Rainbows & Butterflies

“ Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. ” - William C. Dement

[vividdreamdiary]

Ever had a dream that felt so real it made you feel like you were losing your mind?

I have, and to this day my brain still has a hard time realising that it wasn't real. Here is what the dreams were:

I was fast asleep, but there was a part of me that was awake talking to people who were by my bedside. A lot of the time it was a little girl who was talking to these people, but other times it was an older version of myself talking to them. These people were at first my teachers, then it was my boss, then at a later job it was my new boss. The little girl that would talk to these women would call them "Mommy", and most of the time all she wanted was to play in the park with them.

This is the gist of the dreams I had, that went on almost every night for a long time.

Now the logical part of my brain kept telling me that its not real, it would mean these people would have had to break into my home while I was asleep, and then act as if nothing happened the next day when I saw them in person.

Then the illogical part of my brain kept telling me that I'm wrong and it is real.

I would go back and forth fighting my own mind and it made me feel like I was losing it, I started to feel as if I was constantly being watched and followed and listened to.

Nowadays the fight in my mind is still happening, but it's not as strong or as much in the forefront of my brain anymore making me feel insane, which medication is probably what I have to thank for that.

Anyone else experience something so weird and intense?

[vividdreamdiary]

Materialistic

My sister and I were upstairs when we heard very loud smashing noises coming from the basement.  We went down the stairs to see what was going on and found a few men demolishing a wall at the bottom of the stairs, we asked them what they were doing, but they ignored us. 

To the right of the stairs we noticed a hole in the wall that had stairs leading down.  We were curious where they lead so we decided to go down them.  As we entered into the hole in the wall we got our first look into the room, it was huge.  There was a hill that the stairs were going down, and the far wall had a gigantic hole in it.

We started going down the stairs and realized that the stairs, and the hill were made entirely of materialistic things.  The whole room was full of electronics, clothes, shoes, anything and everything materialistic.  My sister realized it was all her stuff. 

We made it to the bottom of the stairs and I went to look out of the gigantic hole in the wall to see what was out there, and there was nothing to see, it was just a wall of white fog.

Suddenly the room started to shake, I told my sister we had to get out of there, but she wanted to grab a bunch of her stuff first, so I started to help her, but the shaking got worse and things started to fall down from the hill.

It was getting very loud in the room and I yelled at my sister that we had to get out of there, and she said “But my stuff is going to get ruined!”, I said “Who cares, its all just materialistic stuff we have to get out of here now!”

She finally listened to me and we started going back up the stairs, as we did her large screen t.v. fell over and almost hit us.  The stairs started to crumble under our feet, all materialistic things were crumbling down around us, we ran up the crumbling stairs and just barely made it out, we had to jump over the last few stairs to the landing because they had disappeared.

When we were out of the hole in the wall at the top of the stairs we turned around and there was no more hole in the wall, and no men were around demolishing.  It was as if nothing happened.

[vividdreamdiary]

Im walking along coble streets in a place I’ve never been before. Its getting dark out and its slightly raining. The streets are wet and reflect the beautiful lights that are lining the streets.

There is a man that opens his door and calls me over. I go to see what he wants, and he invites me inside. I go in.

He says he is going to put on a pot of tea. I look down and see all types of shoes, from little baby shoes, to adult shoes.

I decide to go take a look upstairs.

I go up the stairs and its one long hallway. There is a door at the very end, and a door to my left that seems to be calling to me.

I go in the door to my left and in the room there is one big window and a closet. There is something very bad in the closet. I can feel it, and smell it. It smells of ammonia.

I go to open the closet door to see what it is, but apart of me knows that it is a dead body.

In the hallway I hear people talking behind the door at the very end. I try to get out of the room and close the door quietly before anyone catches me, but the door at the end opens as I’m closing the door and a man sees me and comes chasing after me.

I go to run down the stairs and out the door, but as I get to where the shoes are, at the foot of the stairs, things start to fade, and I wake up.

[vividdreamdiary]

Crocodiles

The room was huge, with high ceilings, old stone/brick walls, and giant cylinder obsticles around the room.

Another game..

