeply confusing. Another friend tried to explain the feeling to me and I know she was not just feeling this intense, romantic thing for her long time bf (aside from and beyond, she emphasized, love, sex, attraction, affection, mutual regard, commitment etc) because she wanted to believe something very hard about their singularity (their fated-ness, specialness) and that feeling of being swept up in that relationship, that person, those feelings all had a deeper meaning for her. She’s very rational, she’s very driven, she’s even kind of cold-eyed about most work and life decisions but the magic and power of romance (separate from love and sex) was very very real to her. So it is like shrimp colors to me still.
So I’m very grateful to my aromantic friend and others who can make me feel a bit less like an alien, mean, or defective.
So if you too ever feel a bit like this, a bit out of step or like you’re missing something everyone else seems to see - know you’re not alone, you’re not bad or broken. You and your life are whole and good as is. 💚🤍🩶🖤