At first there were a lot of tiny crocodiles to get rid of.  One hit kills them. Once I got rid of the tiny ones a GIANT crocodile popped up.  It faced the far wall, clawing at it, breaking the stones as if trying to escape. There were hearts at the top left of my sight(like in a video game).  There were a dozen hearts in two rows; One hit took off one heart. I would hit the croc once, then hide behind a cylinder. When I would hit it, it would turn around and look for me for a couple of seconds, then it would go back to its original spot. After I hit it a few times, it didnt go back to the usual spot. As it went searching for me, I would run across the room hiding behind cylinders, waiting for it to go back, when it suddenly became a woman; she was moving around on her belly like a crocodile.  She was going around a cylinder looking for me, I watched her and waited until she was on the opposite side of the cylinder and ran to the stairwell. I ran down one flight, it was very quiet and dimmly lit on this floor. I walked away from the stairs and a zombie came out of a doorway towards me.  I went to hit it and my hand was suddenly a roughly shaped hard gold ball.  I hit it once, but I didnt have it in me to hit it hard enough to do anything, so I ran away from the zombie, down the stairwell.  Running down wasnt fast enough, so I grabbed the railing and slid down it on my hands and swung my legs around the corners to get to the next railing faster. Once I got to the bottom it was very dark, except for a tiny bit of light coming from a door that was ajar at the end of a long hallway.  I said “hello can you turn on a light please?” There was a woman with long wavy black hair.  She went to the end of the hallway and closed the door (which made it pitch black and made me slightly anxious) but then she turned on the light. When I walked down the hallway towards the woman, a grey cat came up to me, very happy to see me, so I picked it up and it licked my face happily.

[vividdreamdiary]

LIVER

There was something wrong with his liver.  It was in the wrong place inside his body; so I had to go inside and move it to the right place.

I reached inside and tried to move it to a better position, but nothing felt right.  He told me to just drop it into his stomach - “It should feel like a ledge, just drop it in when you find the ledge”

I finally found the ledge and dropped the liver in.

As soon as this was done and I was outside his body I started to panic about what I had just done.  His liver should not be inside his stomach, why did I do that?

My panic started to get worse, then he started to get sick.  He got on all fours, threw up his liver, and what at first I thought were his intestines, but turned out to look like long noodles shaped like seaweed; and my panic subsided.

I picked up his liver and noticed it had discoloring and spots on it…

[vividdreamdiary]

Why do I dream of Tarantulas...

The bathroom is dark, old, and huge. It has high ceilings with blue steel lockers and steel shower walls and doors. I’m the last one to take a shower, its a large shower and it feels wonderful.

When I’m done my shower and change I leave the bathroom to see where everyone has gone. When I’m in the hallway I open a door on my left to see if anyone has gone in there, and an otter jumps out at me; people down the hallway laugh as the otter scrambles around my feet making me scream and jump around. The front door was right behind me so I opened it and the otter ran out.

I continued down the hallway to where I heard the laughter come from, which turned out to be an open lounge area where everyone was sitting on couches. As I approached the lounge I noticed tiny creatures crawling on the ground. As I got closer I noticed they were tiny crabs, and underneath a couple of the couch chairs were gigantic crabs. They scared me so I jumped up onto the couch and asked why everyone was acting so chill about them.

They just laughed.

Then all of a sudden the tiny crabs ran under the couches. Someone told me the crabs come out whenever they throw crumbs on the ground, and scuttle back under the couches when the crumbs are gone.

I took this moment of crab free floor space to go to my room and go to bed.

The room I’m staying in has two bunk beds. One on either side of the room. I decided I wanted to sleep on the top bunk so I climbed up and laid down, facing the wall.  When you turn around and have your back to the wall, there’s a part of the ceiling that dips down and is near my bunk bed. When I looked in that direction I saw that the bottom part of that ceiling lip was covered in tarantulas. I was frozen in fear, I couldn’t help but stare at them, and all I could think of was being attacked by them; but then my boyfriend came and I told him I couldn’t sleep in this room, so very carefully, and fearfully, I slid off the top bunk, terrified that the tarantulas would jump out at me.

[vividdreamdiary]

A Garden Party

There’s a party going on in a garden.  Its a beautiful garden with high hedges and gorgeous pastel flowers everywhere.  People are dressed fancy: The women are wearing silk floral dresses with big sun hats, and the men are wearing tuxes. Waiters are walking around with platters, which at this point I’m unaware of what is on them. 

I do not recognize anyone as I’m walking around the garden, but everyone looks like they are having a fabulous time laughing, chatting, and drinking their tea.

A waiter comes to offer me whatever it is that is on his platter; He tips it down for me to see, and it is a beautifully arranged platter of colourful flowers that have tarantulas sitting on them.

My heart starts pounding..I politely say, “No Thank you” and back away, afraid that the tarantulas will jump off of the platter towards me.

I look around more closely at things and realize there are tarantulas everywhere, on the ladies sun hats, on the flowers on the hedges, on all the platters going around; its like a tarantula party; no one seems to be frightened by them..

[vividdreamdiary]

I’m in the middle of the desert again.  But this time I’m with a friend.  There is a store in this desert with a staircase on the side going down and around to a steel door.

We go into the store to check it out.  As my friend is looking down at the table in front of us, I look out the window and see in the distance, two twisters.  Except they aren’t moving, they’re simply staying put side by side.

I frantically tell my friend, “Look! There’s twisters in the distance!”

He looks out the window and says, “those aren’t twisters, they aren’t moving, you’re being ridiculous.”

I look out the window again, and decided to agree with him.  They aren’t moving, maybe I’m over-reacting.

We continue to look around the store, and I decide to steal a glance out the window, and when I do I see that the twister on the left had disappeared, then it suddenly reappeared; and continued in this way coming closer and closer to the store.

I grab my friend and drag him outside to get a better look at what was happening.  “Holy shit you’re right! It is a twister!” he said.

It keeps coming closer and closer to the shop, and I remember the stairs going down to the steel door, and tell my friend to follow me.  As we get to the stairs the wind is really starting to pick up. 

When I go to take the stairs down, there are people lying down against the steps; they reach out their hands and grab my hand to help me all the way down the stairs.

I get to the steel door, throw it open, expecting my friend to have been right behind me with all those people helping him down, but I see that my friend isn’t there.  I look back around the corner up the stairs, and see him standing at the top with the twister right behind him.

“Come on!  We need to get inside, I’ll hold the door for you!” I yelled to my friend.

I back up and hold the door open, waiting for him to quickly run inside.

I’m waiting for him to come running down the stairs, when he suddenly comes flying down the stairs head first smashing into the brick wall. I quickly run out to grab him and pull him into the room and slam the steel door shut. 

His face is all black and blue.

There is a lady sitting at a desk behind me, she looks at us and says, “OK, lets get the healing started.”

[vividdreamdiary]

Accepting my fate again

I am way high up in the sky, floating on a cloud.  I can make the cloud go whichever direction I want.  I am free on this cloud, high up in this beautiful blue sky.

I am floating along on my cloud, when I see bricks sitting in the air, shaped like a bench.  I decide to go to the bench and get off my cloud thinking that it won’t float away..

..But of course it does.  I wasn’t worried though, because there were other people floating on their clouds, and one would surely come and help me out.

Time flies by as I’m sitting on this brick bench, high in the sky, and as I look around there is no one, and nothing, but blue skies.

I start to panic.  “What if no one comes?” “I’m going to be stuck here forever, or fall off from exhaustion!”

Hours pass by and still not a soul in sight.  I start to think of my options. I can stay up here, and possibly die of dehydration, or I can jump off and into the ocean, way, way, far down below where either the fall or sharks in the ocean will kill me.

Whichever I choose, I have accepted my fate; I am going to die.

I sat there deciding which way I would rather die: jumping off would be quicker, but it was much more frightening than sitting on this bench and eventually dying of dehydration.

Not long after I had accepted my fate of death, my Mom floated by on her cloud and saved me...

[vividdreamdiary]

Accepting my fate

 I’m on top of a skyscraper with two guys, just hanging out shooting the shit.  One of them says, “I bet you could jump to the other building, it’s so close.”

So I get up and look at the gap between the two buildings, and see that it is indeed very possible to jump to the adjacent building.

I’m standing very close to the edge, so both guys freak out and tell me to get away..but I tell them to not worry, “I’ll make it, don’t stress!”

I go to jump, but my legs do not work right, and instead of making a very simple, short jump, I fall.

It is a very long way down.  I’m terrified.  I keep my eyes closed, because I do not want to see the ground before I hit.

It feels like forever, and I still haven’t hit ground..

..I’m still falling with my eyes tightly shut, and I think, “This is it.  I’m going to die.  There is nothing I can do to stop this..” 

I accepted my fate. 

The ground still has not come, so I decided to very slightly open one eye, and if I see the ground, I’ll quickly close it again.

But when I open my eye, I see that I’m up at the top of the skyscraper, hanging in the air with a giant hand holding me, and it was neither one of the guys’ that were up there with me.

[vividdreamdiary]

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.

William C. Dement 

[vividdreamdiary]

Almost Free

I’m in an apartment.  It’s one big open room. There is a big, long Island, in front of it is a tall, long table; with a chair on each end, and three along the side, closest to the Island.

The exterior wall is all floor to ceiling windows with beautiful white curtains covering them. There are two sliding doors on the very end on the right, leading out onto a small balcony.  Out on the balcony, there is nothing but sky, looking up, looking down, looking left and right; nothing but sky.

Sitting in the chairs are small creatures that I know represent evil things in my life.  They are all black, and have no particular shape. They look like black fuzzy static with two human eyes.

At first I want to ignore them, pretend they’re not there.  But I know I need to get rid of them.  I gather up some courage and grab one. I do not dare look at it, I open up the balcony doors and throw it outside over the balcony into the sky.

I do this with the next three, I feel stronger and lighter with each one I throw away. I look the last one straight in the eyes, pick it up, twirl around, and throw it like a shot-put out into the sky.

I feel free. For the first time ever, I feel free!  I dance around the apartment in ecstasy!

..But then I feel fear behind me, and it is evil, strong, and it frightens me.  I turn around and see a chair in the far corner.  It’s all black as if its in a shadow.  There are two creatures on it that resemble cats, but they are not cats.  They too look like black static.  There is a smell of ammonia when I get closer to them, my fear takes over and I know that I cannot take them and throw them out the window.  They are too strong, too frightening.

So I turn back around and dance, and try to feel the joy I felt when releasing the small demons…

[vividdreamdiary]

A Golden Paw

Its a game; I cannot look in any direction but straight ahead. I do not see anything but white. I do not hear anything except for what the aim of this game is.

I have to choose which golden paw is brightest, before I wake up. Is it the bear paw, or the monkey paw?

To see a paw I need to only think of one, and it will slide into view. As I can only see one at a time, I think of both paws as quickly as I can so they slide back and forth into view; thinking, this will make it easier for me to decide.

Hours pass by and I finally make a decision…

[vividdreamdiary]

I was surrounded by desert. There were few clouds in the sky to cut out the heat of the sun.  As I looked around I saw an abandoned house that had half the roof missing, broken windows, and pieces of the outer walls missing. It had a white picket fence, and a bed just before the fence outside that had been bolted and chained to the ground.

“Why am I here?”...“What is this place?” I thought.

I walked towards the house, wanting to understand where I was, when there was a sound; An indescribable sound, coming from the sky.  I turned, to see waves of fire pouring towards the ground, and disappear before touching.  Then balls of fire started to fall towards the ground and also disappeared.

In the far distance there was a bright flash, the brightest light I’ve ever seen.  I ran to the house for even the faintest bit of cover; I felt heat and wind push at my back, and knew I couldn’t make it.  I fell to the ground and held tight onto the bed that was bolted and chained.

When it was all over I some how survived.  I stood up and walked over to where there were groups of people gathering discussing what just happened.  I looked down at my arms and they were covered in boils, as if I had just received a severe burn, so I covered my hands and arms in white gloves that went to my elbow.

Later, I met up with some people and wanted to show them my arms because I was extremely nervous about what was happening to me, and when I removed the gloves there was nothing wrong with my arms.  I was shocked and asked what was going on.  Someone told me that the illness had just moved inwards.  And in this dream I was pregnant and I freaked out that the baby was going to be harmed. 

And then I woke up.